June talks pretty

I have a friend who’s very funny, and she also happens to be really pretty. Like, amazingly pretty. She had a blog, back in the day when you had blogs. Imagine still having a blog now. Heh. Sad.

Anyway, she was hilarious, so she got a bit of a following. And as was the case back in those heady blogging days of the early 2000s, you didn’t put pictures of yourself up much. She would tell long, funny stories with no pictures. This was back when we all actually thought thoughts and read words and didn’t scroll pictures with our mouths open 9 hours a day. We had attention spans and could read words.

(I worry that the internet is the worst thing that ever happened to any of us, even though I wouldn’t know any of you or even have Edsel if it weren’t for the internet. You know how we’re all hating each other’s guts now about politics? It’s because we spent the first portion of our lives peacefully enjoying confirmation of bias. You hated a politician, all your friends hated that politician, or you assumed they all did because you never brought it up. All was right in your world. Then you get the internet, and social media, and you start hearing from people you’d never have talked to otherwise, like the dude you went to elementary school with who never moved out of your hometown and likely uses the N word on the reg. And THAT guy never knew he’d have to hear “BLM” from the person HE went to elementary school with. It’s caused strife would wouldn’t otherwise have had.)

(Back to my funny friend.)

Eventually, she put up a picture of herself, and?

People got mad.

They got MAD at her for being PRETTY. And she’s not even pretty in a way that —

Do you know what I was going to say? I was going to say she’s not even pretty in a way that makes you mad, which by the way just officially made me as awful as the people who got mad at my friend. What I meant was she doesn’t aggressively pursue attractiveness. She doesn’t wear Amy Winehouse-level makeup or slip on a barely-there Betty Rubble dress or anything. Her BONES are pretty. She just is pretty, she doesn’t try to be.

But I sort of loved and was astonished by that reaction from her audience. I guess her hilarity made her so relatable that when it turns out her looks weren’t, people were disappointed. “You never told us you were pretty,” they said to her, as if she’d deceived them.

We’re starting to change how everything else is unequal, not that we don’t have a long way to go. But we’re pointing out injustices and people are very uncomfortable with it and that’s all a good sign that things will shake up and change. The “all lives matter” people are going to be the “long-haired freaky people need not apply” of the 2020s.

However, with all this change going on, women are still supposed to be perfect-looking. Look at all those Time’s Up women. Is that how they spell it or did they squish it into all one word and camel it? If they did I refuse to follow their lead.

But really. They’re all “women’s empowerment,” “women won’t be treated like this,” “women are — oh, and by the way I still starve myself into a size zero.” THAT part is still very much happening. Women are only as valuable as the way they look.

And I do it too. I’m not woke, over here. I think terrible, just terrible, things about women that I would never think about, say, a person of color or a gay person. Lena Dunham, for example. She’s gained a lot of weight. And I’ll see a photo of her and think, Would you just stop being so fucking fat? Like it’s her job to look good for me. And I think that because in a way, it is. And yet Lena Dunham has entertained me often. I watched that whole show of hers, twice, and early in the pandemic she wrote serial fiction for Vogue that I tuned into every day, rapt.

That should be enough. Her talent should be enough. And yet there I am, feeling like she’s failed me because she got fat.

And let’s take the word fat. Years ago, I called myself fat. Me! I called me fat! And women took great umbrage that I’d even utter the word and they flounced off from here, never to return. That’s how powerful it is. To be fat in this society, or for someone to call herself fat when you weigh more is so wrong, so horrible to even conceive of, that you can’t even talk about it without a strong reaction. The general reaction was, If you’re fat, then what am I? Fatter? Why is that the end of the world? Because it is. In our society, it is. We’re all supposed to be attractive or we don’t count.

So I hope that changes. I hope one day we look back at our movies and TV shows and say, “Look how conventional all the women were. They all looked the same, with their large lips and their tiny bodies and their defined jawlines. And hardly any of them were entertaining, which is what movies and TV were supposed to do.” I hope it seems weird one day that everyone had to be pretty, the way it seems weird that we had a white guy play an Asian.

I mean, we got over minstrel shows. Can’t we get over this?

And don’t even get me started on ageism.

Old, fat and here,
June

P.S. Ironically, I forgot to talk about my ADD.

54 thoughts on “June talks pretty

  1. Dang – late to this. Great comments. So heartfelt. I’m sitting for 5 mo old twins 3 days a week and one of them is crazy fussy. Sigh.

    I hate it when people get mad at me for being beautiful when they actually meet me. I kid. Really, that is not the case for me. I am average looking. I don’t wear makeup – or HARDLY any. I don’t accessorize – a friend once asked if I take a pill for that. We were at one of those jewelry shows and I was feeling obligated to order, but then I was like ‘but I don’t wear this stuff’. It is so true that so much emphasis is placed on looks. And being the perfect body type. I am fortunate to have genes that gave me high metabolism and I am not over weight, but I see how society treats people with extra weight and I cannot imagine how hard that must be.

    OMG the part when you described people just staring at their phones with their mouths open – so true. What is wrong with us? Geez. Lots to think about in this post. Bummed I missed the initial conversation. Great post.

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  2. I am 5′ 6″and weigh 160 lbs. i have zero problems with being “overweight!” I was anorexic most of my young life and very unhealthy because of it. Find your lane, your fighting weight-where you are healthy and feel good… the rest be damned! Be happy and healthy! I am 55 and still kicking. Be well, ladies.

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  3. What an excellent topic, and as I read the comments I admired the bravery it took each person to describe their view.
    A few years ago I read Bossypants by Tina Fey. It’s so good! She writes quite a bit about appearance and its role in her profession, and some of it has stuck with me. She said at one point in her life she was underweight and everybody just needed to be cool about it. At one point she was overweight and everybody just needed to be cool about it. Your body shifts with the circumstances of life. That’s seriously paraphrased, but the message is spot on.
    The point about the internet exposing people to differing viewpoints is so true! My childhood was pretty myopic – people who looked and mostly thought the way I thought. We tried to make sure our daughter’s childhood was broader. We live in an urban area of a very international city with a variety of folks from all walks of life. Probably not as diverse as some people’s life, but worlds more than mine. I wish hostile internet commenters would take a more You Do You approach to life. People can be fascinating if you’ll stop trying to convince them of your own beliefs long enough to listen to theirs. (Says the woman who really doesn’t like people all that much! Bahhh!)

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  4. I was skinny, like do you feed her skinny until third grade when I got fat. I could feel some my family’s shame and disappointment in me and it sucked. I have a hormonal imbalance that causes weight gain that is very rare and wasn’t diagnosed until my early thirties when I was infertile. My husband loved me plump, he liked a plumper girl. I never have had a body type for the guys I loved because it’s a realm I can never compete in. It’s the face and the heart and/or sense of humor. I do LOVE food and stress eat too. When I turned thirty-five I decided half a lifetime was enough to spend on self loathing over something I could not seem to change. I got fatter and I unhealthier (HAIR-AN syndrome the hormone thing is connected to syndrome X, insulin resistance, so diabetes, high blood pressure, underactive thyroid, excess male hormone, irregular periods, acne, oily skin and hair etc Oh, and organic depression, FML. ). I gained more weight and struggled. My husband had cancer and I ate over that. I lost weight the last year of his life and after his death initially due to the stress I guess. I am less the high end of plus size but still 5’2.5″ (lost an inch) and over 200 pounds. I say plush and lush which I’ve called my zoftig pets. The word fat no longer has the power to destroy me, it hasn’t for a long time. I wish I knew that before thirty-five. The only naturally gorgeous girls I hated were the haughty ones. I liked the nice, good ones. I have gotten the pretty face comments all of my fat life too. I look a bit younger because fat is nature’s filler but more wrinkles are coming at 60. The oily skin and hair that drove me crazy does help the aging of skin. Looks are less important with age for me, I found bigger men to date as a widow. I have gained weight with this pandemic too. Thinner people calling themselves fat drove me crazy at certain points but I realize it is all relative. My fat and other people’s fat and comfort level vary. Who care? I’m still here. One thing seeing cancer deaths close up does for you. Makes you appreciate life.

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    1. Sorry for the lack of paragraphs. This topic is very stream of consciousness for me I think. It has taken up too much space in my brain for too long.

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  5. You know, my first thought when I opened today’s not-blog was, “DAMN! Look at how freaking tiny her waist is” re: the header photo. Which dovetails nicely with what you say.

    I know Of Whom You Speak, and she is beautiful. Having read her for years and then on the Facebook, I can also say she’s funny as hell, gifted artistically, smart and incredibly kind and generous. How awful for those people who got mad, because they denied themselves all the rest. People are so weird.

    Like so many others, I’ve gained the weight during the pandemic. And it bothers me – some days a lot; some days not so much – but I have been super, super careful not to say out loud the comments in my head because of my teenage daughter. I don’t want her internalizing the same messages about how women are *supposed* to look that made me hate my hair, my thighs, my body, and generally everything about my appearance. I don’t want her to lose that confidence to put on a crop top and leggings if that’s what she feels like wearing. When I was growing up, a girl’s social worth was based entirely on whether she had a boyfriend or not, and you only had a boyfriend if you were pretty and skinny. So I spent a lot of time and energy hating myself for not being what everyone said constituted pretty and skinny. Makes me SO MAD now to think about how much I could have enjoyed myself if I had not spent that mental energy castigating myself for every perceived flaw or imperfection. I want better than that for my daughter.

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  6. My Dad would often cause my Mom to cry by pointing out that she was fat, telling her she should do something about it, etc. I have body issues because of it – I grew up thinking no one would love me if I was overweight. I was so scared to get pregnant and gain weight, so my husband gained right along with me. He has always been so supportive of my weight, no matter what. It’s ridiculous the expectations society has for women – you’re supposed to work like you don’t have kids, mother your kids like you don’t work, have a clean house at all times, plus be skinny and gorgeous all the time. Thank you, June – this is such a wonderful post.

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  7. To think, I do not use the “f” word. I’m carrying around more that I want. Over worded to replace a wee 3 letter word.

    I hope people will changed. In my life I’m seeing people becoming entrenched in their bliefs and they say things that make me cringe inside. But whaddya gonna due with family, eh?

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  8. Beautifully written. Thank you for posting this.
    Regarding ageism, I have loved everything about aging except for the slowing down and hurting. I like it when the check-out person asks if I would like help getting my groceries to the car? I don’t, and I usually say something like, “No thanks, need to keep strong.” I have friends who rail at that like it’s an insult. It’s a kindness. I love it that I can ask my grandson’s age yardman if he’d “like a drink, Sweetheart?” and he responds, “Yes, Love, that’d be great.” All that sex crap is out of the equation and we’re free to be loving to one another as people who care about each other. Old(er) age is so beautifully freeing and lovely if you can stay healthy.

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  9. I remember hearing this phrase as a child: Pretty is as pretty does.
    Honestly, I am still not completely sure of what it means. However, I have an idea.
    Something else that baffles me is how someone can be extremely hateful and jealous about another’s looks – meaning things that are just what they are – like the color of their eyes and hair and skin and smile for example. Sigh.
    This was a great post June! A lot of food for thought! And I love the header picture….:)

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    1. As I read this post and comments I was thinking about the exact same phrase: pretty is as pretty does. Like you I never understood it as a child and I still think it’s murky. I suppose it means that what you do and how you behave are what make you pretty. That’s lovely, but it all still ties back to the notion of superficial appearance. Sigh.

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  10. I love love love this post. I also love love love Kathy Bates. She’s an actress who is not beautiful or thin or young. She’s an anomaly in entertainment and is hugely successful due to her talent NOT her looks. I always applaud women like her and Lena Dunham who “make it” despite not being the stereotypical ingénue. I’ll never forget the “Girls” episode entitled “American Bitch” in the last season of the show. That script, that Dunham wrote, will stay with me forever.

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  11. It’s so weird. We had an area track star, nationally ranked as an adult. She got famous and started getting interviews and talking about her tough upbringing and she was naturally pretty. And people just started hating on her for her looks – long legs, good bones, pretty hair. Like your friend she didn’t wear a pile of makeup or expensive outfits, it’s just who she was. And people hated it. I was like – that’s who she is. Is she supposed to ugly up and hide her background? It’s so weird.

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    1. It’s like when a young girl hits puberty and suddenly develops large breasts and people tell her she looks like a slut and has no business having boobs of that size. What do they expect her to do, cut them off?

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  12. I am absolutely baffled how people get so angry and feel betrayed when someone turns out to be physically attractive. The people who feel this way have some serious issues they need to work out with themselves.

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  13. And then there’s the old “You’re beautiful on the inside.” Well hey, actually I’m not! At least, not always. And why the hell do I have to be? How about I’m okay as I am, whatever that is, and screw this “beauty” shit that is held up as the ideal for women. Grrrr. -Kate

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  14. A person’s size has a lot to do with genetics. We were all thin children in my family even though we never lacked for food. This was back when children played outside all day, running and jumping. On at least two occasions, we were asked if we had enough to eat. Fast forward decades and now that we are older adults, our sizes have changed and no one asks us that anymore.

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  15. Amen, sister. I need to get off the “trying to be pretty” band wagon. It’s exhausting because i will never get “there” but ironically, if I could just chill out about it, I would notice the scenery right where I am is fine.

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  16. Thank you for writing this Juan-Paul. I’ve never encountered pretty women in my life who are also smart or even funny, which is the trait I admire the most, so no jealousy from me, just bless their hearts. I bet if I met one I would be mad, tho.

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  17. This is such a powerful post. Another example of your writing skills. I’ve never been skinny, maybe in the first and second grade, and I am short, barely 5’1″. I always wanted to be taller and slim. Sigh. Now at 70+ my attitude has changed greatly, I’m so grateful to be healthy even though I won’t get on the scale right now, my blood work was very good in July, I’m not on prescription drugs, just prescription-strength vitamins (D and B complex). I would love to be thinner, but I have accepted the fact my body’s going to change (age) and look different. I’m certainly one of those women that society has made invisible. Every day is a gift.

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  18. My mom was very pretty, and always had lots of male attention. I grew up feeling quite unattractive by comparison… not that she made me feel that way, but objectively, she was really lovely. But it really didn’t help her in life. She had bad taste in men, and all that prettiness was no help. She grew up in a time when women were supposed to be ornaments. When she died, I asked her brother to share his memories of her with me. He answered, “she was so pretty.” It broke my heart, she was SO much more than that.

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  19. I hope no one finds this quotation from Ogden Nash offensive. I have thought of it regarding self size and friends’ sizes often—but it was written in the 1930s and maybe we’re slowly getting past it….

    “Once upon a time there was a girl more beautiful and witty and charming than tongue can tell,
    And she is now a dangerous raving maniac in a padded cell,
    And the first indication her friends and relatives had that she was mentally overwrought
    Was one day when she said I weigh a hundred and twenty-seven, which is exactly what I ought.”

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  20. Don’t be angry at this please. Once you hit a certain age, skinny, fat, pretty, smart or whatever doesn’t really matter. You are just old. That is your definition period. Your looks don’t matter. Your thoughts are not important, they are not relevant in today’s world. It’s sad that in our current climate, age is not revered, it is looked upon as a sad state of helplessness.

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    1. Ruth Bader Ginsburg is 87. Nancy Pelosi is 80. Their thoughts are important and relevant, whether people revere or revile them. I don’t think either of them cares whether they are “liked” or not. We get to define ourselves and, if we so choose, define ourselves as something/someone other than our looks. The rest of the world just gets to come along for the ride,

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      1. I agree 100%. I feel more relevant today than when I was in my 20’s and 30″s, I don’t care what anyone thinks.

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  21. I think I know who you are talking about. I think she is stunning, and so smart and funny. I admire her for that, and I don’t begrudge her any of her lovely qualities. I am fat. Even when I was actually 20 pounds underweight for my height as a teenager and in my 20s, I was made to feel fat, because I was almost 6 feet tall and much bigger than your average 90 lb, 5’1” cheerleader. So on top of sizeism was heightism. I was passed over for leads in musicals and plays even though I had the talent, because I was bigger than the leading man. I was ignored by the cool guys in school, because I was taller than them. I was even thrown out of my ballet class as a child because I was at least a foot taller than those other tiny bitches! (That is actually a story that I now tell with great delight.) But I have felt the sting of rejection because of my size, my whole life. And it’s tough! I read above where someone said that being overweight is a selfish choice. I would bet you that I do not eat any more than you, and I am very careful what I eat. This is me. I am not going to starve myself to fit your idea of acceptable and attractive. And the fact that you would call me selfish makes you as ugly as every public figure who fat-shames people!

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  22. Lovely post Coot.
    Thank you for speaking out.
    I was always super skinny. Skinny tooth point of being asked if I had an eating disorder. Then bam, my body changed and I ballooned out. People started asking me if I had a problem and commenting on how I had changed. NO! I Didn’t change; my body changed. But it really messed with my self image. Then I realized it was their problem not mine.

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  23. You know how body dysphoria (dysmorphia? too lazy to Google) makes skinny people look in the mirror and see fat where there is none? I think I have the opposite, because while I have certainly had bad days, generally I look in the mirror and am like, “Ok, not too shabby! How YOU doin?” I’ve always been on the bigger side, but it’s always surprised me when people put me into that category.

    I remember a friend in college referring to me as plus-size, and when I balked, she asked, “Well, what DO you want to be called?” As if I needed a category or a qualifier! I hated that. Once my husband heard someone on TV being described as “dresses well for her body type” and he looked at me and said “Like you!” I was offended, thinking, does everyone think my size like a handicap I had to learn to cope with? I thought I was just over here being normal!

    Remember all the attention the large lady from the lawyer show received? Or the backlash from that show with Melissa McCarthy and her chubby on-screen husband? Even when Lena Dunham wasn’t as big as she is now, every article and interview had to mention her “unconventional” figure or how shocking it was to see a naked body like hers on HBO.

    I think we’ll have achieved change when women are celebrated or mentioned in the media without remarking on their weight or appearance at all. Being fat is not a personality trait.

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  24. Yes, yes, and hell yes! This may be my favorite post. I relate so hard. About four years ago I lost 80lbs. Why? I dunno. People have always told me that I am pretty and I had hella confidence. Thing is, my husband got promoted and he’s at a certain level in his career where ones significant other is often accompanied as arm candy. So, I ate nothing but chicken and broccoli for 6 ding dang months and bleached my hair. Oh man, I was tiny. Everyone just raved about how amazing I looked. It became so apparent to me the difference in the way fat me was treated compared to skinny me.
    I eventually gained a little weight back and now I obsess over being a size 2 again. Why? I am a great mom, wife, and I have a kick ass job. Why does the number on the scale matter?!?! Society just pisses me off. Then again, I AM society. I am perpetuating what I hate and wish would change.
    Also, can I say that I love how everyone is gaining weight with the pandemic going on? Cause I do!

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  25. Thanks June. I love it when you write what I’ve been thinking about. Yes, all true, yes. I can completely relate to this. I’m older, fatter, and perhaps care a bit less than when I was younger. My actual hip bones, the ones under the fat, can never be a size zero. I’m not built like a teenage boy, as I have curves. I’m okay with that as well. I can’t be who I was before, as life has moved on.

    My pride and joy was my skin, especially my face. Not my looks themselves, but my skin. I always got complements on my skin, how I didn’t have wrinkles, and everyone *always* thought I was much younger than actual, often 10+ years. Now I have this weird/funky skin condition, which doesn’t affect my face much, isn’t fatal, totally treatable, and I’ll have to live with it, but I don’t have perfect skin any longer. It makes me want to sob in a corner. But I don’t have high blood pressure, or cancer, or some other thing that could consume my worries, so that’s a plus. I have dear friends, who don’t care about any of this, and support me through all the other pieces of life. Living alone, I’m sure I’ve invested more time than necessary thinking about this. These past six months in detention have made me miserable, and these anxieties have been magnified. I’m back to a new job next week, and so looking forward to getting out of my four walls.

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  26. Just yesterday, in a group text with a few of my girlfriends, we were talking about how we have all gained weight since the pandemic started (and oh, we have), and I chimed in with “OMG I am so fat right now.” I was immediately worried that I’d offend one of the girls in there who is a little bigger than I am. Thankfully she only said “girl, but you are still rocking a bikini!” I still feel bad about it though.

    Had to scream over and see what’s up with Lena Dunham. She is feeling my pandemic weight gain pain. But who isn’t?

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  27. You have given me a lot to think about. What I am about to say will not be popular, I know that. I am an average size for a 60+ woman. Saying that, average size is not healthy size so I work to become healthy size. When I see people with more padding than their frame requires, just as when I see people smoking I don’t think about free will. I think about our medical system here in Canada that is overburdened by the disease of obesity and disease related to tobacco. Chronic diseases like high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, cancers, sleep apnea, and lung diseases. I think that those people who can keep themselves healthy by eating properly and not smoking but are not doing so feel entitled and selfish. Resources to help are everywhere. So when I look at people who are obese or who smoke and I hear them complain about health issues I feel an inner moue of distaste. Fatness is not healthy. Smoking is not healthy.

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  28. Oh, I remember her blog, and seeing her for the first time in all her prettiness! I do have that first gut reaction of jealousy when I see gorgeous women like her and it making me feel so bad about myself and turning that into not liking her because of her looks. Which is horrific and just not right. I think as women we are taught to see other women as competition. I try hard to not feel that and as I get older I have realized that there will always be people skinnier or prettier or younger and that doesn’t diminish my value. Yes, I have short thick legs, but they are strong and let me walk to many cool places. I have many things about my body I don’t like but there’s no changing that. I’ll never turn into a long, tall lanky woman with full hair to her waist and no body hair that doesn’t wake up with swollen chipmunk eyes and a hair disaster.
    But we are more than our looks and once we get to know people and their personality and heart and wit and kindness and everything else that makes a whole person, they become beautiful, even if the night have a big nose or chin hair or whatever is not perfect!

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  29. You really just said so much of what I have been thinking lately. Thank you. Especially re: politics. I remember the good old days (when I wasn’t even old enough to vote yet and didn’t know much about politics) and I said I would vote for Ross Perot and the few people around me at that specific time told me what they thought about THAT, and then that was it done. Nobody kept on about it each time they’d see me. Now, I have people on the book of face who never ever say anything about any of my posts until I post one that is political or about some form of human rights and my dog, do they attack. Finally I said something about people who never comment on anything like, hey cute dog, or nice picture of that storm, but as soon as I say something they disagree with (and by disagree I mean these people are ANGRY) there they are, to call me names or tell my why I’m wrong and it is just exhausting.

    Also, I am fat now. I was not fat in my teens, then in my early 20s I THOUGHT I was fat, then I lost that weight and now? Now I am fat. One of my skinny friends gets mad when I say that. I’m like, but I am. I’m fat, you’re skinny. So what? “Well do something about it.” Like I’m not trying? Why can’t you just let it be? Don’t tell me what to do. And just wait until you start peri-menopause and see how easy it is to keep that weight off. And how annoying it is for someone to say “well just do something about it”. Shut up. That’s what I want to say to her.

    Ugh.

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    1. I HATE those people who only comment to disagree about politics and then say they have a right to express their opinion. Not on my timeline they don’t. Ninety percent of them end up getting blocked. Fat shamers and haters get blocked too. I know I am fat, I have been fat or dieting since I was eight years old. When I call feel the loathing for all fat people it is poof begone.

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  30. I wasn’t expecting this and had to read it twice. I never really know what you’ll write, but this is so much deeper than my mind was starting out as, today.
    As always, I applaud your honesty. Here’s mine: I had to look up Lena Dunham, had no idea who she was.
    Your line about the kid in your class that never left home and uses the N word on the reg, and how he never expected to hear BLM from the person he went to elementary school with – it’s brilliant. That whole scenario is brilliantly spot on.

    I think the internet has taken away from me — because I let it — things that were probably better for me. I used to read a lot – I always had a bag of books to give to someone if they needed something to read. But I let the internet, and it’s wormhole of not-always-quality information pull me into article after article about the royals, or weight loss, or hollywood stars, or home decor/remodeling/situating.

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  31. Oh how this post speaks to me June. I am fat, I have always been fat. I have been fatter and I have been not as fat but people’s first impression of me is always fat. And I used to cringe at that word and call myself voluptuous or pleasantly plump, but is just a word so WHO CARE. I have been told more times than I can count how I have such a pretty face. The headline for me from that statement is – too bad you are fat. I mean if you have a face that is pretty doesn’t that make you pretty? So many boyfriends have told me how I would be so pretty if I just lost weight. Now that I am 46 I do feel like age is the great equalizer. I see people from high school who have gained weight and people will say how terrible they look where I weigh less now than I did when I graduated high school. (Still fat, but not as fat, see reference above) People tell me I haven’t changed and there was a time when I would be so offended by this. Like, what do you mean, I am a good 40 pounds less than I was in high school but now I take it as a compliment. I have started to see pretty friends freaking out as the aging process is hitting them and it breaks my heart. So in a full-circle moment I am glad that my looks were never something that raised me up, they held me back. But when I am on a less fat cycle of my life I find myself judging others thinking, exercise, eat a salad, I am doing it you should do it too and I immediately hate my own self.

    And when I see these girls in their 20s getting fillers and questionable facials just to stay young and pretty in their eyes it makes my heart sad.

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  32. Thank you for saying this – lots of it has been rolling around in my head, and you put it perfectly. And please, do follow up (or f/u, which always makes me chortle) re: ageism. I for one am sick of being told that I should never dance in public at my age – or I’d better be damn good, so that I can be part of a viral FB video of old lady dancing. And don’t tell me I’m cute.

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  33. Yes, to everything you written here. Just yes.

    Thankfully, my partner in life likes a little gravy with his spaghetti, because I’m not even sure I am capable of not eating to be a size zero. Also, he spends a lot of time yelling “Bobblehead!” at those supposedly attractive women on the TV so that helps my psyche as well. I’ve taken to referring to myself as luscious, because I like the sound of that. It feels rich and important.

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