A bad combo. Not like a McDonald’s combo 3, which is excellent. I am starving, did I mention?

Remember yesterday, when all my troubles seemed so far away?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, that’s original, JOOOOON. How do you do it, HOOOOOON?

Hooon. Sigh.

Anyway, yesterday I said my antiseizure medication wasn’t JUST working to keep me from thinking of complex phrases like “lawn chair,” it was also keeping migraines at bay.

Then, of course, yesterday I got a migraine.

A vice president at work, a woman I like a lot, had set up a meeting with me yesterday morning because she is too smart. She really is. So when she writes stuff, it sounds all smart and stuff and sometimes she uses my help to dumb it down. So we were in the middle of our meeting, working on her smart-sounding words when

BAM. Migraine.

“Goddammit,” I thought. And here’s one trigger I’ve noticed. If I start to concentrate really hard, I get a migraine. I don’t know if you’ve considered this, but my job involves concentrating really hard, you know, most of the day.

Part of what my headache doctor told me is that I may never take another Imitrex ever again. So I haven’t. Nine of those pills are gleaming at me somewhere in this house. I don’t know if they’re in my purse or in the cupboard, because I haven’t touched them in a month. I still got six migraines in the past month. Really, one migraine lasted four days as soon as I took my last Imitrex, so does that count as four or one?

Then I got one after I ate lunch meat. Hey, I was sticking to my damn eat-just-chicken theme the doctor ordered, I just forgot that lunch-meat chicken was verboten. And for good reason, apparently.

Then yesterday I got one again. After thinking. Come on.

I tried to work with it for several hours, but by 2:40 I had to email work to tell them I couldn’t work anymore. Then I took to my bed dramatically. What’s terrible is when I get these during work I not only feel really sick, I feel guilty and then on top of that, scared they’re going to just fire me.

The thing about Edsel — and I know that seems like a jarring segue but I assure you it’s related — is he is a faithful companion. I imagine Tallulah did the same thing but I can’t really remember anymore. But, if Edsel is more than one inch from me it’s notable.

Not long ago, the organized folks at InstaCart sent a loaf of white bread in with my regularly scheduled groceries. Someone else out there is all, “Where is my white bread?” which is the same way I have felt about my Little Debbie Swiss Rolls I ordered as MY ONE CHEAT and did not get. It’s HAUNTED me that I did not get them. My whole order was lettuce and chicken and herbal tea, and the ONE FUN THING I asked for they did not include.

Anyway, because it’s there, that white bread, I have been slowly eating it. I have kept it in the freezer and gotten out one piece at a time for bland toast or what have you. How can you eat white bread once you’ve had bread with sunflower seeds or jalapeno in it?

In this loaf of riveting bread, there are two pieces that have stuck together at different levels and I can’t rip them apart without ruining them and I don’t like white bread anyway, so I said, “You know what? These two pieces will be for Trudy.”

Trudy is the fox in our neighborhood. Any time I have a fruit that’s looking past its prime, or a piece of chicken that’s been in my fridge too long (for me, one day is too long), I throw it over my back fence for Trudy. It’s always gone in a day. Either Trudy eats it or SOMEONE does, but it’s always gone.

So I had those pieces of white bread thawing on the counter the other day while I was in my living room reading my True Story magazine from 1957 when I noted Edsel’s absence. That’s what I mean. If he’s not right next to me I notice it.

“Edsel?” I called, and in he trotted from the kitchen.

That asshole treated himself to some iced white bread. I am sorry, Trudy. She’s probably out there starving half to death right now. if ownleee trudyyy have carb.

Anyway. I took to my bed dramatically. We’re back to my migraine from yesterday now. The above was to demonstrate how I note if Edsel isn’t next to me. Keep up.

I slept on and off all afternoon, getting up to feed everyone dinner and to let Edsel out. His usual routine is to go out after dinner, then he pees again when we play fetch and/or take a walk, then once more before bed.

Once we went to visit my mother, and she let him out every single hour, and both Eds and I were all, What are you doing? Her dog, Gus, drank and peed a lot more than Edsel, and she didn’t understand how Eds was fine peeing every few hours.

So, granted, yesterday was an unusual day, but I was careful to offer him the back yard whenever I hobbled out of bed.

I got up for awhile in the evening and hobbled to the couch and finished my hard-hitting piece My Husband or God: I Had to Choose in that 1957 romance magazine that Faithful Reader Andrea sent (she [the woman in the story, not Andrea] was Methodist and he was Catholic, and SHE CHOSE GOD! I was surprised, because in general in these stories usually the man is right, do whatever you can to save the marriage. But this one was so anti-Catholic. And she divorced him and cut off her Catholic husband from her kids and everything. I was sort of shocked, in an I’m reading a romance magazine from 1957 way).

But I really wasn’t feeling at all well, so I went to bed at 9.

Then I woke up. Because Edsel? Was standing at the back door. His not being at the foot of my bed in HIS bed woke me.

“Edsel! What’s wrong?” I asked, and he whined. It’s not like him to whine.

I let him out and hunched dramatically at the door, and after awhile he came back. My neighborhood is pitch black at night, which is great for seeing stars but not for seeing what your dog is doing in your yard. Just this week the city came and fixed a street light I never realized was broken, on my corner. Not that I’m a prostitute. But one is much less plunged into darkness when one goes outside to one’s car at night now. I think that light might have been out the whole two years I lived here. Still, it makes no difference in my back yard of darkness.

I went to bed and fell asleep immediately, only to wake up who knows how much longer later.

Eds was at the back door again. It’s like he was Credence Clearwater Revival. He was do do do looking out my back door.

And lemme tell you what. He was CCRing

ALL

DAMN

NIGHT.

He must have gotten me up four times, at least. I was so sick. And apparently so was he. It was one of the rare times I wish someone else lived here, so I could say, “Will you please let the dog out so he can do whatever it is he’s doing out there and I can sleep?”

Anyway he seems fine today and I have no idea what was ailing him. Really at one point I just wished for his demise so I could rest. I could get my rest, get a puppy later. That was my plan.

But here he still is, and here I still am, and we seem to have muddled through our bad night together and I just realized that

I

AM

STARVING.

The last time I ate was I think lunch at noon yesterday. So at least it was a diet plan.

And that sums up the state of my stupid head and my annoying dog, who likely ate something I was thawing for Trudy and made his own self sick.

Love,
June

30 Comments

  1. I sometimes get the “neck thing” (migraine, I call it, because it comes with nausea and vomiting) if I don’t eat regularly or enough, or apparently enough protein. But oh, wouldn’t it be nice if it was always caused by the same thing so we’d know for sure and cut it out? I feel for you, June. When my meds aren’t working, the only escape from pain and nausea and discomfort is sleep, and woe be it to anyone who wakes me if I have the good fortune to finally fall asleep. -Kate

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  2. Sorry to hear about your troubles. Not The Troubles, which is quite a different thing.
    Hope you both feel better soon.

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  3. OMG. Lunch meat. Every time I forget and get lunch meat like it’s something OK to eat, I get a migraine. Hope things smooth out for you. I’ve had a drink and that came out “Hoe things smooth out for you” the first time. Oh well. You would think with all the pandemic drinking I wouldn’t still be such a lightweight but you would be wrong.

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  4. I had a weather headache Monday night. Before the snow storm. I’m sure those are nothing like migraines but they are irritating and a reminder that I am now old enough to have a barometer in my body.

    Last week, my brother-in-law came for Thanksgiving. It’s been a week and I still don’t have Covid symptoms. Fingers crossed. Anyway, he brought my dogs two bones to try to win over the young one who is afraid of everyone and everything including the curtains on the sliding door. After they had munched the bones all up he announced they were from the Dollar Store so not only was I upset that he doesn’t think he can bring Covid to my house, he also fed my dogs poison China Dollar Store bones and guess who horked on my couch. Not my brother-in-law. That couch was not even two years old. It had 4 ripped cushions from my giant horse dogs and smelled and now there was hork on it. I say was because the next day we took it out and left it at the dump. No more stinky dog couch. On the plus side, my living room seems huge now.

    I hope you both feel better, Hoooooon.

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  5. Ooof! I feel ya’, Edsel! Gluten is not my friend either.
    June, it sounds like you are very good at identifying what triggers a migraine for you. It’s hard to avoid the culprit foods, because, you know, those foods TASTE GOOD which is why you eat them in the first place. Your delicate brain is sucking the fun right out of life!

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  6. I am so sorry you had another headache and Eds was so restless. Maybe it’s because the moon is still pretty bright from being full on November 30 and he can see really well with all that moon light and Trudy is out there on the other side of the fence teasing him or running along the fence wanting to play, or asking him why he ate her white bread. My cat, Trudy, wants outside more at night when the moon is bright.

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  7. Yikes. Migraines! Poison! Vagabonds! Ruffians! Prosthetic Eyes! Dog Pee! Dog Diarrhea! More Dog Diarrhea! More Pee! Shenanigans! All of you guys are on fire this morning. Glad I didn’t eat anything before reading. Oooh – maybe this is a new marketing tool for Joooooon’s non-blog: Come for the Shenanigans and Lose Weight!

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  8. Lovely post Coot.

    I am sorry you are suffering. I hope it gets better.

    I get migraines from preservatives, and pork and anything with sulfur. I will eat something and boom an instant migraine. So I totally understand.
    I had an appointment with my doctor and she told me that Imitrex wasn’t working for me anymore and we needed to get a new plan but didn’t tell me what that plan is. I AM VEXED.

    Also do you leave pies on your windowsill for the vagabond?

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  9. I’m sorry you and Eds had such a horrible night and hope tonight is much better. My sister is up multiple times every night to let her ancient dog out to pee. She must sleep so lightly to wake up each time he stirs as that means he needs to go outside. No wonder she needs a nap every afternoon.

    Poor Eds being blamed if it was actually dignified Tallulah who exploded.

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  10. Oh poor Edz! And who cleaned up that explosive diarrhea?
    I am in the process of moving which makes it necessary for me to spend a few days up north and then a few days in the valley where I am moving to. I had the Dish people come yesterday to hook things up. Now I have had Marley for 5 years and he would rather die than pee or poop in the house. But yesterday, he sidled right up to the repairman and peed on his hands! I was beyond mortified. Sigh. And he was wearing a calming collar, had some rescue calming drops and a scarf around his neck with Adaptil sprayed on it and a benadryl pill in him. He is having such a trauma with this move.
    I hope that Edz is feeling better today! Marley managed to regurgitate a bit during the night on a rug – probably because I had to feed him pretzels on the 65 mi drive up north. ugh

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  11. This was a riveting story. I’m glad both you and the Eds are okay today. In sympathy, I have a migraine this morning. I can’t even remember the last time I had one.

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  12. June. You relived MY night from the night before. So I feel your pain. But I did suspect the white bread was plaguing Edsel as soon as you mentioned it. How did the farm dogs of my youth eat nothing but table scraps and live a normal life? If one of ours manages to get a morsel outside of it’s regularly scheduled $2654125845291.99 bag of specialty food made with only the finest ingredients, it’s the Big D for days.

    And then this morning? 4AM? Woke up with my head about to explode from the inside out. So again? I felt your pain. It hurt so bad I sat on my couch, trying not to barf, writing my own obituary, feeling so sad for my motherless children (newsflash – the youngest is 29) and wondering if my girls would remember that they promised to pluck my chin hairs if I were ever in a coma, if by chance I did not actually die. At some point I fell asleep and when I woke up – headache was gone. All of that to say, I cannot imagine that pain going on for days. I do wish they could figure you out.

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  13. Vagabond. Dignified used the word ruffian last week. Someone was making a great racket at the door (that would be me, locked out and banging on the door to get him to let me in) and he wouldn’t get up and open the door because he was afraid there were ruffians at the door. Sigh.

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  14. My dog peed on the rug by the back door last night. It’s surrounded by tile but she must pee on the rug? Is it softer for her paws? I hope you and Eds feel better today.

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    1. Aw. I wonder why she peed inside. Once when I lived with Ned, he always got up before me on weekdays, and he came downstairs to find Talu her usual dignified self, and Edsel folded over into a C. There was explosive diarrhea all over the kitchen. He said there was no question who had done it, although knowing both of them, I could see Talu doing it and then acting dignified so Edsel looked guilty, and Edsel feeling guilty because it was there.

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      1. My dogs never have the urgency to go pee. Morning comes and they are both Meh. Now that I have been working from home since March 18 (who is counting?) My girl dog lives on the deck. Except for the cold does drive her inside sometimes. Speaking of my girl dog. She has glaucoma in her right eye and is not blind and I have to have her eye removed. I’m sick about it. They offered a prosthetic eye but I just know my boy dog would at too rough and knock it out.

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      2. I snort-laughed at something in this; which is fun so I had to tell you. Also, my bread sticks together, too, because I freeze it. It’s maddening to try to pry frozen bread apart. I discovered that sticking a knife between gets ’em apart. It’s still frustrating, tho. I’m so sorry your head hurts. I hope it gets better soon.

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  15. That’s some commitment there. Having the Imitrex and not taking it. Good for you! I couldn’t do it. My sister had to stop taking it, too. Hope they continue to be less.

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    1. Man, I was tempted. I was all, FUCK IT JUST TAKE IT. But I’ve gone a month without it, and that withdrawal was so fekking awful. I’d hate to have to go through that teeth-chattering dry heaves experience again.

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  16. I’m so sorry about the migraine.
    Poor Eds, it probably really bothered him to pull you out of bed, that poor sensitive boy. i wonder if Trudy was on the other side of the fence thinking ‘served him right.’

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    1. Maybe Trudy poisoned him. Edsel barks at my back fence at night, and I assume it’s at Trudy. I really want a camera for back there. Because what if it’s a vagabond? What if it’s 1912 with my use of “vagabond”?

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