Dear Faithful Reader Paula:
You will be relieved to hear that it’s 7:40 a.m., meaning I have 50 entire minutes to write you, which is a lot. I’ve fed and peed the Edsel, changed the litter, fed Forest his kitten food that he doesn’t care about, lifted fat Lily to the feeder—which always feels ironic—and given Iris her special stomach food that Milhous will eat as soon as her gray back is turned. Basically, everyone here has their own food and everyone eats everyone else’s food, with the exception of Iris who just gets her food eaten.
Whose idea was it to have this many pets? [looks around accusingly]
So now I’m all ready to begin blogging like it’s 2009 and someone outside is TAPPING something. At 7:42 a.m.! Hang on, I HAVE to see what kind of insensitive ARSE is TAPPING at this hour.
…It’s a guy across the street. It’s only 46 degrees this morning, so he’s out there in a coat and beanie, doing some sort of car repair. This couldn’t wait till 9? Really?
Anyway, hi. I’m alive! I’m like when Carrie pops back out from under the dirt. Carrie at the prom, not Carrie Bradshaw.
All week last week I was either sick or working or sometimes both at once. I had a migraine that stretched days—days!!—and I had a busy workweek too. Today I turned on this laptop with my smile and bee-boo! bee-boo! bee-boo! Eight messages as soon as I opened this computer up, all of them NEW work already for this week. The poor guy who sent them sent them at 11:02 last night, so it sounds like he had a restful weekend.
As for me, that migraine started late last Saturday night/early Sunday morning and didn’t officially stop till Thursday, so I decided I was gonna live this weekend and not work at all, and what kind of society do we live in where deciding not to work on the weekend is an actual decision you have to make? I need to move to Sweden or something, where it’s chill. Literally. I’ll bet I’d stop saying things like “only 46 degrees.”
So here are all the many adventures of Juan, the weekend of September something to something, 2020.
On Friday, I went to actual work but not to work. I took a walk with my old friend Austin, with whom I have now worked for like 7 years or something. I would accuse you all of courgaring him but does a man in his 40s count as cougaring? I don’t know. Anyway we took a walk on our old greenway we used to walk on every day back when there wasn’t a plague. We brought masks but ended up just staying six feet apart. The best part is he had to wear his wife’s sunglasses because he forgot his.
Also, we saw a heron. Isn’t it odd how magenta circles sometimes appear in the wild?
Later, I got on the phone with yet another coworker, fmr. When the pandemic happened, we lost some coworkers and he was one of them, sadly. I always liked that guy. I told people if anyone lost their job due to coronavirus that I’d copy edit their resume, but this guy had not only a resume but a whole portfolio that is clever and hilarious, so we got on the phone and he fixed each page while I read through it. It was actually more fun than it sounds and I saw some stuff I’d helped write so I added it to my OWN portfolio.
On Saturday I had my trainer then did some cleaning and my many beasts helped just like on Snow White. Alternatively, they did this. ^^^
But really. But seriously, folks, a whole week of migraine left the house in what you might call a condition. Pants on the floor, dishes undone, wrappers strewn about like a day after a party at Cardi B’s. That would be rappers, wouldn’t it, not wrappers. Dammit.
Anyway things needed sprucing. And then after that, Eds and I took a drive.
The best part was when he headed to the bakery and got a curbside pupcake, as one does.
Then that night, I had a wedding.
One of my coworkers used to live here but transferred to the New York office and there he met a woman who is lovely and he married her on Saturday. They got married in a Brooklyn bookstore, and all of us, everyone, Zoomed into the wedding. It was really cool because I could see the whole audience, including other coworkers. His family all gave toasts after and they were great, and basically the whole thing was way fun and I think all weddings should be Zoom. No hugging, for one thing.
I got all dressed up with my insulation hair that is a result of 10 months without cutting my hair. Have any of you gone to a salon? Did you die of COVID after?
Also, I should be honest. “All” dressed up isn’t quite accurate.
On Sunday Edsel rolled in something dead, so that was relaxing. I had to bathe him, which by the way hurts my back. If I ever get rich I’m getting one of those special dog bathing areas that people have, where I don’t have to kneel into a bathtub like a washerwoman.
So basically Edsel hated me for an entire morning. He also did not care for the cut of my jib nor did he pick up what I was throwing down. We were estranged.
So I took a long walk without him. Not really because he was mad at me, but because this is a trail where
walk their dogs
and you know how I enjoy people who do that. Yesterday I saw many cute dogs and A LAB PUPPY but none of them were off leash so while Edsel would have called the police and had a Karen video made of himself, he would not have had the option to actually eat another dog so he maybe could’ve gone with me but the thing is you can’t know that till you get there. Anyway, above is a tree I saw on the walk, where apparently people are adding toys and that is sort of charming. Not as charming as an off-leash dog, but close.
So that sums up my weekend and now it is 8:22 and I have to gird loins for the week ahead. You know what I’m bad at? Being surprised by work. Since I KNOW this is a big worky week, it will probably go OK. If I have no clue and then get the OH MY GOD IT’S 5 CAN YOU GET THIS DONE BY 5:01 IT’S 900 PAGES, if I get that, then I panic and get all sweaty and weepy. But I was warned this would be a big week so I am emotionally prepared. I think.
So I’ll wrap it up, but oh! I had a deep thought whilst I was convalescing, and that is this: A thing happened to a friend of mine and I wanted to tell you to not be this guy.
I’ve a friend who leaves town a lot for work, which for me would be my biggest nightmare but that’s irrelevant. She just so happens to be traveling to her niece’s new town next week, so she said, “Hey, Ima call my niece for a get-together while I’m there.” She did and the niece was all, hell yeah.
Except my friend’s dad found out and said, “I’ll go too!”
Don’t do that. Don’t be that guy.
Let people have their alone time. Let them have their dynamic without you always there. Do you have older kids? When they come home, let them visit gramma without you going along. Let them shop with their aunt, just the two of them.
My uncle lived in Arizona most of my life, but when I was an adult (“adult”) he moved back to my hometown with his second wife. When I’d come back for a visit, sometimes I’d go over there and my uncle would be at work and his wife and I would visit. We’d drink glasses of beer on her screened-in porch and she’d tell me stories from her (fascinating) life. Eventually she whipped out her photos from when she was a
model back in the day.
Would I have ever gleaned this info had anyone else been with me? I doubt it. I’m just saying. If you care about people, let them have their own relationship, without you horning in every minute.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.