June keeps her sunny side down

I already hate everything today and you know what else I hate? Positivity.

First, Edsel couldn’t jump up on my bed this morning. He was splayed there helplessly, with just his front legs up on the bar, as it were, and I had to scooch him up. Then also, everyone else in the neighborhood has seen a fox except me. “Oh, she walks right down the street,” everyone tells me. Once she was even seen carrying a fox baby. You should’ve SEEN me yesterday, taking my work to my front porch, tryina get a fox sighting. I want to watch fox, for once.

Before you decide you’re an animal expert, no, they don’t eat cats and no, they aren’t rabid when they’re seen during the day. I wanna FEED her. Is that crazy? Maybe invite him to dinner? I guess she’s a her if she’s carrying babies. No man would walk around carrying babies. I say this like I spent my formative years nurturing children.

Also, as soon as I entered the kitten room this morning, Milhous RAN in there to scare everyone and eat their food and clomp around mightily and then he climbed into their tent—I got a new tent and then this morning the SAME zipper problem happened that happened with the LAST one. IRRITATED.

Finally I fished Mil out of the dang tent and threw him out into the hall when

GODDAMMIT

I hadn’t refreshed the kittens’ water, so there was time 39493949 I left this room today and all I wanted to do was get to the part where I could sit here and blog and drink coffee. Anyway, when I left the kitten room (by the way I am now 100% out of grocery bags for cleaning litter boxes, so PLEASE send me some, Jan), Milhous was at the big water dish, SPLASHING AROUND in it, which he likes to do and which creates a terrible mess.

So now I abhor Milhous, who by the way as I write this is mowing outside the kitten room. Why he gotta be so ornery? He’s seriously both the most ornery and most affectionate cat all at once. Look how Edsel is absorbing all the abhor. It must be hard to dog.

Oh! And I hated yesterday too. I seem to always have drama around my trashcans these days. It’s like I’m Oscar the Grouch’s ex-wife. Yesterday was trash day, so I rolled out the barrels—and that never gets old—and as I was wedging them back into their place—whoever made the little pea-gravel spot where the trash cans go made it the tiniest, no-room-for-error spot, with a fence on one side and an air-conditioning thingie on the other—there are a lot of dashes in this sentence let’s start over.

I rolled the trash cans back to their minuscule spot and as I was cramming the second one in its place, which is always tougher just like when you shove that last mixing beater into the mixer,

BAM.

I got PUSHED BACK into the stick-outy handle thing on the fence. That thing is long, it’s metal, and it’s angry. And it dug itself deep into my kidney. Or liver. Some organ you treasure.

Brace yourself, Faithful Reader Tee. You have a lot of blooping over to do here.

“FUCK!” I yelled, grabbing my back like I was in a Doan’s Pills ad.

FUCK,” I repeated, as the pain increased. I limped back into my house like Fred Sanford, holding my back and “fuck”ing, KNOWING every neighbor was watching me. This is the watching-est neighborhood.

The thing is, it’s on my back so I can’t see if I have, like, a 40-foot bruise or what have you. I just have to wait for kidney failure to know it’s bad.

So things are going well, and I’m feeling upbeat, and if I weren’t worried about The Virus I’d go around ripping down inspirational posters throughout the land.

Irkedly,
June

65 thoughts on “June keeps her sunny side down

  1. London England seems to have embraced foxes. I follow a London FB which posted pics around London (London! One more time for the cheap seats in the back) and lots include foxes. One guy posted a fox sitting on a skylight, while he was in his flat.

    Anyway. A story I have a out a fox is one day I was out for a walk and came across a foxy just sitting there under a tree. This magpie came strutting up to him and picked at the fox’s tail, and then hopped back. After getting no reaction from the fox, magpie goes in for another peck at the tail. Finally, after a few minutes the fox breaks his zen and lazily swiped at the magpie and the bird flew away.

    I love foxes.

    Also, I’m Allllll about the negativity. Let’s go for it. Fuck your shiney happy people thoughts.

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  2. Fuck! has been my favorite word lately, sorry, Tee. It just fits my mood.

    My husband used to live out by a lake. He would hit golf balls into the woods, yet kept finding them dropped back in his yard. A fox was bringing them up and trading them for the dog treats that Sam, the lab, was leaving outside.

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  3. My birthday is July 20. Secret: when people ask my birthday sometimes I say – “ it’s a famous day for space” and they usually figure out July 20th 1969. I let them think it’s 1969 but it’s 1962. I’m just wild and crazy that way.
    So I have plenty of Publix bags if you’d like that for a bd present. Just email me. Fellow Cancer girl.

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  4. Once, my husband and I were driving late at night and saw a fox trotting along the street in suburban Chicagoland. I could see an enormous cat sitting very still about twenty yards away. I was sure the fox would change its path but it kept trotting straight as if it didn’t see the cat. Just as it was passing in front of the cat, the cat reached out a paw and bitch-slapped the fox. The fox stumbled, shook its head, and then kept running. The cat didn’t even watch it go, just kept sitting there. My husband missed seeing the slap and had no idea why I was laughing.

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  5. More and more stores are no longer using plastic grocery bags and I also have 3 cats, so I bought from Amazon, a neat contraption, called the Litter Genie.
    Less than 20 bucks and I love it! (Free shipping with Prime!) No more smelly garbage cans, no more plastic bag hunting and trying to find bags without a hole in the bottom that lets all the stinky litter fall onto my bare feet, no more!
    All I do is scoop, raise the lid, drop the waste in, pull the flap back and bob’s your uncle.
    You do have to change out the bag when it gets full, but that’s easy too.

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  6. Poor Edsel. Please give him a gentle hug from our household. It’s so heartbreaking when they want to do the things they know they used to.

    It’s ok to not be ok. It’s not just about having to stay home, it’s the constant stress of this invisible killing machine disease and all of the things that come along with it – employment stability, worry for elderly relatives, too many to think about. Even if you like being alone, it just plain sucks with the difference of choosing to stay in and “needing” to. All the more reason we’ve got to do everything possible to get rid of it sooner than later!

    I’m so jealous of your fox sighting potential. My extent is the live Youtube camera channel. Our major wildlife discovery last week was when I spotted a beaver exiting the pond. I know the better half was yearning for his work office (outside of the house) as he deciphered my screeching “BEAVER”.

    I hope your internal injuries heal quickly. Lovely post, pretty June. Thank you for lending a hint of normal to our weird days.

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    1. PS – I bought a gigantic multi pack of bathroom size trash bags mistakenly (penalty of shopping online vs. just walking to the shelf and getting the correct size) – would you like them for litter duty? They’re vanilla scented so I don’t know if that would be a migraine trigger? If so, consider the offer rescinded!

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  7. I have a hate/love relationship with inspirational posters. I hate them unless they are so bad they are actually quite good. In that case, it goes on our bathroom wall. My daughter and I have created a Wall of Ridiculousness in the guest bathroom with no explanation and it is funny to see if anyone says anything after their first visit. Our favorite sign says, “If nothing is going right, go left.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I walk on a bike path and I’ve seen a fox. But day before yesterday, there was a doe, eating away, not 2 feet away. She looked up and then went back to munching while I walked by. She was still there when I walked back. I said “hey” and kept going.

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  9. If I recall correctly from my Big Book of June Events, you don’t like it when, after you tell a story about something that irked, someone else tells you their own irritating news. But I’m going to do it anyway, because I feel like it. Hit me with your best liver.
    Two days ago, my dog apparently ate something gross, and in one day, he had two explosive diarrhea events and two bile-y puking events, all in the house, including the kitchen, living room, and on my bed. He also apparently stepped in the diarrhea (while I was sleeping), and then tracked that allllllllll down the hallway back and forth before deciding to go contaminate his dog bed with whatever was left on his disgusting feet.
    I spent all day on my knees scrubbing the floor like a medieval washerwoman, and then when I was finally ready for bed, my cat puked a hairball right on the freshly-cleaned floor.
    It sucked, is what I’m trying to say.
    By the way, why not use two mirrors to see your back?

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  10. Hope your kidney/back is ok! We have a fox in the neighborhood, but he has mange, so he’s not very pretty. The groundhogs mostly have mange too. Other than that, we have squirrels, rabbits, and lots of birds. Occasionally a skunk will wander by and stink up the place, but that’s it for wildlife here. We especially don’t get much in our yard because our 2 dogs bark at anything that moves. Good job, pup, protecting us from that Mother pushing a baby carriage….

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  11. I don’t think we have foxes anywhere around my neighborhood but if we do, I’m sure they’ll make their way to the Front Porch Diner. We have skunks, possums and raccoons, not to mention a whole lot of cats that all show up for a meal and drugs (catnip). My husband said we’re going to need a wildlife permit soon. This morning, Randy & Joan (raccoons) were sitting there waiting for a meal but they scampered off when my dog saw them and started barking.

    I’ve noticed that since These Challenging Times started, I’ve been dropping F-Bombs on a regular basis and I really have to check myself because it’s a bad habit that can really escalate and the next thing you know, you’re dropping them in front of your uncle the Carmelite priest and you may as well just get into that bucket to hell right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I was at the beach today. I saw dolphins and wait for it….. a whale!!! Years ago I paid big money to go on a whale watching trip. How many whales did I see on that trip? Zero, zip, nada,that’s how many!

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  13. Milhouse just wants to be freeeinds…butup,buh buh buh buh…
    You really should quit beating poor Edsel. He looks like he has had plenty of them. 🙂

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  14. I saw this enormous opossum dripping baby opossums waddling across the street directly in front of the house midday. Of course my phone was upstairs, by the time I found it and was back to take a photo the opossum company was a mere white blur in the across the street neighbors hedges. Took the shot. Was useless. White blob. No cute baby opossums. My family is cruel and merciless. That. Is. A. Cat. Cat. Dog.
    Cloud. Flowers. Soccer ball.

    “I took all the candy off my house.” OMGOODNESS am dying, dead and gone

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  15. In my little hood of the urban forest folks seem to see foxes pretty often (oh man, I love their tails), and also coyotes. Apparently, they can jump like eight feet up and over a fence from a standstill.

    We have several wandering bands of wild turkeys, and way too many “lost cat?” or “is this your cat?” postings. Ugh. The lake I’m close to has a pair of loons (!), ducks, those damn Canada geese, and seems there’s a pair of eagles this year. No bears, I’m in the city.

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  16. By the way forgot to compliment the Jane Goodall reference of yesterday. Loved it! I am glad I am not the only one out there to launch f bombs. Coach always tells the kids I didn’t use to swear like a sailor with a sad shake of his head. My response: yeah, I can tell you when things changed . . . these kids started talking and rebelling and no longer nap and this is how I get their attention. When you find what works, why mess with it?

    Taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn: the only 2 things I do not deal with, hooray for me.

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  17. Yesterday I went in for a haircut for the first time. I’ve been cutting it myself for these pandemic months and the back had turned into a mess. So I washed my hair, no products, went in wet, said cut it only, no blow dry, I’ll leave wet and I hope you understand if we don’t talk. On my way out the car parked next to me had deeply tinted windows and in the passenger seat what looked like a grim reaper with a terrifying death head mask. Through the dark window the death head mask peered through the gloom. I thought I must be seeing things and was walking to my car trying to make out what I was seeing when WHAM, staggering, pain. A drycleaner’s van was parked on the other side of my car and I walked full force into the open back loading door. (I hear you all laughing out there). Some days just (put your cotton back in, Tee) fucking hurt.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. There’s nothing worse than an unexpected jab to the vital organs. Here’s hoping you’ll not bruise hither and yon, because what good is a huge hither and yon bruise if you can’t even see it?
    And yay for foxes (it IS foxes right? the plural of fox?)! My two year old granddaughter can’t pronounce F, so she replaces it with P. Fox are pox, flip flops are pip pops. It’s the cutest thing ever…but I digress.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. We recently had to write our bios at work. I have no hobbies (“criticizing” and “overthinking” don’t count as hobbies. they should. i could’ve gotten a merit badge in scouts.) (and i didn’t want to put “cleaning closets” on my work bio.) so I listed crossword puzzles (which is very true, but hardly a hobby) and trivia (i was desperate). Here: have some more parentheses: ((())). Anyway, Boss read my bio and then on Wednesday, pops out of his office and asked us, “Do you like trivia?” And before I had a chance to react, co-worker chimed in YES and Boss signed us up for a ZOOM Trivia contest for last night. Nice warning, right? No time to study. It was some fund-raising thing for an attorney group. Let me rephrase that, now that it’s over: It was a raging clusterfuck is what it was. There were supposed to be individual chat rooms but …… let me stop right there because with my luck, half of your dozens of readers are part of this group and successfully ZOOMED last night. (We did not. We quit.) MEANWHILE, I had to stay dressed (top half)(including my bra) and missed dinner because of this ZOOM. Believe me, as soon as we quit, I ripped off my bra through my sleeve and had crumbcake for dinner. Why so chubby? TM June.

    I would like to see a fox. Recently there have been bear sightings near me. I would prefer the fox.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. A bear walked through our wooded backyard last summer. Sounds like the beginning of a joke, but it was quite a surprise. We see deer daily, but that was our first bear. So far, no lion or tiger sightings.

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      1. I know you are having a sucky day but you are still hilarious. And Edz sure does look like a C big time.

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      2. Bear family breakup is in June, usually. Mama bear drives the male cubs away and splits her territory with her female cubs. People frequently see yearling males wandering through looking for their own territory to stake out. Once Mama drives out the male cubs she is ready for mating for making more cute little baby bears to be born in late December. This comment donated by your regularly scheduled retired teacher loyal reader and commenter who finds it painful not to share fun facts.

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    2. Just Paula, your hobbies remind me that when my nephew was in kindergarten they had to make a drawing of something their family did together for fun, and then the kids told the teacher what it was. She wrote it down and these were all hung up on the wall for parent teacher night. Imagine my brother’s surprise to see his son’s caption “My family likes to complain about other people.”

      BeeBelle

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  20. I’m sorry, June. I could feel your annoyance and irritation and wish I could sit on your porch with you and pet your livestock and have a bitch session. And I promise I would never said suggest you make lemonade. I still look to kill the person who first muttered those hateful words.

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  21. Ouch! Last week, the garbage container injured your foot and now your back. I think you need a Michelin man suit to wear for protection on garbage day. That ought to get the neighbors really talking.

    Here’s to seeing a fox soon. SadieDog gets excited when we actually see a fox during our morning walk. So do I. Some alarmist posted on NextDoor when someone posted a picture of a fox in their yard, “Protect your animals and your children!” like the fox was going to eat their children. I don’t think so.

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    1. This is why I hate people. And why I feed them to foxes. I actually didn’t know foxes didn’t eat cats till, like, this week when I looked it up. But I knew they didn’t eat children. For one thing, children taste awful. So bad, in fact, that I took all the candy off my house.

      Liked by 7 people

    2. I love it that you mentioned SadieDog. I almost asked you about SadieDog anad but then I was thinking it had been so long since we’d heard…and maybe it was sad…and I know June hates those 3 little dot things but yay for SadieDog and seeing foxes.

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      1. Ellipses. I don’t hate ellipses. I just hate when they’re misused. And I REALLY hate it when people use commas instead of ellipses. Don’t think they don’t.

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      2. Thanks, PJ. SadieDog is 13 and doesn’t act her age. Loves her walks and is vocal when it is time for the next thing on her doggy daily list of events.

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  22. Let me dig the cotton out of my ears. I am so sorry about your back! OUCH!!! Poor Edz it hard getting old. We had a fox in our backyard when I still had Oscar Snuggles and Sweet Pea (cats) and I freaked out because I thought my two cats were in danger, so I did research. Seems as though the foxes and cats get along, but I was told because the fox did not run from me (he was just lounging in the backyard like a dog watching me) it was probably rabid. I didn’t research that part, because I wasn’t planning on handing out with the fox at night. Then not long after that said fox was killed out on the road right at our driveway. I saw a fox a couple of weeks ago not far from where I live. I initially thought it was a really big cat crossing the road, then as I got closer to it (my glasses need changing) I realized it was a beautiful fox.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have an alley behind me and then it’s wildernessy and then it drops off to train tracks down below. I say all this because for a few evenings when I’m watching fireflies, Eds has run to the back and barked. He ever does that. I know that fox is back there. I have twice seen poop back there too, past my fence in the alley. I think it’s fox poop. I JUST WANT TO SEE THE FOX. I wish I could afford a camera for back there.

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      1. What do they eat? They probably love cat food. If so, I’m surprised we don’t have foxes, but I do have opossums and raccoons and Sergeant Stripes that consumes cat food every single night. We had a really big doe in our driveway couple weeks ago but I doubt if they eat cat food. I just don’t want them in my garden.

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  23. Sucky days are the worst! When your morning starts like that you just know the whole day is shot. The least that fox could do is sit out on your lawn for a while. Preferably with a baby. Baby fox not baby human.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. June, I would like this ding dang comment but don’t know how. AND I wanted to tell you it made me laugh out loud for a while and picture a baby sitting in the yard with a fox and June taking a picture of the fox/sans baby.

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  24. Hmmm, just yesterday I posted somewhere: “Cats ruin everything. Never have cats.” One cat came around when I was doing a tiny painting project which I started when there were no cats around. When I picked him up he dug into the mat on the table and pulled it up and dumped water all over my project, phone, and laptop. Asshole. Then later the other cat barfed just as I was getting really frustrated with work. And for some reason we are planning to bring back 25,000 students to our little college town in 6 weeks when even now, with just a few returning, our county has gone from very few covid cases to absolutely skyrocketing numbers. The planning is requiring a superhuman amount of work and it won’t go well. So what I’m saying is I feel ya.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you are in any way involved with the planning of Pandemic College, then blessings be upon your head. I have every confidence colleges are trying to do the right thing – whatever THAT is – and I do not envy you at all. I have a college student that desperately wants to go back to school, and we want that for her.
      I am currently working the other end of the spectrum, Pandemic Preschool, and it’s as charming as you might imagine.

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      1. I’m in the side of planning where we’re trying to figure out what to do with our department’s classes – online, hybrid, how to use space, just a tiny piece of the puzzle. I do not envy those making the big decisions. Pandemic preschool sounds just as impossible. Good luck!

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    2. OH NO, Gretchen. I just heard yesterday that SC was spiking. In my old neighborhood there were quite a few seniors, so that is not good at all.

      I guess the only good thing is that the campus is huge, but what happens when it gets cold and snows? When I was there (in Neolithic Times), we were on quarters, so we always started the Thursday after Labor Day, and then had dead week, finals, and done by Thanksgiving. Maybe you’ll have a giant long winter break to make up for all of this. Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Campus is huge but with current enrollment it’s absolutely packed. Herds of students everywhere. We are starting a week early and ending the day before Thanksgiving. I’m really hoping to retire in October unless they come up with a retirement incentive that might make it worthwhile to put in a little more time if necessary. We’ll see.

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