Emotional coin

I’m writing to you from the kitchen today; it looks so pretty that I just decided to be in here. I know I have to iron the ding-dang tablecloth. I keep thinking it and then thinking about other things that are more fun than dragging out the ironing board.

Also, I am sick of these cats. Who decided to get all these cats? [looks behind her accusingly]

First, Iris had to get special food for her stomach that costs $479 a bag. And everyone wanted to eat it. I fed her in a separate room, here in the kitchen on the little shelf in here. But every time I looked over there, someone was munching her kibble, which sounded dirtier than it is.

Finally, they were all so obsessed with her food that I just called the beleaguered vet.

“Would it be OK if that was just everyone’s food?” I asked him.

“Oh, sure! It’s just for easy digestion! But you need to keep Forest on his canned kitten food till he’s 1.”

So now that I’m spending 9 million dollars a day on special digestion cat food, what do you think everyone wants now? Is it the canned effing kitten food? All I’m ever doing is PULLING everyone BACK, like they’re fans at a Beatles concert, over that canned kitten food. Meanwhile,

Here’s Forest over at Iris’s food.

So that’s relaxing.

March. Forest will be a year old in March. Then we’re all eating that special stomach food, even me.

While I was typing this, I heard all sorts of barking and realized Edsel was still outside for his morning constitutional and the woman next door had let HER dog, Cinnamon, out. This led Edsel to lose his mind and bark at the fence, really low. I don’t mean his voice was really low like Barry White. I mean his SNOUT was really low and he was carrying on like a crazy person and meanwhile Cinnamon remained unimpressed on her side of the fence.

You should’ve seen it. It was like two sides of an emotional coin over there. Which just made a ton of sense. But maybe they were like those drama masks, only the masks were insane and stoic. It’s kind of like when the Tasmanian Devil is having a fit and Bugs Bunny just stands there.

Cinnamon is a large unflappable light-brown pit bull who likes me because I give her treats. She could not care LESS about Edsel, who considers Cinnamon the great enemy.

In general, I’d like to speak to the manager of these pets. Honestly, where IS the person in charge here?

Also, I’m running into the same problem every morning. I write this stupid blog from about 7:30 to 8:30. I mean, it doesn’t always take the whole hour, but that is the general time frame. And lately, every day I’m getting all sorts of texts and messages at that time.

I’ve gotten to the point where I’m just not answering them till 8:30. I tried the whole: “Talk to you at 8:30!” ploy and it seems to make no difference, so now I’m just pretending those messages aren’t there. Honestly if you give people an inch.

I JUST WANT MY TIME TO WRITE. And I know you’re gonna be all, “You can turn those off, JOOOON” but it’s a pain to turn it on and off all the time and my big fear is I’ll forget to turn it back on. As opposed to my charm, which I can’t seem to turn off.

And I know people just want to write while it’s on their mind but then I get that urgency feeling. It NAGS at me, that little message there. I’m tryina write you and yet my mind is telling me, Someone needs something. Someone NEEDS something!!!

Computers just made a lot of things worse. When my grandmother, the one I turned into, wrote her angry letters on her typewriter, it was just her and her typewriter. She had this special typewriter font that looked like cursive. If you got a typed letter in the mail on her special cursive font you were always filled with a kind of dread only a Grammy letter could produce.

Anyway, my point is, nowhere on the typewriter did she have any red 1s letting her know SOMEONE WANTS SOMETHING. DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION HERE.

I gotta go. It’s two minutes till it’s 8:30 and I’ve ignored 10 messages since 7:30 and I’m filled with angst.

Distractedly and barking at an indifferent Cinnamon,
June

53 Comments

  1. I’m always trying to find the person in charge around here. Apparently we have a maid – at least, I have to believe that, seeing as how none of the others think they should have to clean up after themselves and still expect things to be clean. I know I’m not the maid, so there must be one. The person in charge needs to bring this mysterious maid around more often, because she’s doing a sh*t job.

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    1. Welp, I have no idea how my comment ended up under the wrong post. My comment was meant for today’s post (January 2, 2021). I really need some sleep.

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  2. Oh my gosh, my work days are currently crazy, so I missed the blog yesterday! This this morning, I read yesterday’s blog post and boy did I need your humor! Munching kibble and low like Barry White was just the funny I needed today! I hate to be late reading the blog, but today I’m so glad I was. Thanks, Joob, for making me laugh and brightening the days of your tens of readers. We appreciate your determination in ignoring those messages so we can get our Pie fix!

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  3. Over the years we have kept our neighbors’ dogs when they travel. These dogs live across the street from each other and have been friends their whole lives. Of course, they each have Special Food for whatever their particular ailments are. The first time they were here together was a circus! They each had their own food bowl on their own placemat far away from each other, but keeping them out of each other’s bowl was a joke. Every time we looked up they had switched places and were nomnomming the wrong food. Stressy!! Luckily their parents were cool about it.

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  4. Any notice on my phone drives me crazy. I have one on my voice mail and I can’t figure out how to get it to turn off when there are no voice mails. Normally, I turn my phone off at night because the ping, ping, ping drives me crazy. The last three nights I’ve left it on because my neighbor over the fence was very, very ill and we told his wife to call us if she needed us. She called our landline this morning to say he died last night as a result of covid. We are heartbroken.
    Tee

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  5. My husband NEVER checks the emails on his phone so he has 12,952 of them, along with 521 unread texts. I don’t know how he can just IGNORE them. Plus, all those emails and texts take up valuable storage space.

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    1. My brother is like that. I usually take his son for a few days here and there. I’ve told him more than once that when I have his kid he needs to answer his phone!! He does not. Makes me crazy.

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  6. The little red box with a number gives me anxiety. As in it physically raises my heart rate to see one, and god forbid that once-in-a-blue-moon time I can’t find the unread message to read it and make the red box go away. That makes me vaguely nauseous. Husband Gumbo (TM, Joon), on the other hand, has about 110,000 unread emails last time I glanced at his phone. I know this because the red box with numbers is almost longer than the dang app. HOW CAN HE LIVE LIKE THAT????

    In my experience, workplaces always preach work-life balance but are the first ones to stomp all over any boundaries you try to establish. I’ve been on my work team for nearly four years and still have to remind them to CALL me if there is an emergency need because I refuse to run my work email through my personal phone.

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  7. I decided yesterday that our smart phones have made a whole lot of us dumb. I was at a gas pump and turned around to see the other 3 people pumping gas around me all had their phones out and were either talking, texting, or scrolling. How sad that we can’t even stop to pump gas and do NOTHING ELSE!

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  8. Love this post, as always. I’m impressed and honoured that you dedicate an hour to write each morning. Thank you!! Hey – I have a time-saving suggestion for your tablecloth. No need for the ironing board. Just heat up the iron and smooth out that baby right on the table. i do this all the time with my ‘bigger’ dining room tablecloth. And finally – you have such a pretty kitchen – don’t change a thing!

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  9. I don’t have cats, but my children are forever begging me for the GF treats I make no for myself. My worst day each month is when I go in my freezer and realize I’m all out of my treats, SO that translates to me not wanting to share. EAT YOUR OWN FOOD- YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING, WHY DO YOU WANT MY STUFF?

    Also love that you cannot turn off your charm.

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  10. Love your kitchen. Looks so put together. You have a display cabinet with things on display. Very nice.

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  11. The Tazmanian Devil/Bugs Bunny reference was brialliant. Poor Eds, he has to be so big and tough to other dogs, and yet can easily be the Letter C. It’s a tough life.

    I too live in fear of “what if I don’t turn it back on?”

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  12. My life is one interruption after another. I hid on the floor behind my bed from my toddler, puppy, husband and cats to quickly eat a bowl of oatmeal and read this post. I was still interrupted. Need a better hiding spot, too bad husband hogs the toilet for that purpose.

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  13. I was working from home before the pandemic and I have taken some cues from my male co-workers. I had noticed that most of the men, would sign in and work strictly 8-5 and SIGN OUT OF IM for lunch! I found this so liberating I started doing it myself and I log out of IM at the end of the day. That way if I hop on at 8 PM someone doesn’t IM me. I also have the email notification shut off on my phone so I have to actually open my email from my phone to check them and I have the email notification off on my PC. It will put an envelope in the icon at the bottom of my screen and I find that is still a tad distracting where I have to look to see who emailed before I continue working on something. Stupid wandering brain. But if something is truly an emergency, they will call.

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    1. I took work email off my phone after someone once emailed me on a Sunday and asked me to turn around midtrip, when I was going out of town to see someone who was only in that town that day, to come home and work on something he ended up not using anyway.

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    1. Lovely post Coot.

      I used to have a client who would text me instructions or questions at 2 a.m. as in TWO FREAKING OCLOCK IN THE FREAKINGVMORNING. I would jump out of bed grab my phone then fret over getting whatever her deal was immediately. After 4 months of being a anxious insomniac I turned my phone off at night. Then of course my stepmom had a heart attack and my phone was off and my dad was having a meltdown. Dammit. I was never so glad to get rid of a client and her up all night texting.

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  14. My sister and I plus most of our friends live permanently in do not disturb mode. If the same number calls twice back to back it will phone through so I don’t miss an emergency. The rest of my message/email/Facebook responses will happen when I get a block of time to do it. I don’t have the burden of your celebrity though so fewer people alarmed if they haven’t heard from me in 12 hours.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Honestly, where IS the person in charge here?

    That made me laugh out loud. I’d like to know the same thing in my house sometimes. I can’t possibly be responsible for all of *this*.

    I had to turn off my email notifications on my phone because it would go off all night long. Sometimes I do completely silence my phone, and then forget to turn it back on, and then family or friends think I’m ignoring them when I’m really just over here, oblivious.

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    1. See, this is what I hate. That we can no longer just live our lives and think our thoughts. Someone somewhere will be thinking we’re “ignoring” them. Yes, I am ignoring you! Because I’m thinking my thoughts and living my life!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Remember the olden days? When nobody knew what was going on? And the phone was attached to the kitchen wall? I remember when my mom got our first cordless home telephone and she would walk around the yard with it. Who knew that was the beginning of the end of not worrying about who might call?

        Liked by 2 people

    2. I solve that problem by not having my phone in my bedroom when I go to bed. I leave it on the dining room table. If it rings, I’ll hear it but I don’t hear the emails and other notifications. The only time I bring my phone into my bedroom is if I need to use it for an alarm and even then, I use Do Not Disturb.

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  16. My neighbor’s dog is named Cinnamon, too! Well one of her dogs. I forget the other dog’s name, I think it’s something from Star Wars which really teams nicely with Cinnamon, don’t you think? (What was wrong with Rosemary? Basil? Nutmeg?) And I think there may be a third dog. ANYWAY, this Cinnamon is a Toto-type dog. Small. Brown, Fuzzy. Would fit in a crabby person’s bicycle basket. Cinnamon has no boundaries and my dog (greyhound) is ALWAYS leashed. So here comes Cinnamon hippity hopping over to see my dog, who is standing there, leashed, all, “what dis fresh hell? size of cat but not cat. is rodent?” going through her walnut brain. And then Cinnamon gets behind my dog and actually stands on her stubby hind feet so she can sniff my dog’s butt. HOW RUDE. My dog agreed. She spun around and raised an eyebrow at such effrontery. So I stamped my foot in Cinnamon’s direction, invited her to smell MY butt and sent her home.

    It speaks volumes that I know one of the dog’s names, not the names of the other one or two dogs that they have, not the names of either of their kids or even the parents’ names. They are Ugly Mailbox People. (Our street is named after a fish. Actually all of the streets in the neighborhood are named for fish because the property was originally owned by Hamilton Fish. Your NY geography lesson for today.) These people, upon buying this house, were clearly gifted with a fish mailbox, definitely homemade, brightly painted and complete with fins, FTLOG, and they felt obligated to use it. Hence: Ugly Mailbox People.)

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yep. Hamilton Fish. The streets in the neighborhood are Trout, Pike, Bass and Perch. Local refer to our neighborhood as “the fish bowl.” Hamilton Fish lived locally, and was governor, senator and Secretary of State. I think.

        In the interest of full disclosure, the Ugly Mailbox is a rainbow trout. GAH.

        The neighbors on the other side have a Pomeranian. To be specific, an OFFICIOUS ANNOYING Pomeranian. I forget that dog’s name (now that will drive me crazy), but the wife refers to the dog as being white and it is that Pomeranian orange/brown color. In what world is that WHITE?

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      2. Cinnamon and Cookie go together. Not Cinnamon and ObiWan or whatever. Don’t you like my 1980 Star Wars reference? I’m sure they used a more current character, but damned if I know.

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        1. What if I’m wrong and their names are Cinnamon and Wookie? Wouldn’t the joke be on me? The only Star Wars I ever saw was that first one and I never saw a need for another movie beyond that one.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Hilarious! Cinnamon and Wookie! I only ever saw the first one also, was completely underwhelmed and confused but I still reference the bar scene.

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          2. Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one who has no interest in Star Wars. I’ve seen the original, when it first came out and that’s it. No interest in seeing any of the others even though Harrison Ford is HOT.

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    1. We used to have a high prey drive greyhound and a neighbor had a fat little min pin named Snickers. Neighbor also had little kids. Our dog was always on leash but that dog had a habit of running all over between 3-4 yards and we never knew when we went outside with Rocky if that thing would bolt out of nowhere and try to get himself eaten. So we eventually talked to the neighbors and it helped. But then one time we heard the kids yell “No, Snickers, come back! He’ll EAT you!” So that was nice, too.

      Liked by 2 people

  17. Here’s my tablecloth tip – wash it and DON’T DRY IT. Put it on the table when it’s still damp. Smooth it reallllll nice and BAM. No more ironing.

    I’m working on only responding to things at certain times of the day. i hear it’s what the organized folks do. The problem with a text message is it could be something important or just a dumb joke from one of my kids. (For the record, I prefer to ignore the former and read the latter immediately. Jokes > dumb work stuff.)

    Cinnamon is a great dog name. We have a stoic neighbor dog. Sits and gazes through the fence like he’s Mahatma Gandhi, while our dogs lose their collective minds. So annoying. Why can’t I have the peaceful dog?

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  18. One of my dogs is allergic to … air? so weve got her on rabbit protein and of course the other dog lives this food, too, and it’s going to cost more than it did to put two kids through college, to feed them. I feel ya on the expensive food!

    and…even knowing that those folks are just writing to get it off their chests and onto yours, is anxiety-inducing for me! and I’m just as guilty!

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  19. I text or email so the recipient can ignore it until it is convenient for them. I deal with people working all shifts so I never call since I don’t know when they are sleeping. Feel free to ignore them.

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  20. Oh, YES. The beeps drive me batty. I did finally turn off the sound on the tab where my work email lives, but I still get the visual of the email popping up. It seemed like a compromise for me. The beep sets off a physical response for my attention, the visual, for some reason, I can glance at and ignore. Technology sucks sometimes.

    I also would be looking forward to March. There is nothing worse than guarding pets’ food. I feel you.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

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