T4 2

I’m a little bit on edge for two reasons: One, Edsel is in the backyard and didn’t want to come in and I know any second now he’s gonna bark at a passerby or do something else that’s gonna make me have to jump up and run out there. The second reason is I have to take Iris to the vet at 8:30 and it’s already 7:34. I act like this is a crisis of major proportions, but really if it gets close to the time to go I can just, you know, stop typing and come back to this blog when I’m done. I could even take you with me in the car and finish typing at the vet’s office parking lot, as I am not allowed to go in like I’m in one of the lower caste systems or something.

Also, my coffee has no taste. It came out glittery and singing Coldplay. So now I’m all, is it weak coffee or is it COVID? Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s plague-belline.

…Ah, good. I can smell the hydrogen peroxide on my hands. Good, good. I have hydrogen peroxide on my hands because I have a canker sore the size of a dinner plate because of course I do; what stress? So I’ve been pouring hydrogen P on it. That’s its rap name.

The vet called me Friday with Iris’s lab results. Iris has high T4s or low T4s. Whatever a T4 is, hers was not good. He gave me the radiation/pills option and he said, “I see you called about the ear gel. We can try it but my experience is that isn’t very effective.”

Then he was totally you guys, where no one believes me about pills and Iris. I mean, you all believe me but are convinced there’s a way to trick her like I haven’t pondered tricks in all this time. I told him how for 9 years she has been a nightmare about pills, and how last summer I had to give her steroids each day and she just eventually spent all her time hiding from me. He acted like I haven’t had cats all my life.

“Did you try hiding it in her food?” he asked. “Did you try a pill pocket?”

Here’s the thing. And I do it too. Before we give advice that’s at the very top of the barrel, the very first thing anyone would do, perhaps we should pause and consider what we’re saying.

“Have you tried Excedrin for migraine, June?”

“What about water? Might you just be dehydrated, JOOOOON?”

Anyway. So we’re going with radiation, which means she will be cured of hyperthyroidism. The cost is $1,675. I am selling tarot readings to help pay for it and I will put a link to my tip jar here: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/JuneGardens. If you want a reading, please in the notes section of PayPal, tell me you want a reading. Some people are all, here’s a tip for that cat but don’t give me any tarot reading, you devil worshiper.

Tell me if there’s a specific thing you want to know (love? money? family? health?) and what period of time, if any, you want me to look at.

I’m in the middle of an intense time at work, so I haven’t gotten as many readings done as I’d like but I WILL do them. So far I’ve read like 5 or 6 of you. It’s been fun! This should so be my profession. June Gardens: Tarot reader.

So that was Friday, getting that all set up with the vet. He needs a urine sample from poor Iris which I’m sure will make her happy and that’s why we need to be there at 8:30.

I worked late Friday and fell into bed resentfully.

Saturday I got up and worked. I know! TGIF! TGIS!

Finally I put my work away and showered then got the hell out of the house. I took one of my drives out to the country, which always puts me at ease other than the Confederate flags.

Then on Sunday there was an earthquake. I woke up like I was Linda Blair, with the bed shaking and all, and because I was half-awake it took a moment to figure out what was happening, but what usually happens in an earthquake is once you’ve caught on, it’s over. Not this one. This one rolled for quite awhile.

I was in the bedroom with Edsel, but he didn’t have any reaction at all. I imagine the cats wrote their congressmen but I didn’t think to check on them and it’s a shame God never saw fit to grant me children, what with my maternal instincts and all. My instinct was to stampede to Facebook and tell everyone about my earthquake while my cats were out there with their ears back.

Then I got out of bed and worked.

I also made one of my HelloFresh meals, which included a salad, and I was so excited. I know this is odd but I’ve craved salad. Since I don’t go to the store myself anymore I never think to order salad things, and I was delighted to have one from How’s it going, Fresh. It had four super greens, not just mediocre greens, and then an apple I sliced really thin. I made my own dressing with the expensive vinegar. I was so thrilled. I put it in the fridge while the fish cooked.

Finally everything was ready and I got the salad out. I was about to set it on the table when it

SLIPPED

out of my hands, and

CRASHED

into 8 hundred million tiny shards of glass. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen something shard so hard. The salad was impossible unless I wanted lettuce under glass.

…Just now, I finally got too nervous about Edsel being outside without me and went to see what the hell he was doing out there.

Just hangin’. Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper. Hangin’ with Mrs. Pooper. Look at all the fallen pears. I had no time to wash my floors or pick up pears because it was either work or do something do calm down all weekend.

Sunday’s do-something-to-calm-down involved driving to work and walking on the greenway we always used to walk on at 3:00. It’s something we did for years and hope we pick back up once we can go back. Once I saw someone from another department throw us shade on Facebook. “If only we had time for a walk every day like the creative team.” Right. We don’t kill ourselves at work at all. If only we had time to watch what other people were doing.

Anyway, when I got to work I had a notification from the fine folks at Ring doorbells that someone was at my door but when I looked it was just me leaving my own house.

It was a cute video of me leaving, so I put it on Facebook then got out of the car to take my walk.

PLOOK!

PLINK!

PLOINK!

My phone was constantly going off with notifications. Texts, IMs from Facebook, you know the drill. And mostly they were about the video I’d just put up. Why do we need to discuss my Facebook post on another forum, first of all, and second of all, IT SHOWS ME LEAVING. I’M NOT HOME.

I didn’t have my reading glasses with me, either, so I couldn’t quite see the messages but everyone who messaged me kept FOLLOWING UP and I could see one person was getting offended that I wasn’t answering immediately. (!!!!)

I spoke into my phone to everyone who was plunking me: “Hi. I’m out and can’t talk right now” and every single person REPLIED AGAIN with MANY WORDS and in sum it was the least-relaxing walk I ever took. Once I told you guys I took a walk with no phone and you all had 40 fits and told me I HAD to take a phone because what if I’m KILLED, so I do and now look at the mess you made.

Then I saw this in the sidewalk and said fuck it and went home.

Then I tried to relax in my back yard but I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SIT DOWN before a neighbor hung over my fence and talked at me till the sun went down. Picture me with a grim expression, listening to someone talk while my drink grows warm on the table and the sun leaves the building.

So that was my weekend and now I must take Iris to pee in a cup.

Life, laugh, love,
June

P.S. I did end up taking you with me to the vet. Now I’m in the parking lot typing into a laptop like a giant loser.

32 Comments

  1. Sorry to bother you but I think people may be having trouble using the link to PayPal which is in the middle of your blog page.
    That link is http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/my/profile

    When you click on that link it asks a person to log in. At that point it takes the person to her own profile and her own paypal.me site.

    The link that works is the one that is under your Tip Jar.
    That link is http://www.paypal.com/paypalme/JuneGardens

    That link takes you to a page where we can put in numbers, the amount we want to send.
    I hope this helps.

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  2. Joooon, have you tried just lying down for a little while when you get a migraine?

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  3. Hi June. I encourage your readers to take a walk on the wild side and get a Tarot reading from you. It’s better than going to Confession; better than 10 sessions with my therapist (phone of course); better than the brief high one experiences after signing up for Weight Watchers newest version of WW Online; as satisfying as a big bowl of buttered popcorn, paired with a icy glass of Diet Coke or Ice Tea, while binge watching Bravo Channel’s “House Wives of (fill in the blanks – especially after you call in fake sick to your Boss, hehehehe. My point is: believe it or not – the Tarot card reading via June Gardens is an interesting glimpse inside her mind, as it glimpses inside of YOUR mind. I loved it. The “advice” has already started to come true. I was cautious in a certain situation as the Tarot card “advised.” And it’s really good that I was cautious. If left to my own reaction – I would have come out swinging (at the situation) but instead, I was uncharacteristically cautious. Instead of a “no”, I was offered a big reward.

    I wish Iris well and know that pussy cat will feel better after the treatment. I went for the “cut it out of my body” option and must take a thyroid pill every day for the rest of my life. I am confident that Iris will feel more energetic.

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  4. Much like Paula who starts reading fast when you are in a hurry, I start stressing out when you are under pressure. I hope a ton of people sign up for the readings. Mine was really interesting and fun. You called it when you basically said someone close to me would be moving. My son is leaving on the 15th and riding out the rest of the year in Hawaii. So you are accurate!!

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  5. Thanks for the great post. Sorry to busy, have you called Angie’s List?

    We heard the quake rather than felt it. There was a sound as though a great heavy barrel was rolling down the roof, followed by a great crack, followed by a sharp high pitched sound. I heard my husband say, “What’s that?” I was sound asleep and apparently answered with I don’t know and I don’t care. I remember saying that I don’t know, thought I just thought the I don’t care part. Guess not. My level of concern was not considered sufficient.

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  6. Did you tell the vet he was being “Captain Obvious” ? It is frustrating – but I know I do that to my kids sometimes – “did you drink water today?, have you tried bio freeze for that sore leg? – ” And I love their eye rolls ! ha ha

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  7. I feel your stress! And I thought of you when seeing the earthquake news, I thought, uh ohhhh, what else can happen to her! Sent a tip, no reading necessary, love the photos.

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  8. I was wondering how your hood did during the shake down yesterday. I’m in Northern CA, we shake quite a bit and are constantly waiting on The Big One. I often am surprised by the folks in the southern region who claim to take hurricanes & tornados over earthquakes any day – I think a short shake vs a blown down town would be prefered but who knows?! I”m just back to work (from home again & still) after our annual two week shutdown and it’s complete chaos….I’ve been sympathizing with your work load and simultaneously dreading going back to mine. My brother’s moving to Charlotte next month and I’m looking forward to visiting soon, your NC pictures are gorgeous and I can’t wait to buy from Kit’s store in person.
    Lord that is the most random assortment of comments & sentences…..I blame the Monday workload, triple cups of also tasteless coffee and plague-belline. Hope your week is looking up soon.

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  9. I am so sorry that you have had so much work–and that it is so anxiety inducing. I hope you find some down-time soon. I am glad you have a plan for Iris that will relieve her.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  10. Sorry your peace was destroyed. Maybe headphones in your ears and sunglasses? Wouldn’t work if she is really determined I suppose. I had a quiet night and good sleep FINALLY and it was wonderful. I really get miserable without it. I can’t imagine mothering a squalling infant but I am old now. I adore my pets but far more when they are quiet and let me sleep!

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  11. So much here . . . How about the other dept calling you guys out for walking? Bigger losers than someone typing in a car is what I say.

    I do not do much on Facebook but I do look for new babysitting jobs on a moms’ group. I will have twin 5 month olds this school year, so not really all that interested in adding more. Anyway the FB pings when 15 moms on the Irish dancing group (that I must be part of because my daughter dances) decide to ask dumb questions or say something that would NEVER interest the entire group and then everyone RESPONDS to be cute- makes me CRAZY. I swear one day I’m gonna be that salty mom who responds to say NO TIME FOR YOUR DRIVEL. My kids beg me to not be that mom. So I will continue to grumble in frustration and grab my phone when I hear the ping. So, yes – I feel your pain.

    Good luck with the pills and the pee, or if she is doing radiation does that mean no pills?

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  12. Love the picture of Eds relaxing with Lily. When he saw you, he seemed to ask, “Whut?”. And my favorite picture is the first one of the sunbeams through the trees.

    I just hit your tip jar. No reading required.

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  13. Excellent post, June! It’s shocking what a little change of scenery will do, isn’t it?! This weekend our neighbors were out of town so we hung out at their pool, and it made me feel so refreshed. It’s the closest I’ll get to a vacation this year.

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  14. I’m sorry. Hate it when you need a good relax and it doesn’t happen.

    We need answering machines for text messages while we can’t answer. I guess there may be automatic replies you can set but still. Pain.

    Maybe you need a nice gazebo in the backyard so neighbours can’t see you.

    I suggest going to Sonic or something for a nice cold drink and a snack of your choice.

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  15. I guess you could suggest you run her over there every time she needs a pill and the vet could do it? Sometimes peeps just do not get it.
    And water for dehydration is a daily thing not a one time thing.
    Thanks for updating at the vets. We love you!!!!!!!!!!!

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  16. What happened with the coffee? Why so weak? I intensely dislike when my coffee is off; sets the tone for the day.
    Maybe it’s plague-belline. You’re a treasure, Joon.

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  17. I had a friend who was spending $100 a month on migraine meds WHO HAD NEVER TRIED EXCEDRIN. So, yeah, go ahead and complain, I will not stop telling people about the wonders of Excedrin Migraine.

    Hy-P is the rap name, by the way. Get with it, Joooon.

    I woke up yesterday morning and read about the earthquake and remembered that I had had a dream where I was worrying where to go if there was an earthquake while I was walking outside near the golf course. So I must have felt it, too. My husband didn’t believe me when I told him this. IT WAS MY DREAM. For better or for worse, but damned if he’ll take my word for something.

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  18. Ha! Did you consider hiding it in her food? Vet’s think their human patients are insanely stupid, don’t they? I’ve been in this office for 10 years with no fewer than 4 different dogs and gee, I expected her to go pop the bottle cap off and line them up in her days of the week box? I bought a cutter that was designed to make lunch time fun for toddlers – covered the pill in peanut butter, rolled it in a piece of ham, hollowed out a small chunk of cheese with the cutter, slid the ham covered with peanut butter into the hole – place in bottom of bowl under normal dog food. Even did this frequently so she never knew if there was a pill inside and it wasn’t a special event. That dog whipped out her surgical kit for dissection and at the end of her meal, left a slightly soggy pill in the very center of the bowl. She licked it so she ingested some medicine, right? I’m considering this round a win.
    This was the 8lb dog who always wanted to go on a walk but would randomly lay down on the sidewalk and she was done = sometimes it was two miles from the house, other times 2 neighborhood streets. Remit me back to my home, servant!
    Snarky side eye comments from co workers Lu Annoy.

    Happy field tripping, Iris! Lovely post, pretty June.

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  19. Lovely post Coot.
    In this time of our confinement it is a wonder we don’t all have hives. I hope things go well for Iris.
    Saturday I needed a break from my husband’s incessant chatter. I grabbed my book and sat in the couch. He came and sat next to me and began chatting. He was chatting while I was trying to read. I went to the spare bedroom and he came un there and began nattering on about the garbage disposal. I finally gave up and went and sat in the kitchen while he installed the aforementioned disposal. Canker sore? I’ll raise you a battering husband.

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  20. Dear June;
    I would like to contribute to the radiation of Iris. She will be radiant. Is there a way other than paypal that I could use? I had a paypal account at one time but had such problems with it that I closed it. When I tried to use the tip jar it wanted me to sign in. So, how can I help? is there another way that I can contribute?

    Thank you;

    Laurie in NB, Canada

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  21. It really sucks that in the Time of Covid, we can’t accompany our pet into the vets office. Sending positive thoughts that this treatment works for Iris.

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  22. Good luck at the vet, but you’re probably already finished there and on your way home by now. I must take one of my dogs to the vet today, too. Not looking forward to it.

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  23. Maybe it’s plague-belline! I totally believe you about Miss Iris, the nightmare pill taker, because I have her sister here in my house. No pill pockets, pill masker, pill crushing, pill anything will work. So it’s full out ninja mode, sneaking up on her with a few pro wrestling moves (she’s 18 lbs of PISSED at that point), and then I don’t see her for the rest of the day. Some days, I get the pill in, some days I don’t and she’s a bitz.

    I felt no need to comment on your leaving your house video. Although I was tempted to say “Dat ass tho….”

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  24. I still have the Scary Sundays even though every day is a WFH day now. Will that go away? When I retire will I still sleep fitfully on Sunday nights? (Also, I worked last night, too, so I also kinda feel like weekend? what weekend?)

    Hope Iris pees in a cup like the dainty, people-pleasing little kitty that she is. And that radiation works! (Ooh… can we call her Radium Girl now?)

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  25. Next time you take me with you please leave the window down so I can sit up in it and see the world? Thx

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