Roofied by pasta

I’m writing to you because there is no work to do right now, which is rare and odd and I kind of don’t know what to do with my hands. At work, if there is no work, we have a list of other stuff we could do, stuff I did anyway on top of how busy I was, so now here I am. Workless.

Oh! But listen to this! This is a tragedy. Not as big a tragedy as having ghosts next door. Talk about getting ghosted. Why didn’t I think of that for a title yesterday? Dangit, June.

And you’ve never seen someone look not at a house harder than I did not look at a house last night during Closing of the Blinds over on that side of m’dwelling. I looked away like I was that Bangles chick.

Why did we think that was an appealing thing to do to our hair?

Anyway, my current tragedy. Tragedy du jour.

As you know, because it was in all the papers, I got employee of the month this month. As a reward, you get, well, you can get lots of things but I opted for a restaurant gift card. Hey, hips.

They gave the certificate to me last week at flu shot day, and I was stunned to see it was for $100. I thought it’d be for, like, you know, $35.

It came wrapped in the restaurant’s menu. I got to choose the place and it’s local and I adore it. So the first night I got the thing, I ordered a salad and a pasta dish, because my hips need to be wider. They delivered, a thing my neighbors are talking about. “You sure get a lot of deliveries,” they all say, as if there isn’t a pandemic. Of course I get a lot of deliveries. My cats’ flea meds. Edsel’s heartworm stuff. My hair dye. Groceries. All delivered. I’m not going to a store if I can help it.

The delivery person for my food wrote a note on top of the gift card denoting how much I’d spent that time, which was I think $35. It isn’t a card so much as a piece of paper of heavy stock, maybe a little bigger than a check.

I put that thing in the secretary, not that Mrs. Wiggins lives here.

I am full of the references today.

It’s a desk, full of nooks and crannies, and why do crannies never stand alone? You never say, Oh, be sure to dust in all the crannies. No. It’s always with nooks. They’re always together, like people who have couples Facebook accounts.

Anyway, then I used the card again I think over the weekend. I once again got the Granny’s Gone Nuts salad, which is, you know, salad-y things with blue cheese and green apple and walnuts and salmon. Oh, it’s delicious.

Last night, in case you didn’t notice, was the 14th. I don’t know about you, but that’s the night before my payday. Things are always a little … tight for me on the 14th.

“Oooo! I’ll use my card again!” I said to self, as opposed to “I’ll use my cardigan,” which I have found rarely garners me any food.

I went to town and ordered a different salad (disappointing) (stick with what you know) and a caprese flatbread. At this point, the person answering the phone knows it’s me, because three gift-card orders in one week, you know? I’m hard to forget. So I placed the order and said I’d come get it this time because I try to drive the car at least once a week. #Adventure.

I went to Mrs. Wiggins to get the card.


Not there.


Oh, I looked. I looked in that secretary like I was its gynecologist. I looked in stupid drawers that in a million years I’d never have put that thing, like my tank top drawer. Yes, I have a tank top drawer like I’m Helen Hunt in that tornado film.

I went outside and dug in the recycling. I looked in the cushions. I even lifted my welcome mat.

The last thing I remember is the food delivery person coming last week, 20 minutes early while I was still out on my walk. There are so rarely cars back here that the car was of note, so I ran home in a panic and sure enough it was the delivery woman.

I recall her handing me the bag and the card all at once. Then? Blank. Like I was roofied via pasta.

GONE! That gift card is gone. I had to call the restaurant back last night to tell them I lost my certificate and tell them my debit card number and thank god it even cleared. It was the 14th, man.

So that’s my tragedy and I’d kvetch further but I just got work to do.


45 thoughts on “Roofied by pasta

  1. Man that is tragic. Sorry you lost the gift certificate. One year for Christmas I taped a card with a $100 gift card to a present and in all the commotion someone threw away the paper with the card still attached. I went to the store and explained the situation and asked for the old to be cancelled and reissued. After talking with several people I was able to make it happen, but it took a lot of convincing the store, even with the receipt. Lesson learned…never tape a gift card to the wrapping paper.


  2. I continue to check comments, hoping to see that you found your gift card. Any chance it fell somewhere on the porch when she handed you the bag? Or dropped by the sidewalk? Other than that, I’m out of ideas.


  3. I’m one of those a-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place people so when something is lost, I have absolutely no clue how to find it. I do hope you find your gift card, though, and soon. Also? Thanks for reminding me about Mrs. Wiggins. Now I have to go to youtube and find some sketches to watch.


  4. Your fridge is very clean. Sorry you lost your card. But when it turns up (hopefully) you get another salad. Yay? I want to like salads but I never get excited about them. Unless they’re bad for you and have bacon or something in them. I’m sure you’ll find your card in the last place you look, so maybe look in the last place first to save time.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh how I hate that! Losing something like that is frustrating. I also have a tank top drawer and now it need “weeding” because sometime in the past year or so, they started making them longer… and I have a bunch of shorter ones that I no longer wear… and, well, you know! I hope you find that card – but I fear it may have gone out with the bag or carrier!


  6. “Oooo! I’ll use my card again!” I said to self, as opposed to “I’ll use my cardigan,” which I have found rarely garners me any food.
    Laughing…still laughing…hilarious.


  7. I am usually very organized and there arent any kids in my house so generally if I put something somewhere it stays there so I hate it when I do stuff like that. Its like I go in a blackout fog. I think it is because our brain is 2 steps ahead of our bodies. With me it would have been FOOD GET IN MA BELLY. Alternatively, I say we were kidnapped by aliens and put right back in place so we have no memory of that time. That explains those times you drive home on your commute and have no memory of the drive.


  8. Oh crap! I hate this. You didn’t throw it away with the packaging the salad came in, did you? That kind of thing makes me nuts. I once won $400 in gift cards for gas station, which delighted me because I had such a long commute. It was a little stack of cards. A bunch of them DID NOT WORK. That burned me up.

    I hope you find it. And I am anxious about that empty fridge. I hope it gets filled soon. I always enjoyed Mrs. Wiggins.


  9. The restaurant needs to research your dinners’ cost and honor the balance. You are a good customer. I hope you find it. There is a good chance the driver never gave it back. That is a very nice reward for employee of the month.


  10. Is it in your wallet? I always keep gift cards in my wallet, so I know where they are and have them if I’m out. I think maybe the ghost next door took it too. Stupid scary, fast-moving, card stealing Haint!

    Losing stuff like that makes me crazy, because I’m almost neurotic about where things are kept. When we were still married, my ex lost a whole checkbook of ours because he just carelessly threw things wherever after he used them. I almost lost my mind! How can you lose a whole checkbook? I did not handle that well. Why so divorced, Cheech?


      1. In addition to always being with nooks, crannies seem to always be in multiples. You never hear anyone say “hey, I searched my cranny and that gift card is missing”. The one and only cranny.

        Your regular salad sounds tasty.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You’ll find it eventually and be delighted to be able to order something.

    I love this post and all of your current references. I also have a secretary. It’s nooks and crannies are filled with all sorts of nonsense that doesn’t have a home.


  12. Two of my friends list important things of late. Both of them found their items in the sofa cushions.

    Also, look amongst any book or magazine you may have been reading.


  13. I agree with others that the delivery person probably didn’t hand it back, but would they have realized that when they got back in their car? And could they have not circled back to your home once they found it? Even if it was after they delivered some more food to another customer? So I am still not sure what happened, but the restaurant should have the record and can reprint one for you, I would think.


  14. I ripped my house apart last night looking for a gift card. I considered killing other family members and firing the person who cleans my house until I re-looked everywhere and there it was, right where it belonged. So no murders or firings. YET.

    The food place should have a record of the original amount less your two other meals, etc., and should be able to tell you your balance. AND if someone else (delivery person) used it.

    OR the ghosts across the street are peeved and hid it.


  15. Ohh, I hope you find it soon. I’m sure it’s not lost forever. But your story reminded me of when daughter moved from California to DC without a car. She loves sushi and found a place that delivered (before Door Dash and Uber Eats). Not only did the place know her voice and her address, they eventually started spitting out her entire credit card number. She’s so lucky they were honest.


    1. Carried the bag to the kitchen , put it in refrigerator with card, or the card on top of the refrigerator or drawer next to the cooler box (didn’t want to say refrigerator another time) have a shower and the cats knocked it off the counter and played with it till it went under the refrigerator, or check that drawer next to the cooler box.
      Finishing Sadie’s story.


  16. So frustrating. I was going to tell you about the pile on my kitchen table where I keep all my important coupons with the junk mail that isn’t ripe enough to to recycle yet, but I don’t want to give you the heebie jeebies. Hope you find the card.


  17. That is very distressing! I hate when I just know for sure where I put something, but it isn’t there. I predict that when you’re doing something completely unrelated, it’ll pop in your head where you put it.


  18. Losing things is the worst.
    It makes me feel so angry at myself.
    I try to keep organized but when I inevitability lose something I just get so mad.
    And I always default to, “I must have thrown it away”. I have never found a lost item in the trash.


  19. A friend would always say “crooks and nannies”, so that’s what I always say now. Couldn’t the restaurant have kept track of your balance with them? I thought we were all about the paperless society, in this the age of our pandemic especially…

    Liked by 1 person

  20. You’ll find it eventually when you’re not even looking, which makes it even more annoying.
    Glad you managed to cover it.
    Thanks for Mrs Wiggins.
    Mary Lou


  21. Don’t all southern women have a tank top drawer? I do. I wear tanks under sweaters all year though, just in case I get warm. I too had a caprese salad yesterday, although not on a flatbread. I am curious what you got that was so disappointing.


  22. Did you slip your card in a pocket in the pants you were wearing or set it down in the kitchen next to the bag? Sure hope you find it.


    1. I was wearing workout pants because of my walk. No pockets. But I searched my purse, even though my purse had nothing to do with that last transaction at all. The kitchen isn’t one of those crowded counters types of kitchens so if it were there on a counter I would see it.


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