Tutu chubby but whatever

When we left each other last week, I was preparing to be buried in the Snowstorm of the South. Let’s just say I sure am glad I stocked up on — yeah, I didn’t need to stock up on anything.

Really, that dog WAS happy about the snow, but he’s always happy unless he decides to Letter C, which he just ups and does sometimes. I feel like he must remember some time in the past when he was an asshole or something.

{lottie}

Also, I know most of you have seen the below on the social medias, but here it is for the 4 people who refuse to join modern society. Get down off your one-wheeled bicycle and look at Forest’s reaction to snow.

Unicycle. I guess it’s called a unicycle, not a one-wheeled bicycle, as that literally makes no sense.

It bugs me that two years into living here I apparently already have to paint these back steps. Just because 20 feet go up and down it 70 times a day.

Also also, that turquoise thing is the table umbrella. I just laid it against the house for winter, rather than store it in the shed, because if I left it in the shed I’d be scared snakes would just pop out of it when I opened it in spring. I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice and

Dear June: Please stop quoting that line from the fine people at Air Supply.

I realize I need to get over going into the shed but I cannot. My snake shed is practically useless now, as it is a snake shed.

To sum, the snow never really even covered the grass, so I am holding out for a hero, and also for another more substantial snowstorm later this year. LAST year, all we got was one snowstorm the day after my surgery so I don’t really remember it. So it’s been two years since we’ve had a really good snow that I could enjoy.

The other thing I did this weekend was try to take ballet. A few weeks ago, my Instagram ads—ads that know my very soul—had an ad for online classes from the International Ballet Academy in New York. Ooooo, I wanted those. Naturally, they HOSED YOU OFF by not telling you ANYTHING until you entered all sorts of information, but finally I learned classes were

$197 a month

and I said yeah, no. That’s less than I was paying for my trainer by the way, but still. So on Friday afternoon I got a call from a woman from the International House of Balletcakes, wondering why I didn’t seal the deal.

“Oh, the cost was too prohibitive,” I said to her. You should hear me on the phone with these kinds of people. Once I get past my breakthrough “Yes,” at the beginning, I talk like I have a PhD in phone conversations.

“We’re offering a special of $50 a month and you can cancel anytime,” she said.

When Marvin and I used to go out to eat, he’d ask for the special and if it contained anything with a lemon or honey or chicken, Marvin would say, “Sold!” to the waitperson. This sort of grandpa talk always humiliated me to my core, despite the fact that later in the dinner I would inevitably balance the spoon on my nose. My nose has now gotten so huge that I can’t even do that any longer. Plus the last time I was at a restaurant was the day Kobe Bryant died. It was on the TV at the restaurant.

The point is, I so wanted to say, “SOLD!” to the fine woman at the International Ballet Academy. Or maybe, “Take my money.”

The first live class was Saturday at 12:45 p.m. You can watch it after that any time, but I really wanted to take it live. I have ballet shoes from when a coworker was going through a divorce so he took ballet and I said I’d go to classes with him to be supportive and then bought shoes and never went. Follow me for this kind of support.

Before class my mother called. I recognized her ring. I don’t have ring tones for people. I just knew, when the phone rang, who it would be.

“You’re not taking beginning lessons, are you? You’re not a beginner!”

…!

“Yes. I suppose I should’ve mentioned my years at Ann Herzberg dance studio in Bridgeport, Michigan from 1972 to 1975. Geez. I hope I don’t blow the instructor out of the water.”

In the end, I couldn’t get on Zoom. I mean, I could, but first I tested to see if I could and once it looked like I was for sure getting on, I hung up, cause it was like 20 minutes early and I didn’t want to seem overeager. Then I tried to call back right before the class like

ELEVENTY HUNDRED TIMES

and I think Zoom thought I was some sort of scammer, or Antifa. I never could dial back in. So I took a ballet class on YouTube for free just because I had on the shoes and I felt like this:

Nevertheless, I am persisting because $50 a month, man. That’s 1/8 of a Botox.

I gotta go. I have to get to work and my commute is a nightmare. Harrrrr. All those years in Los Angeles I wished for a better commute and NOW LOOK AT ME.

I leave you with this image of God watching Democrats and Republicans.

75 thoughts on “Tutu chubby but whatever

  1. I get irritated about the places that charge $197 per month and some people pay that. Then when someone doesn’t, the price is suddenly $50 per month. I would be on the zoom looking at all of the people wondering which suckers paid the full price and who else got the deal instead of concentrating on the class.

    Like

  2. Hey, right on with the ballet! And yeah, where is the veedeeo?
    It is pathetic that people feel they can judge and have the balls to come here to tell you that? ugh. Let it go. Ignorance, that is what it is.
    You are doing great June and thanks so much for sharing your adventures with all of us. If anyone new how I spent my money – well…. to hell with them, I do what I want and so should you!

    Like

  3. I have watched the video of Forest multiple times on the Instagram, the Facebook, and now here. I keep being surprised by his teensy meep. I expect a big, throaty meow from his big wooly self.

    Like

  4. My mom and her best friend were talking about ballet and my mom said something like, “Oh, you’d never get me into a tutu!” And her friend said, “Me, neither. I’d need a four-four!”

    Like

  5. I have a running commentary for every single post. This is today’s:
    1. I love Eds.
    2. The steps are a conundrum.
    3. Screw funding the fence. We need to fund a snake exterminator.
    4. I’m turning into my grandmother who ended every phone call with “buh-bye” and I can’t stop. I can no longer stand myself when I say goodbye to people.
    5. Did the co-worker ever go to the class? How is he doing with the break-up?
    6. Reps and Dems should only get along so well.

    Why can’t I just read your posts and enjoy them for what they are?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The coworker was a regular at that class. Once I actually made it all the way down there and I had the time wrong so I got to see him dancing with all the women in class. He was the only man. He handled that divorce in such a healthy way. Eventually he met someone, got transferred to our NY office, and they had a Zoom wedding this past fall in a Brooklyn bookstore.

      Like

  6. “I leave you with this image of God watching Democrats and Republicans.” Best laugh of the week! Yeah okay, I know it’s only Monday, but still.

    Like

  7. As much as I would love to be able to do online exercise classes, I have no place to do them in this house. Living room? Nope, the dog and kitten would be underfoot (wut u doing, Mom? We help!”). So I just do a 5K brisk walk with the dog every morning. That’s my only exercise, besides running my mouth and jumping to conclusions.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a cute picture of God Iris judging the battling boys. From her expression, she is not amused.

    I am impressed that you actually exercised to the YouTube video as I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve watched various exercise programs while thinking I should actually try the exercises rather than just watching them. Obviously, I belong to Better Fitness Vicariously program.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. The good thing about living in Minnesota is the lack of snakes. I shudder to think about having to think about them. Also? We have snow. I like it. It’s the bitter, bitter cold that is awful, though so far so good on that front.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

    1. Hi Megsie, How’s it going? You are so right about the snake thing, though our mosquitos can be very vicious. I, too, like the snow, but not the bitter cold. At least it’s a bit sunny today. How’s the teaching going? Online or in-person? Take care.

      Like

  10. Your fear of snakes is completely justified. Every outbuilding I ever see makes me think of snakes. I’ve never even been surprised by a snake—but I think that’s because my fear keeps me safe from putting myself near them!

    Like

  11. Here’s what’s confusing to me. Why do you insist on spending money (when clearly money seems to be an issue with you) on things like new workout routines when there are other free and really excellent online workouts available? (Including ballet.)

    Is it that it doesn’t seem real somehow (or that you won’t do it) unless you have a financial commitment to it? I’ve never belonged to a gym or paid for a personal trainer, so I can see how this might be a determining factor.

    Like

    1. I made a commitment to pay off my debts and have done so. My credit score is almost 800. I moved here to save money and have done so. Meanwhile, why don’t you go fuck yourself?

      Liked by 4 people

    2. Dear Suzanna, I spent 2k on a treadmill in April and have used it once. Any suggestions on what I should do instead? Your opinion is really really important on my financial matters. Please advise.

      Liked by 2 people

    3. Here’s what’s confusing to me. Why bother to take the time to write out a comment that is clearly snarky and shows a total lack of manners?

      Yes June, you CLEARLY have issues with money considering your steady employment, the fact you own your own home, have little to no debt…I mean please make better choices when spending YOUR MONEY on things YOU LIKE. Sheesh.

      Like

      1. I’m currently debating spending $10-$20/month on a podcast fan club so I can get extra content. Like June, I made a commitment to pay down my debt and improve my credit score. In less than 2 years my score has gone up close to 80 points and and I owe a small amount on one credit card that will be paid off the first week of April.
        I guess I should stop be so damned frivolous. While I’m at it I’ll stop buying books and listening to music subscriptions. Oh hell, hold on… I need to go cancel my Netflix and Hulu.
        I was also thinking about getting CRAZY and getting a Chicago Tribune subscription because I like reading an actual, physical paper. This madness needs to stop. Thank GOODNESS you were here to talk some sense into me.

        Like

    4. Hi Suzanna, I spent my stimmy check on botox and a bracelet from Tiffany that was ridiculously overpriced. Tell me where I’m wrong.

      Like

  12. Can’t wait to hear more about your ballet lessons. I’m itching to take adult tap. My pink pointe shoes hang on my bedroom door knob.

    Barbara Jean Van Scoy was my dance teacher, and she was so beautiful. She had waist length very dark hair, and our spring recitals always ended with her doing an authentic Hawaiian/Tahitian dance, wearing the huge grass skirt. The fathers were all agog watching her hips snap back and forth. It was awesome!

    Like

  13. We risked going to my favorite restaurant a couple of months ago. Was so good, and nothing bad came of it. They take lots of precautions.
    On another note, as a tribute to you, I put tinsel all over my tree this year, it was beautiful, I took a picture to post, but am having trouble getting it into my computer. Oh, well.

    Like

  14. Forest and Milhouse look like they’re having a great time “wrasslin'” ! Do they spend a lot of time together?

    Like

    1. They are best best best friends. If one is outside and one is inside, they look for each other and then run off together. I feel bad about the two years Milhous didn’t HAVE a friend here. I mean, he had Sissy next door. But he kept trying to get the girl cats to play and they were appalled. All he needed was a brother.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. See? It was meant to be when you found Forest! Milhouse needed a brother. I’m happy they have so much fun together.

        Like

      2. Awwww, so sweet that they have each other! And great for you to have a couple of younger pets. Our one cat mostly just tolerates the other. She loves the dog though.

        Like

  15. I was watching Home Town on HGTV yesterday and this house had a shed in the backyard. One of the men said, “I’m not going in there because it’ll be full of snakes! All sheds have snakes.” It made me laugh!

    Liked by 3 people

  16. I took an adult ballet class a few years ago. I did great at the bar and with the stretching exercises. When it came to synchronizing movements with my classmates I was always out of step. It just took a second too long when I had to figure out what direction it actually was each time the instructor asked us to move left or right. I am one of those people who ALWAYS has to figure out L or R. Apparently, it is a thing.

    Other than that, I loved ballet.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I will never get bored of Forest’s indignant meeeep! Hope you enjoy the ballet once you get going with it. My sister did barre classes during the the first wave here and got a visible six pack! I tried one with her via video chat and it kicked my arse. You’d think I’d have nailed it since I passed level one ballet exams with a merit back in 1993.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I, too, want to be supportive but do not have any ballet shoes (slippers?) and don’t want to get any so will just say: Wonderful post, Wonderful Joon! And ask when Forest got so big? Or is that all fur? Or maybe it’s Maybelline…

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I am imagining your shed like it is a cartoon with piles of cartoon snakes waiting to pop out. I’d have to bring in professionals to take that shed out. Love the photo and caption on that last photo. I do not ride a unicycle, but I don’t use Facebook much. I have a profile, but I rarely do much on there.

    Ballet classes sound interesting. For sure your past experience would blow your instructor away. The woman who teaches classes at my gym is doing online FB live classes. I can do the videos anytime because she saves them on FB. These videos are kicking my butt and keeping me sane. *See, I AM on Facebook.

    Like

  20. Hilarious post, June. At the end of 2018 I started a “balled=t for the middle aged” class, which I loved, but of course it had to close, and I have not kept up the practice. I bet Forrest will come around to the snow if you get a proper covering.

    Like

  21. I can’t wait to hear more about your ballet classes! That sounds so fun! I have always wanted to take ballet and I would definitely look like that hippopotamus in a tutu. I tried taking a class once. It was for beginner adults and the teenage girl in charge of the class had us do all of these jumps at the end. My knees hurt for a week and I never returned. Really, we should never have been doing those jumps. She was too young to know any better though.
    I love the snow pictures! We didn’t get any, but people I know drove north a few hours to see it. I am crossing my fingers and hoping we get enough snow for a snowman and snow angels and a snowball fight. We haven’t had that much in years now!

    Like

  22. Margarita with Prosecco sounds delightful. As do tacos and guac. My avocado tree is having a good year. But I digress. There may have been too many people on the Zoom (especially if it was free) and you got shut out. I too sign in early and then LEAVE IT! so I don’t lose my place. Not advice. Love Forest’s cry to get back inside. Can snakes get into the umbrella where it’s at now? A penny-farthing is the bicycle with one high wheel.

    Like

  23. I have a totally boring theory about why lots of dogs and cats don’t like the rain and snow. It’s because something is falling out of the sky and hitting them on the head and they don’t know what it is! That would freak me out a little bit, too.
    I’ve given up trying to do any online exercise videos because I can’t get one damn moment of privacy around here. Doesn’t matter what time of day or where I am in this tiny house, my husband will poke his head in to see what I’m doing or wander by or f*ckin something and I just give up. I walk the dog and do some kind of stretchy thing every day and that will have to do until I feel like I can join a gym again.

    Like

    1. When people tell me things about being locked down with a spouse, I get a little shudder of sympathy. I mean, I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice and also that most people have not stayed in as dramatically as I have, but still.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve stayed in pretty dramatically. I get groceries and do a little bit of shopping and see one small group of people (masked, distanced) weekly because it’s a dog thing and keeps me sane. So we’ve been pretty cooped up. What really gets me are the people who say, Oh that’s too bad, I’m glad I married somebody I like to spend time with.

        Like

        1. I’ve not been to the grocery store. I think I went once, in the summer when numbers were better, and got one thing. Beer? I can’t recall. I have only seen Ned maskless. I mean, a few friends have come over with masks on and stand/sit outside 6 feet from me for a little bit, but even that has been awhile. I am surprised I’m not more insane than I am, although I spent like 10 minutes worrying my new pajamas would not be accepted by my old pajamas when I put them in the drawer, so.

          Liked by 1 person

      2. So far, my husband and I have not killed each other from working at home together but the day’s not over yet. Luckily, we each have our own office so we’re not sitting in the same room because that would push me over the edge. He’s a fidgeter. He cannot sit at his desk without doing his best (worst) seated Riverdance impression or he taps his fingers until I want to MURDER HIM. So his office is at the front of our house and my office is at the back of the house. It helps. A lot.

        Like

  24. Where is the veedeo of your ballet lesson, June? I’m sure I’m not the only one wondering. Please make a note for next time.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. One of my goals this year is to clean out the downstairs. We have been using it as a basement (storing crap) and it is a shanda. It has such possibilities and I’m weighing them all in my mind. One thought was to have a dedicated exercise/workout area. Then I priced a Peloton.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. I am relying on PT to keep me in shape — I’m already paying for it, why not? Bc my middle initial is L, not for Louise (which it is) but for Lazy. I am intrigued by online classes, though I know I have no willpower to actually WATCH and DO them. Go you!

    Happy Monday! It feels like it should be at least February by now…

    Like

  27. Lovely post Coot.

    We had a raccoon in our shed. While they are cute as hell those suckers are mean. I now will not go in the trash panda shed. I make my Kahuna do all the shedding.
    We had a good dusting of snow almost 10 inches. People were loosing their minds. I laughed and laughed at all my neighbors posts about how they can’t go golf or fish or feed the cows because the snow is too deep. I lived in Northern Montucky were we had 11 feet of snow fall in a week. So yeah go build your snowman and shut up Bubba.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. PhD in phone conversations!
      Give Forest charge if the shed and umbrellas he will rid them of the snakes.
      Tee

      Like

    2. We had a trash panda in our attic last week. My daughter and I heard him rustling around up there, woke husband up, at which point he was disgruntled and DISMISSIVE(which should sum up having to quarantine with a spouse). The following night, we heard it AGAIN, woke him AGAIN, and Mr. “You Two Are Nuts and Have No Idea What You are Talking About”, discovered that not only was the trash panda IN the attic, all comfy and cozy, but the reason that it was so cozy up there?? On the ONE night a year that we had to turn the heat on(we live in Ft Lauderdale, thin blood, we know…bunch of sissies), the trash panda had made a LARGE hole in the main duct, and the heat was pouring into the attic, instead of coming down into the house. The racoon had “the nerve be annoyed” that Husband had disturbed the “resort like conditions that he has set up for himself”. (Husband declared, rather indignantly, “that thing looked at me like he was waiting for me to bring him a margarita!!”) It was downright PAINFUL for husband to admit that we were NOT crazy, and was at some points downright hysterical. Or…at least to my daughter and I. Husband remained indignant, AND a tiny bit chagrined that we were right, not to mention mad as a snake that he had to make repairs at 10pm on a Sunday night.

      Liked by 4 people

  28. Thank you for the Air Supply reference as I never had a clue that is what the first line said. I find I more hum to Air Supply with their strange lyrics but oh how I love them. Them and Barry Manilow when I want to be despondent.

    Like

  29. Wishing I had the wherewithal to take any sort of exercise class, but, alas, I am a slug. I walk, then sit on the couch with my nose in a book, as much as I am allowed. I adore God shining judgement down onto the political parties. I am on his/her side.

    Like

  30. Kobe Bryant died January 26, 2020. I remember because it is my husbands birthday and we heard it on the radio with all the grandkids in the car. It was very sad

    Like

    1. Then that’s the last time I was at a restaurant. Almost a year. I had two beef tacos, guac and chips, and a margarita with Prosecco in it. Why so hippo in a tutu?

      Liked by 2 people

Comments are closed.