Where did you get that funfetti gravel?

I read an old blog post of mine, dating back to aught 12. I read it not because I am completely full of myself—although I am—but because a reader said it was one of her favorite posts and I couldn’t remember much about it.

In one weekend, according to that hard-hitting post from aught 12, on Friday I went to a play and then out to dinner at a pub. Then on Saturday I got in the car and headed to Raleigh, where I went to a record store, a rose garden, an exhibit of Gone With the Wind memorabilia, and finally to a museum of natural bones or whatever those are called. Not to be outdone, Sunday found me in Winston-Salem, where I saw a movie and had dinner.

That’s more than I’ve done in the past 365 days. Good lort.

Granted, at the time I was tryina impress Ned, with whom I did all that shit with with. With.

That’s, like, a great weekend for him and while I’m certain I was delighted to be with him because that was peak in-love-with-Ned time, in truth that’s wayyyyy too much running amok for me. How was I not cranky by Sunday? Get in the car and go to Winston? We just WENT to RALEIGH yesterday.

Anyway, this post won’t share nearly as many gadabout whirlwind stories, although I did see Ned. Once. And we went one place. Well, that’s not true. We also got Edsel and the three of us got Edsel’s Gabapentin at CVS drive-thru. So, two places. Two! Ah-ah-ahhh.

Dear June: Stop being the Count.

Anyway, here was my one venture out of the house all weekend:

And yes, it was a cloudy, dull day. Also, why so chubby, JOOOOON.

Also, I know I am the crabbiest person alive, so tell me if this also makes you crabby or if it’s just me. When you post something online and people have to know where you got everything in the photo. I actually once had someone ask me, “Where do you go to GET ice cream in the country?” after I posted that I’d gotten ice cream in the country.

I’ve also had what are those plates, what is the name of that mascara, what’s this, what’s that—WHY? WHY do people want to know this? Are they seriously going to rush out and copy it? Or do they want to know how much I spent? WHAT IS IT?

The fact of the matter is, I usually don’t even know the answer. So that’s the worst part, that then I have to do research to answer. I have to head to the library and get the microfiche.

I know there are people who, for example, know the color paint they used in their living room. You know what color paint I used? White.

(I do remember the paint name Quietude, which Ned says I speak of the way boys speak of the winning home run they made in Little League, but there is no Quietude even in my house right now. I can’t even recall the color I ended up getting for my porch ceiling last summer.)

Anyway, Ned and the drive. We were celebrating, Ned and I were. Ned, of the go-29-places-in-2012 Neds. Starting today, Ned has to return to his office in person, and since I’m high risk and all, we aren’t going to see each other until we both have vaccines. I mean, maybe we’ll take walks 75 feet apart the way my coworker Austin and I do. But he used to be the only person who came inside my house.

You know, this whole plague I’ve done some weird stuff, like shave my legs every day and wash the kitchen floor every Saturday. I guess I’m doing those things for me since no one else experiences them. Except for all 10 of you, now that I’ve told you.

Every month or so, Ned would see my floors and say, “God, your house is clean.”

Anyway. So Ned got me in his Mustang he’s so obsessed with and we took a long drive into the country like I like to do and it went like this.

“Ned, this isn’t the country.”

“I know. We’re headed there. First we have to drive through all these depressing neighborhoods.”

“If I wanted to look at depressing houses I could have stayed home and looked out my window.”

[10 minutes later]

“Ned, this is still not the country.”

“I know, I just … I don’t know where we are.”

Ned refuses to let the direction woman on his phone have a voice, and right there is the problem with men. So instead he STARES at his PHONE while he’s DRIVING and it makes me nervous as a cat and anyway finally we were in the country but first we passed this house:

That was pretty riveting and we turned the car around and drove past it twice, but anyway then we were in the country.

Our ice cream place has now turned itself into a drive-through so you don’t COVID inside their store, and that’s pretty cool. Also, they opened up the field across the street so you can park and watch the cows who made your ice cream. When we were done, I got out of the car to throw out our little dishes and napkins and noted they have, like, party gravel. I shoulda captured it on film. It was gravel in all these funfetti colors like pink and seafoam. My driveway at the back of my house, on the way up to the snake shed, is in need of more gravel, and who wants to funfetti that gravel now that she knows that’s a thing?

Anyway, a drive to get ice cream made us hungry, and those pounds just won’t GO, so we got food at this local restaurant we used to haunt regularly, and ate it at my house. I had french dip. Oui.

Then, as I said, we took Edsel to get his arthritis medicine and once again he forgot his dog wallet so I got it AGAIN.

And then that was it. He left and it’s just me in this house. I don’t know when I’ll see Ned again, and he was the only person in my bubble. I guess this’ll be a fun experiment to see if I lose my mind. There was some stupid song I once heard on American Top 40 that went, “Back off, bitch, before I lose my MINNNNNND. Well, now everyone has backed off. So let’s see if I lose my MINNNNNNND.

Experimentally,
June

66 thoughts on “Where did you get that funfetti gravel?

  1. Ed’s forgot his wallet! I’m picturing a blue Jean pocket somewhere on his hiney with the markings of wear of a missing wallet. Eds!

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  2. The post you linked was so hilarious! It totally cements why weekend wrap-up posts are my absolute fav. I’m sure they take forever to write, and I am grateful you do it!
    I can’t imagine being out in the country in only a few minutes. Good gravy Ned would get bonked on the head in my car for asking every 10 minutes about it. It takes WELL over an hour from my very urban manse to be out in the country. Guess who never goes for a drive in the country?
    Hanging out on porches and driveways is the only thing that kept us sane in 2020. There are about 5 or 6 couples with various ages of children from preschool through college who hang out together (far apart) and it’s so, so lifegiving. At first it was sort of haphazard, then we started setting times. Your millhouse neighbor has a darling new deck out back. I bet you could social distance out there.
    June, you’re awesome.

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  3. I just want to say that I am a double chocolate girl all the way. Peach? Schmeech.

    I hope you don’t lose your mind. I am sorry your bubble was popped.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  4. Oh that house! Scary but so interesting. Kind of says, come on in and meet the Adam’s family. Chocolate is grand but peach can be so nice if it is fresh peach. Who ever heard of eating one GS cookie a day! Wow.
    Loved that creamery!

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  5. Microfiche! I agree with the others who’ve opined that it’s the Instagram “influencers” that have made everyone expect the same level of detail from everyone who posts online. Honestly, it could also be the fact that many of us haven’t looked around a store for fun in eons and we’re starved for novelty. #firstworldproblem #dontwanttogettherona I’m glad you had a nice day with Ned and hope that both of you are able to get vaccinated soon. Up here in NY state, my Dad has had his first shot (he’s one year older than Mom, which mattered for the cut-off) and Mom has an appointment for her first one in February. It’s going to be a while for the rest of us.

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    1. I agree! A lot of bloggers/vloggers are now influencers and post affiliate links to everything they have, so it’s just that you’ve made it to influencer status, June.

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  6. They think everyone is an Instagram styler! I know those folks even get sick of it too. Like, just because they have a toothbrush in the background of a bathroom style shot, and they are talking about some custom wallpaper or something, doesn’t mean they are showcasing the toothbrush! Oi

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  7. If someone is asking because they think they deserve *all the knowledge*—it’s annoying. If someone is asking because they intend to buy a product and use or try it—not annoying. If sixty thousand people ask the same question regardless of intent—it’s annoying. How you’d tell the difference between the first two—don’t know. (I bought that lotion that gives pasty white skin some slight color after you used it to good effect. I think some other reader answered my question.)

    I remember reading a post a couple years ago about the frutti-tutti gravel and I thought it was here. I am shocked that it wasn’t here. Am now searching my brain for someone I know in real life that would have a fun driveway.

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  8. When I saw that house all I could think of was, HOW much is it going to cost to paint that thing? I wanted some red slate on our driveway, it was absolutely lovely, but the contractor said we wouldn’t like it because it shifts and washes away without being contained. Sigh. So we have the same boring, gray gravel.
    Tee

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  9. I hear you–I belong to several decor fb pages and when someone shows a room, readers go nuts. What is the name of that paint? Where did you get that lamp, bedspread, etc. Drives me insane! Are you going out to buy all that stuff? No you are not.

    Also I was wondering if Homeland was still open or had closed for the winter. Good to know! I guess I could check the website.

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  10. I know exactly where these things are because I take a similar drive to the country each weekend to visit my girlfriend.

    That house is a cluster of Fecks, btw.

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    1. AND…… I know all about that party gravel. It’s made from aquarium rock crushed up. It looks like fruity pebbles and also in the dog kennels at my GF’s dog rescue. I want to eat a bowl of that roughage every time I see it.

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  11. Where’d you get that chair? It makes me murderous. And, it doesn’t have to be something I posted. Just reading comments on other peoples posts infuriates me. It’s super extra annoying when what they are asking about has NOTHING to do with the point of the post. Someone posts a picture of their dad kneeling by their mom’s grave…Ohhh, where’d your dad get his gloves? I’m am livid just thinking about it!!

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  12. Beautiful post, June. How nice to be able to pull your car off the road and watch cows while you eat your ice cream. That sounds like a beautiful afternoon. Edsel needs a collar made like a money belt that has a zipper on the inside. Then he’s always have those doggie dollars within your reach.
    I will not ask the people in that house where they got that bat gargoyle thing because I don’t want to know and should I pass that house I would gawk at everything except the bat thing from which my eyes I would avert.

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  13. I love a fruit flavored ice cream! A place at the beach had a weird orange pineapple combo and it sounded gross, but it was amazing! We will be down that way in a few months and I am hopeful they are already open, as they close for the winter.

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  14. That house is beautiful! It looks like someone cast a life-sized spell on a doll house.

    I think we’re becoming so used to influencers screeching at the top of their social media whatever their latest push is that people are unaccustomed to it not being documented of exactly where and how you can get the product for a low $19 and fees. Twice I’ve had someone ask me (in person) where something came from and both times the answer was “thrift stores”. Both were elitist bitches who physically recoiled at the mere thought! I get it, not for everyone but I didn’t ask you to eat a beetle with ketchup. At one point, that was all that was in the budget – and I got some nice stuff that lasted longer than anything “new” but now that new is financially possible sometimes, I still prefer the thrift store. Either way, if you’re a real estate agent looking to land a listing, you’d best be in control of your reactions when asking a question. Spoiler: She didn’t get the listing.

    Lovely post, pretty June. Glad you had a nice final weekend with Ned – safe thoughts to him!

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  15. I think if everyone wants to know where you get your stuff and what you are using, then you are an INFLUENCER, right? Kudos to you.

    I know I painted some room Quietude in my house and I think it is my laundry room, which is good because with all the laundry in there if the walls were peaceful I’d lose my mind.

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  16. I’m sorry. That sucks—I hope you can both get the vaccine soon.

    On another topic, I didn’t have my reading glasses on and thought the photo said Homeland Cemetery. Thought maybe you both were going to look for another car to keep you busy until you could see each other again!

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  17. He let Edsel in his new car? I would have thought he would be a bit anal about that until the newness wore off a bit. I’m sure Edsel was a gentleman and made sure his paws were clean before hopping in.

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      1. And here I thought, based on the picture, that Ned let you drive his new car. Which seemed unlikely.

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  18. I need to Google that gravel. It will just add to the magic of the back of your property. It will be like a secret garden! You must have it!

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  19. That house was so interesting-looking that I googled the name on the sign, and according to an article from 2004 it was considered kind of excessive by some, and it looks like it’s grown substantially since then. And there may be outbuildings that look like fortifications? All built onto a century-old farmhouse by an exterminator who loves antiques and keeps having to add space to house them all.

    What a weird world we live in.

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    1. Ye gods, that poor farmhouse! But I suspect if all the add-ons had been…added on a century ago, I would find it eclectic and charmingly silly instead of a Frankenmanor, so that’s just me being unfair.

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  20. That house is creepy AF. What is that thing with horns on the right?

    Seriously gave me the heebeegeebees (not to be confused with the Bee Gees).

    You will be fine. We’ll all get vaccinated and have a big party.

    Xoxo

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      1. I don’t know about anyone else but I went off to find that house hoping to see pics do the inside. No go.

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  21. Edsel pulls the same trick my 8-year-old granddaughter does. When we go out, she asks for something and we always say, “Sure, did you bring money?” Not once has she ever brought that famed wallet with all her savings in it.

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  22. I spent three days with my head stuck in the dishwasher, trying to fix it. Getting happy ice cream from happy cows and discovering colorful gravel sounds way more fun.
    I also spent two hours sitting next to the dishwasher after it started working again to make sure it would not quit again. Including using my flashlight to stare down the kitchen drain to witness the dishwasher water being drained. Because that’s the kind of fun I have.

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  23. Ice cream in the country? Do tell! Just kidding. I’m v v jealous of you in that Mustang!

    Lovely post lovely June! That gravel is MEANT for you!

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  24. I could only picture the neon gravel of carnival fish tanks, but it turns out Home Depot does sell some sort of multi-colored landscape stones. Thanks, Google!

    Also now I want ice cream? Did you get choc chip ice cream, in honor of our new President?

    If you ever want to Zoom with random strangers, I can set up a call for us, to get us through the lonely solo times ahead (stupid new strain).

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    1. I pictured aquarium gravel too. Little tiny pieces like Nerds candy. I am going to Google the colorful gravel.

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  25. My husband’s cousin named the GPS voice in his car “Carla,” and that’s the only remotely amusing thing he has said in the almost forty years I have known him.

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      1. For a while I had Cookie Monster’s voice and it made my WHOLE LIFE better.
        “Turn left nomnomnomnom!”
        .

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    1. OY. That is Tony’s second exwife’s name so it’s kind or ruined for me. She speaks terrible English and every time she says, “Them are mine ” I cringe. I feel sorry for her, she needed MY grandmother to correct her. His children do not speak like her thank the lort.

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  26. It just so happens I know where you can get rainbow gravel like that – a friend of mine has horses and the farm where she keeps them has rainbow gravel on their driveway. Southern Aggregate in Staley, NC. It’s in Randolph County, about 20 minutes from where you are now. They even sell it by the dump truck load.

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        1. Take mine out too – I took that a bit too personally. I need to take a deep breath some days. Which is rough behind a mask.

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  27. Which library do you go to? What brand of razor do you use? Do you mop or broom your floors? Please let me know at your earliest convenience.

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  28. Its weird how normal it feels now to try and keep 6 feet apart from people. I don’t know if I can ever get back to being close or not wearing a mask.

    Get the gravel!!! OMG. Yay!

    What flavour did you get?

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          1. What is that even like – I opened a box of cookies yesterday and ate them all day until they were gone – a BOX in one day – what if they go stale which who is kidding who I will still eat them – honestly I cannot even imagine – my friend texted me this morning on how they made a lovely home made soup blah blah blah and I mentioned I ate cookies from a box – friendship in spite of differences.

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            1. I’m making homemade soup and will also eat an entire box of Girl Scout cookies, so that makes me a well-rounded person. In both senses of the word, unfortunately.

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          2. The cookie part is nutty but don’t knock the peach ice cream. We have a place at the square that sells it seasonally. Mother of God, it’s delicious!

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            1. I have a weird problem – I can’t eat ice cream in the winter. It’s just too much cold on top of the cold. And I don’t even live where it’s that cold. I know. I’m weird. But fresh peach ice cream sounds heavenly.

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