June Rayburn

There are a few weeks in May and October where I can just shut off the thermostat altogether, and these past two weeks were apparently it, as I woke up today and it was 45 degrees. You know that scene in the Little House books where Mary and Laura wake up and Pa is sweeping snow off the top of their blankets? By the way, for all your roofing needs, seek Pa. Good work, child abuser.

Anyway I had a weekend and now I will tell you about it and that is why you come here. To retain all the dull drivel that makes up a new day. Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.

On Friday evening, I took a walk. I have read that exercise helps with ADD and who knows if it’s true but squirrel.

That never gets old.

Anyway, I was rounding a corner a few blocks away from my house when I saw some chickens. Three of them, of varying sizes and colors. They were just climbing a porch like they were about to go Jehovah’s Chickness on someone’s ass.

Why were chickens on a front porch? I wandered past the house to stare in its backyard. No coop. No chicken toys. What the?

I got m’phone and called Mike the Lumbee. Got his voicemail. “Mike? Are you missing some chickens?” I asked. “They’re over here on the corner of Transitioning and Neighborhood.”

The next morning I had to take Milhous for his shots. It’s been two years I been havin’ Milhous, can you believe?

He went right into his carrier. He meowed never on the way there. They told me he’s a perfect weight (me too) (if you’re a chubby chaser) and he’s in tip-top condition. “He purred through his vaccines,” they told me.

I must return to said vet—who might as well name itself June’s Pet Hoarder Clinic—on Wednesday for Forest to get the big chop. The removal of the bits. I’d say he’ll be singing higher but Forest has the cutest high-pitched squeak of a meow.

Anyway on the drive there I saw the chickens again. Oh, DEAR. I called Mike the Lumbee again whom I had just seen on his riding lawn mower, and he did not answer me. Was he AVOIDING me? I won’t be IGNORED, Lumbee.

Anyway, because there’s a plague on I have to drop off said cats at the vet and wait. So on Saturday I took a walk around the vet’s neighborhood. There’s a beautiful Episcopal church there I love. They took up the whole block with various outbuildings like a bookstore and a music school. I think the Episcopalians are a rich bunch.

Also, I always like wind chimes like this, but if I got some would they drive me crazy? Would the neighbors hate me?

Back before it was all the rage to have a plague, I always meant to stop in here for coffee and books and I never did. I don’t even know if this place is even open now.

Eventually, Mike the Lumbee called. “Those chickens belong to the people next door to where you saw them. They wander all the time. It’s illegal for them not to have them in their pen.”

It is also illegal for M the L to have a rooster but that is beside the point. Also I like that rooster. George. The rooster’s name is George. Mike let me name him.

Anyway, after that I voted. I mean, I dropped the cat home first, although I am just having a total flashback. Two years ago, I took Mil for his shots when he was just a kitten, and it was also a cool fall day, and Peg’s funeral was that day but I wanted to vote real quick. So I went to the voting place and THE LINE WAS HUGE and I spent the whole time worrying Milhous was too hot in the car and when I came back out I was fairly hysterical but he was just fine the end.

I went back to that same early voting place and there was a line out the door, so I said fuq thiz.

They also had early voting at the college A&T, which is the largest HBCU in America and it’s right here in my town. I got TV parking—this picture is taken from my car—and got right in, voted, and left. I totally could have cooked Milhous in this car again without incident.

Also I stopped by work to get The Poet’s cards. Her husband died, and people wanted to send her cards and kept asking me for her address and I kept saying, “Just send them to work; I’ll get them and take them to her.”

They must not be delivering mail much at work because there were none in her little mail cubby and I know people sent them. It did not occur to me to see if they put them on her desk a floor down from the cubbies. Anyway remember when I was there a few weeks ago and saw some of the owner’s stuff on a printer so I took it to her hoping she would not be there because she always looks impeccable and I was wearing a cat stole with cat pants?

On Saturday, I was not as fur-covered but I did have on my Baily Bros. Building and Loan sweatshirt and there she was. Our impeccable owner. Looking perfect. We chatted about The Poet awhile and it would appear I am not fired for wearing a Bailey Bros. Building & Loan sweatshirt.

I got it on Instagram. That’s all I know. Instagram knows the depth of me.

Also on Saturday, a dog wandered onto Chris and Lilly’s place. Lilly said it’s skinny and a little beat up and it flinched when Chris had a stick. Z named it Luna and they have decided to keep it and I really wonder if my animal magnetism is rubbing off on them. They seem to find animals more than I do. Remember the pig? And of course the world’s most prolific cat who gave them all those kittens.

Day one. Dog has selected well.

On Sunday I went back to my trail to walk. On the way in, the trees were all sorts of colors. Purple. Magenta. It was amazing.

No.

But once I got IN the trail, the leaves really haven’t changed all that much.

Come ON, leaves. Change. I got people to entertain, here.

Anyway, after that I want you to know that I came home and THERE WERE THE CHICKENS AGAIN. God DAMMIT. Then I watched Match Game ’78. People are forever asking me which place I find shows and here’s the thing: I just speak into my remote and it finds shows for me and I don’t pay attention. I watched three episodes. I saw Bert Convey, as you do. I saw Brett Sommers and Arlene Francis. I saw Debralee Scott, who always struck me as kind of cheap-looking.

Best of all, there was Charles Nelson Riley, Betty White and Richard Dawson, before he got all gross and kissy. Oh, it was a time! Gene Rayburn had his skinny mike. They played the “I’m thinking” music while they filled in the blank. I’d love to know what happened backstage. Did they all do coke together in the green room?

Anyway, five stars. Highly recommend.

I’d better go and get to work. I worked a little yesterday, and by “a little” I mean three hours, so right now there’s no work for me to do but it will be here soon. I can feel it. The way you feel a good storm.

I’ll talk to you tomorrow, when I have adopted and built a coop for those chickens, whom I have already named K, F and C.

Enjoying my free Turtle Wax and brown blender for being a contestant,
June

50 Comments

  1. I am JUST NOW getting to read this post and I love it so much! First, I love the wind chimes. I had some like that and they were right outside our bedroom window. I loved them. It never occurred to me that the neighbors may not have liked them. Oops. Now I’m wondering why we don’t have those chimes anymore. I know my husband didn’t like them – maybe I should ask him about that. I think the strings may have finally come apart.
    The veedeeo of the dog – OMG! That dog is going to have the best life running around the farm with those children. Gosh I love a happy story like that!
    I discovered reruns of Match Game while I was in college and I LOVE it. I love ol Gene and Brett and Richard and Fannie. What a great show! I recently found it on Netflix I think (or Hulu?) and it’s a toss up as to which I was more excited about, Match Game or Supermarket Sweep, the old one. I know there’s a new one, but I like to admire the 90s fashion choices and hair styles on the old one.
    Okay, now I have to go read the next post since I’m so behind!

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  2. P.S. The church café serves “spirit.” Ha. Was that an intentional joke when they made the sign? If so, cool, I love when a religion allows a sense of humor.

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  3. HOW does a Great Pyrenees just suddenly show up at the perfect home for it?! Is it not microchipped? Will they name it ‘Noflake?
    Mil is a sweetheart. One of my two cats loves going into his carrier, to the vet, to wherever.
    My friend’s neighbor had some chickens that seemed to end up running loose a lot (little sluts). My friend has three Jack Russells, which are hard-wired to kill small creatures. One of the dogs caught one of the chickens. Fortunately, my friend got to the dog with the mouthful of chicken in time to save the little clucker, but for a minute my friend was terrified her dog had killed someone’s pet and was imagining having to go knock on the neighbor’s house with that news. Good reason to fence chickens in.

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  4. Get bamboo wind chimes. It’s still pleasant but not as piercing and the sound doesn’t carry as much. I have definitely wished all the bad things to happen to a neighbor with wind chimes, especially at night during a storm.

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  5. I’ve read that the Match Game crew taped a lot of episodes at one time and got drunker as the day went on.
    May Mr. The Poet rest in peace. My sincere condolences to The Poet.

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  6. Pretty pictures! Ha, I was watching match game on YouTube just the other day. Bored, you say? There was a video of a woman her son posted I believe as an infamous contestant. She was so nervous!

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  7. Of course Mike the Lumbee has a rooster named George. I do hope it’s George, George Glass.

    Considering all the urban wildlife that shows up nightly on my porch, I will not be at all surprised if one day chickens appear as well.

    Didn’t Debralee Scott play “Hotsy Totsy” on Welcome Back Kotter? I think she was also in American Graffiti as one of Harrison Ford’s girlfriends who says, “Ain’t he neat?” Because when your name is Debralee, that’s how you talk.

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  8. Debralee – Cheap. Chrystal/Tiffany – Stripper/Hooker. Penelope – Smart. Whitney – Stuck up. Some names just doom people forever. Don’t even get started on poor, beleaguered Karen. That one came out of nowhere and is completely out of order.

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  9. Oh how I loved that – K, F and C! Milhouse – such a beauty. Well, hunk? Thanks for the pics – so beautiful. They make me have happy memories. But, I still love Arizona.

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  10. To dear Poet….
    Sit by me ,so that I know the depths of hurt and pain.
    Can stroke your head and sooth with touch.
    Can hum a tune to calm your fears.
    Read you a line to convey understanding.
    Take you in my arms to soothe the worry.
    A wonderful memory we will share.

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  11. I am very sad to hear of The Poet’s bereavement. May Mr. Poet rest in peace.

    I, too, loved the three chickens names! K, F and C!! You are so funny, June!

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  12. My sincere condolences to The Poet. Such a sad time and without family and friends gathering to grieve together and offer comfort makes it even worse.

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  13. Chicken toys?
    I thought I needed wind chimes. I got two ceramic ones and they have yet to utter a chime, even when the dregs of a hurricane blew through. I think they are too heavy. So I got one made of capiz shells. It is very chime-y. But now I have an additional chore added to my weekend repetoire: Untangle chimes. That takes a lot of the charm out of the chime.

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  14. Love all the photos and video. Since we don’t get much indication of seasonal changes it’s so nice to see them. I’ve always enjoyed wind chimes, and especially birds chirping, but I’m the type who likes gentle background noises. I even enjoy hearing the little neighbor boys playing in their yard. The sounds of the good parts of life.

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  15. The weather here is crazy this time of year. There are many times when I use the heat and the AC on the same day. I’ve only had one cat ever who didn’t mind the vet, in fact he liked her and purred when she was examining him. The car ride is another story! All the meowing will drive you crazy. One time I got a kitten and I took him everywhere in the car so he didn’t mind the ride. That was a great plan. Our current cat was grown when he came to us so there is no training him. It’s too bad because he is kind of a jerk.

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  16. Wonderful post today Juan! I loved seeing Z with her happy run/hop and that lucky dog running after her. I remember back in the day being able to do that at the farm of one of our family friends. They did not have any kids and were best friends to my parents so I got double spoiled. They had a farm with cows, dogs, chickens and a lake where the men would take me fishing. Or “fishing” since I don’t think any of us ever caught anything. Good memories. Good news about Milhouse being well. Thoughts with Forrest when he has his surgery. He sure is a handsome little beast, much like my Augie boy.

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  17. Of course they were doing coke in the green room! With that “thinking” music?? I want a line right now after hearing it!
    Great post, K, F and C. Brilliant.

    Also, sorry to hear of the Poet’s husband, I don’t do the face either, I hope she’s doing ok.

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  18. Very sorry to hear about the Poets husband.

    A huge NO to the wind chimes you know who hates your wind chimes your neighbour – you think they sound lovely they do not – however if you do not care for your neighbours get the chimes. I have often pondered if I just snuck over and cut the cords would I get caught and that is the only thing stopping me – my inability to move quick enough to not get caught otherwise they would be snipped – my wish is to be stealthy like a ninja.

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  19. 1st, I cannot believe Mil is 2. Where does the time go? Also, when I read the chicken names I died laughing. A good morning!

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  20. Lovely post and weekend, pretty June. My condolences to The Poet, I must have missed that detail and am very sorry for that. There’s obviously no good time to lose a partner or family member but this has got to be the absolute worst when you can’t see people or hold the typical events for support and closure.

    After standing in line (in humidity/heat) for 9 and 6 hours respectively to vote in the past two presidential election cycles, I was eternally grateful for our new state offering mail in ballots this year. It was still a 3 hour process since it was a two page (front and back) ballot and not knowing anyone/levies in the area led to extensive research but that reading could be done from the comfort of soft pillows.

    How is Mil two already?? Does that mean you’re coming up on the move in anniversary of the cute house? I’ve misplaced my BOJ Timeline.

    Happy Monday all!

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    1. My move-in anniversary was September 21. I mentioned the Poet’s husband being ill on Facebook of June but not here. I had an absentee ballot but I feared it being ripped up along the way.

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      1. We don’t do Face in this house but I still feel like I should have known for some reason. Happy belated anniversary!
        I had concerns about the mail but the state implemented a status tracker on their website that you can follow progression of it. We voted early enough so we could redo them or suck it up and go day of if necessary but the status is listed under ready for counting so I’m checking the box for done. After our prior experiences – and the 6 hour wait was when they’d re-drawn our district to reduce the problems from the prior election – I really didn’t want to vote in person, the potential germs were just a fun topping. And that was in a small child’s school while they were in session with all of us lined up in the halls as they went outside, to lunch or other classes. If we were in a cute town like yours, I would probably feel differently. More people = more mean people and only going to the grocery store/essential errands the past few months has me out of practice of dealing with people at all.

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      2. June,
        If you have an absentee ballot, but voted in person, you are required to turn in the unopened (I think) absentee ballot where you voted. At least, that’s what we are required to do. In that way, they can account for the absentee ballot and know you didn’t vote twice.

        As for wind chimes, different chimes have different sounds. When I am out late with SadieDog and there is a slight breeze, sometimes I hear a lovely wind chime coming from somewhere nearby and I completely enjoy it’s lovely sound. I don’t hear it every night, but it has the perfect pitch.
        Sadie

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  21. Lovely post Coot.
    How has it already been two years for the Mil?
    My neighbor used to have 12 chickens. They would escape and roam the neighborhood like a chicken gang. They were the jets and the cats in the hood were the sharks. They would screech and cluck at one another until the chicken went home to roost. The neighbor, Dave, got rid of all but two chickens. When I say got rid of I don’t know if that means he has a freezer full of chickens or he gave them away. Now just the two chickens roam the hood

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  22. This post today is one for the books. It is why I come here every day, to see if you have written so I can read.
    Great photos, I was there with you in all your situations. Perfect reading , perfect stories. I enjoy all the ways you go.
    Apparently, Episcopalians melt if they get wet.
    The luckiest dog in the world. You are lucky to have this wholesome family in your life as well.

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  23. I have seven chickens (Izzie Stevens, Miranda Baily, Christina Yang, Zola Grey, Lexi Grey, Adele Webber and Arizona) and I love them so much it’s silly. I let them out for a while most evenings and they wander around eating bugs and talking to each other. If I’m in the yard they follow me in a line, and my husband and kids think it’s the weirdest thing ever. They’re very soothing to watch. I had one, Lady, (RIP) who I would sing to and she would repeat the notes (not the words, I’m not that crazy) and it was so fun!

    Millhouse is really just perfect, isn’t he? I can’t believe it has been two years.

    Can you imagine a game show today where you won car wax? Contestant would probably say something that had to be bleeped out and them come back with a gun. We could use some of the old days these days, when it comes to not needing over-the-top stimulating entertainment.

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    1. One of my friends married a guy who, when they first met, was dating two other people, both of whom had been my friends. Which is irrelevant to the story but I have to mention myself at all times. Anyway he chose her but she told me she always felt a bit like the Rice-A-Roni, the consolation prize.

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  24. My mom has the Old Game Show channel and it’s HILARIOUS. Saw an episode of Let’s Make a Deal and someone won a new freezer. With a mink coat in it! Also, I love how raunchy the Match Game was. How’d they get away with that? Lovely post, Coot.

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  25. I used to love watching old episodes of Match Game after school on the Game Show Network. I was too young to understand the double entendres that were so prevalent, but I sensed they were “grown up” jokes. The premise of Match Game never made much sense to me. Nothing beats the old Newlywed Game though. Every episode had a mention of “making whoopee.”

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  26. My god. This post is LOADED with the funny. “The stock thickens” was a personal favorite.

    Two things – Watching Z run, I could remember BEING that girl. Just running and running and running. What a beautiful life those kids have. And that dog – what a lucky pooch. Also too (but not number two) anyone who would hit a dog deserves a swift kick to the groin. Daily.

    Second of two – get the wind chimes. We have them and I love them. I worried they would annoy, but they are very soothing. And when it’s really really windy they are like a warning – hang on to your skirt day!

    Lovely post lovely June.

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    1. I agree. I have had mine for over twenty-years and no one ever complained. I bought them in an art gallery, they were an investment and they have lasted. I love them.

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  27. I would like to have chickens. We live in a suburban area though, and we have fox and coyotes which would be drawn to the chickens and by default, our cats. So sadly no chickens for me.
    I loved your post, June!
    I should be at work today, but the commissionaire in our office was sick with a cold/flu for over a week. She would not go home grrrrr. So, now I have a sore throat and a stuffy nose. I am staying home. I am not happy.

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      1. We live in New Brunswick, Canada. We are in our second wave but saying that since the beginning of covid we have only had a total of 310 cases in the entire province. I don’t believe that we have had
        any cases in the town I live in but there have been in each of the cities an hour away. I just made an appointment for telecare to call me back to discuss whether or not I should go for testing at this point. I am still mad. I just spoke with a coworker who said that the commissionaire is still at work and still sick. We have got our supervisor involved now. I understand why the commissionaire doesn’t want to go home, it’s because she doesn’t get sick pay. My contract ended at the end of May and I was only brought back on a casual basis (which was still the same scheduled 3 days/week) but as a casual I don’t receive sick pay either. Did I say that I am mad, because I am.

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