Priceless and Pregnant

Before I begin, and I do have a theme today, I want to mention that I went back to Chris and Lilly’s yesterday because I wish to 100% ensure I am riddled with COVID-190. It’s the extra-strong version.

I went back over there to look at the kittens and as of this writing, 4 are still available. If you live remotely close to NC, like, if I drive three hours and you drive three hours, I’ll will bring you a kitten. They are a combination of boys and girls, and I’d tell you how many of each except THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME so I don’t know who all I’m dealing with, here. I’d pick one up, sex it up, put it down, pick one up and say, Is this the one I just picked up?

My point is this. Somehow Lilly and I mentioned fever and ague, which we said out loud at the same time, except Lilly said, “ag-you” and I said, “awwg.” I started reading those books (Oh. This is a reference to Little House on the Prairie books. I just assume everyone has every plot point from them right in their heads and would know what I meant as soon as I said fever and ague. Sorry.)

(The entire Ingalls family got fever and ague, see, which we now call malaria. Except back then they didn’t know how you got it and some people said it was from watermelon. Other people said it was made up by Democrats.)

“Is it pronounced ag-you?” I asked Lilly, who seemed so certain.

Lately I’ve learned this magnificent at-home copy editing trick: If I worry I’m looking at a misspelled word, I can just say, “Hey, Google, how do you spell xerophthalmia?” and Google Home will say, “Xerophthalmia is spelled x-e-r-o….” What I am STUNNED about is how often Google Home, who is a smug ass, subtly points out I am mispronouncing the words I wish to spell. Stunned. I’m like one of the Real Housewives. At least I don’t say hide it under the carpet.

IT’S SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG, you eeeeeeeeeeeeegiots. Some say brush it under the carpet, but the point here is you … never mind. I’ve gotten off track. And I do have a theme today.

So we looked up fever and ague, Lilly and I did, and if you look something up in Merriam-Webster it has a little speaker icon you can push that says the word out loud for you so you know if you’re pronouncing it right. When I lived with Ned, I remember telling him this trick and then all night he’d be on his side of the couch, his phone saying, dick, dick, dick 49 times in a row.

So it turns out it’s fever and AGGGGYEW, which I never knew, and so stunned by this was I that I went home and looked it up on my own and I’D BEEN LOOKING AT THE WORD WRONG. In my HEAD, it was auge. But in real life, it’s spelled ague. Which I still might have pronounced in my mind as awwg.

My 8-year-old self looked at the word as auge and never really looked at the word again.

Hi. I’m a copy editor. Won’t you hire me for your next important work?

“You thought it was awwwwg,” said Lilly’s child Z, who is somewhere between 3 and 11 years old and who is much smarter than I. Except I’d like to point out she referred to Pride and Prejudice, because all 3-to-11-year-olds do, except she called it Priceless and Pregnant. So I don’t know where she gets off making fun of my slang for a disease from 1870 that I didn’t know.

At this point, I see our theme has gone out the window. We will address it tomorrow, but I will give you a little hint at the excitement to come.

I have this house, see, and I’ve been here two years, see, and I’m starting to do that thing where, for example, most of my sheets are in a drawer, except for these few sheets that don’t fit so they’re over here.

And my books are on these shelves, don’t you know, except for the two rows of books in the kitchen cupboard.

So what I need from you is your organizational skillz, and if you don’t have any, pipe down and watch the orgs at work.

I used to have a book club here at Book of Juan, and we’d meet on, like, Sunday afternoons and discuss books in the comments. Every month there’d be one or two, “I didn’t read it” yahoos on there. This was back when I’d get hundreds of comments, so to wade through those, “I never read the book, June, but blah de blooo de bloooo, dee blee deee” people drove me out of my skull and I stopped having book club.

My friend Paula in Seattle, not the New York Paula who comments here, stopped getting baked goods from this one store because the shop owner would count out your change by saying, “That’s one wrinkled George” and she couldn’t take it any longer.

This store was on the ground floor of our building at work, and also in our building was the FBI, and finally one day one of those FBI men said, “Heyyyyy,” about Wrinkled George and it turned out Wrinkled George was, like, one of the most wanted men in America. Can you imagine? “I’m most wanted. Think I’ll set up shop in the FBI’s building.”

Anyway they arrested him. But she, my friend Paula, got equally annoyed with the next bakery she went to, because each day she’d go in and ask for a plain scone (she doesn’t like flavors) and they’d say, “Oh, we already sold it.”

This drove her out of her mind. If they knew she was coming every day, why not make two? We sold it.

I guess I’m telling you this because it makes me seem less fussy about the “I didn’t read the book” attendees at my Mince Words With June, which was what book club used to be called back when this blog was called Bye Bye, Pie.

I really did come here with a theme.

Okay. Bye, then.
June

87 thoughts on “Priceless and Pregnant

  1. Friends and I had a great conversation about ague and other weird words this evening. One said that for the longest time she thought she had been reading about a character whose name sounded like Fobe. Then she learned how to pronounce Phoebe. We all had examples to share but Fobe was the best one.

    Like

  2. Dammit……. You lost me at “dick, dick, dick.”

    I cannot get through the rest of this right now. Lol.

    Dick.

    Like

  3. I thought it rhymed with plague, because it’s literally the last four letters of plague. Stupid English. Also I pronounced it DEE-ter-mined for years because, early reader. Hmph.

    Like

  4. Wait. We’re organizing? Cuz my heart jumped. Nothing else matters. LET THE ORGANIZING BEGIN!! (little me ceasar)

    Like

  5. Thanks for the post. I had no idea what ague is. It took me years to realize consumption is tuberculosis. Also, too, to realize that in England having pudding is having dessert, which may or may not include pudding.

    Like

  6. My organization skill…if I don’t have room for it, I get rid of it, usually as a donation. My life is so much simpler

    Like

  7. For your own good, they should “loan” you some kittens, so that you don’t catch COVID-190 by coming out to visit them. It’d be the humane thing to do. 🙂

    Like

  8. Made up by Democrats! Killed me dead. English is my second language so I often mispronounce things in my mind when I’m reading, and I take a mental note to go back and find out the correct pronuntiation but I usually forget. Oh well. Nyah Nyah.

    Like

  9. I always pronounced “ague” to rhyme with “plague.” Fever ‘n (pl)ague. But apparently, I’ve been wrong since I was, what, 7? Good God, Magnum!

    Like

  10. My best mispronunciation story is a friend of my mother’s who was seriously proud of the fox fur coat her husband bought her. Seems there was a telephone game like mispronunciation of faux fur which the husband saw, understood, and mispronounced so the wife thought it was made from the real fur of foxes.

    Like

  11. I thought it was Aaaaaaag. Come to BOJ for the laughs, leave with some learnin’. I am bad at organization, so I’ll just step back and watch the Paulas of the world do it right.

    Like

  12. For years my in-head pronunciation of misled was mYs-uld. Which is what happens when you apply phonics on a sight word, thanks English. Precious and Pregnant, title for a reality show? I also had a hard time with realty and reality as a kid. I thought that the realty office was REALITY. I attribute that to growing up in Hollywood, home of all the cults.

    Like

  13. Words mispronounced is one of my favourite things – facade – is it fa-sawed or fa-caid – not that is comes up in everyday chatter but I was so confused when it was pronounced correctly (fa-sawed) I thought hmm I have mispronouncing that for years!

    Also Kittens!

    Like

  14. I knew exactly what Little House tear you got on. Immediately. And I also thought it was AUUUUUGH. But now I’ve been corrected and I don’t know how to cope with this major life change.

    I love Little House, but I’m not one of those weirdo bonnet-wearing Little House people. Some go a little… ummmm… off the rails with it. But I’m really fascinated by the relationship between Laura and Rose Wilder Lane. DRAMA.

    Like

  15. In 3rd grade, my classmate and I were working on a project together which involved the word pneumonia. Colette was positive it was spelled ammonia, and I KNEW it started with p-h. Mrs. Eye, our fabulous teacher who straightened that out for us, also read our class the first three Little House books, which was why I knew how to pronounce ague (which Autocorrect thinks is “argue”). I still pronounce Charlie Brown’s “AUUGH!” as “awg,” but lately I’ve wondered if the G is silent.

    Like

      1. She turned fifty that year, and she said that when she started teaching fifteen years ago, LAURA INGALLS WILDER WAS STILL ALIVE. I remember more of what went on in that class than any other.

        Like

  16. I prounced Greenwich Village as Greenwitch until I said in front of my aunt who taught me the correct way to say it. I was fifteen and had read it in a novel. She said. “Don’t say it that way, people will laugh at you.” She was good for things like that. I took no offense. I was happy to learn. I didn’t read the Laura Ingalls books. I can say malaria in Polish but not spell it. It was considered a big curse because it was an awful way to die. Our ancient Polish nun in second grade used to mutter it under her breath a lot. She was probably my age now.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Did you send them to me or are they on the not-blog and I missed them? I have had a life this summer (in the middle of a damn pandemic I get a life – but, it is Iowa. So.) and I have missed too many posts.

        Like

  17. I feel like the village idiot. I have never heard of the word ague. And would you believe I’m an avid reader?

    Like

    1. Don’t feel bad Jeanie, I have an English degree and had never heard the word either. Thought June was misspelling argue.

      Like

  18. I enjoyed your theme today. I like to think I have organizational skills but they mostly apply to work. At home I have to live with something for about 3 years before I figure out how I want it. Good luck!

    Like

  19. I have two “I read it wrong as a kid and now that is how I pronounce it” stories:
    The first is also from The Little House books and it took me until about five years ago to correct it- flatiron. For some reason, I read flaration and said it that way in my head every time. Thank heavens I never said it out loud. Then one day I saw that it was a compound word and now I read it as “flat-iron (you idiot).”

    The next example was on a bottle of shampoo and I thought it was just a strange slogan- “fine for extra body hair” and not “extra body for fine hair.” I wondered how much extra body hair my mom had that I couldn’t see and then grossed myself out every time.

    Liked by 7 people

  20. Lovely post. Coot.
    Awwgew? Things you learn from this blog.
    I grew up in Texas and even though I thought I was worldly and well read and spoken at the ripe old age of 19, I was not. I went on a date one night and said date made fun of me for pronouncing the L in salmon. For hours he explained it was SahMon not SaLman. Then he asked if they could wrap his sahmon in Teen Foil. Really Mr. Icanpronounce anything? Why do you need tin in front of the foil? Why not just say foil? Beside the fact that all my life foil had been made of aluminum.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I always used to say “anyways” until someone quietly said “ANYWAY. No S.” I’ve never made that mistake since. So, thanks for that, Fred.

        Like

  21. I think different parts of the country pronounce words differently, take the word creek. I say creeeek, some crick.

    Like

    1. Exactly. I take that in to account. I find the differences fascinating. They can vary greatly even in a large state like Pennsylvania so I would imagine Texas too, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m in Georgia, but same thing. There’s a town in south Ga, Albany, but the people from there pronounce it All-benny.

        Like

  22. I am organizing whiz. Srsly. Send me pics and I will Kondo you from afar. (I was just in NC for distance vacation! I could have swung by! And picked up a kitten too!)

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Organization, I’ve been working on that, just yesterday I worked on one corner of my den. Baby steps. Great post. Those kittens!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I love Z’s Priceless and Pregnant! Years ago a friend was mortified to discover during a conversation that she’d been mispronouncing a word that she’d encountered while reading but had never heard anyone say. I suspect we’re all creating interesting pronunciations in our heads.

    Like

  25. ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS??? I’m SWOONING here. Also, bad timing, because I am on vacation next week which means work this week will be HELL. It will kill me if I miss all of the organization.

    I stopped going to my usual morning place because along about Wednesday EVERY WEEK, they’d be out of diet Coke. Diet.COKE. That’s like being out of AIR. First of all, if a convenience place is out of diet Coke, that should be posted outside in blinking lights so you don’t park, mask up, schlep inside and then discover they are out. Secondly, a few times when I asked about it (hoping they had some in the back), the person would shrug and say the delivery was late. Oh PLEASE. It’s diet Coke. The entire free world drinks it. ORDER MORE. So now I bring water in a YETI cup and don’t even go to that stupid diet-Coke-less INconvenience store anymore. Nyah nyah on them.

    Liked by 2 people

        1. It was neither teasing nor bitchy, and certainly not intended as either, and for the life of me I don’t understand why you would leap to interpret it as such.

          Like

          1. Because it was titled either “Just Curious,” as you have here, or “Anonymous,” which usually means something mean this way comes.

            Like

      1. We had a snack fridge at an old job that the company stocked, and by the end of EVERY week they were out of Diet Coke. I think they got tired of me whining about it, because they put a small bar fridge stocked ONLY with Diet Coke near my desk. (No complaints here.)

        Like

    1. Paula, do you not have withdrawals from the diet Coke? I did when I stopped drinking it each morning when I retired. I still love diet Coke but only consider it a treat.

      Like

      1. I used to drink one very large ice-cold Diet Coke every morning. It was my coffee and I would look forward to that first icy cold swallow of Diet Coke going down my throat. Oh, I LOVED it. Then about 3 years ago I gave up soda and I had both physical and mental withdrawals for a few weeks. After several months of Diet Coke abstinence, I had one at Disneyland and it tasted AWFUL. Haven’t had one since. If I do have a rare soda, I can only tolerate Dr. Pepper and even then I can only drink a few sips before I don’t want it any more.

        Like

        1. Since we have all been pandemicking, or rather some of us have been pandemicking, I have not had fast food much. The two times I have had it now? It doesn’t taste good. Fast food was a part of my balanced breakfast for 54 years, and now it tastes bad.

          Liked by 1 person

    2. It’s the extra step of masking that makes me less tolerant of stores not having things that, you know, are every day things that stores should have. I don’t mean like TP during the beginning of the virus, but the convenience store near me that is out of Dr. Pepper every day at the fountain. How can that not be remedied? Nyah Nyah indeed, Just Paula.

      Like

  26. What?? It’s pronounced AGGG-YEW???All these years I’ve said it wrong, too. I thought it was AAAGGG. Who knew about the YEW?

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.