June has to put on pants

I feel sort of itchy in my nose and also kind of sneezy, as in I sneezed once, so inevitably this is it. I’m Rona Barrett. The fact that I have not spoken face to face with another human since December 25 is beside the point.

I have to go to work today, actually, so I hope I don’t spread this faux ‘rona. For a month now, my keyboard isn’t exactly working, and I have to press the Shift key about a hundred and nine times to get it to make capital letters. Everything I type looks like I’m e.e. cummings. Or his very inclusive sister cc cummings.

Finally, I alerted IT, which always scares me because by the time I’m (argh. That “I’m” took me 50 tries) done at IT I feel like a bumbling old lady. They always ask some questions that you couldn’t possibly know the answer to like, “Are you wired?”

“Well, I’m a little wound up, but.”

So I have to take it in to the actual office from noon to 2:00, so I guess this means today I have to put on pants and stuff.

Elizabeth Gilbert said if you work at home you should make your bed and get dressed every day. So I’ve done that, although I’ll stretch that, “It’s still morning” robe look till 11:00 sometimes. But when I get dressed it has been leggings and a t-shirt or, in winter, a sweatshirt. I even bought two pairs of shorts this summer. I haven’t worn shorts since we all enjoyed the Reuben Kincaid hair shift commercial on Nick at Night.

So that will be weird. Pants, I mean. And going to the office, I mean.

IT has been going to work this whole time. I think they’ve done it in shifts, like one goes in one day or something. I plan to run in there, drop off my laptop, and scream out. Then I’ll go down to my floor and get my picture frame.

For Christmas, my mother sent me the original recipe card of one of Grammy’s cookie recipes, a cookie I eat every Christmas and really why so filled out. Why the leggings.

I got the brilliant idea to frame said recipe and get it out as a Christmas decoration each year. I found a black-and-red-plaid picture frame on sale, then got the “YOUR ORDER HAS ARRIVED” notice (that all-caps just took 109 tries) and then I saw the shipping address was work.

Also my boss got me something ridiculous in her travels and left it on my desk so I have three—three!!!—reasons to go in. Threeee! Ah ah ah.

I’d better go. I promised marketing I’d copy edit some stuff for them and I don’t want to screw that up by not having my computer for two hours today. Also I have to shower and try to squeeze self into pants. I know I’ve gained at least 10 pounds and that depressed me so much I didn’t weigh myself again, but then I wanted to know how much Forest weighs, so I bit the bullet, not literally, and turned on the scale but mercifully the battery had died, and it takes this weird nub of a battery I don’t own.

I made him get on that kitchen scale I use for the foster kittens and he was most perturbed so the best I can tell you is more than 9. He weighs more than 9. I think maybe he weighs 10 pounds. He’s 10 months. Further reports as developments warrant.

And for all I know I weigh 415 and I’m tryina get into my regular chubby June pants. I’m not getting on the kitten scale to find out. This whole plague has ticked me off.

OK, talk at you.

June

62 Comments

  1. yup, 10 pounds here too. I have been working so I have to wear clothes but my clothes have been getting comfier and comfier.

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  2. Late to the party. Wonder where those frivolous mornings went to. Oh, yeah, when I was not working. Joob! I went for a covid test yesterday since somethings been snoopin ’round my backdoor. NEGATIVE. Drops mike. Anyway, some stupid virus and honey, don’t you KNOW i hope I lost weight.

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  3. I won’t even get close to my scale. I can still wear my jeans. That’s my uniform jeans and a long-sleeve, t-shirt, sneakers if my feet get cold, otherwise flip flops.
    I hope your day at the office was enjoyable.
    Tee

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  4. I gained weight last year thanks to the pandemic and promptly lost it with the help of youtube veeedeeeeos, but then of course i got pregnant (my husband couldn’t resist ALL This) and I’m heavier than ever, I’m worried about how I’ll lose it all again. Good luck with your laptop problems, dear Juno, I would be very annoyed with that shift key and curse it to hell

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  5. I, too, have noticed tighter clothes when I wear them. Mostly it’s just daytime pajamas here. I am appreciating the drop in laundry, that’s for sure.

    Good luck with the pants and the IT people!

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  6. I think the adding weight thing is pretty universal at this point, so doubt anyone will notice . . . which doesn’t really help if your wardrobe isn’t cooperating. Loved the cc cummings inclusive bit. Perfect.

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  7. I believe in owning clothes that fit, even if it’s just one outfit. Don’t torture yourself, buy bigger pants and/or buy some stretchy pants that are suitable for dropping items off at work.

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  8. My mental radio briefly featured “My Sharona” with lyrics of “June’s Faux ‘Rona” instead. cc cummings is hilariously inclusive. 🙂 Hope your pants-wearing goes off without a hitch.

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  9. Not gonna lie, when I saw the title of today’s post, the first thing that popped into my head was, “I wonder if it will be the hair pants that she wore the last time.” (This from the woman who shopped for and attended my sons social distancing bday gift dropping off in my pajamas, which are actually just different black leggings than the ones I wear in the daytime.) About 3 months into this our time of Quarantine, I had achieved the “Quarantine 19”,(similar to the Freshman 15?), but apparently I am an overachiever, and have added another 12 lbs. to that. SO. There is a meme on FB, that goes something like – what size pants do you wear? Leggings. Was horrified to realize that I currently fit into this category. (No pun intended).

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I ate my way from March through June and then got serious about getting fit, so I bought a Bowflex MadMax 5 g Force something or another and I’m down by 20 lbs. I can wear a medium now. Anyway, you’re all welcome. I hope you meet Mario and it’s a love match. Fingers crossed.

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  11. Lovely post, Lovely Joon! Now With Pants! And more than three — three!!!– reasons to love it: Your Mom! Grammy! Cookie recipes! Plaid picture frames! Surprise presents from Your Boss! The Count! Chubby Forest (“It’s *not* just fur!”)!

    I, too, have been stabbing my keyboard with ever increasing vehemence. May I ship it to your IT department? I don’t have one. It sounds like such a grown up thing to have.

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  12. Are you gonna share the cookie recipe on your recipe blog? Sending thoughts and prayers that the pants work out for you.

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  13. Dogspeed on your journey, Joob.
    I’ve also gained weight.
    Thank G my stretchy work pants still fit over my beach ball butt.
    I love the idea of framing Grammy’s recipe as a Christmas decoration.
    I’m a Christmas card saver and framed a few. Four small dog, cat and mice illustrations in one frame, from a dear friend who passed away, and two from her daughter, Santa posting in a UK letter box and a painted scene of the beautiful park they walk through on the way to her son’s school in England.
    I love them and they bring back so many wonderful memories of shared Christmases in the past.

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  14. I dreamed last night that I did a big shopping trip for new clothes. That was strange because I haven’t been in any store other than the grocery store since early February and my daily winter uniform is jeans and a sweater so why the new clothes?. The only leggings I wear are thermal underwear under the jeans to keep my legs warm. Every morning as I walk SadieDog, I glance down to make sure I remembered to put my jeans on over my thermals. So far so good.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sadie, I, too, walk the dog in early morning sub-freezing temperatures. And I, too, wear thermals and pants (among other things). But I was a tad embarrassed the other day to find I had put not one but two — two!! says the Count — pair of pants on over the thermal underwear. The bad news is I am clearly losing my mind; the good news is I’m not as chubby as I appeared to be.

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      1. Years ago, when my friend’s mother starting losing it, she would dress herself with her pants on the inside and her underwear on the outside. As long as we remember to wear our pants on the outside, it’s all good.

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  15. My 7-mo-old kitty, Milo, weighs 10 pounds. I’ve never had an oversized cat before; well, not since Harold my childhood cat who was Bluto in cat fur. Seriously, he was magnificent and lived 20 years.

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  16. Elizabeth Gilbert. Pssshhh. “Eat” too much “Pray” your pants still zip “Love” yourself anyway.

    Good luck with your pants, June. “Unspoken pair requests!”

    (Don’t mind me. I’m over here trying not to slack off.)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Not that it matters…but my keyboard has 2 shift keys. I guess it is for left handed people? It is in the same place as the other one but on the right side.

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      1. I have gone in to work a couple of times to pick up a book or some such thing… it is a ghost-town. Kinda spooky actually. Hope your keyboard gets fixed. Mine has sticky keys, and I know the Apple Store will want to keep it and send it away, so I soldier on erasing all of the oooos and ttttttts and iiiiiiis that show up when I type normally. It is maddening!

        Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. I was taught to use the shift key on the right when my left hand needed to type a capital letter and shift on the left when making capita lettersl with right hand. That was way back when I was learning to type on the very advanced Selectric typewriter in 1967.

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  18. I have gained 9 pounds which surprises me. I fully expected it to be more. But what has happened is all of my weight has shifted to my middle. All extra nine pounds are in my stomach. My booty and thighs have slimmed down a little because I moved into a 3-story townhouse. All the stairs have done wonders for my calves but all the emotional eating has done terrible things to my midsection. I look great.

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  19. I have gained weight, too. I have weighed myself, but I wish I hadn’t. I am wearing yoga pants all of the time now. It’s my 2020 version of wind suits – is that what they were called back in the 1980’s? Those blousy jackets and matching fluffy pants with elastic at the waist and at the ankle?
    Have fun at your work place.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Track suits? Were they track suits? I remember my ex-best friend had to get one for after she had surgery. It was absurd-looking. Her mother said, “Oh, you can take that with you on your Vegas trip!” We were weak with laughter at the idea.

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      1. Lovely post Coot.
        I had to put pants on last Friday to go to the urologist and take them off. I have some stretchy jeans that I have taken to wearing when I must venture out in pants.
        Wind suits. I had a pure and lavender one that whoosh whooshed as I walked through the grocery or around the house. I wore it with my gold Reebok. Dont judge. I think I bought it from the Golden Girls Collection at Macys.

        Liked by 4 people

  20. “Well, I’m a little wound up, but.”

    Mic dropped on that one. Priceless.

    Good luck at work. I envision it going like this.
    – Car drives up to entrance. Driver cracks open window
    – Keyboard shoved through small opening.

    – Some thing in hazmat suit uses a gripper we see on infomercials at 3:35am to grab keyboard.
    – New keyboard doused in alcohol pushed through car window. (Fingers crossed it works)
    – keyboard doesn’t work but it’s the cleanest it’s ever been.
    – June calls AppleCare for assistance
    – Everyone tests negative 5 days later.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Maybe they are all named Mario. Or they all use the name Mario. I have aliases that I used to be able to use before caller ID. Now I need a burner phone AND my aliases. Dammit.

        Liked by 3 people

  21. This will surprise exactly no one, but when I work from home, I get up at my usual time, keep to my usual routine and get completely dressed in work clothes. I know. It’s a sickness.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. This scenario exactly describes my sister and me. I’m Paula, my sister is co-worker. We like each other fine but we are 15 years apart in age so we don’t really hang out much.

          Liked by 1 person

    1. I want to be like you. I am not. I am envious and admiring instead. Don’t change. I need to know there is someone in the country I can really look up to and aspire to be.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I also get up at my usual time and keep to my usual routine but am following the “casual Friday” guidelines with regard to attire. I think I need some sort of 12 step program.

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    3. HAHAHAAA. This is killing me. I am reading this at 10:24 my time. My husband woke me up at 8:49 for a work call that started at 9:00. I got up, peed (sorry, too much info?) crawled back in bed. He brought me tea and handed me the phone. I opened my computer and got the number and dialed in. Call lasted an hour. Did my summary, sent it to my client, came on here. Still in bed, still in my pjs, still drinking my tea – but it’s getting cold, so where is that guy to warm it up? God, what lousy service around here. Anyway, thinking about getting out of bed but not sure it’s going to happen. Bottom line, I wonder if we would be happily married or if we would kill each other?

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Yep, same here. I keep to my normal routine and have since Day One of Pandemic 2020/2021. I still get up at the same time every day, get a 5K in at the park and then come home, shower and get dressed for work. Of course my usual work attire is yoga pants (or shorts, depending on the weather) and whatever motorcycle racing t-shirt I grab out of my drawer. If it’s cold in my office, then I throw on a flannel shirt. But no way can I stay in PJs or a robe all day. It just seems wrong to me.

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    1. I just ordered four pairs of yoga pants last week and bigger bras because I need them and there was a big sale. They were out of every shirt I wanted in my size, damn it. I got two sweaters and I’m not much of a sweater person. I too fear the scale. My formerly loose tunic shirts are tighter and show my gut. Sigh. The leggings are tighter and I am finishing up Christmas treats I bought too much of. He did too. He is far more disciplined about snacks than I. He is also a far better cook. This will be a real challenge.

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      1. Also they tried to push quick shipping on me for an extra ten bucks. Oh please we have Christmas gifts we are still waiting to arrive. I hope I see those clothes before Spring!

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