Green chair for m’can and no can for m’cat

Dear anyone who knows I am trying to give up the caffeine:

I’M GOOD ON TEA. THANK YOU. GOOD ON TEA.

I’m like that joke about the kid who was just a head (“Not another hat!”). You know what I might could do, is take the tea out of the boxes and just put the bags in that bowl. Why did that not occur to me till now when I saw them all crammed in there like chickens at the poultry plant?

But speaking of receiving things, I don’t know about you, but I am getting boxes galore lately, and I’m certain it’s fun to be a UPS or FedEx or postal delivery person this year. What a pain in the ass we all are. Mostly I am getting boxes of tea from well-meaning people. But yesterday I got an ENORMOUS box, bigger than my promiscuous college roommate’s, and I was pushing it over to the “things that are obviously Christmas gifts” pile but there was a little PICTURE of what it was inside, which Dear Box Designer: There’s this holiday, see, where we all surprise each other with gifts, see, and if you put a PHOTO of the gift, see …

Anyway, it was the desk chair I admired! For all this time, this whole work-from-home year, I’ve NOT worked at my desk because while my desk chair is vintage and charming and you know I like vintage and charming, it’s all wood all the time and sitting on it is like sitting in a church pew, so I opt for my leather “cowboy chair” (that’s how they marketed it at the same damn vintage place I got the uncomfortable wooden computer chair) and my work laptop, and while the cowboy chair is comfy and offers me beans in front of a campfire, I do find that I’m looking DOWN into the laptop all day, which can’t be good for m’neck, which as you know needs several rounds of $700 shots that I won’t go get. Because $700.

So I longed for a good desk chair so I could sit normally at a desk, but $$.

And then, lo, an angel of the — a good desk chair appeared on my porch, and I was all, Who SENT this? And just then Ned called.

“Ned!” I said. “I just got a desk chair in the mail!”

“Goddammit!” said Ned.

“???” I said.

I sent you a desk chair,” he groused, “and now someone else has too.”

I never said that Ned was bright.

It turns out they told him it wouldn’t get here till January but here it is, here in NOT YET January, unless he’s right and two people sent me the same green chair and anyway here it is.

Isn’t it magnificent?

So today Ima work at my desk for the first time in 10 months of working at home and we’ll see how that goes.

Yes, I AM working this week. I’m not going anywhere so why not work? Things will either be berserk or so quiet I will organize my teabags. That’s how Christmas week usually — oh hang ON, someone just send me a work email at 8:16 a.m. Let me go see what THIS is.

…Oh. It was the thank you email. From someone who doesn’t yet know how I feel about the thank you email.

There’s no need to thank me for doing my job. There really isn’t. I mean, thank me with a raise, or a giant shout out at a big meeting. But don’t send me an email thanking me for sending the work. I’m not worried you “got it.” It’s email. You got it. If you didn’t, THEN YOU CAN EMAIL ME saying, “Hey, did you forget to copy edit that thing, you damp ham?”

Anyway, that’s how I feel about the thank you email. Eventually people know this because eventually I deliver that diatribe and I am a pleasure of life. I am a pleasure of work.

Some people email me to say, “I know you hate getting thank you emails but thank you!”

Sigh.

I realize I’ve become the old scary woman at work.

So that sums up the weekend, other than I ran out of canned kitten food, not that Forest is starving as he caught 1 vole, 1 small snake and 1 cute little field mouse this week. The rodents, he ate. The snake, he left. Thanks. Let me send an email: THANKS.

But I had these two large boxes, larger than my promiscuous college roommate’s, of kitten food on the shelf, and I just kept reaching in there for a can like it would last forever, like they were Everlasting Gobstoppers, and one day one box was empty, so I reached in the other and it had one can.

So I dashed over to Chewy, who might as well name themselves Juney, and ordered more cans TOOTSWEET, but they have yet to arrive because see above re everyone getting boxes. So this morning, for the first time since he got here in August, Forest found himself sans cans.

He has DRY food. He’s not STARVING. But oh, is he annoyed. I swear his FUR is drooping. He’s walking around with his head low. And every time I get up, he dashes to his bowl like I finally remembered. Like as soon as I put a can in his bowl he’s gonna email me, “thangsz!”

My ex-best-friend and I used to talk on the phone maybe 20 hours a day, and her husband, her now-ex-husband, who by the way I miss and who knew? Anyway, he would do this thing where he’d walk into the room she was in and half open his mouth and raise his eyebrows as if he were about to say something but got frozen in time by Endora on Bewitched. This was his not at all manipulative way of letting her know he wanted to say something to his wife who was on the phone 20 hours a day.

Anyway, that’s Forest right now. Any time I move, he’s got his insistent face on.

I feel TERRIBLE about this and as soon as his cans arrive I will plop one in a bowl whether it’s a mealtime or not.

Poor canless Joe Jackson.

Anyway I guess I’d better “go to work,” which means sitting here waiting for work. But in my good green chair. Which might be from Ned or maybe Ned and some other person at the same time.

Sensibly,
June

74 thoughts on “Green chair for m’can and no can for m’cat

  1. OH MY GOSH! I lovelovelove your new chair! And if you get a second one, you will have a chair and a spare!

    I was also going to mention (without suggesting or advising) that some people might just put all their tea in a tea canister…

    Yesterday was my birthday, which is why I am just getting here now. Generally something dramatic and/or stupid happens on my birthday and I hold my breath all day just waiting fr it. This year the day was quite lovely! I guess 2020 has sucked up all the drama already for the year. Now I just gotta make it to my favorite day of the year – January 2!

    Lovely post June!

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  2. I FINALLY got to read the whole post! Yippee! Forrest really is beautiful and that wide eyed photo is adorable.

    The chair is also beautiful! Please update to tell us if it is comfortable! I need a new chair at work, but it has to be approved in the annual budget. Sighhhhh.
    This year, I ordered a Barbie DreamHouse (that’s how they wrote it on the box) for my daughter. Thankfully, the website said it would not come concealed, so I had this giant box delivered to work. Don’t mind me, here with my giant Barbie box. It was a bit embarrassing. I was texting my husband about it and accidentally typed drama house. That was the dang truth. I ordered two of them after the first one was delayed. Then the first one arrived and the not delayed one was delayed. I hope we get all the squeals of delight on Christmas morning as ol fat Santa gets all the credit. One year, our son got mad months after Christmas and during his tirade he included that all we got him for Christmas was a Bible. Never again have we let Santa get credit for all of the toys. Someday when he is an adult, I will remind him of that story and we can share a good laugh.

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  3. My kids get to hear this rant every Christmas when the radio plays that inane Band-Aid song “Do They Know It’s Christmas”. No, they DO NOT know it’s Christmas, nor do they care because they are mostly NOT CHRISTIANS! I get the whole feed the world thing, and it’s a very noble cause, but it creates the RAGE in me.

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  4. That chair + that rug = perfection! Please let us know if the chair is comfortable. Does it have adjustable lumbar support? Is there a cute chair on the planet that does?

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  5. Forest is so beautiful! I love how perturbed cats get when you fail to do what they expect. I have been extra spoiling my two cats because they have been stressed. This last move was a doozy on the whole family and our youngest kitten passed away. It was awful as you might suspect. The crying all of the time(everyone including the husband) and sudden absence of Duchess caused lots of behavioral issues to come about.
    This has also lead to me buying the cats ridiculous, expensive, huge Christmas presents. I’m currently waiting on a 5 foot tree looking cat tree that will be delivered today. I’m starting to feel like cats really do have a mind control ability!

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  6. Forest is becoming this giant floof of smokey handsomeness! If he is a forest cat (Norwegian or Siberian), I think it takes them a few years to get to full-sized. Wow!

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  7. GORGEOUS chair!! I’m so enamoured.

    Roommate’s box. LOL.

    Forest needs wet food to maintain that mane. How dare you let him down?
    Actually, I did the same. For some reason I wound up with Sardine and Mackeral tins and not enough Chicken tins. I had to do a quick band-aid order from Amazon to get some here ASAP. And I heard them just arrive!

    (Gotta remember to make a big order now.)

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  8. Lovely post Coot.

    How sweet of Ned to send you a chair. He is a much better not-boyfriend, boyfriend former, unboyfriend, than he is a well, you know, actual boyfriend.

    I go into panic mode when Bozz’s eleventy-million dollar food gets down to twelve cans. I immediately go to Fort Knox and withdraw my life savings and re-order another 24 cans. Which is probably why I don’t have any money in Fort Knox. Can you have money in Fort Knox?

    Also and too, this is a really hard week for me. 14 years ago yesterday, my mom died. I get really sad every year at this time. I am not a big Christmas person because I just don’t feel it. I haven’t decorated in years. I don’t buy gifts and am all bah humbug all the time. Ok. Didn’t mean to go all Debbie Downer there.

    Happy Solstice y’all

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    1. I’m sorry about your mom and the sadness that brings, this time of year especially. My mom also died unexpectedly 14 years ago today.

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        1. OK I was feeling bad about not having the holiday spirit and you guys reminded me my brother passed away unexpectedly about this time in 2017 and my mom died December 30, 2018. So I guess I have reasons. Debbie Downers unite! Maybe next year.

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  9. What a beautiful desk chair and a thoughtful Ned! My cat does not like moist food or human food. He lives for his diet kibbles and an occasional Inaba Churu chicken flavor tube. I feel very fortunate that he is easy to please with his choice of food. I hated those cans of smelly food. I hope you and all the Pie Peeps have a wonderful Christmas!

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  10. Might you share with us where the chair came from? I have interest in purchasing a cute one like that. I did buy a cute one but it was plastic and hurts just as much as a wooden one I would imagine. I gave it to my niece who cares not about things hurting as long as they look cute. Youth.

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      1. Wayfair, they’ve got just what I need.

        I am drawn to green these days. That chair is really nice. Enjoy it in good health, as my grandmother would say.

        I recently bought 2 white (good call there, Deb) fabric chairs, and before anyone/anything gets near them I realize I will have to give them a good coating of Scotchgard. Unless someone here has a suggestion of some better product to protect the fabric? If so, I’m all ears.

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  11. I am commenting to say I am TRYING to read, but work keeps interrupting. Ding dang. However, I now picture the chicken transport trucks hauling boxes of tea. Much more pleasant than when I see them hauling chickens.

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  12. Lovely chair! Love that photo of Forest. And I keep my teabags (taken out of boxes) in an old canister that was my mother’s. It isn’t “pretty” but there is great sentimental attachment.

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      1. Oh I have an Old Tea Cannister that tea came in. I think the label says it’s Orange Pekoe but it is actually Earl Grey. It really messes with Kahuna’s brain. That’s why I keep Earl Grey in the Orange Pekoe Tin.

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  13. I really want to comment and say the Forest would never run out of food if he came to live with me, but that’s a big fat lie.
    A week ago Friday we brought home the two cats, ages 7 and 15, that needed a new home because the family was moving in with the MIL to care for her and MIL is very allergic. These cats are the most affectionate, involved in your life cats you ever wanna meet. I wish I could promise them that I wouldn’t run out of canned food ever ever, but that would be a big fat lie.

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  14. Beautiful chair. I ordered a new desk chair which arrived a few days ago. My husband picked it out. First he was picking all these utilitarian black chairs. I was all “that doesn’t fit my aesthetic. (Cue the Gwynth Paltrow eyeroll.) Anyway, he found pink velvet! Perfect. If only my fat ass fit in it a little better. Can’t have everything. Hope your ass fits nicely, June.

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  15. Maybe Snowflake biting is payback just for you. The chair looks great. That’s really nice of Ned, oh wait, maybe not. Will the real gift giver please step forward. January will reveal the truth. Poor Forest, the dry food with warm water might work, it’s certainly worth trying.
    I’m off all week. I was thinking yesterday if I was still working I would be taking four days of leave the week after Christmas and have nine days off, I loved it when the holidays were right next to the weekend.
    Tee

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        1. What’s the account on FaceBook? I’ve tried to search and can’t find it. I know it’s Pie on the Face or something. I’m not a big FB user, but I can’t miss out!

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          1. If you want to be on it, you have to be my FB friend—are we friends? If so, message me and I can invite you. I’ve no idea why it’s a private page. I feel like people had a fit when I tried to unprivate it.

            >

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  16. I thought the chair pic on the box was beautiful but wowza, it looks gorgeous with your desk and carpet!
    How did Christmas sneak up so quickly?
    I’m still trying to put up my tree and decorate.

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  17. I love the new chair, and it looks perfect in that room. I hope Forrest is easily tricked. I would hate to have him think you’re starving him. Now, back to wrapping presents. Fortunately, I do not have to wrap a chair.

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  18. I love your chair! I have one just like it but with different, less cute fabric. Mine is a solid dark teal/marine blue. It’s v comfy! I do find that if I’m typing for a long time I need to put a little pillow in the back to take up the extra space. Perhaps yours is more cushy!
    I have a similar tea situation. I really like tea, but each box comes with so many teabags! My fav tea is decaf Constant Comment by Bigelow. Each bag is individually wrapped so it’s easy to ditch the box. This year a friend bought a tea Advent calendar. I’m going to look for one next year. Seems like a good way to try new teas without the long term commitment of a WHOLE BOX.

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  19. Love the chair AND that desk!!! 👌 he really is a kind and thoughtful ex-boyfriend. He could have given you a years worth of tea, which you clearly don’t need.

    I used to love the Mandarin Orange Spice tea made by centennial seasonings or some company like that. Anyway, they stopped selling it in stores, and that only made me love it more so I bought some on Amazon and VOILA!! I bought the case version of it and now I’m the proud owner of 6 boxes of the damn tea. I gave a box or two away so now I have room for other tea boxes that I thought I needed. I may have heard someone at some point say ”One can ever have too much tea”. Well they were wrong.

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    1. Yeah, or he could’ve given her an Instant Pot and a garbage can, like my husband gave me for Christmas last year and although I didn’t make him wear either one, I was pretty pissed off. Or he could have given her nothing, like my former husband gave me for Christmas once. He now has conveniently forgotten that, denies it, even; but gives me great gifts now. Better as an ex. Maybe they all are. -Kate

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  20. That IS a gorgeous chair.

    My timid cat, Phyllis, would not leave me alone yesterday morning. She had food. She had water. I got up and gave her treats. Still with the pestering and she’s never like that. Finally I walked down the hallway after her and lo! A cat had exploded. One of them had gotten sick all over the hallway and Phyllis was just beside herself over the mess and humiliation. Once she supervised the clean-up, I didn’t see her for the rest of the day.

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  21. See if Master Forest will accept a bowl of “cat gravy” (dry cat food with a little warm water stirred in frantically to make juice out of the dry stuff). My cats go nuts over this when we run out of canned food. They are tricked by the smell and texture. I love the chair AND Forest’s Glare.

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      1. OK! If I don’t get the email, then I’ll follow up with a reminder email to you. … if I don’t forget….. 🤣

        P.S. in all seriousness… I didn’t forget about my promise to let you know how the Tarot reading of ”caution” came true. I will (eventually) type that adventure up.

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  22. Ned is an excellent ex boyfriend. Forest is definitely concerned, he feels that his cuteness should be sufficient for magically summoning that wet food. My favorite landlord was named Forest, and his grandson was also a little Forest. This was 40 years ago, I wonder why the name never caught on what with all the Sierras, Lagoons, and other hippie names.

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  23. Your good green chair is very pretty, and I like that it doesn’t have arms.
    I work this week as well, off today though, so there is that.
    Have a happy Xmas, June.

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    1. Wait. You took today off, then you have to work Tuesday and Wednesday? Then not Thursday or Friday?

      And by the way I had NO IDEA Christmas was this week until on Friday when another copy editor said, “I’m off all next week” and I was all, ‘Well that’s dumb. Why doesn’t he take off Christmas instead” So.

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      1. I didn’t take today off, I was rescheduled to cover someone else’s vacation time, so now I work Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday!!!!! Yikes – but I do only work a regular three day week, so I cannot complain too loudly.

        On another note, Snowflake has beautiful eyes.

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        1. Snowflake does have beautiful eyes. The whole loveliness of Snowflake pisses me off, but we can take comfort in knowing she is a little asshole. She is one of those cats who tries to bite you EVERY time you pet her.

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