How was the prom, Carrie?

Dear Faithful Reader Paula:

You will be relieved to hear that it’s 7:40 a.m., meaning I have 50 entire minutes to write you, which is a lot. I’ve fed and peed the Edsel, changed the litter, fed Forest his kitten food that he doesn’t care about, lifted fat Lily to the feeder—which always feels ironic—and given Iris her special stomach food that Milhous will eat as soon as her gray back is turned. Basically, everyone here has their own food and everyone eats everyone else’s food, with the exception of Iris who just gets her food eaten.

Whose idea was it to have this many pets? [looks around accusingly]

So now I’m all ready to begin blogging like it’s 2009 and someone outside is TAPPING something. At 7:42 a.m.! Hang on, I HAVE to see what kind of insensitive ARSE is TAPPING at this hour.

…It’s a guy across the street. It’s only 46 degrees this morning, so he’s out there in a coat and beanie, doing some sort of car repair. This couldn’t wait till 9? Really?

Anyway, hi. I’m alive! I’m like when Carrie pops back out from under the dirt. Carrie at the prom, not Carrie Bradshaw.

All week last week I was either sick or working or sometimes both at once. I had a migraine that stretched days—days!!—and I had a busy workweek too. Today I turned on this laptop with my smile and bee-boo! bee-boo! bee-boo! Eight messages as soon as I opened this computer up, all of them NEW work already for this week. The poor guy who sent them sent them at 11:02 last night, so it sounds like he had a restful weekend.

As for me, that migraine started late last Saturday night/early Sunday morning and didn’t officially stop till Thursday, so I decided I was gonna live this weekend and not work at all, and what kind of society do we live in where deciding not to work on the weekend is an actual decision you have to make? I need to move to Sweden or something, where it’s chill. Literally. I’ll bet I’d stop saying things like “only 46 degrees.”

So here are all the many adventures of Juan, the weekend of September something to something, 2020.

On Friday, I went to actual work but not to work. I took a walk with my old friend Austin, with whom I have now worked for like 7 years or something. I would accuse you all of courgaring him but does a man in his 40s count as cougaring? I don’t know. Anyway we took a walk on our old greenway we used to walk on every day back when there wasn’t a plague. We brought masks but ended up just staying six feet apart. The best part is he had to wear his wife’s sunglasses because he forgot his.

Also, we saw a heron. Isn’t it odd how magenta circles sometimes appear in the wild?

Later, I got on the phone with yet another coworker, fmr. When the pandemic happened, we lost some coworkers and he was one of them, sadly. I always liked that guy. I told people if anyone lost their job due to coronavirus that I’d copy edit their resume, but this guy had not only a resume but a whole portfolio that is clever and hilarious, so we got on the phone and he fixed each page while I read through it. It was actually more fun than it sounds and I saw some stuff I’d helped write so I added it to my OWN portfolio.

On Saturday I had my trainer then did some cleaning and my many beasts helped just like on Snow White. Alternatively, they did this. ^^^

But really. But seriously, folks, a whole week of migraine left the house in what you might call a condition. Pants on the floor, dishes undone, wrappers strewn about like a day after a party at Cardi B’s. That would be rappers, wouldn’t it, not wrappers. Dammit.

Anyway things needed sprucing. And then after that, Eds and I took a drive.

The best part was when he headed to the bakery and got a curbside pupcake, as one does.

Then that night, I had a wedding.

One of my coworkers used to live here but transferred to the New York office and there he met a woman who is lovely and he married her on Saturday. They got married in a Brooklyn bookstore, and all of us, everyone, Zoomed into the wedding. It was really cool because I could see the whole audience, including other coworkers. His family all gave toasts after and they were great, and basically the whole thing was way fun and I think all weddings should be Zoom. No hugging, for one thing.

I got all dressed up with my insulation hair that is a result of 10 months without cutting my hair. Have any of you gone to a salon? Did you die of COVID after?

Also, I should be honest. “All” dressed up isn’t quite accurate.

On Sunday Edsel rolled in something dead, so that was relaxing. I had to bathe him, which by the way hurts my back. If I ever get rich I’m getting one of those special dog bathing areas that people have, where I don’t have to kneel into a bathtub like a washerwoman.

So basically Edsel hated me for an entire morning. He also did not care for the cut of my jib nor did he pick up what I was throwing down. We were estranged.

So I took a long walk without him. Not really because he was mad at me, but because this is a trail where

IDIOTS

walk their dogs

OFF LEASH

and you know how I enjoy people who do that. Yesterday I saw many cute dogs and A LAB PUPPY but none of them were off leash so while Edsel would have called the police and had a Karen video made of himself, he would not have had the option to actually eat another dog so he maybe could’ve gone with me but the thing is you can’t know that till you get there. Anyway, above is a tree I saw on the walk, where apparently people are adding toys and that is sort of charming. Not as charming as an off-leash dog, but close.

So that sums up my weekend and now it is 8:22 and I have to gird loins for the week ahead. You know what I’m bad at? Being surprised by work. Since I KNOW this is a big worky week, it will probably go OK. If I have no clue and then get the OH MY GOD IT’S 5 CAN YOU GET THIS DONE BY 5:01 IT’S 900 PAGES, if I get that, then I panic and get all sweaty and weepy. But I was warned this would be a big week so I am emotionally prepared. I think.

So I’ll wrap it up, but oh! I had a deep thought whilst I was convalescing, and that is this: A thing happened to a friend of mine and I wanted to tell you to not be this guy.

I’ve a friend who leaves town a lot for work, which for me would be my biggest nightmare but that’s irrelevant. She just so happens to be traveling to her niece’s new town next week, so she said, “Hey, Ima call my niece for a get-together while I’m there.” She did and the niece was all, hell yeah.

Cute, right?

Except my friend’s dad found out and said, “I’ll go too!”

Don’t do that. Don’t be that guy.

Let people have their alone time. Let them have their dynamic without you always there. Do you have older kids? When they come home, let them visit gramma without you going along. Let them shop with their aunt, just the two of them.

My uncle lived in Arizona most of my life, but when I was an adult (“adult”) he moved back to my hometown with his second wife. When I’d come back for a visit, sometimes I’d go over there and my uncle would be at work and his wife and I would visit. We’d drink glasses of beer on her screened-in porch and she’d tell me stories from her (fascinating) life. Eventually she whipped out her photos from when she was a

FREDRICK’S

OF

HOLLYWOOD

model back in the day.

Would I have ever gleaned this info had anyone else been with me? I doubt it. I’m just saying. If you care about people, let them have their own relationship, without you horning in every minute.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Luff,
June

36 Comments

  1. I LOVE that treasure tree. And Austin. Man, that man is seriously gorgeous in his wife’s sunglasses.
    I’m glad the migraine is over and sorry you were miserable for so long.
    Our whole family has gone to the same hairdresser for 20 years and we fund out that she is selling her house and moving to South Dakota (where apparently you can still buy a nice house of under 100 grand) so we all went to her salon (which is in her basement) for a final cut and goodbye. I am not looking forward to finding a new stylist.
    I hope your worky week is not as hectic as you anticipate. Does that ever happen, where someone says “Oh, never mind, it can wait”? I didn’t think so.

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  2. I wish someone would do a time lapse video of you feeding the pets and then the pets going to eat the food of their choice. Do you have a place to prop up your phone and see all their various dining spots? Cracking up at what you see every day!

    I wish work didn’t stress me out the way it does for you, too. I seriously feel like I am being attacked by a wild animal. I go into animal brain of feeling threatened and panicked, and even though I remind myself it’s only work, I can’t calm myself down. Hate it.

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  3. Have gone for a salon haircut twice since the plague hit. They require everyone to wear a mask, and at least six feet apart from other customers. It worked fine. I’m still alive.

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  4. I’ve gone once. I mentioned masks when I made the appointment, but she acted kind of put out when I politely insisted. I like to still go visit my parents in their 70’s, and I know she isn’t being safe. Single young adult. In Utah. We are the laughing stock of the world right now with our idiot mask protestors. I figured if she didn’t want to wear it I’d just stick with the Nice and Easy another few months, but she caved. I was super nice, told her about visiting my parents. Sigh. People suck sometimes.

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  5. You look gorgeous even without a haircut – but I did get mine cut (one of my twice a year cuts) at Devachan in NYC a month ago and I AM STILL ALIVE.

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  6. So glad the terrible migraine finally went away. You look beautiful partially dressed for the wedding. Your hair looks amazing. I think all weddings should be Zoomed. Our next door neighbor’s grandson is getting married in November in our neighbor’s yard. We’re not looking forward to it (the crowds) and seems it’s going to be some type of weird event where the bride is wearing some type of metal mesh dress and the groom is wearing some kind of knight-type armour. I don’t think they have prepared for inclement weather. What are brides thinking when they schedule an outside wedding?! Our local feed and seed store has a dog washing station that is really nice, but the down side is having a dead-animal-covered-dog in your car. I don’t think that would work. Poor Edsel he was having such a good time rolling around in the ground in who knows what.
    I’ve had three haircuts but have to wait in the car for my hair dresser to come out to take my temp, give me hand sanitizer and make sure I am wearing a mask. She’s wearing a mask as well.

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  7. Glad you’re feeling better! Love the picture with Edsel getting his puppycake.

    I finally went to the salon 2 weeks ago. Everyone was masked, although they didn’t seem to do any cleaning/disinfecting between people, so that was worrisome. It was a new lady, & she did a great job, but her comb accidentally pulled out one of my upper hoop earrings, and it disappeared. 😦 I’m trying not to spend money right now, so I had to put in an old hoop that requires 2 pairs of pliers to get closed properly. Grumble.

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  8. I haven’t had any “services” since this mess began such as hair, cleanings, eye appointments. 2020, man, the year that brings out the real you.
    I did have the better half chop off a couple of inches from the ends of my hair because it was getting too long and I hope it’s straight but if not, he’s pretty much the only one seeing me anyway. If I go grocery shopping or the very limited errand list I have these days, I put it up because I’m paranoid the virus can live on it and then I’ll inhale it while sleeping. Likely insane but I just don’t think we know enough so I’d prefer to be “cautious” even though I fully acknowledge most of my theories are leaps and bounds beyond cautious.

    Good luck with your worky week. Lovely post, pretty Juan.

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  9. I too have been to the salon but not since July. I had her nearly scalp me blad because of the heat and fear of another shut down. It has grown back in decently and I am just about ready for a trim and some highlights. She is the owner and has the first station. They are all distanced and masked and I felt safe. I monitored myself afterwards. When I moved in with my guy there were two medical workers living here and that concerned me far more. They have since moved out. Only me, him, and his son now who may leave soon as well. The son works but is a homebody so that is cool.
    It is so good to read a post from you, you were missed. I am sorry you had such a horrific week, I hope this one is much better. Your hair looks amazing for not going to the salon for that long. Short hair gets wild much more quickly. You look mahvelous.

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  10. You and your hair look amazing in your wedding picture. So pretty. Glad you finally felt well enough to enjoy the weekend and lovely weather.

    I had Just Paula’s vibes this weekend because I was in cleaning mode. Too bad I don’t get her vibes more often.

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  11. The “I’ll come too” people and their close cousins the “We can carpool” people irk! I like to come and go on my own whims. Bad enough I need to take my husband into consideration.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Any visits with my inlaws entailed also inviting the sisterinlaw and her family. No thank you, not so you can pay all your attention to HER and her kids. So glad you are back, June, I’ve been at loose ends. I’ve been to the salon once, and getting ready to go again. We are also going to a sit-down restaurant tonight!

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  13. Austin looks great in wife’s shades. I’m guessing he gets that a lot.

    Glad your migraine is gone and sorry it lasted so long.

    Sounds like a fun weekend – if you count housework as fun. The wedding and a walk with Austin and now a clean place. Awesome.

    I hope the upcoming week of work is not as bad as expected. Oh, and I think your hair looks amazing. I got my hair cut back on July 1st. About ready to go again. She only lets one person in at a time and cleans between and she wears a mask.

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  14. Thank goodness you’re feeling better. And that you won’t be tripping over discarded rappers. I would like to have a stern talk with your overlords about a little thing I like to call lead time. FFS, why hasn’t Paula given them the talk?

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  15. I haven’t been to the salon, but my neighbor’s cousin does my hair so she’s been coming there and we all get our hair done outside on the deck. But now it’s getting cooler here so I don’t know what I’m going to do.

    I would be perfectly fine working from home forever and also never attending a large get together in person ever again.

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  16. I’m happy to hear that your head pain finally stopped. That must be so horrible. I am so thankful that I am not inclined towards the migraines.

    I have been to the salon in secret while they were still closed (shhhhh) and almost every month since the whole pandemic, and I’m pretty sure I’m still alive. My hair lady, whom I love, has been wearing one of those plastic whole face shields and requiring customers to wear masks, the whole time.

    My parents are notorious “Great! I’ll
    come too!”ers. Even now in their 80s, with children who now have grandchildren, they just expect every family function to be everyone. There were times when I wouldn’t tell my Mom I was doing something with just my Gma or just my sister, for that very reason. And don’t dare talk about doing something that they were not a part of. You get the cold shoulder and accusatory eyes. We are expected to move about in one huge familial clump, all the time. Family uber alles! Siiigh, it’s exhausting to take a 4 car caravan, just to go down the street to McDonald’s.

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    1. My husband’s family is like that. Herd Mentality. As a young bride, I invited one in-law family to dinner. HAHAHAHAHA. Over thirty people showed up. I was expecting maybe five. I still haven’t recovered and have steadfastly avoided entertaining even before COVID.

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  17. I think you give very good advice and I’m glad you got rid of your migraine in time to enjoy the weekend.

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  18. I’m glad you popped back up through the dirt and so sorry you were buried under all the misery for so many days. It was lovely to be able to read your post with a relaxed belly. What you do for Paula you do for others.

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  19. Haven’t had my hair cut in 8 months – I was growing it out and ready for a trim when COVID came to world. Every morning I brush it and say out loud: Crone hair. I have crone hair. My husband has hippie hair, but it’s thick and pure white and beautiful and everyone loves it – even his chemo nurse commented on how gorgeous his hair is. (Chemo and the reason for getting it is why we haven’t been to the hair people.) I’m at the point where I watch breaking news and envy the people with their salon-attended hair. Crises? What/which crises? I have crone hair!!!

    Your hair is beautiful, I have to say.

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  20. Such a good post. I’m very glad you are feeling better and hope that you continue to do so through this busy week. And in my advanced years, yes, I would be a cougar to your friend. Unfortunately he would NOT be interested in me except as maybe a grandma figure. Sigh.

    Sounds like you had a super weekend and I love your wedding attire. How are we ever going to want to get back to putting on uncomfortable shoes? Like you, I feel that Zoom events do have a big advantage at times. Take care!

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  21. I’ve gone to the salon twice, and I’m testing every other week or so, and it’s been fine. I really believe that if EVERYONE wore masks in public we’d be fine. I think as long as you are somewhere where everyone is doing all the things, you’re good.

    O EDZUL GOD

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  22. I HATE the “I’ll Come Toos.” HATE. If we wanted you there, you’d’ve been invited. I would NEVER I’ll Come Too. Asshats.

    I have had two salon appointments THANK CHRIST AND ALL THAT IS HOLY since COVID. Things were looking real bad there. Just imagine three long stringy gray hairs. Ugh. Due to Covid, I have a new, closer-to-my-home salon now that I love and adore. I’m done in record time instead of driving for 45 minutes each way (idiot. I know). My new hair person is a woman of color. I love her. Everyone wears masks, we are all behind plastic, it’s great.

    This weekend I did two new COVIDDY things: First: A virtual appointment with my rheumatologist which went swimmingly despite the fact that my neighbor decided to have trees removed at that exact time. I may never go to the doctor’s office again. (I have a regular old in-office visit with my ladytown doctor next month because I am for damn sure not zooming that.) Second: I placed an order with Kohls, with whom I have a love-hate relationship (mostly hate) as I left work on Friday and was emailed on my way home that the order was ready. They aren’t that efficient in person! So I picked that order up on Saturday and all I had to do was text and pop my trunk. It was GLORIOUS.

    And yesterday I cleaned out more closets and cabinets so really this weekend was stellar. OH and I watched both On The Basis of Sex and RBG. Because, well, RBG.

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  23. Lovely post Coot.
    I hate that we have allowed ourselves to be a slave to work. We need to get together and wear caps and song songs of protest like in Newsies.
    I am sorry you had such a bitch of a migraine. I get them that last for days when there are storms in the Gulf of Mexico which is hundreds of miles away.

    Edz wasn’t angry with you he was ashamed. Ashamed he made you go through that.
    I hate people who walk their dogs without a leash. What is worse is when their unleashed dog charges at your leashed dog and they say “oh he just wants to play”. No bitch he wants to eat me and my dog.

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  24. June is alive, good news. Thanks for the news. Take it easy when you can. Outdoors working might be enjoyable with computer.

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  25. What a lovely weekend, June. Yes, I have gone to the salon and am ready to go for another haircut. I don’t think my hairdresser was going to wear a mask until I threw out a subtle hint. I don’t know what I would have done if she hadn’t since I’m in a very high risk group. I love the picture of you at the wedding. Beautiful.

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  26. This post was very fun! I’m sorry you had a stupid long migraine—they suck. But I enjoyed tagging along through your weekend!

    Totally agree with letting people have their own time. I told my mother I was going to see my son for a couple of hours on Sunday and she immediately said “oh I’ll come!” Like she was doing me a favor. No. If you want to see him, go see him. Not with me.

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  27. When I saw Austin’s photo, I thought “Oh…English rocker guy!” Maybe I’ve still got that old BeeGee video in my head. Edz does look resentful. Maybe try a skunk scented bubble bath next time and he might be more excited. Glad your feeling better June.

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  28. Glad to see you’re feeling better and living the life, as it were. Thank you for saying that about having alone time, so. important. I have gone to the salon, I have to or the grays will all take over, they’re very good about masks, cleaning the chairs after every client, and everyone is spread out. Lovely post, glad you’re back!

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