June takes off her mittens and blogs

Yesterday, I got a phone call from Ned and when I said, “Hello?” he didn’t say anything. This led me to immediately believe he was choking on something, which if you think about it makes no sense. Why would you call someone, particularly someone who lives 10 minutes away, if you were choking?

Finally he spoke. He’d been choked UP, see.

For months, maybe even a year now, Ned has been feeding this stray cat. Actually, he’s been feeding three stray cats, but this one has been his clear favorite. He calls her The Shy Cat, and he’d mentioned to me how she seems to be getting thinner and thinner. Two or three times he’s managed to lure her to his vestibule, which is not a euphemism, but then she leaves when she sees Syd and Nancy.

Anyway, she was so thin yesterday that he MADE her come inside and her breathing seemed labored. Ned was all emo about it and that is why he called me, as apparently I am now some sort of cat expert.

See, hoarder and expert are not really the same.

“I think she’s just very old and dying,” weeped Ned.

Anyway, he called his vet at my suggestion, but they were “at lunch” for an absurd amount of time, so he and that poor Shy Cat lived in the kitchen while his regularly scheduled cats craned their necks, appalled. Finally he got in touch, and got an employee who had not met Ned, who has been going there FOREVER, since NedKitty. He spent approximately 90 million hundred dollars on NedKitty in her final months. He hooked her to an IV twice a day. At any rate, that person said, “All we can do is look for a chip. We can’t treat the cat today.”

But when he got there and they saw who it was and his level of emotion, they did treat The Shy Cat.

Turns out she’s not old at ALL. They said 1, but given how long he’s been feeding her, that can’t be accurate. Nevertheless, they got fluids in her and treated her fleas and tested her for the bad cat diseases and she passed all her tests. They said she had a fever, maybe from another cat scratching her, like Ted Nugent.

Ned took her home with an appointment for next week to have her shots. Then he went to Target and got yet another litter box (“I have THREE litter boxes now,” said Ned, to the woman with four cats) and more food and a bed and some toys.

Basically he ended up dropping $340 he hadn’t planned to yesterday.

Meanwhile, I asked people on Facebook of June what he should name this cat, and faithful reader D said, “How about Chelsea? That’s the hotel where Sid Vicious killed Nancy.”

Here’s Chelsea.

“When I went in to check on her, she raised her head but kept her eyes closed,” said Ned. Can you imagine? She’s not had safe sleep in who knows how long.

He reported this morning that she used her litter box!

Anyway, most of you already know this story from my breathless updates yesterday on Faceflaps of June, but for the four of you not on there, like Sadie, there is that story.

Also, when someone else is in the middle of a drama, please gird your loins re the fact that I cannot supply you with photos the minute you want them. First of all, I can’t control whether photos are being taken by others, and second, I’m not going to stop my people to say, “You know how I have a blog? Well, I’m telling your story and they want photo evidence.”

But speaking of photos, remember how I said it was my anniversary of dating Ned and we said we’d always get together on the night of our anniversary of dating?

We didn’t get together the other night. I had to copy edit that magazine, and it ended up going into the evening hours and I had to prioritize work over hanging out with an ex-boyfriend who through the powers of a plague ended up being the one person in my bubble.

However, we had plans to have our anniversary night one night late. I thought the whole new cat thing might put the kibosh on those plans but I don’t know if I have mentioned to you that Ned is a

PIT

BULL

about plans and nothing but death can keep him from them. It is a trait that has always grated on me unless it’s something I really want to do and I know he won’t back out even if he has to carry his one leg that fell off in his Bernie Sanders overcoat pocket.

So he got Chelsea all settled and then he came over. Our plan was to get one of those little splits of Prosecco and drink it in front of the place where we had our first date. Cause you know I won’t go in. You people who just … go in to restaurants and bars and stuff, how do you do it? Aren’t you horrified? In the past year, I’ve gone into the grocery store I think twice. Maybe just once. But I think twice. And I did not linger, let me tell you.

Anyway, what I would have preferred was when Ned went to Target for cat supplies, if he’d gotten the split there and had come to my house prepared. I know they have them. But I also know Ned, and I just KNEW he wouldn’t have done that.

And? He hadn’t. I was pre-annoyed, and rightfully so.

So then we had to go to the grocery store, where I stayed in the car like he wasn’t just gonna bring all the germs back with him. “Hey, get potato chips too” I said as he headed into germs, and we can’t even TALK about my hips anymore. It’s too broad of a subject. I have to get a handle on these hips. And they aren’t sexy Kardashian hips, either. They’re just — ugh.

Here are me and my roots last night, waiting for the champagne and Ruffles. Nothing but the best for me!

You know, I’m tempted to grow the damn white out again. I am so tired of the roots popping up after six hours. I should have stuck with it last year.

Then we drove to the site of our controversial first date. It wasn’t controversial at all; that’s just a line from Say Anything.

Romantic.

“Nine years,” I said to Ned. “Did you think, nine years and one day ago, that we’d still be in touch for this long?”

“I didn’t!” said Ned. “No one ever likes me for nine years.”

“Well, to be fair, I haven’t liked you for nine years, either.”

After that, I thanked him for not raping me in the parking lot nine years and one day ago as I always do. And oh! For the one boy who reads this blog, here’s a stupid picture of Ned’s car. I know you’ve been asking for it.

I’d like everyone to take this time to appreciate my professional disguising of the license plate.

Anyway, that about summed up Anniversary Celebration 2021. After that I had to get home and Ned had to tend to his 14th cat, so until next year.

Hip June

54 thoughts on “June takes off her mittens and blogs

  1. Loved this post and shared it with my daughter, who loved everything but my history lesson on the origin of Chelsea’s name. I tried to make it better by telling her Gary Oldman (first known to her from the Harry Potter movies) played Sid–not sure it helped.

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  2. I might have to quit my job. For the last two weeks I have been so busy that I can’t read you until evening and that is just pissing me off. That’s not the natural order of things!
    This post was awesome. So glad Chelsea has a warm, snuggly bed now!

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  3. It’s funny the different rules states have for various things that you don’t really think about. Like traveling to NJ and learning you can’t pump your own gas. Hunh! Well, OK then!
    In Texas you can buy beer and wine only at the grocery store/Target, but on Sundays you can’t buy it until noon. I used to grocery shop on Sunday mornings after church and I can’t tell you how many times I tried to buy wine only to be told I couldn’t. Gahhh! I didn’t want to DRINK it on the holy day (eye roll) I just wanted to BUY it! I blame southern baptists for this kind of restrictive nonsense! (Kidding!)
    June, there are a lot of cats in your world. Like A LOTTTT.

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    1. I realize I was a bit vague with my misplaced “only”. You can buy beer and wine at the grocery/Target and also at liquor stores. You cannot buy hard liquor at the grocery. I know you’re all relieved to have it sorted out.

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  4. It always amazes me how much men care about cars and sports and dumb things like that and then own just 3 pairs of shoes.

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  5. This post was delightful. Your friendship with Ned is endearing, especially when the lives of innocent cats are involved. Loved the confidentiality squiggle. I am rooting for Chelsea. I love that you managed to work in Bernie’s coat into this post, too.

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  6. I got a bit behind again. I am soldiering on catching up fairly soon.
    SO much happened in the last two days! A whole new cat adoption! A walk down memory lane!

    Lovely post(s), lovely June!

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  7. I’m happy for Chelsea and I’m happy that you and Ned have stayed friendly. But mostly I’m just over here astonished that you can get splits of champagne from your Target and/or grocery store. Connecticut allows no such thing, hardy Puritanical New Englanders that we are.

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    1. I live in NY state and am also always jealous and flabbergasted that you can buy champagne and wine at the grocery store. Of course in some states you can’t buy beer at the grocery store like you can here…. Or Rite Aid. Rite Aid is THE place around here for a 30 pack of some very non-pretentious beer.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Yay! Thanks for the picture! Love the color

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  9. Thank you for sharing the Ned and Chelsea saga with other faceless readers and me. What a great story told with your usual humor. How faithful reader D came up with the name, how Ned’s emotion and deep pockets changed the vet’s mind and how you celebrated your 9-year+1-day anniversary. “Well, to be fair, I haven’t liked you for nine years, either.” Am dead.

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  10. “No one ever likes me for nine years.”
    “Well, to be fair, I haven’t liked you for nine years, either.”
    Am DEAD.

    I never find any stray cats, or anything good, either. Lu annoy.

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  11. As another Luddite who doesn’t use Facebook, I thank you sharing the Ned and Chelsea story. Ned certainly has a kind heart for cats.

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  12. I go to work every day, I shop, we eat out. In fact – brace yourself – we just took a trip to Florida. It was a balm to my soul. Sunshine and fresh breezes. So no, not horrified. (Hoping I don’t get eviscerated in my DMs over on the FlapJack of June again for being honest.) I’ve done my research, looked at the statistics, evaluated the risk and come to a different conclusion than others may have. I’m OK with that.

    Ned and the PussyCats. I have never found a stray cat in my LIFE. You people are just stumbling on them all the time. Maybe all the coyotes that are yipping and howling in my ‘hood all the time have something to do with this fact.

    “I haven’t liked you for nine years either”. HA!

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    1. Lisa, I’m in the same camp as you so no nasty DMs from me! We still eat out weekly, I get my haircut and go to doctor appts (already been to 2 this month), I shop for groceries weekly and pop out for errands when needed. Nothing has really changed for me, but someone asked me what I will do after this is all over and I do miss going to the gym to lift weights and walk the treadmill while catching up on some HGTV (I don’t have cable)! I did draw a line in the sand at working out around lots of other people even if every other machine is off limits. Once I get my vaccine shots, I’ll re-join. I’m a LOT fluffier than I was a year ago – less muscle, more fat! Ugh

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      1. I was in the middle of deciding if I wanted to go back to a gym or just try to work out at home when all this hit. I’ve come to the conclusion I really really want to go back to the gym but don’t feel comfortable with it until I can get vaccinated. Which won’t be for quite a while here.

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    2. I am jealous (and slightly aghast) at the people who can still go about their normal pre-Covid lives. Here in Los Angeles County, it’s a whole different ballgame. I mean, there are plenty of people/anti-maskers out here who prefer to pretend Covid is “just the flu” but the overflowing funeral homes and crematoriums that are going 24/7 say otherwise.

      I really, really miss going out to eat in a restaurant. I miss paying someone to cook my meals. I miss being able to freely move about the country. Heck, I miss Disneyland.

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    3. I too have gone out and about to work every day and in elevators with tourists, shops, eating out. Florida is wide open and I also need my paycheck. But I wear my mask and make it all as safe as I can and I also really try and be healthy. But my brother and sis in law do not like me for it and it makes me so sad that our relationship has become fractured because of it. THEY get to to work at home, I do not.
      I am feeding 1 stray kitty at work, down from two. Thank you Ned for taking her in!

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      1. This makes me sad – we’ve turned a health crisis into a moral issue that’s creating so much division between friends and families. Like we need one more thing to fight about.

        I had a conversation with a friend (possibly forever fmr. now) in which she heaped shame on me for doing my own grocery shopping when there are so many “safe options”. When I pointed out that she only had those options because lots of other folks were still braving the world and going to work every day (and probably not making a whole lot of money doing it and maybe wishing they could stay safe at home, too) she hung up on me. I texted her and said “so is your abrupt departure from that conversation an indication that you agree with me, or…”. She never responded, so I’m assuming that’s a no. haha. (Why no friends there, Lisa?)

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    4. I don’t want to be a blocked asshole (and will accept my fate if deemed so):
      But I would like to point out that if everyone followed the recommended guidelines to stay home, not gather, etc., the rest of the population who doesn’t have the option would sooner-than-later also be able to do the fun things, see our parents, attend events, and on… too.

      I’m very involved in the science of this horrific disease and please, please stay home – especially unnecessary/luxury travel is a major contributor in spread. You might think you’re not doing anything wrong, you’re taking precautions, etc but you could unknowingly transmit, pick up infection (and spread) en route and/or increase risk for those who HAVE to travel. Even if you’re getting a test upon arrival, some states are running low so you’re actively using necessary supplies.

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      1. I wouldn’t block you for this. I happen to think you’re right. The blocking was only if someone went to the other commenter’s social media and left her a direct message. That’s just … that’s just psycho, is what it is. It’s boundary-invading enough when people do it to me, much less someone leaving a comment here.

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        1. Thank you – I was worried but weighed and felt like I still needed to say it.

          Yeah, I might be nutty but not that kind!

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  13. I drank champagne (well, prosecco) with my neighbor yesterday for a different kind of celebration (we’re up here in the outer reaches of the nation’s Capitol).

    I kinda love that you two keep up that tradition, even (I am guessing) during the year(s) when it was likely the LAST thing that was (mentally) a good idea to do.

    And Chelsea… what a good kitty who found a good home.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “I’m not going to stop my people to say, “You know how I have a blog? Well, I’m telling your story and they want photo evidence.”” Out loud, I laughed.

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  15. I loved: ‘his regularly scheduled cats craned their necks’.

    Here I am, just reading about this poor stray since I am one of other four NOT on FB . . . or at least not on FB enough to friend people, and look for people, and follow anything.

    Ned not getting the alcohol at Target reminds me of the few times Coach stops at the store for something and doesn’t ask me if there is anything we need on the home-front. There is ALWAYS something we need. *I stare off and try to imagine what it would be like to just manage my own needs. Nope, can’t grasp it.

    It sounds like collecting strays is pricey. And emotional. That was nice that the vet decided to treat her. Laughing that you can’t control when other people take photos in order to help you share the story on your blog.

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    1. My favorite is how everyone wants me to lug my heavy trash cans down the hill of my house, while my cat famously rides on top of said trash, and yet somehow also photograph it while I’m doing it. “June, why can’t you get your extra Indian goddess arms and film this?”

      I get the feeling people think I make stuff up and that’s why they want evidence. I say this based on finding stuff people write about me where they said, “She made that up.”

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      1. I don’t think people assume you make things up (maybe a few a**holes), rather it’s that you paint such a wonderful picture and many people are invested in your everyday life that they want to see what you see. You truly have a gift for writing.

        PS sorry I don’t comment often, but I do read every day.

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  16. I hope Chelsea is 100 percent when she goes back to the vet. I’m really kind of touched by how Ned loves and cares for his cats. A happy un-anniverysary to you both.

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  17. Hilarious post. The laugh out loud moment was Ned (Mustang Sally) spending $340 on a stray cat. Yeah, when I spent $220 on my cat for an abscess she was officially mine. Ned’s new kitty is secure, finally. Your hair looks amazing. I shared the photo of the Mustang with my husband and now he wants another Mustang, he’ll just have to get over that. Happy 9th and in an odd sort of way it’s nice y’all are friends.
    Tee

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  18. I’m so glad Chelsea found someone safe who could take her in. Hoping she continues to pass all of the tests! So glad you shared the story here too – I’m one of the luddites with a keyboard but no Myspace, etc. Will think positive thoughts for Chelsea and lower stress ones for the new siblings!

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  19. “I haven’t liked you for nine years, either.”

    You’re so funny. I’m glad Ned is able to commit well to cats and I think you’re a great expert to have on hand in times of cat crisis.

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    1. I’m at least reasonable about cat things, whereas he flies off the handle and panics. I had a friend in high school who had like 9 brothers and sisters, and his parents were SO OVER having kids. I mean, they got upset about nothing. I guess that’s how I am about cats. I tend to think everything will be fine. He’s still panicked over any cat thing that happens.

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  20. I am so happy Chelsea is better and there wasn’t anything really wrong with her. Hopefully the other cats will adjust quickly.

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    1. Ned feels confident they will. Which is saying something, as usually he worries about everything. Nancy is sort of an older cat, so he thinks Snowflake/Sydney will enjoy playing with a younger cat, and give Nancy a break, kind of like how my girl cats here are no longer POUNCED ON by a restless Milhous now that he has Forest. Man, there were a lotta cats just crammed into that comment.

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