Grass, revisited

Somebody has eaten grass and then, you know, revisited said grass on my front porch. I discovered this today as I got up and went to the porch. It’s closer to my door than this photo below so you mercifully cannot see it.

I love this picture, by the way. Even though everyone’s trash and recycling is in it. Even though the people across the street have their giant semi in it. It’s more of a complete than a semi.

Look how Eds is staring at me like I hung the damn moon. Which I did, by the way, and I never get credit for it.

The house across the street is empty. Won’t you be my neighbor? I’ve painted such a tempting picture. A Realtor told me recently that this area is “a gem” and will be exploding in popularity soon. I can already see it, actually. Since I’ve moved in at least three other people like me* have bought houses here, and mine is no longer the expensive house. The rich-lady house. I broke the $100,000 mold, paying a big $111,000 for my abode. But just recently there have been houses selling here in the 120s. I know!

Everyone on the West Coast—or the East Coast, really—just fainted. Hey, man, I know. I lived in LA for 10 years. “Oh, this two-bedroom ranch house is cute. And just $885,000! A steal!”

Also, I assume it was a cat and not a hobo. Eating grass and revisiting it, I mean. *And by “people like me” I mean people who didn’t grow up here and get the house handed down to them, which is what most people have going on in this hood. People like me are people who have bought in and not inherited, as it were.

Is it politically incorrect to say hobo now? What is hobo even short for? I’m assuming it’s like Soho.

…I just looked it up. A bum is someone who won’t work. A tramp is someone who works when he has to. And a hobo is someone who is a traveling worker. None of these sound very sensitive. Did all these get invented in the ’30s when people couldn’t help it? Rude.

If I had the chance I would so be a bum. Or a trophy wife. What’s the difference? A trophy wife has to keep up her appearance, a thing I’m not doing, so it’s back to bum. I’ve never understood people who are rich and keep working. Why not lie around? Enjoy the fruits of your laurels?

In general, am scattered today. I still hate everything but what can you do?

I still haven’t heard from the vet about Iris’s test results. I’ve called twice and they are clearly very busy. “Vet’s office. Is this an emergency or can you hold?” So I hate to call them again. I hope today is the day. If the cute-sounding vet does say Iris needs the radiation, or if he recommends it as the best course of action, what I’ll do is come back here, say, TAROT READINGS FOR SALE and you can go to the right of this page if you’re on a desktop, or scroll to the bottom if you’re on your phone, leave a donation in tip jar, then email me—

You know what? Too hard. If he recommends radiation I will come back and put all that info in one place. But what you’ll end up doing is telling me what categories you want me to cover and the amount of time you want me to cover. Like, my love life for the next year. My career for the next two months. Etc.

If he says ear gel we’ll forgo all that, except maybe I’ll still sell tarot readings because I act like Edsel’s cardiologist visit isn’t in a week.

I just found this picture on my Ring, as well. No one has enjoyed a security device as much as I.

By the way, it was not my cats who presented me the grass that had been up inside them. My cats were in all night and this grassy discovery was first thing today. So now some RANDOM cat—hey, why didn’t Ring show me this happening?

…I just checked. Scrolled through the whole night and I can tell you when the neighbors turned off the porch light (around 11:18). No evidence of grass-filled cats coming to my porch. What gives, Ring? God. Maybe it was some sort of ghost cat. Who ate real grass from the great beyond.

Anyway I guess that’s the highlight of today so far, that someone randomly coughed grass onto my porch and I don’t know who. I’ll be back to report on Iris’s health if there’s anything new to report.

The grass is always greener on the other side,
June

52 thoughts on “Grass, revisited

  1. I’d love to see a pic of Milhouse riding the bin while you pull it to the curb! Does he sit or does he stand and ride as if he were surfing?

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      1. Maybe your door camera can catch it or Audra offered. But that might be weird to your neighbors.

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  2. Love your haint blue porch ceiling! Your porch looks like a cozy place to sit and read.
    I must look into some sort of Ring/camera/whatever. Looks like it would be very useful.

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  3. June, did you get a box delivered yesterday? (I distrust all delivery reliability during pandemic.)
    I love that porch so much. I do appreciate a porch for sittin’, and that neighborhood just asks for it (like the older lady who reads her paper in the evening).

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  4. Would it be fun to see a week in the life of your ring camera? I mean, it would be fun for me, but it would be you who would have to search for the interesting stills and provide the explanations. Does it capture people walking on the sidewalk? Mail delivery? Lookie-loos?

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  5. I concur – cute front porch, and love the pic of Edsel staring at you lovingly. I wonder if we should get cameras – the side of our house is where the action is so a doorbell one might not work. We come and go through our side entry garage, in and out, constant. Someone slashed our tires the day before Thanksgiving. The nerve – no idea how we didn’t see them, because someone here is in and out of the house constantly and it was done at 5:25 pm – in a 10 minute window of people coming and going. Oh, then I would get fun video of my crazy neighbor stomping over to collect her Amazon stuff that often gets delivered here by mistake . . . she gets ticked as if I call up Amazon and whisper my address to them and beg them to deliver it here.

    The puked up grass, ugh. So gross.

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    1. I met the new renters next door when I heard someone yelling on my porch. She was on the phone with Amazon and her package of cat stuff including a heavy box of litter had opened, so she was hauling things one by one over to her house while yelling at the people on the phone for delivering it to the wrong house. She showed me the slip which clearly stated it was to go to the BROWN house next door, not my BLUE one. Then she sent me chocolates and some booze at Xmas to apologize. LIke it totally inconvenienced me to have the amusement of watching someone else get mad at Amazon. 😀

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  6. How many of us were Hobos for Halloween? Me, twice. Sigh. Yeah, we thought nothing of it as our mother’s merrily dragged out stuff we could wear. Yes, times have certainly changed.

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    1. I absolutely was a hobo one year for Halloween. My parents had a whole slew of costumes and I wore my dad’s stuff. He even shared his technique for blacking out a front tooth. I guess his version of a hobo had a missing tooth.

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    2. A hobo was the go-to Halloween costume when your parents wouldn’t buy you a boxed princess costume with the plastic mask. All you had to do was raid your dad’s closet, rub dirt on your face, tie a bandana to a stick to carry over your shoulder and voila! Halloween Hobo. Never mind that I wanted to be a princess or a ballerina. Nope. I was stuck being a hobo.

      Bitter Moment #27.

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    3. Please , someone, enlighten me about what kids/people can dress up as for Halloween without offending someone?This is getting so ridiculous I can’t even stand it anymore.

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  7. That top picture is a doozy. (That was my grandmother’s superlative of choice). Everything is beautiful, you, your robe, your adoring pooch, the spic and span (minus grass once returned) porch, the beautiful ceiling, the neighborly neighborhood, and summertime when the livin’ is easy. You’ve made it all beautiful Miss June.

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      1. Thanks, sweet Megsie. I’m fine. My coping strategy is to put on a CD of opera arias and let those beautiful voices do the wailing for me while I have a cup of coffee. When they’re done, I’m done, and it’s back in harness. What’s going on with you and teaching for fall? I’m so glad I’m retired!

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        1. I am all online this fall. I have been working on my syllabus all day–almost done for Comp. I am teaching a new class to me this fall, so I have been READING like crazy to prepare. I haven’t even started to write the curriculum, though. I have 3 weeks! EEEEeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!

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  8. June, you have an excellent view! Mr. Texas would like for us to get a Ring, but here’s the prob. Our front door and porch create a little U-shape of walls. The doorbell doesn’t face the street; it faces sideways. Thus we would have hours and hours of riveting video of? Our mail slot.

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    1. Texas Kari, my brother and sister both got Arlo outdoor cameras which are easy to mount, can be moved, and offer crystal clear pictures. I’d definitely get them for the back if we weren’t moving in 2 weeks. My Arizona brother got his to monitor the alley behind his house and my sister got hers so they can monitor the state of their house from wherever they have had to evacuate to from whichever hurricane comes through. Just a thought.

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  9. Love the ring photos too. You and your boys look so cute on your adorable porch. I like your robe!

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  10. Lovely post, Coot. I hope itbis earvg3l not not radiation.
    I used to live in a neighborhood where one block over was meth city. It kept life interesting. But we made friends with most of them and they became highly protective of me and my daughter. They caught a guy trying to break into my daughters car and rang my doorbell at 2 am. Then the neighborhood got gentrified and we just had boring neighbors. No more come on down to the methhead city where the lights are bright and the girls aren’t pretty.

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  11. Loved the photo of you an Edsel on your lovely porch. Those chairs remind me of my grandmother’s porch, which are great memories for me. And the blue ceiling is perfect. I’m probably wrong (I didn’t google), but didn’t the term hobo come from the depression when men would travel from place to place looking for some type of work. Hey, the value of your house has already gone up and you didn’t have to do a single improvement, that’s good news. I’m still hoping the gel on the ears will be the help little Iris needs. The grass on the porch might have been left by a cat that was under the Ring radar, in other words, they might not have walked up the steps but slinked along the house out off the alert range of Ring. How about an acorn for your gang sign.

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      1. Fences, paved driveways, swimming pools don’t add value to a house, but location, location, location does per my certified appraisal friend. That’s why I don’t want to spend money to pave our driveway, the gravel has served us well.
        Tee

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  12. You look so cute in the Ring picture with Milhous walking you to the steps. Ring has proved to be an entertaining birthday gift, plus I like the glimpse of your painted porch ceiling.

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  13. On being a neighbor of Joon (and Edz)… I offer my favorite Katharine Hepburn quote:
    “Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.
    Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” ~KH

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  14. I need a Ring. We have a boring camera alarm system but it is in black and white.
    You look cute in your pony tail. I have been sporting one all summer – without the sport.

    Laurie in NB, Canada

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  15. The pictures from the Ring are really good. Seeing your street made me think about the neighbor driving his lawn mower into the chaos and made me giggle.

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  16. I love your little front porch. Initially misspelled that as “portch” and I kind of like that. Anyway, you look cute with a ponytail!

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  17. I would love your neighborhood!

    I love having Ring and getting alerts for a 2 mile radius too. Some are super creepy and grainy. My Ring story is that ours went off in the middle of the night and I didn’t hear it but my husband did. So being “the man” he went downstairs and out the front door to look around. Which set off the Ring again and this time I heard it. When I pulled up the video I saw a man lurking on the front porch. I had several seconds of sheer panic that I lived through before realizing that it was the man I’ve been married to for almost 30 years. Anyway, I’m quite confident in my heart health now.

    Also my dog (FRIDAY!) knows the alert tone on my phone for Ring and immediately goes to the door and starts barking, which is his job and he does it well and is greatly compensated for it 🙂

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  18. Like yellow snow, stay way from that kind of green grass….

    Also, I covet your adorable porch, and its furniture!

    Happy Friday! I hope HawtVet calls today and you get to make a plan.

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