Relax, it’s Palmolive.

Friday evening, after my workweek, I was ready for the weekend, and by ready I mean I lay on my bed and cried while tears fell in my ears. I did that for quite awhile Friday; ’tis how I ready myself to PARRRRTAYYY. Actually, it’s been a long time since I cried, as I no longer have a soul.

Anyway I am not making this up; at around 7:30, Ned called, of all people. I haven’t talked to Ned in I don’t know how long. I know we were locked down, but it was definitely early in this process. April? ish?

We ended up talking for three hours, and he told me how he’d gone downtown to help with the destruction after the protests, and I told him … I don’t even know what I told him. Oh, I remember telling him how the lawn guy broke my storm door, and about how then a few days later a neighbor knocked on the door and there was no barrier and after 15 minutes standing in my threshold she said, “Oh, I’ve just been feeling terrible: aches, a fever, my lungs feel terrible.”

I know I told him that hair-raising tale.

And, you know, when I saw those pictures of people downtown with drills and so on, I told myself, Ned is in there somewhere. I just knew.

So it was nice to talk to him, to tell you the truth. It was good to catch up. It’s amazing that there’s anything to catch up ON when you’re mostly confined to home. But it turns out stuff happens to you anyway.

“I’ve really gotten sort of used to it,” said Ned. “I don’t really mind it that much anymore.”

We have Stockholm Syndrome.

Anyway, on Saturday morning I rushed Edsel to the vet, and by rushed I mean I got up, had coffee, did my trainer, so to speak, and then worried because Edsel had no collar.

His old collar wouldn’t work, and I’d ordered him a new one which arrives tomorrow, and didn’t think it’d be that big a deal for him to not have a collar for a few days until I considered EDSEL AT A VET, with DOGS meandering about, and does it annoy you to have to read year after year how life just sort of washes over me with no preparation or forethought on my part? Why don’t I have a BACKUP collar? I have backup eyeglasses. I have backup soap. My mother got me enough backup laundry detergent to last seven lifetimes like Shirley Maclaine.

I settled on a jaunty silk scarf for the Eds

when it occurred to me the vet might have something they could loan me. Turns out they have these leash things they can use like a collar, so Edsel did not have to arrive at the vet looking like a career girl from 1973.

I used my resistance band as a leash/collar to get him from my house to the car. Worked!

One might wonder why I HAVE a silk scarf, given all the outfits you’ve seen me in completed with the look. It had been on a purse. You know how purses were wearing scarves for awhile?

My point is this. And there is a point.

I dropped Eds off curbside, then went for a walk because it’s in a pretty neighborhood and I had time to kill.

Eventually, I thought, man, I feel sort of uncomfortable, and I asked my phone the temp and it turned out I was walking around in 90-degree heat. That meant what else could I do but zip over to Sonic and get a chili dog while Edsel convalesced. I was JUST BITING the first bite when

RING!

I knew that was gonna happen.

“He-woah?” I chewed, trying to sound professional and not at all like Elmer Fudd giving a blowie.

It was the vet, as I knew it would be, filling me in on all that was Edsel. First of all, he’s got some sort of fungal infection on his foot and now not only do I have to give him three pills in the morning and three at night, I also now have to bathe his foot in medicated shampoo

THREE TIMES A DAY, soaking it

TEN MINUTES AT A TIME

and I want you to know he doesn’t at all act like Madge’s clients with the Palmolive. “Dishwashing liquid!?”

Anyway, that is not my point, and I do have one.

“Tell me more about the heart condition,” said the vet, who frankly sounded cute. I’ll never know. The vet will forever be on the Dating Game with me behind a wall.

I’d written him a tome about Edsel but I sort of repeated all that, now with embellishment, and here’s what he said.

“Well, I’ve listened to his heart and I don’t think he does have congestive heart failure.”

You … you WHAT?

“We can’t be sure. We need an EKG and an ultrasound.” Eds has had an ultrasound at the last place, but the vet told me she wasn’t an expert at doing them, but that she’d seen enough to tell her he had congestive heart failure.

But what if she’s wrong?

We have to go to a specialist, in Charlotte, and it’s going to be 600 freaking dollars, but between you, me and the 10 others here, that’s 3 months of medication for us anyway. So if he doesn’t need this medication, you get the drift.

The vet is giving me a referral and in a few weeks I’ll take a personal day and Eds will put on his jaunty driving scarf and we’ll head to the big city for a heart test.

The first thing I thought about Sunday when I woke up is, “EDS MIGHT NOT BE DYING!”

Ever since I got the news about his heart last fall, I’ve been buying his food in four-pound bags so I won’t be stuck with extra. I have a plan with TinaDoris that her husband will come help me dig a hole. I’ve been living like this dog is dying and MAYBE HE ISN’T.

Oh my god.

So that was my big news this weekend, other than it was Hulk’s birthday this weekend and he proposed.

It’s been a big weekend, I guess.

Newsworthily,
June

60 Comments

  1. I love when vet treatments act like they don’t know animals at all.

    “Stuff this disgusting tasting and smelling concoction down your pet’s throat 5 times a day!”

    “Keep this bouncy baby puppy or kitty or ferret QUIET and still for 78 weeks!”

    “Make your hydrophobic animal sit quietly in this medicated shampoo bath for 5 hours a day, twice a day.”

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  2. Lovely post. How do you think Eds will react to the pedicure soaking? He looks so…dandy in his smart neck accessory.

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  3. June, remember those gray stockings you bought me for the company Christmas party when we were going to dress like each other and didn’t? They were put to good use as Titi’s leash one night.

    Furthermore, I am not enjoying the Happy Couple picture up there. Rivera looks like the evil doll in a horror movie.

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    1. Dagnabbit, that was me with the gray stockings stretching between me and Titi. And creeped out by Mr. Frida Kahlo.

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  4. Edsel is my boy and I love this news. I’ll keep all body parts crossed that exercise intolerance is the correct diagnosis.
    Now I cannot stop singing Let The River Run from Working Girl, so that’s fun. But it does encourage me to clean out my wardrobe since I still own suits from back then. So, thanks!!

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  5. So happy to hear this about Edsel! I am going to stay positive and can’t wait to hear the results! Ned calling – such a psychic event. Yes – tears are cleansing – they just come with no warning…. like in the grocery store looking at pudding…. sigh. Watch out for that heat!

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  6. I think I’ve cried more in the last 4 months than I have in well over a decade. I’m all for Meteor 2020 and I want one of those signs.

    Say what you will about Ned, and God knows we HAVE, he is a good friend when you need one.

    MY weekend started off with a notification from my bank that someone tried to steal $480.00 out of my account via cardless ATM. I actually had to Google what that was. The only time my card has been out of my sight in the last several years was this past Thursday when I took my dog to the vet. I gave my card to the vet tech who took it back into the office for payment while I waited in the car. Coincidence? I think not. Thank God for signing up for bank notifications.

    But other than that, Mrs. Kennedy…

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  7. I’ll go back and read the previous 44 comments in a second but …blowie. I literally spit my beer out.

    (On coronacation at the beach in your state!)

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  8. I need a giant meteor sign.
    Eds looks so sweet in his scarf.
    I am so glad he may not have heart failure. That is so wonderful. I know you’ll keep us informed. Fingers crossed for him.

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  9. What a roller coaster of a weekend! Glad Ned was there for conversation when you needed him and Hulk was there with a marriage proposal and a twenty-five year engagement.

    Sending positive vibes to jaunty Eds and you for good news from the big-city specialist. May the Force be with you.

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  10. This is a packed post. Love image of Edsel driving to the city for a test in his scarf. Hoping he does not have congestive heart failure.

    As slow as the pandemic has been, it has also been full of life and in my own family we have had much earth shattering occurrences. So I believe lengthy phone calls can be necessary to catch up.

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  11. I am very hopeful re sweet Eds and his heart.
    Your work pressure has been insane. I would have cried too. I’m glad you can before you need YOUR heart checked! I hope it lets up some.

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  12. You want mundane? It’s been so hot and I’m home so much I’m seriously thinking about house dresses. Turns out I’m super picky about what I want in a house dress, so I’ve been doing a lot of searching since we don’t go to stores to shop now, just to pick up quick. If you want some ugly stuff to follow you around the internet, search for house dresses! Helps a little if you add “boho.”
    Hope you find out Edsel is just a regular old guy dog, not with CHF.

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  13. I’m so sorry for your sad Friday night.I am hoping for good Edsel news. My Gryffin dog has fallen a couple of times in the last few weeks and is starting to stand up very slowly. I hate it and continue to hover over him in helicopter dog mom mode, as I do. I hate seeing our companions age. I love Hulk. Its good to have a backup plan.

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  14. I’ve been having way too many cries these past few weeks, definitely cleansing but jees. I’m so happy Edsel might not have heart issues, he’s such a doll, he looks so dandy with his scarf, get that boy a blu martini! Although I do like his 1973 look, smashing!

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  15. And now I’ve commented 3 times already and haven’t even addressed your pathos (which is important) or Eds, or the other pictures, or birthdays, or being 80 with Hulk, or Ned sensing your hour of need. This is important stuff. You can’t just shoot off any old line.
    Nice post, June.

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  16. Dear work,
    June loves her job, she loves you guys. Try to rely on yourselves to do your jobs. The weekend is time off, you all need some time not thinking about work, not trying to be first to lean on June to help you. Please dear friends clock out at 5 every day and clock back in at 8 or 9 in the morning. You all don’t work at a 24 hour a day quick pick / gas station.Thank goodness.

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  17. This post made me so happy! Everything—-Edsel, Ned, Elmer Fudd, Hulk, all of it. Wishing you a great week!

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  18. “…looking like a career girl from 1973.” [snort laugh]
    That’s really good news about Edz and his little heart. Going to Charlotte sounds like Barney and Andy going to the big city of Raleigh. Is there a way to get a copy of the tests from the other vet that said he had congestive heart failure? Might help the new vet and the place in Charlotte .

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  19. Lovely post, June. I hope you feel better now after your cry and talking to Ned. Potentially wonderful news about Edsel. Love that boy!

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  20. I am sorry that you cried, but sometimes you just need to. Did you feel better? I am considering it as an option to relieve the pressure in my chest.
    Glad you and Ned were able to have a friendly chat on the phone. You shared so many years and if you are friendly it would feel weird not to keep in touch – sort of like a limb was cut off.
    So happy about Edsel, I am keeping everything crossed for good luck!

    Laurie in NB, Canada

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    1. I felt better at the time, but it’s all work-related stuff, so on Sunday, for the first time in 9+ years of working there, I got the Wonderful World of Disney end-of-weekend dread. And sure enough, I started getting work-related messages last night. My inbox was already crammed with do this do that do this now do that now now now now now.

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      1. In my previous life (when I was working) and the work was piled on and overwhelming I would go to my boss and ask, “what has highest priority” because he was the one that waited until the last minute to do HIS assignments and then expected his staff to jump, jump, jump to meet his almost missed deadlines. He’s the very person that caused me to post a sign in my cubicle that read, “Procrastination on your part does not create an emergency on my part.” That would look really weird posted in your living room.

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        1. June you could use that pithy signature for your email sign off. Step #4376 on climbing the corporate ladder.

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  21. Great post, June! I’m so happy about Edsel and his (potentially) happy, healthy heart! I’ll think good thoughts for the Edz.
    Was it weird to talk to Ned? It was kinda weird to read about Ned. He’s been off the radar.
    Isn’t it interesting to consider the mundane things people are doing during the pandemic? And that we are actually curious about people’s mundane things? I normally don’t need to hear the random tidbits of people’s lives, but now find my self saying “So tell me how it all wound up with your dryer vent”. Mr. Texas and I compulsively worked a hard 1,000 piece puzzle of ice cream this weekend, and I culled through our books. I have a big stack for the Little Libraries in our neighborhood. I’ll take a few with me on each walk. See? Mundane.

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    1. I have a special Ned ringtone, and when it rang, I was startled. Then I stared at my phone for a moment, thinking, Is that really Ned? But I found as miserable as I was right then, he was like a glass of water after walking in, say, 90-degree heat. He was exactly who I wanted to talk to right then and I hadn’t realized. Ned is very practiced at talking women down from ledges.

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      1. You are both Cancer zodiac signs if I’m not mistaken. Both intuitive, good listeners. It makes sense. And too, (TM you) Ned was huge in your life. He’s never one hundred percent off my radar in terms of this not blog so I imagine he is not completely off of yours either. Living in the same small town makes it more difficult too, I would think.

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    2. TX Kari, I’ve been canning green beans the past three days. In between the beans I canned a few quarts of tomatoes. Is that mundane enough? The dryer lent? Went to the trash.

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      1. Not mundane! Exciting!I have not canned anything other than refrigerator pickles. Perhaps this is something I need to learn!

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      2. Why do they call it canning when you put things in glass jars, not cans? I’ve always wanted to know.

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  22. First? It’s my birthday today, so I’m making it about me right off the bat. So glad you’ll get him the test and have a final answer!

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        1. I’m here, too, let me drink this cup of coffee first while I read your post before I comment. Jeeze, then I have to read it again because I always read too fast the first time in case there’s any important news, and of course there is, so I have to read it again for details, and again to enjoy the especially good lines. Then I get interrupted because other people insist they live in this house, too, so I have to come back and read and think so I don’t write something insensitive or stupid. Being a faithful reader takes commitment, man. Am I right, readers?

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          1. I’m here but wasn’t earlier as I had to go to Publix. Three grandsons are arriving tomorrow for five days and they eat anything that’s not nailed down so I figured I should get some actual food.

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          1. I look at that photo and think her body language is interesting. Also too, I had to call two utility companies to get the balance on our bills because they are approaching their due and date and we haven’t received our bills, before I read the post. Thank you postal carrier that can’t read numbers and I’m beginning to think she can’t read, period. You think I’m kidding, last week she delivered a package that was addressed to 2700 rather than 2900, fortunately I realized it was NOT my package before she drove off, and we are constantly getting mail that the address is not remotely similar to ours. Maybe I need to give her a pair of readers. Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox.

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