The postman always rings 48 times

You know that terrible feeling when you wake up well-rested on a weekday, and the sun is actually way up in the sky and so forth? That was me this morning.

“Oh, HELL, why is the sun up?” I asked myself, grabbing my phone from bed.

8:08, my phone said happily. What did it care? It just had to phone. It didn’t have anything else to do. You know what it had to do on Sunday, though? It had to update. Ohhhh, it was soooooo intent on updating Sunday. So I let it, and you know what it did? It somehow disconnected the annoying-as-hell alarm on my iPhone, which won’t let you just have an alarm, no. You have to set up a whole go-to-bed PLAN where they dim all the lights sweet darlin’ a half hour before bed, and play you a sweet lullaby and tell you how long you slept and JUST SET THE ALARM OH MY GOD.

Anyway, so I bounded out of bed and fed everyone this morning, dashing to my laptop at 8:29, thinking, Oh, it’s the Monday after a holiday. They won’t have any work for copy edit to do anyway. It’ll be fine.

EMERGENCY! WARNING, WILL ROBINSON! DO THIS NOW! NO TIME TO SPARE!

I was wrong.

So that was my breakneck morning, and now it’s lunchtime and I’m writing to you from the confines of my robe, as I have not yet showered and I’d like you to take time out and also take your tines out—go ahead, get your forks—to appreciate that I am prioritizing this blog over my hygiene.

While I was working this morning on emergency projects, on projects that required I administer 10CCs of Ringer’s Lactate and transport, I got many pieces of mail at the door, many deliveries, a thing that did not drive Edsel berserk or anything.

First, Faithful Reader Andrea, from whom I stole Forest*, sent me some of my romance magazines, and it is all I can do to not call in sick and read them all day long. I can’t wait to see if she picks her husband or God in this one!

(*When I found Forest I said, I cannot have a 4th cat. That would be insane. “I’ll take him,” said Andrea, who lives 6,392,40302 miles away. She planned a big road trip to come get her a Forest. Then on the day before she was to arrive, we talked and decided I should keep him. Then he fluffed out and got smokey and she has resented me ever since. The end.)

Then, after that, boxes came from my mother and I can’t remember if she said go ahead and open them or don’t open them till Christmas and EVERYTHING IS TOO HARD.

Then after THAT, a box came from FR Kris.

She made me an afghan and LOOK HOW PRETTY.

So now all I have to do is get through this day and then I can SIT THERE, like a LUMP, and read romance magazines under my afghan until my phone plays me a lullaby and tells me when to go to bed.

I’d also better go shower with what is left of my lunch hour, as I have a Hugh Hefner robe look that I am not pulling off in the same manner he did. How come he looked suave and come hither and I look clinically depressed?

Before I go, just now that pretty ornament that I hung from the wreath just up and jumped off the wall, there, and crashed to its death. Ding DANG it. granted, I had it hanging off a branch precariously AF, but that’s beside the point.

Cautiously,
June

P.S. And another thing. This weekend, I put on Facebook pictures of my Christmas decorations, and I said, “If you see things I can move around, tell me.” This apparently was everyone’s invitation to remark on just everything, when what I wanted was, you know, “Move that ornament in front of that whatever” and everyone said they hate tinsel. Do you hate tinsel? I love tinsel.

46 Comments

  1. May I just say that, in my humble opinion, Hugh Hefner looked neither suave nor come hither. He always just looked like a nasty creeper who couldn’t be bothered to put his clothes on.

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  2. My cats would eat tinsel and … it would be a bad thing. But then I’ve had to baby proof my shack because they will eat chew on anything that’s deadly for them. I love the Afghan… looks lovely with the artsy chair.

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  3. I adore tinsel. If it is shiny and sparkly, it is welcome in my life.
    Forest is definite talking smack in that picture.
    The iPhone alarms annoy me because I can’t change the intervals between snoozes. Why should I have to set additional alarms in order to recreate what would happen if changing snooze intervals were possible. C’mon Apple. You figured out how to accomplish all this other stuff but not THAT?

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    1. Also! Kris’s afghan is beautiful!! I remember when it was just a wee idea and you were selecting the yarns.

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  4. That afghan is exquisite! One of Deb’s favorite things at Christmas was tinsel. I had grown up with it too but when he put in on our tree, it would shimmer. Beautiful! And we saved it from year to year. haha

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  5. I enjoyed the “Emergency” tv show reference! I it was always ringers lactate or D 5 W . I loved Randolph Mantate.

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  6. I can’t get over the flowers on the cover of that magazine.
    “This picture needs something…something more than the blank smile…what is it?”
    “How about these flowers I’ve been resentfully letting die in a vase on my desk?”
    “Perfect!”

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    1. You are so right. Maybe this is the woman who chose her husband over God, so any time she’s around a flower God kills them, just to make her life that much suckier.

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  7. We were shopping for garland today. No luck but we only went to one place. I love sparkle so ofcourse I love tinsel. We had it on our real trees when I was a kid.

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  8. Thanks for taking time out of your busy day to tell us all about your excellent mail day! But how in the world can you oversleep with pets around? Mine do not let me get away with that.

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  9. Your mantel looks pretty to me. Very June. When we were kids we always got to toss the tinsel on the tree. We loved tinsel.

    FR Kris is so talented. The afghan is exquisite!

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  10. Tinsel is 100% on brand for you.
    My only suggestion was to move your pink ceramic light-up tree so the pets wouldn’t knock it off that tiny table, and I WORRIED ALL WEEKEND!

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    1. Everyone has said this. I know what kinds of things are cat-dangerous, and that big old tree is not going to be a victim. Even Forest isn’t interested in a big giant stationary tree.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Also a tinsel lover, even the ratty ones that I still have from my childhood 50 years ago.

    Your mantel needs some stuff that is low to ground everything. Do you have something you can drape on your mantel? Or more tinsel that you can weave thru the items up there? I would move the hot pink faun between the pink and silver deer. Then move the pink tree where the hot pink faun was and sort of snuggle it in against that gorgeous globular thing. Move the gold faun to where the pink tree was and turn her hooves to face the other deer. Are there more things you can add? It needs a bit more. Perhaps a few small glittery Christmas bulbs nestled in a tinsel nest near the gold faun. And some of those battery operated tea lights that can be tucked in behind the deer, over by the pink tree and the gorgeous globular thing, and a few more scattered about.
    It looks pretty and very you.

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  12. Thank you for prioritizing us, your faithful readers. My day is complete.
    I love that afghan, the colours are beautiful and the hooking looks exemplary.
    Forest is a beautiful boy, just like your other ‘furbabies.’

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Lovely post, June; and lovely decorations (I am jealous of your pink Christmas ornaments; the rest of my family always veto anything pink as “not Chrismassy”).

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  14. Your decorations are lovely. Ignore all the suggestions to move them around. I do love tinsel, but I haven’t had a Christmas tree large enough to use it is years. As a child the tinsel was the most fun of all the other things going on the tree. The afghan is beautiful and comfy for reading the magazines.
    I love a chatty Cathy.
    Tee

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  15. I love tinsel. There. I said it.

    Also, I am going to need to hear about the No Good Neighbor, who was Beautiful, bored and bad. Because it was obviously written about me har har har.

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  16. I wouldn’t be able to work, knowing a stack of True Story and that gorgeous afghan were tempting me.
    I also love tinsel, especially the red I found a few years ago.

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  17. I love the mantel, and the tinsel and deerses.
    I adore a good flap-your-arms-about warning for Will Robinson. Good television times.

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  18. Love the look of tinsel but don’t have it anymore. I had a cat that ate some tinsel and had a long string coming out of his ass for a week. Sheesh.

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  19. I adore tinsel. But just try to find any. They act like they haven’t sold that stuff at Target since the 1950s. Which is not true because I bought tinsel there in the last 10 years. Thanks for squeezing us in to your lunch hour!

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    1. Oh my God, I LOVED Emergency when I was growing up. I wish I had an autographed picture of Randy Mantooth. Or a baby’s arm holding an apple. What do you want from life?

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