I can’t drive FIFTY-FIVE. You’re welcome.

Published on by June

I awoke this morning to this from Marvin:

That does, indeed, wrap it up. And look, I am not officially 55 until this afternoon. I was born on a Friday at 4:52 p.m. Happy hour.

My grandmother, the one I’ve turned into, told me on one of my much-earlier birthdays that if you are very careful and quiet, right at the minute of your birthday you can hear your number click over. Every year I say I’m gonna listen for my click and I forget. One year I was IN THE CAR on my birthday, driving to Michigan, and had NOTHING BETTER TO DO, and forgot.

Further reports as developments warrant.

I began my nonstop partying last night, with a socially distant-ish visit to Chris and Lilly. We were outside or on their screened-in porch the whole time, and we kept far apart. Their kids think I am berserk.

I went there technically to see their new cats. A few months ago, Lilly was at work at their feed and garden store and heard rustling in the straw and instead of screaming and getting a boy she just no-nonsense-ly went over and looked. There was an angry gray feral cat who’d given birth to, you know, kittens.

This is one of the kittens. How enraged does this make you? How many SCORES of kittens have I had in this house, both found and delivered to me by the shelter, and were there any magnificent Siameseses? There were not.

Chris and Lilly also saved a sleek beautiful soft black kitten, but both hate me and photos were scarce.

  • sigh meeze kitty really do hayte you

Anyway, I loved them both and wish to marry them in a simple ceremony where I will wear a well-cut suit. And the other good news, other than my upcoming nuptials, is they have the mom cat and were readying her to be spayed when SHE WAS SOMEHOW PREGNANT AGAIN and I don’t know how that works, but now she’s in their garage with EIGHT MORE KITTENS, and she hates everything including Chris and Lilly who are now taking care of 13 cats, 10 of them hers, and situations like this make me chortle.

  • #&@*&#

They’ve got, like, three crates mooshed together, with this extra room all covered up in a drape, so she can get away and swear to herself and watch Bravo.

Anyway, meet my next kitten, unless the person who already said he was taking this kitten takes it, but I’ve already arranged his mysterious execution, so…

  • I belong to Joon.

So if anyone’s in the market for a kitten, the rest look all black or maybe eventually gray. There are seriously eight of them, but really seven because that one up there is mine. There is nothing wrong with owning 4 cats.

After we were done looking at kittens I looked at the rest of the animals, and how tiring it must be to have me over.

  • It twooo! It twooo!

That was a line from Young Frankenstein.

Anyway, then we had homemade madeleines and homemade peach ice cream, which it turns out is better than ice cream you buy. C & L gave me a honeysuckle candle I burned the minute I got home, some lovely little flowered notebooks (I adore little notebooks), a flowered bag I put my makeup in already and a really cool pink leather bookmark that she and her sister MADE. I follow her sister on Instagram and love everything she makes.

They also gave Edsel a chew toy for his birthday that he took into the other room and chewed on his own for like 30 minutes. Edsel never leaves me, but he did to go chew his toy.

In all, ’twas a lovely evening.

Tonight, Marty Martin is coming over to sit distantly from me and celebrate from across the yard at each other, and after tonight I am going two weeks with no human contact and I will monitor every twinge.

‘Tis the way of my people. My sheeple, of you’re one of those.

Annually,
June

89 thoughts on “I can’t drive FIFTY-FIVE. You’re welcome.”

  4. Happy birthday again late. Up again with anxiety I suppose. But your kittens help. Thanks for writing.

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  5. Happy birthday to you, June. I suggest Forsythia for your new kitten’s name.Chris and Lilly and family are good friends.
    Thank you again for sharing yourself with us for all this time.

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  6. Happy birthday 🎉. A most excellent evening at C & L’ s farm. You can name the kitten LC in honor of your friends. Hope your evening was enjoyable. So sorry to be so late to the party, it’s been a super busy day.

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  7. Homemade madeleines and homemade peach ice cream?? That sounds amazing! What a birthday treat!

    Happiest of birthdays to you, dear June.

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  8. Well I guess I’m a Marvine (MARCINE?) because I found that russian man hilarious and riveting. Happy Birthday dear Juniper, I’m glad you didnt let this date go unnoticed in spite of everything.

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  9. Happiest of birthdays to you, fellow Cancer. Mine is Saturday. I’m getting a knee replacement. Lucky me. So “blessed”

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  10. Feliz cumpleaños! 55? You are but a youngling still! (is that a word? It should be.) Have a great year, filled with new kitten-ness.

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  11. Looks like a lovely time! Happy birthday dear!

    Didn’t you say that cat is already spoken for?

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  12. Happy happy birthday you joy of life!!!!
    You really do bring the joy here to tens of thousands of us, on the daily. And we are grateful.

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  13. Happy Birthday Joooooon. I think four cats would look lovely in your life. I have four and yeah….

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  14. Happiest of birthdays to you! May your day be filled with lots of pretty floral things and very few people.

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  16. Happiest of Happy Birthdays to you June. I hope your birthday wishes come true and that tall handsome man walks into your life .. oh wait .. that’s my wish. Carry on. Have an awesome day celebrating.

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  17. Happy Birthday! Will think of listening for the click on each birthday now. Love that sweet siamese kitten!! You could name it 55 in honor of this year’s birthday click. Enjoy your day!

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  18. Like a cicada, I’ve emerged from years of slumber (and silence) to wish you the very happiest of birthdays, June.

    You have no idea how much you have meant to me over the years. This website and its predecessor have kept my better half happily occupied for countless hours. I hope you’re planning on entertaining her and your many other readers for another 55 years.

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  19. Happy birthday, dear June. You are loved more every year.

    That is one of the most truly beautiful horse pictures I have ever taken. While every picture looks like heaven I long to meet that stunning creature.

    Thanks for this great post. Hello to Marvin and to Marty Martin.

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  20. Have a very nice birthday, Coot. I love your grandma’s birthday click–got any more stories like that from her?

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  21. Okay, I loved loved loved that crazy Russian man video from Marvin with his vodka and his little voodoo doll-looking buddy enjoying their vodka and swimming in a freezing pond and running amuck in a rain storm. In Mother Russia, vodka is daily drink. I spoke that in a heavy Natasha Badinov accent. Although technically, it would be Natasha Badinova.

    Anyway. Happy Birthday June. Party on, Garth.

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  23. Happy birthday June! I also think Jasmine is the perfect kitten name. It is one of the most famous flowers from Thailand (Siam).

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  24. Happy Birthday June! So glad that you visited the farm and loved on all those animals. New kitty is darling – she could be Hazel – a floral and grandmotherly name, since that’s what you’re clicking over to today. Cheers to a fabulous year, minus Covid and add more cats!

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  27. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having 4 cats, especially since your cats, crnt.seem pretty relaxed about other felines.
    As for names, how about Nigel or Nigela? The common name of Nigela flowers is love-in-a-mist, they are a beautiful blue very much like the blue eyes of a Siamese cat.
    Happy birthday to you, youngling.

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  29. Happy, happy birthday to you! Enjoy this next trip around the sun!! I vote for Rosie as a name. But I think you should take a couple of the kitties, so they don’t get lonely. Boy, that mama cat was cattin’ around FAST after that first litter!

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  30. I have never heard of the birthday click, but will try to remember it. I love your new kitty. What a little fluffball! Please to have a happy birthday, June.

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  31. Happy birthday, June. What a wonderful way to spend it, with KITTENS!!!! And of course Chris and Lilly and their adorable kids. Hope this next year brings you everything you desire.

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  33. Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate a birthday. I wish I too had friends like C&L. And their daughter holding the siamese kitty like a baby? Oh my heart! All children should get to experience life this way. Happy birthday, June.

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  34. Happy happy birthday, June! Glad you’re getting some celebrating in despite the situation. How about Ivy for a kitten name?

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  37. Happy birthday, June! I too had 2 Siamese growing up. I hope yours is as beautiful as the one the little girl is holding. 4 cats are not too many, I had 4 just a few years ago, and at one time I had 8. And 8 is enough!

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  38. Happy birthday, Dear June. Hope you have a wonderful day. I love the new kitty and it’s perfectly fine to have four cats.

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  39. Happy Birthday, youngster! hahaha…. I hope you enjoy it so much with the new baby!
    I loved my Siamese – she lived to be 16 + – and she was diabetic! She was so beautiful – aloof but lovely. And of course, there really was only one choice for her name = Princess!
    Enjoy the day! Love and hugs!

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  44. Happy birthday! I love your beebee kitten. I vote for Daisy or Petunia for a girl, and Florian for a boy. C & L’s children are the cutest!

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  45. Happy happy birthday! Your socially distant visit sounds delightful. Glad that worked out and total shock that it included kittens!

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  46. Happy happy birthday!
    FYI – that line was from Blazing Saddles not Young Frankenstein. (runs away fast)

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  48. Happy July birthday, June. Mr. Sadie always refers to the 55th birthday as the double-nickel birthday so, “Happy double-nickel birthday” from Mr. Sadie.

    Birthday kitten’s name? Poppy, but only if Edsel doesn’t think her name is Puppy.

    What a special birthday eve with Chris & Lilly, their children and animals. They certainly know how to throw a pandemic party. Sounds like even more pandemic partying today with Marty. Have fun.

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  50. Is the 4 52 Michigan time or where you are now? or both.
    Happy Birthday to my most favorite keeper upper of spirits.
    I am glad you got a kitten for your birthday, now I won’t have to buy you anything.

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  51. Happy Birthday June! Another trip around the sun is always a good thing.

    Your visit to the farm looks delightful, and I think that new kitten looks like another pointed kitten, aka Meezer. Nothing like Meezer love!

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  52. Happy birthday. You are wonderful and I’m glad to have you “in” my life. (In a non-stalker way—staying appropriately socially distant even if there was no pandemic!)

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  56. Happy birthday, June! It sounds as though a wonderful time was had last evening. Best wishes for the same today!

    I love Siamese. I have had two in my life – they lived very long and exciting lives. Currently a member of our family is Tonkinese, he is a chonk of a cat, a Chonkinese. We love him dearly.

    Laurie in NB, Canada

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  58. Happy Birthday, June! I hope you have a great day and a sparkly year ahead!
    Your new cat’s name is Petunia. There’s no need for further discussion.

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  60. Happy Birthday! All of those kittens are beautiful. My grandparents had two Siamese (if you please) that lived to be 15 or 16.

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  62. Happy birthday, June!!!
    July babies are the best, especially the ones born this week. Enjoy your special day/week/month!
    Distantly,
    Soul Sister

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  63. Happy birthday, June! Sounds like it’s off to a great start.
    As for kitten names, how about Quarantina? Or Pandemica? Or, if you want to keep in line with the others, how about Forsythia? Rose? Daisy? Clearly, I also too feel like it’s a girl.

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  66. Happy Birthday, June!! (Yes I know the B should be lower case, but I don’t like how that looks.) Is your new birthday kitten male, female or too soon to tell?

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      1. I’m still irked that I couldn’t name our dog Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Or do you want a floral name to go with Iris and Lily?

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  69. Happiest of birthdays to you, June! Although these pandemic times don’t make it easy to celebrate much of anything, it looks like you had an absolutely lovely birthday eve. Cheers!

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  70. Happy birthday! and yeah, now, I, too, will set my alarm. And raise a glass in your honor!

    (also – kittens!)

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