Less words. Less boundaries. Oh, I don’t even know if I can make this my title today—ugh.

There’s another blogger I admire who doesn’t actually blog anymore. She pretty much just keeps people apprised of her life via Instagram (@rebeccawooolf) and for all I know, Twitter. People seem to be Twittering a lot and I am not because I don’t need one more damn thing.

Anyway, her young husband died (suddenly and terribly) a few years back and then earlier this year she introduced us all to what seemed like a really nice man. We saw photos of him for awhile and then we went back to regularly scheduled photos of her life.

“What happened to Ted?” someone asked in her Instagram comments this weekend. “Did I miss something?”

Whenever I see that in my own comments, the “Did I miss something?” it sort of rankles and I can never pinpoint why. It just sort of makes it feel like … well. Let me just let the blogger I admire clear it up for me, as this is why I like her. She can articulate feelings I cannot.

“I’m responding to this because it’s one of all sorts of messages I’ve received over the last few months re my relationship(s) which include the words, ‘Did I miss something?’

“With respect, there are no missed episodes here. …I think it’s safe to assume that not posting about someone for 7+ months probably means what you think it means. Asking me for closure as it pertains to any relationship story I have opened on this platform insinuates an all-access pass.

“Everything I make public is a choice. Everything I make private is a choice. I would appreciate respect for the boundaries I draw between the two.”

@rebeccawooolf

Man, she’s good. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times she’s said things like that, where I’ve thought, THAT IS WHAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY and couldn’t form the thought. How come people can form the thought I cannot? Is it because they sit around thinking of it for longer and I eventually grab a 1960s Real Romance magazine or look at a cat or something?

Anyway I love this and have felt similar pressure to tell all when I just don’t want to.

Sometimes you feel great about the beginning of something but not great about the end. Sometimes the other person wants you to stop talking about them. Did you know AP Stylebook now lets you refer to one person as “them”?

Speaking of which, I’ve been binging this show I hate and much like my Hallmark movies I keep watching anyway because … I don’t know why and I wish Rebecca Woolf were always here to articulate for me why I do things.

Anyway, it’s this network show called A Million Little Things, and it desperately wants to be This Is Us and it isn’t. It’s entirely predictable and they have dialogue like, “Hey. [touches the person’s head] What’s going on up there?”

There is an attorney in the show, because there always needs to be one in every bad show, and of course they refer to her as “counselor” just in casual conversation sometimes. It’s that kind of show.

And yet I’m watching all 2949202030 episodes.

Because it’s Hulu, apparently you have to pay for it and watch commercials anyway, which sticks in my craw. And it’s like the same 5 commercials over and over again. For awhile it was this little girl in Food Lion who I wanted to punch directly in the face.

Right now some chick who’s married to Justin Bieber is advertising makeup. To show you how effective the advertising is, I don’t even know what kind of makeup it is and I have seen this ad approximately 467 times.

All I know is she keeps using “less” when she means “fewer.”

“Less ingredients.” “Less chemicals.” And I wonder, why are all the things that are important to me not the things that society values? Why does she get to be rich not knowing that it should be “fewer”?

I have to go. I must shower before work and I might call the vet. Iris has the irritable bowel disorder, as you may know from previous explosions. Anyway she’s having an episode, and while this is just part of the deal of having irritable bowel disorder, I want to call and see if there’s anything I can give her to make her feel better. This was a bad one. My poor girl.

I suspect she got into Forest’s kitten food, a thing I try to keep away from her but I might have screwed up.

Meanwhile, it’s been really cold here and it turns out cold is Forest’s jam. He adores cold. All he wants to do is be in it if it’s less than 30 degrees out.

That rock is like a block of ice. WHY would you want to put your bits on it? But I’ll worriedly look outside and he’s SLEEPING on the ICE. He’s delighted.

OK. Talk to you tomorrow. I know it’s that weird week so probably three people are reading me.

Hello, three people.

Luff,
Hoon

103 Comments

  1. I read this in a timely manner and then my computer decided mid-comment that it was the PERFECT time to update. So here I am late, but want to be counted among the three.

    Rebecca Woolf’s writing is so intriguing to me because she was always truthful about the fact that her relationship with her husband was rocky. They married quickly because she got pregnant basically on one of their first dates and then set about trying to make it work. His dying was terribly traumatic for the family – he was always a great dad – but her open ambivalence about their relationship was so interesting to read. She didn’t flip the switch when he died and make him suddenly The World’s Best Husband with All The Saintly Qualities. I read a true story about woman who discovered her husband was a serial cheater as he lay on his death bed. Everyone else adored him and treated her like the grieving widow who had lost the love of her life. Inside she was seething with unresolved anger – that’s the True Romance that sucks me in. Obviously there’s something wrong with me.

    Nosy people – hate them. My own mother will call me to get details about events just so she can Town Crier the whole thing. No thanks. I either avoid her questions or give her bad intel so I know when it comes back to me where it came from.

    Whenever I see those “it’s cold outside – your pets belong indoors” posts, I think “you clearly haven’t met the two I live with”. The colder it is, the more they want to be outdoors. My NOSY NEIGHBOR comments on it constantly. Dude. You tell them. It’s currently 13 degrees outside – they are lounging on the patio. Now when it’s 90 degrees, they want no part of outside. Forrest seems to be cut from the same fur.

    Lovely post lovely June. Long live the boundaries!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My fatass Shepherd/Mastiff mix Mabel loves the cold. I have to bribe her to come in when temps dip below 50°.

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    1. This reminds me of Olive and Mabel (Labs, but the name Mabel), and if you haven’t seen them you simply have to. They are the best.

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  3. I can’t help but butt in without you asking when it comes to the animals and any medical issue. It’s a nervous tic. I run to the in-house vet in the family and tell him the prob-du-jour. You know you can just tell me to shut-up any time (as you often do with other issues that I tend to overstep). It’s always well intended. But I can see how annoying I can be.

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  4. I feel the same way about “less” vs. “fewer.” And about many other things that rankle.
    I don’t have cankles, I have rankles.
    I loooooove the Forest Boy.

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  5. Totally understand the boundary point.

    It’s the difference between someone wanting to know your drama versus know YOU.

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  6. Forrest is such a beautiful boy. Still, seems like he should come inside in the cold – I’ve never had a cat that likes cold even ones with thick ruffs and coats like Forrest.

    I have been binging “Bridgerton” on Netflix. Kind of a cross between Downton Abbey and Outlander with the beautiful clothes and British accents but lots of sex. And Joon, one of the main characters is a lucious MOC. And we get to see him without his shirt a good bit because he is a rake as in the old fashioned whore-monger type rake.

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  7. I’m here! This is the very best week of the year, holiday madness over, new year on the horizon, work shut down, sleeping late, watching ridiculous crap on tv until all hours of the night. Late to the posting out here in CA, echoing what others have said – the boundary lines of prying into your “online friends” that share their lives, it’s a lovely distraction for us, but wanders into nosey Mrs Kravitz too often, I cringe at commenters who keep asking for another slice. I am also a hate watcher of A Million Little Things, the best part is Colin the dog, he needs more screen time. I’m so sorry sweet Lily is feeling puney, hoping she’s better soon. This year has been such a crap sandwich in so many ways, but I’m so thankful for this online community of June and the optimism, sharing, advice, compassion, and little slices of our lives that are shared, it’s a very bright spot for so many of us. Thanks for being you and sharing all of your fur roommates with all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The paragraph about the incorrect usage of “less” hits a nail on the head. Why do those people get to be rich not knowing those things? It is an excellent question.

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  9. Here, too. The people asking for more information or giving unwanted advice chap me too. So entitled. Entitled people in general just piss me off. And the vague-bookers? I just stop reading. Sorry, Dooce.

    Did I miss something? Hashtag laugh emoji.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I had to look that show up, and then remembered Mr. Post-It Note was in it for a couple of seconds. Sad, as he is cute. It didn’t grab me, and everyone is the same age, which bugs me. Was it trying to be the new ‘thirtysomething’ which I loved back in the day? Eh.

    Forest is really handsome. Perhaps you could get him modeling gigs, and earn his keep.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Social media gives us a false sense of intimacy. You share stuff with us that most of us share only with friends. I don’t mean intimate details, but just the mundane stuff of everyday life, like my cat is ill or this vacuum was expensive but worth it. In your case, that stuff is readable and interesting and funny. But that makes it seem like you’re “my friend June,” instead of “random content creator on the internet who goes by June.”

    It’s part of the appeal of blogging: that feeling that not only do we know you, but you know us. Especially when the group of followers isn’t insanely large and you interact with folks in the comments. But it’s also a curse, because of course we aren’t friends, and don’t have that mutual trust. We are content consumers. It’s a different relationship dynamic.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I get a surprising number of really long, really detailed emails about people’s lives. Like, “Dear June, I know you remember how my son-in-law lost his job last year, and I wanted to tell you …”

      This supports your theory that people consider me a friend and that I know all of you the same way you “know” me. It’s an odd relationship that is in many ways rewarding but, yes, not a true friendship in a lot of ways. Like how I said a couple weeks ago, that people can just up and disappear. Or like above. No, I *don’t* usually recall that your son-in-law lost his job last year. You might have even told me but there are tens of you and one of me and I can’t keep track of everyone, especially when your sign-in name is Beelzebub and you emailed me as HoAnn or what have you. I think if I were a different kind of person, like Sadie, I might keep track of everyone better, but I am not that way.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I’m here, and happy to see so many others as well. The theme of today’s post could be boundaries. With bloggers, with their curious readers, and with the characters in both those shows. Talk about people all up in each other’s business!!

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  13. About prying people, that’s my husband’s Granma. I have suffered the hyperactive barfadosis (TM June) during all this pregnancy and when she calls us, she revels on the details. She always asks not wanting to know if I’m ok, she just wants to pry. Oh and she always asks how much weight I’ve gained. I never respond to that, of course.
    That show This is Us, is a tear-jerker, for sure. I love it.

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  14. I’m here to enjoy your lovely post and I’m content with what you choose to share with us.
    I am astonished when people ask deeply personal questions or give unsolicited personal advice.
    I also hate-watch “A Million Little Things” and it is gratifying to see that I am good company. My husband and I have a running commentary during the show about the plot, the characters, and appearances (the pink wig, for example).

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  15. I agree with you. That Rebecca writer has the articulate gene. I wonder does she sit and stare off into space trying to think of the word on the tip of the tongue as often as I do. Guessing not.

    You didn’t ask, but as far as commercials go my favorite is the clogging family driving the downstairs neighbors nuts. Laugh every time. The product? Geiko? Maybe. Not inspiring me to buy their stuff, so maybe not an effective ad.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That clogging family commercial is hilarious!!!!! It cracks me up every single time and I don’t even know what they are advertising.
      Tee

      Liked by 2 people

  16. I plead guilty to asking the ‘what did I miss?’ question, but usually because the other commenters seem to know what happened. It could be that they know boundaries better than I do, so I will quit. Also, when someone does ask about an event and I know the answer, I tend to answer their question so you don’t have to, Joon. I hope that’s okay to do.
    My son loves A Million Little Things, and says Virgin River reminds him of it. I have a tough time committing to bingeing tv shows they way my husband likes to, so I don’t watch much tv at all. I did just finish the British Baking Show (quarantine edition) and loved it.
    Lovely post, pretty June.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’m nosy as hell and want to know everything. I’m also an asker not a hinter, which means I have no problem hearing “no” as a full sentence. If I ever asked someone if I’d missed something it would be because I thought I’d truly missed something and wanted clarification, not because I was trying to coerce even more info out of them. But not everyone is so direct.

    I figure, you’re the one kind enough to share your stuff with us. Asking for more is impertinent. People who want more can go sit at Dooce’s feet and beg her for details on her tapeworm.

    I don’t follow Rebecca, but now I’m fascinated by how the hell she’s dating in a pandemic. And not one relationship but two, all while single parenting? Plus she’s got to be working in some capacity. Are you kidding me?

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  18. Oh I needed this post! A Million Little Things – hooked on it but never sure why! My still fav is Grey’s Anatomy though – it is a little weird right now though.
    Forest is magnificent!
    Love you Juney!

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  19. That’s what tv shows are for, telling more to the story than you ever wanted to know. Unless they have a cliffhanger or two and get canceled. Then your life is incomplete.

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  20. Poor Iris. I hope she feels better soon. Forest is beautiful in his mink vest. Is mink fluffy like that?
    Keep your boundaries, you don’t owe a bunch of nosey people squat. I love what you do share with us.
    Counselor. Gag. Sorry Deb.
    Tee

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Usually cats want to be warm. The warmer the better. I have always loved the week after Christmas. No obligations, no packages, boxes, or bows. Just sleep late if you are in school. I hated having to go to work on this week. It messed up my enjoyment. Poor Iris.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Poor Lily, her bum needs extra soft blankets today. Nice to see Forest sitting on his well deserved throne deciding what creature he will sneak up on today. Animals are so entertaining, much better than tv. I have been leaving my tv off because nothing is entertaining there anymore. Yesterday my husband turned it on to find out more about the Nashville bombing. So sad, all those beautiful old buildings gone in a flash. I live 50 miles away and there is much sadness in my house about all that history destroyed.

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  23. I stopped watching THIS IS US, it was too depressing. I like A MILLION LITTLE THINGS though, some episodes are better than others. We just binge watched QUEENS GAMBIT on Netflix, it’s really good. Love Your baby boy, he’s gorgeous with his full winter coat.

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  24. I’m here as where else would I be? In this year of staying at home, I look forward to your posts more than ever. Here’s to setting boundaries both in your life and in ours.

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  25. I really hope the vet says “give Iris *insert thing you already have in your kitchen* and she will feel better.” Poor sweet girl and her mad bowels.
    That was well said by your former blogger/current instagrammer person. Super personal questions and statements on someone who already shares a lot of their life on social media give me anxiety. There’s an HGTV personality I follow on Instagram and the number of people who tell her that her beautiful young daughter (36 months maybe? HA) shouldn’t be an only child, that they need to have another one, should SHUT. UP. You don’t know what their deal is and it isn’t your business.

    My house is always cold. We heat by coal stove and there’s no central heat. Forrest would have liked that…just sayin. (Consider that my ‘dammit.”)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. P.S. Before I moved in here, the only thing the inspector found, of note, was that the furnace was old. I made them put in a new furnace, and it heats this little house like a motherfucker. Forest is probably hot as hades in here.

      Liked by 2 people

  26. Lovely post June. I do wonder, nosily, about what is going on in the lives of bloggers that I read (but wouldn’t actually ask!); but you have an absolute right to only post what you want people to know.
    Happy New Year!

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  27. Thanks for this great read on a Monday morning. When most people yell at the TV it’s curse words. Me? It’s more likely “FEWER!!!” Way back when Cyndi Lauper was on The Apprentice, I actually posted about Trump “correcting” her for saying “I feel bad.” I was just as mad at the producers for choosing to put it on the show.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That would be awesome because I really want to know what OTHER people want to know, not so much what the answer could be.

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      2. I’m of two minds about the boundaries. Yes, it’s up to the poster to post only what they are comfortable with, but…. they are already sharing the story of their life (and monetizing it in many cases), and readers become invested. Their curiosity is natural. And am I the only one who teaches the wrong conclusion when I assume something without having the facts? How much to share/not share is a dance. It’s like anyone who is “known” but not known, people think they are your real life friend and it’s not the same thing. I blame my natural inquisitiveness on having two journalism majors for parents.

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        1. Back in the golden days 9f blogging I followed a male blogger who gushed on about this wonderful relationship he was in. Then all of a sudden the girlfriend was gone. He would say heinous things about her. He even made frightening veiled threats. Then boom he, the blog, and the girlfriend disappeared. I always wondered what the heck happened. Did he actually carry out the veiled threats? Did he end up in prison? Did she exact revenge? That is the only time I really wanted to write “did I miss something” because I clearly did.

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  28. I am nosy, but it’s truly out of concern and interest in the other person’s life. I hope sweet Iris feels better soon. Thank you for posting during this weird week, Joon.

    Reader #3.

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    1. Iris spends about 88% of her day on the rocking chair, which I have covered in soft blankets just for her. I just went in there and petted her and she did the startup meow, which I am taking as a good sign. Poor little Iris. I think Forest was so determined to scream back out to the cold that he didn’t finish his breakfast yesterday and Iris finished it for him.

      Liked by 2 people

  29. The Hulu commercial thing chaps my ass as well. You said “irk”…is that the same as a chapped ass? Yeah, Hulu can suck it. I live in a place where there are many very nosy old white ladies. Boundaries discussions happen approximately once a quarter. Insert eye roll emoji.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Great post … the idea of boundaries doesn’t seem to exist anymore since the explosion of social media. To me, that is really sad. People are sooooo nosy about everything!! Bleh

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  31. Well now I’m following RebeccaWoolf on InstaGram. Or, in her case, InstaaGramm.

    Forrest is MAGNIFICENT.

    Do NOT get me started on A Million Little Things. I hate-watch that show. Not one redeeming character in the bunch. That’s why Jon threw himself off the balcony, to get away from those idiots. Also, it was network TV, so shouldn’t it be available OnDemand and not just on Hulu? Oh, and don’t get me started on THAT now, that all of the channels are adding a $treaming $ervice. HBOMax. AMCPlus.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s why he threw himself off the balcony!! And also, what is the name of the black guy? I can’t think of his name. Anyway, ANY TIME his beleaguered wife is on the phone, ANY TIME, he talks to her while she’s on it. “What’s she saying?” “Tell her we…” If anyone did that to me I’d punch them clean in the face like that Food Lion girl deserved to be.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. ROMAN. “Rome.” Married to Gina. And what about Delilah’s on-again off-again accent? Does she think she’s Nicole Kidman?

        Liked by 1 person

  32. I can see both sides. We want to know as sometimes we get so invested in these things. Especially when seemed like big love was developing and then NOTHING. Not a word. Im sorry poor Iris is suffering.
    Please god help her.

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    1. I can too. I mean, I was interested in hearing about Ted, and now she’s seeing some woman and I want to hear more about that too. I think one of the drawbacks of this whole making-your-life-public thing is people forget its a real life and not a story. The lines get blurred, for both the teller and the reader.

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  33. I’m here! This week between Christmas and New Year’s is one of my favorites of the whole year. I’m still on vacation, but the obligations of the holidays are behind me. Love it! For most of my life my parents owned a company. They always closed the whole place down this week, and their employees always said it was one of the best perks of working there. I just remember how much I loved having Dad at home.
    Forrest is sooo hairy! He looks like he’s wearing a gray fur vest over his black fur coat. No wonder he wants to be outside in the cold. His whole life is a hot flash!
    Lovely post with lovely boundary reminders, June!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know when I come inside I sweat to death. Maybe he’s really a middle-aged woman. Do cats have a twice-a-year-shedding like dogs? If so, God help you and your vacuum.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. And to answer your Q, I don’t yet know his shedding schedule, as he was just a kitten up till now and didn’t shed. Lately, he’s been leaving black fur in the house, though, and I cannot wait to see what his impressive coat will bring in the years to come. I just HAD to take a walk that day.

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          1. Forest looks very royal. On the subject of fur… the Vet told me to try combing my Maine Coon’s fur with a flea comb, instead of the cat brush. It really does get the tangles out and loose chunks of fur. All the cats (all five) get ridiculously excited over that little flea comb. It’s very popular.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Oh, I’ll try that. I’ve not brushed him at all so far. His fur is very silky and doesn’t seem to mat. But eventually he will need that!

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              1. I use the Furminator on my cat’s coats. The Tonkinese has a very thick coat and I get enough fur from each brushing to make a softball. Our Tabby’s coat is lighter so the end result with the Furminator is something the size of a brussel sprout. We originally purchased the Furminator to deal with our Newfoundland dog’s thick coat but have found it worked extremely well on our Golden Retriever as well. If I am measuring hair removal by object size I would estimate that I would have a basketball of black fur from the Newfie when I finished brushing. By the way, to keep her coat from matting in her underarms, behind her ears, and in her pantaloons I brushed weekly and always seemed to end up with a new basketball.

                I don’t brush the cats often – perhaps every couple of months. The Tonkinese seems to vomit hairballs if I leave the brushing too long. I have tried the flea comb with the cats but for us not enough fur comes out. I finish up each grooming session wearing a gardening glove with a silicone palm to lift the remaining loose fur on the cats, followed by a damp cloth to catch the flying fur puff balls.

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                1. What a good idea to end with that! Usually, I end with racing around to find a tissue because I can’t stop sneezing!

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            2. That’s good to know. I have Maine Coons and they get knotted so easy, then won’t let me try to brush them out. We just had to take them to groomer to shave them out and I feel so guilty putting them through that. I’m going to totally brush (or comb) them a couple of times a week so they don’t have to go through that again.

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            3. Poor, sweet Iris. I hope she feels better.
              Forest is beautiful in his mink vest. My cat loves snow, but I vote for no snow.
              Keep your boundaries, you don’t owe us squat. I’m very thankful for what you do share with us.
              Tee

              Liked by 1 person

    1. Right ! Everyone at work takes the week leading up up Christmas but I prefer this week. Sort of a lead up to the new year. Cheers !

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  34. I watch the million show too and have no idea why. I cannot stand the one little boy Theo I think. For some reason he just annoys. And a lot of the dialogue is terrible. But still I watch. Almost like there’s nothing else to do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I go back and forth. Sometimes I want to tell Theo to grow a pair and sometimes I think he’s cute. I do like that little gay boy, of course. I like the relationship he has with Gary. BUT WHY IS EVERYONE SLEEPING WITH GARY? That big bearded tub of goo? Give me a break? Like the whole town can’t resist that guy.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It rankles me when people pry. I want to know all the details desperately but realize it is none of my business. Forrest is so pretty. Wish I was not allergic to cats.

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        1. I am similarly curious AF about, say, Dooce and her situation and also Rebecca’s new love life with this woman. I’d just never have the audacity to “Am I missing something?” either of them about it, like they were at fault for not telling me.

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      2. I watched Psych, so Gary is just Sean Spencer to me. And Sean always bugged me big with his wittiness. So I agree, why Gary?!

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      1. Oh my god. I am dead. He is wound a bit tight. I forgot to mention that Danny can do so much better than that vampire kid he likes. A lot of the casting for this show is suspicious. It’s like the people are on the edge of attractive but not quite. Like the dad of Theo. Why does he always look like he just got over the flu? And why does the Asian mom have feathered hair like it’s 1982? And don’t get me started on Jon’s wife with her bleached ends.

        And Regina’s mom. I know she’s supposed to look annoying. Achieved.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. The producer of that show is modeling it after a good bit of his life. So that’s why some of the freakiest characters are there. Theo needs a good bullying. I mostly envy that they are always there for each other, just run over quick and take care of things.

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  35. I’m here as well. Your posts are some of the things I look forward to, especially during this crazy year. Thank you, June.

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  36. I think people want the end of the story. If the writer doesn’t want to talk about it, which is fair, just leaves the door open a bit. Forest is magnificent.

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    1. Lovely post Coot.
      I have not watched that show or This Is Us. I just can’t.
      I figure if a person wants us to know they will tell us but by all things holy do not vague post. Vague posting irks me. Insert a vague poem about death and dogs and the loss of a love but leave out the part of who died. Was it the dog? Was it the boyfriend? Was it the long lost biological father? Either tell us or don’t.
      Forest is stunning.
      Poor Lilith. I am so sorry she is feeling puney. My grandmother used to ask me that. Honey are you puney today? Or she would say pecking if you weren’t 100%. Another thing she would say when someone was ill was they were off their feed.
      My husband will use less when he means fewer. He is the master of malaprop. A regular Norm Crosby is he.
      Have a lovely day.

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  37. I’m here! If it helps at all, it irks me when people ask you personal questions. They are not entitled to every aspect of your life. Sometimes I might wonder, but I would not ask! It’s no one’s business.

    Liked by 1 person

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