June's stupid life

I can’t drive FIFTY-FIVE. You’re welcome.

by June

I awoke this morning to this from Marvin:

That does, indeed, wrap it up. And look, I am not officially 55 until this afternoon. I was born on a Friday at 4:52 p.m. Happy hour.

My grandmother, the one I’ve turned into, told me on one of my much-earlier birthdays that if you are very careful and quiet, right at the minute of your birthday you can hear your number click over. Every year I say I’m gonna listen for my click and I forget. One year I was IN THE CAR on my birthday, driving to Michigan, and had NOTHING BETTER TO DO, and forgot.

Further reports as developments warrant.

I began my nonstop partying last night, with a socially distant-ish visit to Chris and Lilly. We were outside or on their screened-in porch the whole time, and we kept far apart. Their kids think I am berserk.

I went there technically to see their new cats. A few months ago, Lilly was at work at their feed and garden store and heard rustling in the straw and instead of screaming and getting a boy she just no-nonsense-ly went over and looked. There was an angry gray feral cat who’d given birth to, you know, kittens.

This is one of the kittens. How enraged does this make you? How many SCORES of kittens have I had in this house, both found and delivered to me by the shelter, and were there any magnificent Siameseses? There were not.

Chris and Lilly also saved a sleek beautiful soft black kitten, but both hate me and photos were scarce.

  • sigh meeze kitty really do hayte you

Anyway, I loved them both and wish to marry them in a simple ceremony where I will wear a well-cut suit. And the other good news, other than my upcoming nuptials, is they have the mom cat and were readying her to be spayed when SHE WAS SOMEHOW PREGNANT AGAIN and I don’t know how that works, but now she’s in their garage with EIGHT MORE KITTENS, and she hates everything including Chris and Lilly who are now taking care of 13 cats, 10 of them hers, and situations like this make me chortle.

  • #&@*&#

They’ve got, like, three crates mooshed together, with this extra room all covered up in a drape, so she can get away and swear to herself and watch Bravo.

Anyway, meet my next kitten, unless the person who already said he was taking this kitten takes it, but I’ve already arranged his mysterious execution, so…

  • I belong to Joon.

So if anyone’s in the market for a kitten, the rest look all black or maybe eventually gray. There are seriously eight of them, but really seven because that one up there is mine. There is nothing wrong with owning 4 cats.

After we were done looking at kittens I looked at the rest of the animals, and how tiring it must be to have me over.

  • It twooo! It twooo!

That was a line from Young Frankenstein.

Anyway, then we had homemade madeleines and homemade peach ice cream, which it turns out is better than ice cream you buy. C & L gave me a honeysuckle candle I burned the minute I got home, some lovely little flowered notebooks (I adore little notebooks), a flowered bag I put my makeup in already and a really cool pink leather bookmark that she and her sister MADE. I follow her sister on Instagram and love everything she makes.

They also gave Edsel a chew toy for his birthday that he took into the other room and chewed on his own for like 30 minutes. Edsel never leaves me, but he did to go chew his toy.

In all, ’twas a lovely evening.

Tonight, Marty Martin is coming over to sit distantly from me and celebrate from across the yard at each other, and after tonight I am going two weeks with no human contact and I will monitor every twinge.

‘Tis the way of my people. My sheeple, of you’re one of those.

Annually,
June

89 thoughts on “I can’t drive FIFTY-FIVE. You’re welcome.”

  4. Happy birthday again late. Up again with anxiety I suppose. But your kittens help. Thanks for writing.

    Like

  5. Happy birthday to you, June. I suggest Forsythia for your new kitten’s name.Chris and Lilly and family are good friends.
    Thank you again for sharing yourself with us for all this time.

    Like

  6. Happy birthday 🎉. A most excellent evening at C & L’ s farm. You can name the kitten LC in honor of your friends. Hope your evening was enjoyable. So sorry to be so late to the party, it’s been a super busy day.

    Like

  7. Homemade madeleines and homemade peach ice cream?? That sounds amazing! What a birthday treat!

    Happiest of birthdays to you, dear June.

    Like

  8. Well I guess I’m a Marvine (MARCINE?) because I found that russian man hilarious and riveting. Happy Birthday dear Juniper, I’m glad you didnt let this date go unnoticed in spite of everything.

    Like

  9. Happiest of birthdays to you, fellow Cancer. Mine is Saturday. I’m getting a knee replacement. Lucky me. So “blessed”

    Like

  10. Feliz cumpleaños! 55? You are but a youngling still! (is that a word? It should be.) Have a great year, filled with new kitten-ness.

    Like

  11. Looks like a lovely time! Happy birthday dear!

    Didn’t you say that cat is already spoken for?

    Like

  12. Happy happy birthday you joy of life!!!!
    You really do bring the joy here to tens of thousands of us, on the daily. And we are grateful.

    Like

  13. Happy Birthday Joooooon. I think four cats would look lovely in your life. I have four and yeah….

    Like

  14. Happiest of birthdays to you! May your day be filled with lots of pretty floral things and very few people.

    Like

  16. Happiest of Happy Birthdays to you June. I hope your birthday wishes come true and that tall handsome man walks into your life .. oh wait .. that’s my wish. Carry on. Have an awesome day celebrating.

    Like

  17. Happy Birthday! Will think of listening for the click on each birthday now. Love that sweet siamese kitten!! You could name it 55 in honor of this year’s birthday click. Enjoy your day!

    Like

  18. Like a cicada, I’ve emerged from years of slumber (and silence) to wish you the very happiest of birthdays, June.

    You have no idea how much you have meant to me over the years. This website and its predecessor have kept my better half happily occupied for countless hours. I hope you’re planning on entertaining her and your many other readers for another 55 years.

    Like

  19. Happy birthday, dear June. You are loved more every year.

    That is one of the most truly beautiful horse pictures I have ever taken. While every picture looks like heaven I long to meet that stunning creature.

    Thanks for this great post. Hello to Marvin and to Marty Martin.

    Like

  20. Have a very nice birthday, Coot. I love your grandma’s birthday click–got any more stories like that from her?

    Like

  21. Okay, I loved loved loved that crazy Russian man video from Marvin with his vodka and his little voodoo doll-looking buddy enjoying their vodka and swimming in a freezing pond and running amuck in a rain storm. In Mother Russia, vodka is daily drink. I spoke that in a heavy Natasha Badinov accent. Although technically, it would be Natasha Badinova.

    Anyway. Happy Birthday June. Party on, Garth.

    Like

  23. Happy birthday June! I also think Jasmine is the perfect kitten name. It is one of the most famous flowers from Thailand (Siam).

    Like

  24. Happy Birthday June! So glad that you visited the farm and loved on all those animals. New kitty is darling – she could be Hazel – a floral and grandmotherly name, since that’s what you’re clicking over to today. Cheers to a fabulous year, minus Covid and add more cats!

    Like

  27. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having 4 cats, especially since your cats, crnt.seem pretty relaxed about other felines.
    As for names, how about Nigel or Nigela? The common name of Nigela flowers is love-in-a-mist, they are a beautiful blue very much like the blue eyes of a Siamese cat.
    Happy birthday to you, youngling.

    Like

  29. Happy, happy birthday to you! Enjoy this next trip around the sun!! I vote for Rosie as a name. But I think you should take a couple of the kitties, so they don’t get lonely. Boy, that mama cat was cattin’ around FAST after that first litter!

    Like

  30. I have never heard of the birthday click, but will try to remember it. I love your new kitty. What a little fluffball! Please to have a happy birthday, June.

    Like

  31. Happy birthday, June. What a wonderful way to spend it, with KITTENS!!!! And of course Chris and Lilly and their adorable kids. Hope this next year brings you everything you desire.

    Like

  33. Sounds like a wonderful way to celebrate a birthday. I wish I too had friends like C&L. And their daughter holding the siamese kitty like a baby? Oh my heart! All children should get to experience life this way. Happy birthday, June.

    Like

  34. Happy happy birthday, June! Glad you’re getting some celebrating in despite the situation. How about Ivy for a kitten name?

    Like

  37. Happy birthday, June! I too had 2 Siamese growing up. I hope yours is as beautiful as the one the little girl is holding. 4 cats are not too many, I had 4 just a few years ago, and at one time I had 8. And 8 is enough!

    Like

  38. Happy birthday, Dear June. Hope you have a wonderful day. I love the new kitty and it’s perfectly fine to have four cats.

    Like

  39. Happy Birthday, youngster! hahaha…. I hope you enjoy it so much with the new baby!
    I loved my Siamese – she lived to be 16 + – and she was diabetic! She was so beautiful – aloof but lovely. And of course, there really was only one choice for her name = Princess!
    Enjoy the day! Love and hugs!

    Like

  44. Happy birthday! I love your beebee kitten. I vote for Daisy or Petunia for a girl, and Florian for a boy. C & L’s children are the cutest!

    Like

  45. Happy happy birthday! Your socially distant visit sounds delightful. Glad that worked out and total shock that it included kittens!

    Like

  46. Happy happy birthday!
    FYI – that line was from Blazing Saddles not Young Frankenstein. (runs away fast)

    Like

  48. Happy July birthday, June. Mr. Sadie always refers to the 55th birthday as the double-nickel birthday so, “Happy double-nickel birthday” from Mr. Sadie.

    Birthday kitten’s name? Poppy, but only if Edsel doesn’t think her name is Puppy.

    What a special birthday eve with Chris & Lilly, their children and animals. They certainly know how to throw a pandemic party. Sounds like even more pandemic partying today with Marty. Have fun.

    Like

  50. Is the 4 52 Michigan time or where you are now? or both.
    Happy Birthday to my most favorite keeper upper of spirits.
    I am glad you got a kitten for your birthday, now I won’t have to buy you anything.

    Like

  51. Happy Birthday June! Another trip around the sun is always a good thing.

    Your visit to the farm looks delightful, and I think that new kitten looks like another pointed kitten, aka Meezer. Nothing like Meezer love!

    Like

  52. Happy birthday. You are wonderful and I’m glad to have you “in” my life. (In a non-stalker way—staying appropriately socially distant even if there was no pandemic!)

    Like

  55. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I am shouting from the Tennessee hills! Hope your day is simply terrific!

    Like

  56. Happy birthday, June! It sounds as though a wonderful time was had last evening. Best wishes for the same today!

    I love Siamese. I have had two in my life – they lived very long and exciting lives. Currently a member of our family is Tonkinese, he is a chonk of a cat, a Chonkinese. We love him dearly.

    Laurie in NB, Canada

    Like

  57. Happy Birthday! And no, there is nothing wrong with owning 4 cats. Especially when they are cute.

    Like

  58. Happy Birthday, June! I hope you have a great day and a sparkly year ahead!
    Your new cat’s name is Petunia. There’s no need for further discussion.

    Liked by 2 people

  60. Happy Birthday! All of those kittens are beautiful. My grandparents had two Siamese (if you please) that lived to be 15 or 16.

    Like

  62. Happy birthday, June!!!
    July babies are the best, especially the ones born this week. Enjoy your special day/week/month!
    Distantly,
    Soul Sister

    Like

  63. Happy birthday, June! Sounds like it’s off to a great start.
    As for kitten names, how about Quarantina? Or Pandemica? Or, if you want to keep in line with the others, how about Forsythia? Rose? Daisy? Clearly, I also too feel like it’s a girl.

    Like

  66. Happy Birthday, June!! (Yes I know the B should be lower case, but I don’t like how that looks.) Is your new birthday kitten male, female or too soon to tell?

    Like

      1. I’m still irked that I couldn’t name our dog Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Or do you want a floral name to go with Iris and Lily?

        Like

  69. Happiest of birthdays to you, June! Although these pandemic times don’t make it easy to celebrate much of anything, it looks like you had an absolutely lovely birthday eve. Cheers!

    Like

  70. Happy birthday! and yeah, now, I, too, will set my alarm. And raise a glass in your honor!

    (also – kittens!)

    Like

Comments are closed.