Colorado Nickerson

I didn’t write earlier today because I was expecting — not a child, because this isn’t the Bible and I’m not Ruth expecting Baby Ruth. Or wait. Was it Sarah who had a baby when she was old? Someone did. Some chick of old. It’s been a long time since I was in parochial school.

Anyway I didn’t write earlier because I was expecting work. And I wanted to get started on it early, so I IGNORED this blog and went straight to work but then the work wasn’t there and it wasn’t there and it wasn’t there and I was like Sarah Ruth expecting that baby and getting on my donkey and heading to Ye Olde CVF for pregnancy tests.

Remember how old printing presses used to use Fs for Ss? That was the joke, there. Like it was the CVS of biblical times.

Headed to CVF for a Last Response Pregnancy Test. Cause they weren’t that good back then, see.

I should just give up.

My point is, I did all sorts of other work today to clear out my schedule for the thing I was expecting and now that I am not getting what I was expecting, the afternoon

YAWNS

before me, so here I am writing my blog.

Yesterday I got up and wore clothes and got in the car and did all sorts of before-times things that I don’t normally do.

My laptop, generously provided to me by the good folks at my job, was wearing out. First of all, the A key was all faded, and I don’t know why the A. Am I The Fonz? Do I type a lot of aaaaaaaaaa? I don’t know. But that’s the key that suffered.

This was no big deal. But what WAS a big deal were the keys themselves, particularly my shift key, wasn’t working, so lots of what I would type would be in lowercase and I thought it wasn’t a big deal but it turns out that’s a sign your laptop is wearing out so I brought mine in to work and IT transferred everything to this here new-ish laptop that I have today.

Edsel didn’t even know what to make of me leaving the house without him. Now that we’ve been together this much, I was 99% certain he understood me when I said I’d be back in an hour or two.

Then I drove to work and got a good spot in the parking lot, and right there’s your silver lining. I walked into the dark room that is my workplace. I opened the door and didn’t see all the people.

My office is an old mill, so it’s got huge open rooms and several floors, and yesterday there was no one on my floor at all. On my way to my desk I heard “squeak!!” and I know it was a mouse. You can’t blame him. I’d be hanging out there, too.

My calendar still read February. I toyed with taking it down but I figure it’ll be more dramatic to do so when I return for real. I sprayed on some of my perfume I have at my desk. Then I headed upstairs to where IT is.

There was just one IT guy there, and he put on his mask as soon as he saw me. We had to work together for a bit so he could get all the info off my old laptop and put it on the newer one. But then there was going to be 45 minutes where everything was Manhattan Transferring. “You can hang out if you want,” he said, but clearly he does not know me.

“I’ll just come back,” I said, and headed to the mailroom to get my package. I’d accidentally ordered something to come to work.

As I made my way to the mailroom, I thought, “This is why you got so fucking fat.” Because seriously, my workplace is giant, and we have three floors you have to traverse via stairs, and usually during the workday I’d do that all the time. It’s easier to just run upstairs to ask someone something rather than send a dumb email.

But now for the past year, all I’ve done is sit in this 999-square-foot house where I only get up to let the dog out or what have you. I guess this explains my appearance, which can only be described as squishy.

Speaking of which, since I was out, I decided to stop off and see the fine people of Sonic. It’s near work and I never get there anymore as that would require getting up off this chair. As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, I enjoy the Sonic chili cheese dog. And here’s my problem. I mean, beyond my cholesterol.

My problem is they never add the onion or mustard. Which, why? So yesterday I said, “Yes. I’d like the chili cheese dog with onion and mustard, please.”

As I was paying, I got a message from IT that my laptop was ready. So I screamed back there as soon as I could.

“Now, can you log in and…” began the IT guy.

“Do we have to do this together?” I asked. First of all, COVID, and second, I had a chili cheese dog.

“Oh! I don’t want to stand in the way of you and your chili cheese dog!” he said. “No; you can do this at home!”

So I screamed to my car, screamed home, brought in my purse/keys/laptop/draaaank/bag of fries/chili cheese dog/box from mailroom OH MY GOD but I was finally inside without dropping anything.

I was so dying to get to the chili cheese dog, and I ripped open the packaging like it was a bodice and I was Mandingo, and?

No chili. They gave me a hot dog with mustard and onion.

WHY DID THEY THINK THAT’S WHAT I WANTED? OH MY GOD.

So that was severely disappointing.

At the end of the day, and I’m not one of those dreadful people who is using that term to mean, “ultimately.” I mean literally my workday was done. And at the end of it, Ned called.

Ned bought a 2008 Mustang at the end of last year, and I refused to ride in it until two weeks had passed because he’d test driven and done paperwork with some car dealer and I didn’t want to hold him in my armchair so I could feel his disease. But finally the two weeks were up and Ned wondered if I wanted to ride in his car with him. So I said yes to the man. (Name that movie.)

You shoulda heard old Ned roaring up to my house. Good gravy. I got in his car and saw my neighbor, so I waved.

“I wonder if the neighbors think some new dude is squiring me about town, what with this new car and all.”

“They think I’m a whole new man. I’m going to introduce myself as someone cooler. Colorado Nickerson. ‘No, I’m not Ned Nickerson. I’m Colorado. Colorado Nickerson.'”

Colorado and I drove around this loop that takes you all around the city, and you know I’m indifferent to cars, so I didn’t ask that many questions about it. What I did ask was, “Can we go to CVS? (Not CVF.) I have GERD from my non-chili, non-cheese chili cheese dog.”

So we roared into CVS so I could get Prilosec, and I’m sure everyone was impressed with how cool we were. Look at the indigestion on that cool duo!

Finally, we got back to my house, and Colorado Nickerson dropped me off. He was in a hurry because some stupid basketball game was on and I’m so glad to not have any testosterone. I mean, I guess I have some, right? But like one teensy speck of it that comes out when people type apart when they mean a part.

When I got inside I was finally able to take off my pants, pants I’d been wearing all day, and frankly I can’t believe I went so many decades just … wearing pants. They’re so cumbersome and awful. I guess this is why Edsel gets that dreamy look when I scritch him under his collar. Like, you don’t even know you’re uncomfortable till you find something more comfortable and say, Wow, that was awful and I didn’t know it.

So that sums up yesterday and for me it was pretty people-y. Now I gotta sit here and wait for symptoms.

Relaxedly,
New Hampshire Gardens

58 Comments

  1. My first job was at Sonic. I was a carhop. I worked there for four years and learned every job in the place. It wasn’t a bad gig and I enjoyed making milkshakes. Their milkshake menu is much different now. We had tons of different flavor combinations and I learned them all. I’d love to order some of them now, but I’m not sure they’d get it right or have all the ingredients. My kids like the slushes and corn dogs, so we go on occasion.

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  2. Lovely post Joon. I read someone’s lockdown tip recently: “put your jeans on every few days because pyjamas are just too forgiving” – and it is true!

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  3. That was quite a day. Colorado Nickerson driving you around town reminded me of my uncle driving my grandmother around their small town every evening. Since she was a true homebody, it was their daily ritual to drive around town and out into the country to see what changes were being made.

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  4. I am totally a special order-er and it is upsetting when the order is wrong on a normal day, but when it is a SPECIAL DAY because it has been so long? Crushing. Glad you got a new laptop so your keys work! Mine is still bad. I have to correct after almost every word!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  5. Yes. (I figure I’ll start everything with a “yes”, then maybe folks will think I am more…positive?) I am so relieved that your day out went well(I was concerned) ! The last time I went out of my house I was anxious and anxiety ridden, and couldn’t wait to get back home. In hindsight, in addition to imagining the thousands of germs that were flying around, I was also anxious to get back home to take the very tight jeans off, so that I could breathe deeply again. I was also quite worried about what would happen if I dropped something and had to actually bend over to pick it up.
    Thank u for sharing your day with us!

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  6. There is so much good stuff here! I was laughing so often my slightly plugged right tear duct let a tear run down my face!
    From Sonic to CVF to Colorado… such story weaving his amazing. Still trying to catch my breath.

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  7. I don’t mind putting on pants but since I’ve been working from home since March I get pretty bent out of shape when I have to wear shoes. If I know I am not going to get out of the car I’ll wear Crocs, but putting on real shoes seems like an ordeal.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. No time to read comments. I once ordered a Filet o’ Fish from McDonald’s and it came without the fish. Oh, I would have been irked by that not chili cheese dog. How many of us thought Ned was moving to Colorado?

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  9. Hold up! You had to wear pants 2 days in a row?? Today I didn’t even bother, I just put on my robe and went about my day since I wasn’t leaving the house.
    The others are right about Sonic. There are certain things they do better than anyone else. Ice is one. Limeade slashes are another. And Chili cheese tots is a third. Oh, and the drinks happy hour from 2 to 4 is a must.

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  10. I have been debating with myself about whether to keep or dump all the bras. I wear sports bras but even those have become cumbersome and can’t find the little lightweight ones! But I did find something in Sam’s Club that was surprising. Not sure that describes my emotion. They are “travel capris.” Well, I then was able to pair them with a “lounge t-shirt.” I still do not get it except that I guess they are both loose and feel draped on? I am not sure where I will travel in the capris but they do feel comfy.
    I hate that we must always double check our food at drive throughs but June’s scenario has happened to me too many times not to – I hate that.

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  11. Were you worn out from your big day out on the town? Having to do run aroundy things really makes me tired now. Thanks, Pandemic!

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  12. I once ordered a chicken wrap from Chick-fil-a, got it home, and no chicken. No chicken from CHICK-FIL-A! I had a salad in a tortilla.

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  13. Can’t believe you wore pants for a whole day. I’m not sure I’ll ever wear jeans again. Even the soft stretchy ones. I’ve got formal black yoga pants for going out in public and leggings for at home. Not sure I need anything else.

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  14. Your Sonic food order sounds like most of my past relationships with men. Anticipating something really good, and then being disappointed once I opened up the packaging. And then, as a final slap in the face, getting (heart) sick from it after it’s over.

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  15. Apart! Yes, that one has been bothering me for a couple of years now. It’s like new trend of “getting the word wrong, 2019-2021.” These people have no idea they typed the exact opposite of what they mean!

    Sonic would have received a sternly worded voice mail from me. REALLY STERN.

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  16. The lack of chili on the hotdog is a prime example of why I never drive away from the window at Chick-fil-A before checking my order to make sure it’s complete, to include bun tops. Yeah, they left off the top of the bun and shorted me a sandwich, but the MOST upsetting thing, they failed to include the ice cream! You had every right to be upset.
    Tee

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  17. I’m ducking livers here – but those characters that looked like an “f” were never an “f”. They were a long s. If you really look at them, there is no cross line as you find in an “f”. Their usage gets fuzzy because the rules kept changing for each country during different time periods. Finally, when the Times of London newspaper commissioned a new typeface in 1800, they chose to drop the long s and only use the short s, which is what we use today. The Times of London was THE trendsetter in typography so if it dropped the long s, other printers did too, Interestingly, printers in USA kept the long s for a time afterwards. We were slow – or resentful – to change. BUT – when I show a group of undergraduates a third folio of Shakespeare, printed in 1632, and they find the line that uses the word “suckling” – yes, lots of laughter. [Back when we could show real books to groups of people.]

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  18. I’d have been so mad about that chili cheese dog!

    The IT people at my job want to replace my keyboard when the letters wear off. I don’t like a new keyboard though. It throws off my typing. I have a couple of spare l keyboards squirreled away under my desk so when they try to give me a new flat keyboard, I already have one.

    After I had each of my babies, I’d have to get used to regular pants again. One of the best things about pregnancy was all the elastic waistbands and never having to suck in my belly.

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  19. I would be so sad if my chili dog had no chili or cheese. And to think the toddlers employed by fast food joints think they deserve 15.00 per hour!

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  20. It was Sarah.

    The vision of you tooling about in a fancy Mustang to buy Prilosec is killing me dead.

    Colorado Nickerson. Please. We were introduced to one of our kids’ friends years ago and she asked what she should call us (meaning Mr. and Mrs. Last Name or First Name or What). I said, “You can call my husband ‘Snake.'” Then I went off and married myself while my husband stood there wondering what in the hell was wrong with me. (Btw, KID, you call them Mr. and Mrs. until you are told not to. Geez. Kids today. No manners.)

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    1. Yes! We always introduce ourselves to children as Mr. and Mrs. Texas. Now that our daughter is 20 we have told some of her friends we’ve known forever to call us by our first names, but they won’t do it. It’s the south, man. Can’t stop, won’t stop.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Me too! Loathe them. Car nuts near my.old house had them and now someone a few houses up the block here has one too. They ride around the cul-de-sac right in front of our house and I wish bad things on them.

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  21. “Remember how old printing presses used to use Fs for Ss? That was the joke, there. Like it was the CVS of biblical times.”

    Made me think of this comedy routine from Stan Freberg. Mentioned at 2:20 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCEE9pOkvQU

    BTW Love Colorado Nickerson

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  22. New Hampshire Gardens. Excellent. I wouldn’t just be annoyed with Sonic i would pick up the phone and give them a word or two. My rule is that I don’t leave the window until I’ve checked the order. Every time I do not check it’s wrong.

    Also? I would be happy to never wear another bra in my life. My mom said I need to just get a “good” bra. I have several “good bras” but they still annoy after a year of no bra wearing. Hoping the new to you laptop is a gem.

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  23. I’ve had Sonic one time and let’s just say it didn’t live up to the hype in any way, shape or form. Disappointing would be an understatement.

    How happy is Colorado with the Love of his Life? He looks so content in that photo. Smug, even. Because he’s with his One True Love.

    I had to put on real pants about 2 or 3 months ago, for a funeral. These were pants I had never worn before and they seemed to grow as I wore them. I spent a good chunk of the funeral hoisting up the waistband. I don’t know if it’s because I had lost a little bit of weight or because they were just too big to begin with but I’m going with weight loss.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree! What is the big deal with Sonic? Not that I am a fast food fan anyway. I finally tried Sonic years ago on a day-long trek for vacation (to the Outer Banks) and bleh. Then one opened near where we lived but closed within about two years. So I just don’t get the Sonic Love.

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          1. Yes to this! It’s a goal in life to have a fancy under-counter ice machine that makes Sonic ice. I think this is my year!!

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            1. The Sonic I went to actually had bags of their ice for sale. I don’t know if this is a standard menu item or not but I’m not planning on eating at a Sonic again if I can help it.

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      1. me, either. People rave about the ice, even! (I don’t like ice) Oh, well, more for everyone else!

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      2. The Sonics in the county I left went out of business. The food was better than most fast food but terribly overpriced. I knew it wouldn’t last.

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    2. Yes! I got a couple great fitting pairs of pants from Fix the Stitch and the waistband fabric is cut wrong or something because they’re perfect when I put them on and hanging down around my hips 2 hours later.

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      1. When you’ve waited so long for that special something and you are finally going to get it and the anticipation grows…you know, and then they mess the order up. The disappointment! It coulda been a nice day but now everything sucks and life seems incomplete because somebody couldn’t put the chili and cheese on the chili cheese hot dog. Miserable humans.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. I would have been really upset as well. My husband hates cheese and has to request no cheese be put on salads and they only get it right half the time. Ugh

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            1. My husband likes cheese, but not on a salad. And he feels the need to EXPLAIN that to the waiter or waitress. “I LIKE cheese,” he says earnestly. “Just not on a salad.” Like they care.

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        1. I agree with your being upset. I recently cooked 5 turkeyburgers (no buns) to have ready as lunch for a week. One day, starving, I looked for my burgers and found that someone had been eating them as a snack! I was so disappointed.

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    1. If tomato is standard on whatever food item, I always heavily emphasize NO TOMATO when I order and make the worker repeat my order back to me. I don’t know how many times I’ve gotten home with my food only to discover that not only is there tomato, it’s like the workers doubled the amount. Commie bastards.

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