2020 and the luxury toothbrush

If you’re a migraine person you might feel me: Often you get them AFTER something. After an interview, or a party, or a holiday. After the late gig.

Anyway. Despite having not a very stressful week, I woke up Saturday with just a hint of a migraine, just a whiff of one. The way you can smell snow before it gets there.

“GodDAMMIT,” I said, throwing the bedclothes back. Well, THIS will be a fun weekend. I did all my cleaning things with it lurking there. I read my romance magazines while it stabbed at me just a bit more as the day went by.

The migraine doctor has me take nothing right now. Well, that’s not true. He has me take this phony muscle relaxer, which I do have to admit sort of blunts the pain somehow, but I am only allowed to take it twice a week. Fortunately I am now getting migraines every 8 days so it’s not been a problem but I can’t KNOW that when I first get one, so I put off the taking of the relaxer till I really need it.

All I was living for Saturday was 8:00, when the Bee Gees documentary was going to be on HBO. I don’t HAVE HBO, and people are very helplessly saying the same thing on the internet and it sort of drives me berserk when people don’t—god helps those who help themselves, you know. That’s what my gym teacher said to me in high school and that’s what I say to the “But I don’t HAVVVVVE HBO” people.

I also feel this purse-lipped about people who think the phrase “all of a sudden” is “all the sudden.”

You can TRY HBO for a WEEK for FREE. And that is what I am doing now, and who want to bet I will be hooked and end up paying $15 a month for HBO, hmmm? It’s how they gitchya.

By the time 8:00 rolled around, I had an entire migraine going. I bought this ice crown online some time ago, so I wore that, to sort of put pressure on my head and also, you know, ice it.

The documentary was good, although I already knew 89% of it. If you’re a real Bee Gees aficionado you’ll recognize a lot of the footage and some of the interviews, but what can you do? Three of the four are dead (if you include Andy).

But it was still good, and I still learned some new things, and the end killed me, so at 10:00 I took my head to bed.

I woke up Sunday with a raging migraine.

“GodDAMMIT,” I said, throwing the blankets back. I had nausea now, too. I stumbled to the bathroom, because also dizzy, and I grabbed my bonus toothbrush.

We’d gotten Christmas bonuses at work, and I was excited to get one. The day they were to come, my toothbrush fell off the shelf and into the toilet, so I had to spend my bonus money—yes, all of it—on a new toothbrush.

I told this story on (Face)Book of June and I have two things to say.

First of all, oh my god. Would you really drop your toothbrush in the toilet, then “just rinse it off” and use it again? Really? And it wouldn’t make you totally sick just thinking of that every time you brushed your teeth? In a million years I could never get over that. I guess it’s like how I saw the shed snakeskin in my shed, and say shed more often, and now I can’t enjoy my shed. Maybe the snake took the word “shed” literally.

Honestly I’ve thought of having the whole thing torn down. I won’t, because where would I store my crap like my Christmas decorations and shovel, but I can’t have any fun in there anymore. Even in winter, I’m all, “This place is crawling with snakes.”

That’s how I’d be about that toilet toothbrush.

Also, my toothbrush is high dollar. For YEARS, every time I went to the dentist, they’d ask me, “And do you floss?” Oh, that rankled, as I have floss next to the couch and next to the bed and in my makeup drawer. I floss alla goddamn time. I’m Flossy, Mopsy and Cottontail’s sister.

Also, every time I went to the dentist, which I haven’t done all year, they’d find something wrong. This tooth needs a filling, this gum has receded, this whatever needs whatever. And when they did that thing where they stick that pointy thing in your gums and say, “Three, four, three”? They were SUPPOSED to be saying, “One, two, one.”

So I asked what I could do and they recommended this Sonicare toothbrush and so I got it and I’M LYIN’ I’M DYIN’, they have never asked if I floss ever since and also too I no longer get threes and fours in that gum reading and I haven’t had things like GUM SURGERY in decades now.

Prior to that, I had been using $30 electric toothbrushes you get at the CVS.

So that is why I spent all my bonus money on a replacement toothbrush, which I was staring at as I fought off nausea yesterday morning as my head throbbed and my body wavered with dizziness.

And as all that was happening, I tried not to cry because crying makes migraines worse. But for some reason, in my head I heard,

“I’m Barbara Walters. And THIS is 2020.”

And then I giggled. It sure is. Fekking 2020.

47 Comments

  1. I don’t have anything witty to say, but did want to leave a note to let you know that, even though I don’t always get a chance to read your posts right away, I always enjoy them and would be so sad if you ever decided to stop blogging!

    Like

  2. Man, I hate that little teaser migraine feeling. Like the actual migraine is not enough, you have to get a warning for a day or so. I really hope this doctor can help you in the long run. And no, I can’t believe anybody would use a toothbrush after dropping it in the toilet. There are some lines you just do not cross.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Count me among the Sonicare users at the recommendation of my dentist decades ago. I had to replace my most recent one a year or two ago and like the sensitive brushes as they are more gentle (hint, hint, Just Paula).

    Like

  4. I too have a fancy electric toothbrush in a drawer. It’s too vibrate-y. I haven’t been to the dentist since February and really don’t want to make an appointment. The office is a little too open-concept for my comfort level. Downside to forgoing an appointment is my teeth feel a little fuzzy, so now I’m inspired by y’all to charge it up. Upside when I do go is they don’t say the mystery gum numbers. It’s all poke, poke, poke, tippy, tap, type.
    Hooo, boy! Riveting dental talk today on the blog!

    Like

  5. I was so hopeful that mostly giving up coffee would do the trick to exterminate the migraines. I would have tossed the toothbrush too. At one point in our marriage, my darling spouse asked what color was his now (about a month after I changed our toothbrushes) despite the fact that we always use the same places in the holder. It still haunts me of how many times he may have used mine….

    Lovely post, pretty June!

    Like

  6. I’m so sorry you have to suffer with migraines. It seems crazy that they don’t know the definitive cause or cure. I think migraines must be a sign of intelligence and creativity.

    Like

  7. I’m so sorry about your hurting head! I don’t have cable, HBO or any of the other TV watching stuff. I just got high speed internet in November. I would have thrown the toothbrush out too I don’t care if it was gold and cost $1000! You made the right decision. Makes me gag just thinking about it.
    Tee

    Like

  8. I had the gum surgery like a year and a half ago. It was done with lasers. They gave me some pill to take an hour before and I was so relaxed they could have cut my arm off and would not have cared. My boss had the other kind where they use awful scraping tools and had immense pain after. So if you need it go with the lasers. They told me to get a waterpik which I have not done. I really need to do that.

    Like

  9. I must confess that I have had a fancy toothbrush for at least a year, maybe two. And I don’t use it because it hurts. You are all familiar with my dental woes, and I floss constantly and I use a Water Pik. I am now determined to use my fancypants toothbrush starting as soon as I get home. Let’s just hope it doesn’t loosen any crowns, bridges, fillings or any other hardware I have going on in there.
    As far as the toothbrush falling into the toilet, YE GODS. I am a maniac if the toilet lid is left up, having one time seen on the internet how much feces dust gets sprayed around, even in the cleanest of homes. Disgusting. My family is lucky I let them use the bathroom at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am also a toilet seat always down unless in use, fanatic. I go all Joan Crawford wire hanger madness when the toilet set is left up.

      Like

  10. About a year or so ago, I finally went and bought an electric toothbrush (Braun Oral B or Oral B Braun) and wow, what a difference! My teeth never felt so clean! I love it so much.

    I’m not a germaphobe so if mine fell in the toilet, I’d probably just scrub the base with Clorox, Lysol and hydrogen peroxide (just to be safe) and just put a new brush head on it.

    Like

  11. I have a Sonicare toothbrush that has a brush and floss function, or you can do one or the other. It was pricey. It took me about a week of using it to decide I really like it. My dentist did not actually recommend but told me I’d better floss or come up with some way to replace flossing. This was my own solution. I really think if I dropped mine in the toilet, I’d peroxide the base and put a new head on it rather than replacing the whole thing. But that’s just me.

    Like

  12. Lovely post, June. That migraine life is awful. Migraine suffers have my sympathy. I hate that science hasnt figured out how to cure those. I too am team Sonicare. The only downside is I only ever seem to get 2-3 years out of one. I dont know if that is me or the standard. I got sucked into trying a Quip and it was no contest, back to Sonicare. They really make a difference. I would totally have changed the brush head and kept my old one after a Clorox wiping.

    Like

    1. I am also 100% team Sonic-care. My husband poo-poo’d the expensive toothbrush until he started getting dental issues. He started on Sonic-care and now is the dentist’s star patient. What about me dentist?? I believe firmly that Sonic-care prevents so much tooth grief

      Like

  13. I’m so sorry about the migraine. That’s a terrible way to spend a weekend.

    Also, the “numbers” part gives me anxiety. I hate that dentist secret code shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Ahh My kids have wonderful hard teeth like their dad! I was not so lucky but I do have the originals… such as they are with crowns and fillings… etc. No dentures. I hope your migraines go away – cannot imagine dealing with that all the time… well, I could imagine it…. sigh

    Like

  15. First of all, yes the free trials are just to lure us in. I was offered a free trial of NFL games and HBO when I signed up for a satellite service. I told the salesperson I didn’t want the free offers because I KNEW I’d forget to cancel. They said okay. Then months later, I get this huge bill. Apparently the NFL package was very expensive and guess who didn’t cancel? I didn’t even know we had it! Oh I was mad! I called and sat on the phone with that company for far too long. I had a baby and a toddler and my husband wasn’t home yet. They got a piece of my mind over it. Then I had to call them again to ask them to reduce our package with them. They said they would only allow that if I signed up for auto draft. Well they didn’t get our business after that contract was up. It was only a $10 charge I wanted reduced but it was the principle of it. Clearly, I’m still in a huff ofer that company years later.

    As for the toothbrush, I wouldn’t have used the brush part, but I would have replaced the head and sanitized the handle and kept on brushing. I’m too cheap to throw away an expensive toothbrush! Also, I live with very gross children, so my gross out threshold is pretty high. I used to gag at things that no longer phase me.

    Also too, I hope you feel better. I can’t imagine having migraines that often. No one should have to the endure that!

    Like

  16. “…just a whiff of one. The way you can smell snow before it gets there.” Lovely.

    I always enjoy seeing those old ads you post. Burger King ads used to make me WANT. Now they just gross me out. Age takes a lot of the fun out of gluttony.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so sorry about your hurting head! I don’t have cable, HBO or any of the other TV watching stuff. I just got high speed internet in November. I would have thrown the toothbrush out too I don’t care if it was gold and cost $1000! You made the right decision. Makes me gag just thinking about it.
      Tee

      Like

  17. Do you think any of the soniccare toothbrushes will do, or does it have to be the $150 one? Because now I can’t sleep until I have one for the whole family. In this year of the Covid, none of us have been to the dentist.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Lovely post Coot. Except for the part where you toothbrush got ickified. My daughter dropped her phone in the toilet at a nightclub in 2009. She left it there. She came home and told us that her phone was in the toilet at the Stampede. I guess it is still there. Ewwwww.
    Also and too, I hate going to the dentist when they do the one, two, one, one. I lost my Sonicare in the move. I asked my new dentist if I should get a new one. She told me, she thought a regular brush would be good enough. GOOD ENOUGH! What does that mean? Two cavities are good enough? Only one root canal is good enough? I have since changed dentist and toothbrushes.
    I am sorry about your “sick headache”. I hope you are better and it stays away.
    On that subject, I read an article that Topamax can cause retinopathy. Just what I wanted to know.

    PS glad you put your post back up.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I would have totally cleaned it and used it. That’s clean water in your toilet, June. Unless of course it WASN’T clean water at the time but I’m assuming it was. Here’s a tidbit for ya – if you don’t close your toilet lid every time you flush the toilet, guess what’s flying all around your bathroom? And if you keep your toothbrush sitting out on your counter, guess what’s all over your toothbrush? We are none of us as clean as we imagine ourselves to be. (My toothbrush is stored in the drawer, for the record. Is it safe? Who knows!) Don’t even ask what’s on your cellphone.

    Sorry about your head. It’s like living on the precipice all the time over there.

    I watched the Bee and the Gees documentary last night… or most of it anyway. I didn’t get all the way to the end, but maybe I can believe they all lived happily ever after if I don’t finish. My hatred for Steve Dahl was definitely revived.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. My daughters think I’m nuts for pouring peroxide over my toothbrush after I brush my teeth (this is after I rinse it in hot water). My doctor told me about that little trick. I completely understand how you wouldn’t use the electric toothbrush after it was baptized in the toilet. I have to keep the lid shut because the Cat Crew drop toys etc. in the toilet.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. That works. A relative who claimed to be an expert ex apartment manager, told me once that when she was getting an apartment ready to rent, she had her cleaning crew pop off the toilet lids and run the lid through the unit’s dishwasher. Gross.

        Like

    1. I actually brush my teeth WITH peroxide. Recommended years ago by my dentist and it’s great. My gums are much improved and I have zero plague issues. 10/10 recommend.

      Like

      1. I love peroxide! When the Covid began, followed by toilet paper shortages … I could not easily find my beloved peroxide. My oldest daughter gifted me a case of peroxide and rubbing alcohol. I also am stocked up quite nicely with toilet paper and paper towels, etc.

        Like

        1. Well, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but I used to just pour the peroxide over my brush and brush away. THEN by a Genuine Grocery Store Miracle, I found a SPRAY BOTTLE of peroxide. PERFECTION. I don’t know why I never thought of just popping a spray head on top of my current bottle, but there you go. Now I just spray my brush head and all is well!

          Like

  21. I hope your head is less hurty now and the nausea is gone.
    I’ve had the same results with the Sonicare toothbrush. I also bought the cordless water flosser, which I remember to use once or twice a month. It judges me from the corner of the vanity the rest of the time.
    I’m also in the disinfect the crap out of it and add a new brush head camp.
    I did that when my iPhone slid from my pocket into the thank G it was empty toilet. Grabbed it so quickly it was barely wet. I’m too cheap to replace either one.
    I miss Barbara Wawa.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have done that exact same phone-in-the-toilet move, and I don’t regret it. I rubbing-alcoholed it thoroughly, bought a new case and called myself fortunate. For a toothbrush? No way. Gotta begin again.

      Like

  22. When I was about 9, my dad took us to the San Diego Zoo. We had just learned about molecules at school. I stepped in gorilla poop, and refused to wear my cute Keds again, because even after cleaning, they had gorilla poop molecules on them. Looking back I have to question the science behind that stance. So I understand the toilet toothbrush decision.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Wow that is an expensive tootbrush, I’m glad it works for you. I just use a regular tootbrush, my waterpik, and call it a day. Lovely post Jube. JUNE, goddamit. Fekking 2020 Indeed.

    Like

      1. I’m so sorry about your hurting head! I don’t have cable, HBO or any of the other TV watching stuff. I just got high speed internet in November. I would have thrown the toothbrush out too I don’t care if it was gold and cost $1000! You made the right decision. Makes me gag just thinking about it.
        Tee

        Like

  24. We love our Sonicare here too. My latest has a button for 3 minutes instead of 2. Did you really have gum surgery? My dentist has hinted that I should consider it. I am doing everything I can not to think about it. I was one of those saying that I would just disinfect the base of the toilet toothbrush and put on a brand new head. Maybe I acquired that attitude when I went through training to work in Stanford Hospital. Once I learned that those poop germs are everywhere (money for example) no matter what you do (everybody poops), I was simultaneously super careful about handling every injection I drew up for cancer patients and a little more “just clean it off with a lysol wipe” about my everyday life.

    Like

    1. I did have gum surgery, yes. It was … not relaxing. It was a long time ago, now, so maybe it’s gotten easier. Or maybe it’s like root canals, how if you go to someone who is good at it, it’s no big deal.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s what I was thinking…go to a specialist. I was thinking about your shed. We had one that had a dirt floor. I put some thicker black plastic vapor barrier stuff down (like heavy duty garbage bag material) and laid out pavers on top of it. I didn’t expect it last very long but it lasted decades. It kept everything dry and cleaner. I wonder if it would help with snakes.

        Like

    2. Re: poop germs – I read a comment by some smart person that we’d all be better off if we just assumed the entire world was covered in a microscopic layer of feces. Because it is. Behave accordingly! (Wash your hands, etc. Same stuff they’ve been saying all year.)

      Like

  25. I have the Bee Gees doc in my DVR queue, can’t have any distractions when I watch! I couldn’t use a toothbrush that fell in the toilet, gross. Haven’t jumped on the electric toothbrush bandwagon quite yet, still old school, no cavities, ever, so I think I’m good (I hope I just didn’t jinx myself). Sorry to hear of your migraines, glad Baba Wawa helped, I would cry too. Frustrating!

    Like

    1. I had a friend back in Seattle, a friend whom my boyfriend du jour said always looked like she should be holding a lamb and drinking a glass of milk. Anyway, she had never had a cavity. I guess this stuff is genetic. None of my grandparents had their originally scheduled teeth.

      Liked by 3 people

Comments are closed.