The boy cats and I are having a bit of a standoff. It’s terrible outside: It’s like 29 degrees or something, and there is freezing rain. Usually, they dash to their dishes for breakfast, then dash to the door to go outside, like they have to catch the A-train or something.
Today I opened the door, and Edsel ran outside, did his business—which involves many high-stakes dealings with heads of major conglomerations—and dashed back in with his newspaper under his arm. The girl cats didn’t even consider going out, but the boy cats stood in the threshold. Only those of you who HAVE cats know from the annoying “stand in the threshold” stance, while you stand there holding the door like you should be wearing a jaunty doorman cap.
Then they decided, nah.
After I shut the door, Forest and Milhous seemed to reconsider. They both hovered around said door, unsure.
“Meep!” said Forest, which seems to be his one expressed thought.
“You guys are insane,” I said. I opened the door again.
They tentatively took steps outside. “You want back in?” I asked.
“We good,” said Milhous.
“Meep!” said Forest.
And when I left them, they were crouched—crouched!!—in the freezing rain, refusing to give up. Hang on and let me see if they’ll come in now.
Jerks. Then they were all, “feel free to dry our furrr. it so raynneee.”
So, all that’s happened. I wish it would just SNOW. I keep asking my Google machine if it’s going to snow and she keeps very smugly saying, “No. There is no snow in Greensboro this week.” Oh, shut up. Can’t you throw me a bone? I’ve been in this house for 9 months. I need some fun. Give me a little percip, would ya? And not fekking boring freezing rain.
Normally at this time of year I’d at least have my work party and then my smaller team party, which is held somewhere cool downtown. Last year we had it at this cool old building where they sell weird eyeglasses now. At the front they had a person sketch you as an animal and at the back a guy wrote a poem about you. In the middle were snacks. It was all you need in a party, really.
This year I’m chatting with cats and hoping for percip. Don’t you wish I’d stop calling it “percip”?
Maybe I need a new hobby beyond cats and old romance magazines. What should my new hobby be? No one mention crafts or sports or games. That leaves a wide array of choices, does it not?
In other news, today I read that even after you get your coronavirus vaccine, you still should not travel or go out without a mask.
I think this is really about the time I might start to crack. Are you fucking kidding me?
Look. I’ve done this hard thing. Not to be smug, but I think I’ve done it pretty thoroughly. I’ve stuck to it pretty hard all year. I will wait my turn, till regular folk can get vaccinated. I will sit here in this 999-square-foot house till summer, if that’s how long it takes. That will mean I will have been here alone in my house, almost never leaving, for about 18 months. I have put gas in my car once since February, and that was really only because I had to drive Iris to Chapel Hill for her procedure.
But now you’re saying that even after all that, even after you told me in March oh, you just have to do this a few weeks. Then, oh, maybe a few months. Oh, wait, fall is gonna be really bad. Oh, don’t have Thanksgiving with people.
I mean, I did all that because I am not a nuttenheimer who thinks this is all made up, or that the government is trying to get us, which, why are people so weird?
It’s an illness that swept the world and we are doing our best.
Well, no. We did not do our best.
But I think scientists did their best with what they had to work with and with our blatant noncompliance. I did what scientists told me to do as they struggled with all that.
They told me maybe a vaccine in October. No. Maybe the end of the year. OK; it’s here but you won’t get it for awhile. OK; you won’t get it till next summer, probably.
OK. I will do ALL OF THIS WAITING.
But now you’re telling me AFTER ALL THAT, after I do ALL THAT, I STILL CANNOT GO ANYWHERE even after I get a vaccine? Which by the way isn’t one but one, then wait, then another? Even after all that, I STILL HAVE TO WAIT?
STOP MOVING THE GOAL.
Everyone else got fed up way before I did, it feels like. Everyone else is cutting a corner here, meeting up with people there. Oh, we went to a restaurant but there were hardly any people. Oh, we went for a mountain weekend but we all got tested, mostly.
I have FOLLOWED THE RULES 100%. I will wait for my damn vaccine. I will wait for the stupid FOLLOW-UP vaccine. Then that’s it. That’s all you get. Go fuck your own self. After that, I’m going about my life. Which I just sat out on for at least a year and it’s looking like a year and a half.
I did not know I was going to just crack like that just now but there it is. Honestly it’s like a study in how far people can be pushed, this thing. And I am and have always been a rule follower. I find rebels to be not brave or inspirational; I find them to be assholes. So, I sat here and followed the rules. But reading that last thing just sort of pushed me over the edge, man.
Anyway, so I need a hobby. Looks like I’ll be here awhile longer.
On the edge and anthropomorphizing my pets,