I’m already in a MOOD and I just got here. I guess I should say I finally got here. It is not even 8:00 yet and every effing thing has gone wrong. Edsel is skulking around here like a C and I haven’t even yelled or stomped around, and frankly it’s annoying when someone is THIS tuned into your every mood.
When I got up today, everything was stupid. There’s a gigantic box that held furnace filters in the living room. My recycling is full (last week being my birthday, I got several boxes) and no way am I storing boxes in the snake shed. There’s another enormous box by the back door. (My HelloFresh came yesterday, and see above re boxes and the recycling bin, my new band name.)
This discombobulates me and I don’t like it. I feel like I live at Fred Sanford’s.
Also the sink was full of dishes, as I’d cooked last night (balsamic fig chicken with lemon-zested green beans and who am I?) and the dishwasher was full. Like my recycle bin. I put all those dishes away before feeding everyone this morning, then reloaded the dishwasher. Twas bugging me.
Then when I hoisted big ol’ Lily onto the dryer so she could eat, I noted … LITTER everywhere. The cats now use this litterbox system that has pellets instead of sand, which is neater in general but sometimes pellets go flying. Overnight we musta had some pellet-flying extravaganza.
I got the vacuum and the special vacuum attachment that goes at those pellets, but once I started, Lily panicked and flew off the dryer. Picture a flying football. Lily, like nature, abhors a vacuum and I know I use that line every time but come on.
So once I was done de-pelleting the laundry area, I chased her football self down and had to place her back on the dryer where, although she was clearly deeply offended by my actions and the way of my people, she was not deterred from eating.
Then, after pilling Edsel and bathing his foot which looks no better at all, I came in here to blog and?
Laptop was dead.
It may be working too intensely as I am, and I wouldn’t blame it for up and dying. But after fiddling around with it, I got it to restart and it’s in the middle of a goddamn update and must we update? Must we always need more, more more?
So that meant that for the first time since May 1, according to the photos I just uploaded, I’m at my desktop computer. Once I turned this computer on with my smile, and also opened doors with just a smile, I got my phone, thinking, You know, I haven’t plugged my phone in here in ages, and I’ll bet I need to upload a lotta photos.
One thousand seventy-five photos. Since May 1. Remember in the olden days when people took 12 pictures a year?
But before I could plug the phone into the computer, I had to get a cable. Mine had all died, and do your charging cables die, like, all the time? Not long ago I ordered a pack of three new cables and while I knew one of those was next to my bed, I cannot, for the life of me, find the other two.
WHERE ARE THEY?
The thing that annoys me is that anything could get lost in this roomy house. It’s a dollhouse. Were the other cables in the desk where the desktop computer is?
Drawer next to bed?
Cupboard, then. The goddamn cupboard?
WHERE IN THE …
I gave up and used the one next to my bed, and now tonight I’ll go to bed and get ready to charge my phone and be all GOD DAMMIT.
Pa Ingalls never had this issue.
…Oh! I just found the other two. I opened the drawer where I assumed they’d be in the first place, and they’re in a box. In my mind they were out and exposed. I was just all, Let me move this box titled USB DATA CABLE and look for m’cables.
So I already have a mild headache, and I have 2,000 hours of work to do, and then my trainer, and somewhere in there I have to bathe Edsel’s foot again like I’m Mary Magdalene, or maybe it was the other Mary, dashboard Mary, and why did they pick two characters with the same name?
Really, when I think about it, I say dashboard Mary like it’s a thing and it likely is but I think my grandmother had someone else on her dashboard. Maybe it was St. Christopher. She had a KICK-ASS fairly large freestanding Mary statue that I think my uncle has and I will never inherit it, as he will likely offer it to one of his actually Catholic daughters, but I loved it. I love all old Catholic things like that. I have my grandfather’s cross with the last rites stuff inside of it. It’s the bomb.
If I happen to die of a virus or being 55, please last rite me even though I am not officially Catholic and they probably won’t honor my coupon.
Anyway, I do have to say that despite it taking 85 years to get here to my desktop and ALIGHT, it’s nice how big everything is on the desktop. You know what would make me use this more often? A comfortable chair. I bought an old wooden chair for this area. I got it from the antique shop, and while it’s delightful and charming, I feel like I’m sitting on your grandmother’s old brittle bones.
I really want this, but that’s insane, right? In the olden days, when we took 12 pictures a year, I could’ve written this off on m’taxes as I freelance and this is my work desk. But now they made it hard to write stuff off and I for one am offended, but will still eat on top of the dryer.
I mean. $204. And FREE shipping.
Please note I am not asking your opinion on the matter. Not really. A few days ago I saw a Facebook memory where I live streamed from the carwash and I saw my old cute car that I loved so much and why did that person have to plow into me and ruin it?
Anyway, in the Facebook Live I mention I got the $12 car wash and you have no idea how many people felt the need to comment. “I NEVER pay more than $5.” “$12? That’s too much.”
GOD, that’s rude. It really is. And over $12! So you can imagine I don’t want to really hear how people feel about a $204 chair I will not order.
I imagine it has to be put together, right? See. That right there dissuades me. Plus also? Nothing in this room is pink. It’s all browns and greens.
All right, I have to go. I’m sure my mood will be sparkling soon.