The one where June is tired and makes little, if any, sense-a-line-a-da

I know I know I know I know I know. I haven’t written here in forever. I am too dang busy for my own good. So now it’s 5:13 and I technically COULD still be working, god knows I have work to do, but I’ve already worked 8 hours and I am full. My brain is full. So I will write you now, till 6:15-ish, when I have to get ready for my trainer.

First of all, does anyone know what I can do about the canker sore the size of a dinner plate I have residing inside my mouth-al area? Usually I have them a day or two and they dissipate, but not this one. Nooo. I’ve swished hydrogen peroxide around there a hundred and nine times. …I guess that’s all I’ve done. Other than complain about it to anyone who will listen.

Today I had a brief exchange with Thousandman, my boss, fmr. Not to be confused with the boss, fmr., who refuses to believe Billie Jo McAllister threw a baby off the Tallahatchie Bridge. That’s ANOTHER boss, fmr. The only thing I can remember about Thousandman being my boss is that his real name actually has the word “gross” in it and I legitimately thought a gross was a thousand, except a gross isn’t a thousand. What is it? Ten? I forget. Anyway I called him Thousandman, thinking I was World’s Most Clever, and yet I was World’s Most Unclever. I was the writer of the Bazooka Gum comic, that’s how unclever.

The point is, haven’t seen or talked to Thousandman, my boss, fmr., since, you know, February, and he was all, “Hey, how you doing, anyway?” and I said, “Oh, I have a canker sore the size of a dinner plate. You?”

No one likes to hear from me.

In other news, Lilly the person’s friend is at Lilly the person’s house getting his kitten, the Siamese-ish kitten that for a few blissful weeks was potentially MY kitten.

But you know what I really can’t handle right now? A kitten.

The vet called to say I love you. The vet called to say how much I care. The vet called. To say. I lovvvvve you. And the vet means it from the bottom of his heart.

No.

The vet called to say Iris’s info/urine sample is all ready and all I have to do is call the radiation place to make her appointment to get her thyroid radiated. I meant to call this afternoon but see above re busy.

Also, I feel guilty. I have a neighbor whom I have been helping out when I can, but it’s getting to the knock-every-day point and today I answered and said, “I’m really on a deadline and cannot talk.” I really was on a deadline and really couldn’t talk, but I feel bad. It seems like a thing in this neighborhood, though. You give an inch and they take a pizza. Remember that? When I got pizza and the one neighbor knocked and said, “Can I have a piece of pizza”? I had also been helping him when I could, with matches, water, never money. Once Ned gave that guy $20 and said, “Please look out for June.” Do you know what that guy has never done? Is look out for old June. I guess he DID look out when the pizza delivery guy came.

Anyway. Tomorrow night I drive over to Lilly the person’s house and get one of her black kittens, not to be confused with my Siamese kitten I almost had and not to be confused with the boss who didn’t believe they threw a baby off that bridge. I am taking said kitten with me on Friday to Charlotte, where Edsel has an appointment with his cardiologist

“Tallulah. Eds be comin’ to join Lu, honey.”

and while I am waiting outside for Eds to have his heart checked out, I am meeting up with and inevitably catching coronavirus from my friend Marianne, who was running low on cats and offered to take one of Lilly the person’s kittens.

Lilly the person. Not to be confused with Lily my cat or the Siamese kitten or my boss or the baby that went sailing off the Tallahatchie Bridge.

Good god.

I have to go. I mean, I don’t HAVE to go, but I might catch up on a few of your tarot readings. Twelve of you asked me for them and I have read six of them so far. Remember, if you made a donation to Iris’s radiation and did not leave me a note in PayPal saying you wanted a reading, I do not know that you want a reading. So email me here at junegardens16@gmail.com ONLY if you want a reading. Use the subject title “Tarot.” Thanks! Thanks for the donations for Iris!

I’ve been letting her sleep with me because she’s sick, and I have to tell you Iris is the best little sleeper ever. She lines up her spine with yours and never fusses. If you roll over, she just moves over to where your spine is now. She is spine-align-a-da.

Have I mentioned I’m too busy? And coming up with phrases like spine-align-a-da? It literally makes no sense.

Talk to you, except talking hurts the canker sore I have that is the size of a dinner plate.
June. Not to be confused with the month. Or June Allyson for Depends. Or my boss, who threw a baby off a bridge.

59 Comments

  1. Hi June, I used to get canker sores almost every other month. Last year, a doctor suggested that I may be allergic to sulfates and to try Sensodyne toothpaste because it’s sulfate free. The canker sores went from 100% to 1% immediately. It was a miracle after suffering from them for about 10 years. And about two years ago, another doctor recommended that I use Colgate Peroxyl Antiseptic Oral Cleanser. Swish it around in your mouth; gargle too so it gets down to any sores way back there in the throat. Do this every few hours and take Acetaminophen if you can. All of this numbs the pain and heals the sores.

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  2. L-lysine doesn’t work for everyone. Alum works and is inexpensive. Easiest route might be to ask your dentist for a prescription for miracle (or magic) mouthwash. Magic mouthwash is typically compounded by a pharmacy and most often contains anticholinergic agents such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl); an anesthetic, such as lidocaine; and an antacid or mucosal coating agent, such as magnesium or aluminum hydroxide, kaolin, or sucralfate.

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  3. I get cold and canker sores. My grandfather swore that a little Campho-Phenique worked on anything. He also mentioned that it would burn like a son of bitch. It does! I use the small tube not the bottle. The Campo-Phenique works like a charm on the cold sores. I usually do the peroxide thing for the cankers. Maybe try the Campo-Phenique? These days It is not easy to find. So I order it on Amazon.

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  4. Many canker sore cures have already been discussed but something I don’t think anyone has mentioned: tartar control toothpaste can make them worse and/or interfere with healing them. So if your toothpaste has tarter control, change to another kind until the sore has healed. (If you are prone to canker sores, avoid tartar control for everyday use.)

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  5. When I’ve had a canker sore but did not have any of the remedies listed here on hand I’ve put some baking soda on the spot. It’s not necessarily tasty or anything but it does help. You could also rinse with it.

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  6. Crush up a painkiller and put A little of it on the sore through out the day. It seems to heal faster and you get some pain relief. Also, maybe try salt water to swish your mouth. Hope it goes away soon. Canker scores are the worst to have.

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    1. I thought that was cold sores? Because L-Lysine fights with herpes (which causes cold sores). I use a L-lysine gel on the cats whenever they seem sniffly because they all had upper respiratory illnesses and in cats that’s a form of herpes.

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  7. So many canker sore cures! I’ve always used that Ora-jel and it creates a little skin so stuff doesn’t burn when you eat or drink. I’ll check into the lysine as well. I’ve been on the zinc for the past year, due to my weird skin condition. Maybe that helps both the canker sores and the covid, as I’ve had neither. Ahead of my time.

    Edsel gets to be a kitten-whisperer for one night. How fun.

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  8. I used the glyoxide liquid that Lisa Pie mentioned when I used to get them. I don’t seem to anymore and I do take prebiotic (special women’s heavy duty ones for GI and bladder and VAG health. Female diabetics are more prone to UTIs and yeast infections. It works.) I always took zinc with colds. I take it daily now due to living in a top plague state.
    I had a nightmare that I was back at the Shoportunistic store under new ownership and the work was piled on ridiculously and Michael had cancer too. He got cancer years after I left that job. OY. I think it was a bit Joon inspired. I REALLY hope things let up for you soon.

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    1. Michael appears in a dream and it’ s not some mystical message or vision like a lot of people say they get. Instead he needed me. HIS boss was harassing him too. OY. I’m sure his boss now (the Big man in heaven) is AOK with him. Michael was a workaholic with poor boundaries. He took a day off to go to my beloved aunt’s aunts viewing and repast. My aunt was the sweetest woman and dropped dead of a heart attack completely unexpectedly. We were married thirty years and he loved her too. His boss told him he was disappointed in him for taking the day off. He was generally a good and generous man but that one really pissed me off.

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  9. Funny post. I hope Edsel’s visit to the cardiologist goes well. That’s really sweet of you to deliver the kitten to its new owner (staff). I’ve always gone to the dentist when I’ve had a mouth sore, he would paint it with some type of silver that burned like crazy, but it helped with the pain and healing.

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  10. I am trying not to feel left out for NOT ever having a kanker sore. What is wrong with me? Hoping one of these remedies helps. I do not know a single Lilly. You seem to have more than your share. Good luck at the cardiologist.

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  11. This was a whirlwind of a post! I laughed my way right through it! I am so sorry about your canker sore. You have a menu of things to try now, though.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  12. I have a terrible neighbor story for you, but I don’t want to tire you out even more, so I shall keep it for another day if you ever find yourself with time on your hands and no sores in your mouth.

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  13. What is the wart trick please my right hand is perilously close to becoming just a wart that holds my coffee cup

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    1. Sigh. This comment began as a reply to Cheryl but my wart hand mangled that. Can’t find the “delete comment” option

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      1. I can’t say this is a safe cure or that I am recommending it but I once had some warts on my hand and went to the doctor twice to have the freeze ’em off treatment and that didn’t work. About a month or so later I scrubbed my kitchen floor with diluted Pine-Sol and a couple days later they were gone and have not come back.

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    2. Weirdly enough, duct tape. Starves the wart of oxygen or something. Works for my kids. And it’s free, so it’s a low investment risk 🙂

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  14. Yes to the canker sore advice you’ve already received (I’m late!!) My younger son gets canker sores CONSTANTLY and he’s found that Lysine (in the vitamin aisle) makes them go away faster and Kanka Mouth Pain Liquid helps tremendously. He’s also kept an eye on his diet to see what causes them and dark sodas (Coke, Pepsi, etc) will make them pop up more than clear soda (Sprite, ginger ale.) Good luck!

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  15. If you want that canker sore to go away overnight, crush up a zinc tablet and put it on the sore. It will hurt like hell. When you can’t stand it (after about a minute) rinse with water. It’ll be gone quickly after that. It’s probably not worth a drive to the store if you don’t already have zinc in the house. And/but also, if you do end up going to the store, they make some liquid stuff in a bottle that you put on the sore to numb it. It won’t get rid of it, but it won’t hurt as bad.

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  16. So sorry about those kinds of people…the inch takers.

    My sweetheart boy Siamese who recently passed away was the best cuddler. He would sleep pressed up against me and if I shifted, he would wait patiently untill I was settled again and then he followed.

    Not huff off and write his MP and contact the RSPCA. Like a normal asshole cat. Lol.

    Anyway. Love the Sanford reference. And now I’m going to chuckle to myself whenever I think of it.

    Lu? Lu? I’m coming, Lu, you hear me?
    God. Lol.

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  17. I used to get those canker sores everytime I was under a lot of stress. I started using lysine, you can pick it up in a health food store, and when it’s bad I will take one every two hours. Its the only thing that helps.

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  18. I always used powdered alum on canker sores. Stings like the devil for a little while (think of a face all squeeged up) but clears them right up. You can get it in the seasoning aisle … people use it to make pickles I think.

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  19. I was so excited to see a post! I read it in a hurry, Paula style, and then rushed here to comment. My son’s dentist recommended peroxil mouthwash and it seems to work quickly for my son. I’m not sure if it has anything extra in it that you wouldn’t get with straight peroxide.

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  20. My mom said her mom used a dab of cream of tartar. So, it’s what I always use. The canker sore does go away pretty quickly.
    Ouch.

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  21. You are in rare form. Actually, you are always in rare form even when you are busy, busy, busy. Thanks for the smiles and for being the kitten road companion. Hope all goes well with Iris and Edsel. And you, too.

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  22. Canker sores visit me if I ingest anything very acidic like tomatoes, etc. and they hurt like hell.
    An old wive’s tale that really works but stings a bit initially? That old fashioned septic pencil that men dab on their face after they cut themselves while shaving. Just a quick dab on the canker sore, a little sting and it heals quickly. Honest.
    I have used it for years.

    If you want to know how to get rid of planter warts on your feet, hands etc. I know that one too. The remedy is from a book on witch craft.

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      1. Okay. Take a blank piece of white paper, like printer paper, set your hand or foot that has the wart onto the paper and trace the hand or foot. Take the paper with the traced outline and circle where the wart is. Write your name (first and last) on the paper and than burn the paper. That’s it. For some crazy reason, you seem to forget you even had a wart there and when you go to check it, it’s gone.
        My husband’s nephew found it in an old book of witchcraft nearly 40 years ago. I was very skeptical at first, but it has worked on me, family members and friends.
        Try it. It only costs the price of a piece of white paper.

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  23. My Lordt- I think I read that whole post without taking a breath. Whew! What a mile-a-minute day!
    I put Ora-gel on mouth sores. It’s really for teething babies. I doubt it helps heal, but it definitely relieves the pain. I’ve always heard hydrogen peroxide is harsh on wounds. It kills infection but also damages healthy tissue and slows healing. Is that true?

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  24. Probiotics. Bacid is what I used to use. Make a paste with it and put it directly on the canker sore. Works like a charm.

    Also? Bland diet. Limit acidic foods for a while. No tomatoes, no coffee (I know) – very bland. Good news? It allows mashed potatoes! Green peas. Cream soups.

    Your Pal,
    Dr. Lisa

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  25. Sorry about the added problem of a canker sore. I’ve not had them but my late husband had many! A comment earlier said that stress causes them? That sounds about right. My hubs was my designated worrier. Such a nice guy, but he was a worrier.

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  26. When I had a canker sore I made sure to stop eating so much citrus. It always happened after I received the box of oranges for the high school band fund raiser, so I’ve made an I-have-no-medical-degree diagnosis. To get rid of the pain I used Orajel.

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  27. L-lysine two times a day, and I swear to Bob, Camphophenique in the green bottle. Apply it often even if it is INSIDE your mouth, just don’t swallow (thats what she said).
    Oh and Jube, breath.

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  28. I take Lysine 500 mg capsules for those awful sores inside the mouth. I take it when I start getting one, and it keeps it from fully “blooming”. It also speeds healing, which lessens the pain.

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  29. The only thing I know about canker sores is that when you are at your wit’s end and can’t believe how awful it is, that is the day they start getting better. I used to use some stuff called Gly-Oxide on them, but honestly I don’t think anything really helps. It’s stress.

    And in the midst of all this stress, thank you ever so much for coming here to blog at us!

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  30. You’ll have an overnight kitten guest! That should warm Edsel’s heart. Guilt re: needy neighbor is rough. Be kind to yourself.

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  31. I have also heard that lysine works for preventing and helping get ride of canker sores. I haven’t tried it, but it’s in my saved for later portion of my amazon cart. I just put everything that anyone talks about in my amazon cart and save for later when I have something to actually buy.

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  32. Girl, how much coffee have you had today? You are wonderful to be the kitten distributor for the wider tri-county area. Your vet visits sound like the last couple of years with our moms, always going to the doctor or the grocery store. I get jealous at the dr. now when I see other middle aged kids with their parents…

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  33. I laughed all the way through this post. Especially at the Fred Sanford reference, which I should not because I love Eds so and do not wish for him to join Lu just yet. Sorry for your canker sore!

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    1. It is also possible June’s neighbor doesn’t work and she doesn’t think June has hours she works either.
      I don’t think you were being rude or anything, just the facts ma’am.
      Kitten time.

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