14

Fourteen years ago today, I began nkogging—

nkogging. Ding DANG it. That’s the Eskimo word for it. There are several Eskimo words for it.

Blogging. I began BLOGGING. I am not at all eating Christmas cookies with one hand and typing (nkogging) with the other. Later I’ll share how to lose inches off your hips and yeah no I won’t.

Is “Eskimo” racist now?

Anyway, 14 years ago today I began nkogging, and all those 14 years culminated in me driving myself berserk last night.

As you know, from your years of sitting over there adding inches to your hips (there are several Eskimo words for your widening hips) at the end of each year I do a little wrap-up video, a veeeedeo, as my grandmother would pronounce it.

For delightful 2020, I thought of just showing “January” and then me living my life normally. “February” and then me recovering from surgery. Did you know I had surgery? Then from “March” to “December,” just photos of my living room.

I adored myself for this, and strummed love songs for self on my guitar. I gazed at self in mirror like I was Jodie Foster as Nell. “Chick-o-pay.” “Nkogging.”

But then I saw I had some really very cute photos of LIFE INSIDE THIS HOUSE, so I decided to make a traditional veeeeedeo anyway. After culling and Edward Cullen-ing all my photos, I gathered them together to hear the Lord’s blessing and then I had to decide what music to use for my masterpiece that any idiot with a Mac and cheesy taste could make.

And that was when I discovered I have added no new music this year. None. Not one song. I think it’s because I’ve spent the whole year going, “You’re kidding” and also “Chick-o-Pay.”

Remember Chick-O-Sticks? Those were good.

Look! It would appear that not only do Chick-O-Sticks still exist, you can buy them by the box! Later I’ll show you how to lose inches from your — yeah no, I won’t.

So I asked all y’all all on Facebook yesterday if you knew any good songs I could put on my end-of-year video and you had really pretty songs and I tried some of them but they didn’t go, “Yeah, HELL YEAH,” when I played them with my riveting 48 pictures of Lily.

So I looked around and somehow stumbled on this.

Oh my shattered ass, I just loved it. I looked at the lyrics in English to make sure they didn’t say, I love eating cats or anything. Yay, I found my song! My 2020 song!

So I downloaded it on my phone, plugged my ding-dang phone into my ding-dang laptop, and?

Wouldn’t sync.

I mean, ANY OTHER TIME, my phone and desktop sync, no problem. This time? I had a problem. It wouldn’t sync so hard that I had to call Apple Care, and that never ends in happy for me.

The woman at Apple Care was a lovely person, but we couldn’t sync and she had to get her supervisor but you know what? We finally got that damn song to sync. To le sync. And just as we were about to hang up, I said, “Hang on.”

Because there in my slide show, I could finally SEE the song, but it was grayed out. I could SEE the song but I could not USE the song. I could use ANY OTHER SONG from ANY OTHER TIME I had ever downloaded songs but not that one.

Let me tell you what.

I ended up talking to her supervisor, then I ended up talking to iTunes, then Apple Music or something, then everyone’s supervisor, then Bill Gates, then the inventor of the internet, then the inventor of computers, then the inventor of music, then that inventor’s supervisor, and at

EIGHT P.M., I finally said, “I am exhausted and wish to quit for today.”

They gave me a case number and we hung up.

The best part of this is, for most of the time they had to share my screen. “Ope, you’re on Do Not Disturb,” the first guy told me. Normally, the top-right corner of my screen tells me when anyone IMs me or texts me or calls me or thinks fondly of me or reads my nkog or eats a Chick-O-Stick. I turned off Do Not Disturb. “You’ll see why I have it set to that,” I said.

Five minutes later, he was all, “Holy crow, you weren’t kidding!”

Are the rest of your lives like this? Do you get texts and instant messages almost every minute all day every day? If so, do you wonder if other people have, you know, jobs and responsibilities or do they just send messages all the time or what? What’s going on in the world?

Anyway, (I swear to all that is holy and merciful I JUST GOT A TEXT just now at 8:25 a.m.) I give up on that song. And now it’s the ONLY SONG I WANT. And no matter how good my veeeedeo is I will hate it because I can’t have that song.

So that wraps that up (I swear to all that is holy and merciful I JUST GOT ANOTHER TEXT)

(I JUST GOT ANOTHER ONE)

So that wraps up (STOP TEXTING MEEEEEEEE)

So that wraps up the saga of my end-of-year veeeedeo and you will see it at the end of the year and be sure to text or IM me about it.

Love,
JUUUUUUUN

51 Comments

  1. “Inuit” is the correct reference to Eskimos.
    “Best Blogger Ever” is the correct reference to you, June.

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  2. Dear June,

    Thank you for sticking to blogging and for the little community you’ve created. The whole experience means a lot anyway but especially this year, has been such a bright spot.

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  3. Wow, 14 years! Here’s the top 5 songs on that day.

    Beyonce – Irreplaceable
    Akon – I Wanna Love You
    Akon – Smack That
    Fergie – Fergalicious
    Justin Timberlake – My Love

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  4. Happy 14 years! I can’t believe it. That was so funny that the guy grew to appreciate your do not disturb status.

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  5. Is Chick o Stick candy?? Really?! I thought it was the chicken version of Slim Jim (or Slimothy James as I’ve seen it called in a meme which had me doubled over with laughter).
    June, thank you for another fantastic year of blogging your heart out. I absolutely LOVE what you have created here, and I’ve been around for pretty much all of it. I am all the better for your presence!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Love your blog. And my understanding is that the term Eskimo is racist. Inuit is what the indigenous of the North use to describe themselves. But I stand to be corrected, as I am not Inuit myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bill Gates wouldn’t help you with your Apple product even if he could.

    Happy Knog-a-Versary June! The song is perfect. Maybe the VeeDeeO could just come with instructions – “play this song while you enjoy June 2020!”

    Most seriously and sincerely – thank you for sharing your words, your pictures, your pets, your friends, your family, your neighbors, your troubles, and your life. You are one of a kind. I mean, I probably only like you because you’re gaudy, but whatever.

    Bring on the New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I can’t express my thanks and and delight with your blogging without sounding sappy and sentimental. You are, oh what was it, one of the delights of life? Is that what the article in the paper said about you?
    The numerous Eskimo names for blogging killed me. I wonder about the acceptability of the word Eskimo, too. And why did they have to take the Eskimo off the wrappers of Eskimo Pies? I mean, I’ve seen the indigenous peoples of the North American Continent known as People of the Tides wear those clothes. I would really like it if we could Dial a ———- and be able to sincerely and humbly and genuinely ask to be educated about the latest correctness. Is Eskimo offensive? How come Gay is okay now? I’m down with it, I just want to understand.
    That song is the nuts.

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  9. Yes, the text notifications drive me bonkers. I usually have them off and always off on my phone. The time they make me wildest is when I sit down to enjoy my minimum daily requirement of June and get interrupted. Six times interrupted during the reading of just this blog. I am so Grinchy at this moment. Sometimes when that little window at the top flashes open I scream, “Get off me!” You should hear what I’m screaming just before I answer the phone with a happy sweet little hello.

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  10. I’m so glad you started blogging 14 years ago! I laugh so loudly at your writing (except when it involves one of the pests not feeling well). Thank you for doing this and continuing to do it. Happy anniversary!

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  11. Firstly I want to say how excited I was to see one of my very favorite candies in my very favorite blog!! Those are from Texas, you know. We are quite proud of them.
    Second, congratulations on another fine year of keeping us sane and entertained. I can’t wait to see the video!

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  12. How have I never heard of Chick-O-Stick? Like you, Carla Bruni’s song is lovely. I wonder if she receives as many texts, emails and instant messages as you. Not likely.

    Thank you for another year of keeping us sane. Especially, this year. Happy anniversary to the best not-blogger I know and I’m looking forward to your end-of-year video.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Thank you and congratulations on 14 years. Weve needed you even more during this our pandemic year.
    Beautiful song. Carla Bruni is gorgeous.
    I’ve been down the Apple wormhole a time or two as well. I’ve always found the service reps really are as helpful as humanly possible.
    To celebrate this special day, here’s a list of my favourite June-isms through the years.
    Cankles
    Front butt
    Easter Island head
    Underpantchs
    Sparklefraffle
    Ding dang, dingity dangity
    Flibbertygibbet
    Hooti hoots
    Kermis/Christmas
    Douche chills
    Crones gone wild.
    Yes, I really have kept a list.

    Liked by 3 people

        1. I missed the original Hookers and Blow from Paula and I have never understood how it came up, so to speak.

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          1. We found an article that said to be happy you only needed to make, like $45,000 a year or something. Paula said in New York you can’t even get hookers and blow for $45,000.

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  14. Oh Junie June June. How I love you and your eleventy million animals. You have had a rough year and I hope the one before you will be much better.

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  15. Chick-o-pay just killed me. Lovely post, just like all of them . You are the only blog I still read. And the Facebook pie group is really the only thing I miss about Facebook , since I left prior to the election.
    Can’t wait to see the veedeo!
    Dana

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  16. This post made my day. A day that started with a lot of crying at the kitchen table and later looking at my phone and saying aloud “of for GOD’S SAKE, WHAT???” when people text me. But the Nell references (I still say “a-tay-in-a-winnnnd” when it’s windy outside) and the Eskimo words and the apple help story – you are the very best, Joon. I’m lucky to read ya.

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  17. Now all I can hear is Jodie Foster saying chickopay. I never made it through that entire movie.

    I didn’t realize Apple computers have the texting and messaging notifications like an iPad. That would drive a person nuts. I often misplace my phone and have to use my work phone to call myself. Inevitably, the iPad starts ringing loudly and I can’t find the phone because the iPad drowns out anything else. I could turn down the iPad first, but do I ever think of that? Of course not.

    I love listening to music in other languages while I work. The words don’t distract me since I don’t know what is being said. I’m very much a lyrics person and my husband is a music person. That means he listens to songs with stupid lyrics and I can’t stand it. On the other hand, he says my taste in music is boring and depressing because I like songs with meaning. It amazes me that some of our first conversations were about music and we didn’t realize we hated each other’s taste in music right away. He even went out and bought a cd I recommended. I bet he hated it. I should ask him.

    I can’t wait to watch the veedeeo. I can’t watch until I leave the office since I forgot my earbuds today. But I will watch later!

    Thanks JOOOOON, for another year of blogging and making us all laugh and feel like we have found our people. My mornings (sometimes evenings) would be so boring without you! I just can’t quit you. Ha!

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  18. You get so many texts, etc., because you are so ding-dang popular and likeable. Thank you for all your hard work.

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    1. I am ALWAYS on “Do not disturb.” I cannot stand the constant texts, notifications, updates, look at what I am eating… good God. I am sorry, but J just do not care. I am a rotten person. Xoxo

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      1. No, you are not rotten. I turn all that off also. I actually stopped wearing an apple watch because it bugged. Yes, I turned everything off…and it still told me when to breath. I do not need to know every time I get a text or email. YIKES

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  19. We just got TEAMS and SHOOT ME. I already hate ZOOM. I also hate GOOGLE MEET and GoToMeeting. And now TEAMS. That’s a lot of hate.

    I will have to enjoy your veeeeeedeeo later. Damn TEAMS.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not sure yet who is on and who isn’t, so I am living in fear of typing MY GOD SHE LOOKS LIKE HAMMERED SHIT to the wrong people.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Agree 10000% I work with TEAMS zealots. Reminding me to remind me we have a meeting and that I have not responded to their email. Dear Asshat, I did not want to respond. I will not be responding. See you at our next TEAMS meeting!

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    2. One of the joys of owning my own company is that I don’t have to deal with online meetings. I just can’t picture a bunch of construction workers all doing Zoom meetings. Thank heavens for that.

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  20. Hey, June. Thank you for entertaining us and making us laugh and cry for all these years. Your writing and wit are second to none.

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  21. Yes! Thank you for all the hard work your put forth to write us each day (mostly). I do follow other blogs, but your are the ONLY one that I check daily. Yes! Those Chick-O-Sticks are yummy, but I haven’t had once since our local BBQ (Sadie, that would be Dean’s BBQ) closed, which is a very sad thing and the next best BBQ place over in the next county does not serve those delicious treats. Why so chubby, I feel your pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Happy Anniversary! Thanks so much for sharing your words and life with us despite the frustration. Most days, you’re the only email/internet piece I look forward to reading!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I hope someone sees your plight and somehow magically fixes it for you. For us.
    Heading to the Listening Room now.

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  24. Want to comment before I check the song out so you know that this is the very first thing I read today (as most of your posts are). And thank you for all the ding-dang work you put into this blog and your end-of-year opus.

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