How come there’s a Mercury car but not a Venus car?

Mercury is retrograde, and you can roll your eyes at me or roll them down the sidewalk, but I always get nervous when Mercury is retrograde.

In case you’re like, all science-y and logical and you don’t BELIEVE in astrology, which, pfft, when Mercury is retrograde, communication is screwy.

As a result, and that is officially why, my INTERNET is down, and all yesterday I had to work using my phone as a hotspot, which I am also doing today and I have convinced myself it is costing, although I don’t actually know what my phone plan’s rules are re this, and I dare not look it up because Mercury is retrograde and I’ll never find the rules.

You should see what happens when Mercury is Gatorade.

Anyway, hi.

I’m in the kitten room, as I am all day now, and I really fear that Fitz is a lost cause. I’ve touched him, like, twice, and now I know how my 10th-grade boyfriend felt. Seriously, though, he hates me. And let me tell you what. It gets pretty aggravating to wake up, let your dog out, feed two cats, feed the other cat who gets her own sick-lady food then the healthy cat eats it anyway, pill your dog 3x and feed him and THEN

come into this kitten room, change the litter, change the water, straighten everything that kittens have knocked over, FEED them, ALL BEFORE YOU’VE PEED OR HAD COFFEE

and then have one of the recipients of all that run like you’re the devil.

Anyway I don’t know what’s gonna happen or how to get him to unhate me. Does anyone have feral experience? I expect to hear from Will Feral’s wife now. I actually know someone who knows her. He lived in an apartment building across the hall from her, and they were friends, and then she moved and a few years later they were at the same party and she’s all, “I’d like you to meet my husband, Will fucking Feral.” Then she went on to talk about the good old days in that building and my friend was like, Yeah, I’m the loser who still lives in that building while you went on to, oh, marry Will Feral. Is that even how you spell his name?

Meanwhile, it’s Edsel Z. Pretzel’s 10th birthday today, and he got to have a treat after breakfast, which never happens and he was looking at the time and not believing his luck. Milhous, who already ate his own breakfast and the rest of Iris’s AND got to ride the trash cans this morning, also got a treat, because his life isn’t grand enough.

Anyway, 10. I’ve never had a dog who’s 10. Tallulah was just barely 8 when she died, and let’s pause again to reflect on how unfair that was. But here’s old Eds, livin’ it up at 10. Just a little stiffness in his bones and a touch of the congestive heart failure, but otherwise he’s livin’ large. Good old Eds.

Yesterday I put on a brassiere and everything and headed to the doctor for my I-don’t-have-a-spleen shot. I had to drive down there, CALL them from the car, strap on a delightful mask that “Faithful Reader” Fay sent me (I air quoted that because any time I allude to my blog she has no clue what I mean and then stampedes to said post and acts like she was there first thing) and walked in. It was hot out, and I had to climb stairs to get to the office, and I was nervous anyway and as much as I 100% abhor the guts of those people who say, “Oh, wearing a mask makes me panic so I just don’t,” like wearing a ventilator won’t make you panic, I did feel them right then. Because to be hot and out of breath and then MASKED was a little panic-inducing.

And then I was walking into a doctor’s office so there was no ripping it off, you know? But despite my fear and heart-racing and smothering, I soldiered on and got my shot and got to leave and then I had a migraine. The end.

I’d better go, as typing this might COST, I don’t know. Why the heck has my internet gone out? It’s really put a damper on watching that Phyllis Schlafly show I was watching. I dug out an old book I read back in 1990 and reread that, but this time the book annoyed me. I’ve moved that book from Michigan to Seattle to Los Angeles to TinyTown to here, moving multiple times in each city, and then the book up and annoys me.

Talk to you later. Fitz is out playing with his pet rat and he’s so cute and I can’t touch him and once again we’re back to my 10th-grade boyfriend.

Love,
Juan

56 thoughts on “How come there’s a Mercury car but not a Venus car?

  1. Happiest of Birthdays to Edsel.
    My sister helps out with a cat rescue. She puts lots of pics up on the Facebook. One of the pics is of a tiny feral kitten wrapped up like a burrito. That way, they can pet and cuddle her, but she can’t scratch them. Do you have any flour tortillas in the fridge? (trying for humor here) Or, you could use a hand towel and carefully wrap Fitz up so you can snuggle him and he can get used to your scent. Just a thought.
    Morgan, the woman that runs the cat rescue? She recently bought a huge old Victorian and has delegated the second floor to cats that she rescues and fosters. 20 litter boxes, 20. In addition to her own 11 cats and 4 dogs, she recently was fostering 40 cats, and she is a full time ICU nurse. Ah, to be young again.

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  2. If Hissy gets adopted soon, hopefully Feral Fitz will stay with you for some more time. There is always hope for feral kittens to become less feral, especially if they’re under 8 weeks old, although some who are already very feral at 6 weeks old will never become completely comfortable with humans. But it can improve from how it is now. Remember, boys are slower to catch on. In general. Ha.

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  3. Happy birthday sweet Edsel!

    I know nothing about cats but one of our dogs was horrified at her situation in residence with us. TV was out because of the unpredictable noises so I sat and read a fiction book aloud to her. Husband thought I was nuts but it worked. She stopped stashing food and hiding in general. It wasn’t over in chapter 1 but I didn’t have to finish the book. I guess she got used to the sound of my voice but my focus was on something else and the occasional page rustling was in the mixture. It did backfire a bit as until the week she died, anytime I would sit down with a book – LAP MAGNET. Eh, there are worse fates.

    Or I was wondering if Milhouse would be a help or hindrance? Would he take Fitz on as a little buddy?

    I still have bags for you, do you have a mailing address posted somewhere semi secret?

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      1. Sorry, I don’t think I made an account here. It’s Shannon from Instagram. I was seeking a birthday gift for you but with quarantine, maybe you’ll need bags again by September if I can get my crap together by then.

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  4. I watched that Phyllis Schafley show. I just liked seeing all the clothes and Gloria Steinem’s glasses on top of her hair.

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  5. Happy Birthday to Edsel!
    I have to get back to reading about sentences, but I needed to catch up again! Thank you for the firefly videos, and the mind calming advice. I know that Fitz will come around. You are the best for him!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  6. Happy birthday Edz, you are in the double digits! My kids thought that was a big deal way back in time. Does he get to hang with the ferals as his birthday present? Mercury in Gatorade is the perfect descriptor for 2020. Probably the blue slimy flavor.

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  7. Happy Birthday Edsel!

    My ferals were not food motivated. Food wouldn’t do squat with them. Time and consistently doing the same, boring, ho-hum stuff won them over. Also I had to wait for them to come to me. No reaching. No sneaky petting while eating food. I know that works for others just fine, but mine were horrified: “I will not stand this insult!”

    With the youngest feral, I would sit on the floor, ignore her totally and become intensely interested in something (a cat toy, a not toxic leaf from outside, etc). Little would inch closer to see… and forget she was scared. Somewhere in there she decided I was cool and useful for getting scritches.

    Mostly it was just the oldest feral who needed a lot of time and patience. I would lay on the floor of the cat room (so Scared Feral could see me from her hiding spot) and read. Very non threatening to lay & read for 30 min. Sometimes I would talk in a voice like your yoga teacher would use for the soothing, lay on the floor and relax all your muscles & let your tummy gurgle phase. Honestly, at some point Scared Feral was even roaming the house still not letting me touch her… but she loved watching me floss my teeth (she would bathe) and if I napped (aka migraine) she would lay on the bed. Again… still not letting me pet her. Now she is my best friend. Sleeps with her head on my shoulder. Makes biscuits on me. This year she became a lap cat too.

    But all decisions were hers. She moved to pet me. She decided to sleep next to me. One day she put a foot on my lap, made eye contact with me (“all good here?”) and then curled up for a nap.

    It just took patience and time and letting her decide. Good luck.

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  8. I commented month or so ago about the new kittens I got and how to get them adjusted to my 16 year old cat. They were feral, 4 weeks old and the female, June, was hissy and scared would do anything she could to not make eye contact with me. The male, Hank, was much braver and more confident. I kept them in the bathroom for 2 weeks then moved them to my room for another two weeks then let them roam once they got their shots. I would pet them when they ate and June would tolerate it but still hated me. Last Friday she finally came out to the living room, nudged my legs and let me pick her up and she sat happily on my lap while I petted her. I guess my only advice is to be patient. She still runs from me if I try to approach her from above but if I sit down on her level she comes over and purrs and lets me pet her but it took forever to get to that point. My older cat, Lulu, still finds them horrible but tolerates them so I guess we’ve made progress. We are all sleeping in my bed as one very tense family.

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  9. Happy birthday, Eds! I think Fitz will eventually come around. It just takes time and patience with some kittens. Hopefully, one day the light bulb will come on over his fluffy head and he will realize that Hissy likes you and you are the food lady, so you can’t be all bad.

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  10. I had a couple hissies lately. I broke them by only putting food out at set meal times while I was sitting by the bowl. If they wanted to eat they had to come near me. Then they had to eat while I had my hand on the bowl, then I would slowly move it closer to them to the point where I could at least pet them while they were eating. I would take the food away when I left and then try it again later. Also baby food (chicken or turkey, not like, banana, obviously) on a spoon. They go crazy for it, and it’s a good way to sneak in some pets and also lure them closer and onto your lap. Good luck!

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      1. I used the same technique eventually put the baby food on my hands so they would lick it off my hand and slowly moved my hand closer to my lap until eventually they were climbing on my lap to eat. Since they were eating they were purring and I was petting and we became friends. It was a slow process but it worked. Over the years we have tamed many feral kittens using this technique.

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  11. Hesitant to give advice. Not on the feral – no experience there. But on your Internet. Please don’t read further if you don’t want.

    Find the modem. This was probably given to you by your internet provider. It’ll have a bunch of flashy lights. At least it should. Anyway, unplug it for 60 seconds – yes that matters. It gives it time to clear the memory. Plug it back in, wait another 60-120 minutes. That’s how long they usually take to fully boot up. Once all the flashy lights seem to somewhat stabilize, try again.

    Depending on where your modem is, could it have had a cable chewed by, oh, say, a feral? I have also seen that happen. I think your computer is in the kitten room?

    Anyway, hope that helps. Thanks for writing.

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  12. Happy Birthday, Edsel. Today is my puppy’s very first birthday. I CAN’T WAIT for her to be 10 years old. Then maybe I can once again have a little peace and quiet around here. And nobody stealing the dish towels and ripping them to shreds.

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  13. I don’t know how you pill and feed and scoop the poopers before you pee. That deserves a medal. I would be mad at everybody even if they were perfect. And I do understand your frustration with Fitz. I went to a shelter every day for 3 weeks to try to socialize a kitten so that she would have a chance to be adopted. She was absolutely beautiful — fluffy light gray with dark gray tips on feet and ears. But she would not warm up to anyone. Sadly, I couldn’t make it happen but a lot of my problem was the environment. It was not the best place for a scared kitten. I don’t know if Fitz will warm up but if he has a shot at it, it’s with you. It probably feels like it’s been forever since you got him, but it hasn’t been that long for a kitten who is in such retrograde (see what I did there?). I think he’ll come around. Pee first, and it won’t feel quite so bad, maybe.

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  14. Edsel Z. Pretzel. Dead. Happy birthday, sweet old Eds. I let the dogs out and then come back inside to pee unless they are being morning lazy and then I get to pee first.

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    1. I am triple Venus, Libra sun, Taurus rising, Taurus moon. THAT is why there are no Venus cars just like there are no Annette songs. There is a pretty Venus song though. That realization just made me happy. Thanks, lovely Joon.

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  15. Happy birthday, Edsel! Didn’t Robyn Anderson (sen?) say sometimes separating feral kittens helps them warm up to humans? I know, that sounds mean.

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    1. Yeah, my friend said that too. She works with kittens back in our hometown. I know there’s an application for Hissy, so it may happen.

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  16. I feel like Edsel’s birthday treat of choice would be a lemon chiffon pie. That he baked himself.
    Dying to know the book title, but I understand. I wonder what other books we loved back then really do not stand the test of time. Ya know what movie did not stand the test of time? The Breakfast Club. We watched it last week. Hello, sexual assault, coercion and verbal abuse from multiple sources. Geeez!

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  17. Priorities, pee first then coffee. That baby Fitz just needs more time. When we found Trudy under the pine tree in our backyard she wouldn’t come near us. When we started feeding her I s-l-o-w-l-y moved her food (maybe a foot each day) toward the house. Eventually, she would eat while I was sitting next to her food, but she won’t do that now, she has to have her privacy. She didn’t want to be touched, but she wanted to rub against me (marking me with her scent). Eventually, I was able to scratch her head, but she would, and still does, bite me if I try to rub her past her shoulders. She went nuts the first time I was able to pick her up and take her inside, kind of like now when I put her in the carrier to take her to the vet. It just took a long time for her to trust us. There is hope for that baby, Trudy almost knocked me down just now trying to get inside.

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  18. Happy birthday, Edsel! I hope you have many more.
    I’m sad that Fitz hasn’t unafraided himself of you. Please don’t give up on him.

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    1. I concur. Poor Edz bd was left out. One Frosty Paws treat coming for the BD boy from almost 4yo Cheech.

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  19. Maybe Edz needs to take Fitz under his wings/paw and teach him how to trust. Poor little guy, I worry about what will happen if he gets separated from Hissy.

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  20. And BTW, I can’t do ANYTHING in the morning until I have peed and brushed my teeth. Which I have already done at least three times during the night. I admire your continence.

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      1. “This book annoyed me. Here’s the title.” WHY would I do that? It’s like when my mother offered Hulk some cherries. “Would you like some cherries, Hulk? They aren’t very good.”

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