There is no H

Oh my god, I thought I’d never get here. For some reason, I kept trying to make my way into this room today and everything kept happening. First I turned on the dryer. It’s so randy. And the cats PANICKED and leapt off of said dryer. They were all breakfasting there. I swear they’ve eaten while the dryer is going before, but today they decided to panic over it. So then I had to literally herd cats and get them to finish eating, like Lily needed it.

Then I had to put clothes away and everything was just a cluster. I’d think I’d found all the pajamas but then no, there’s another pajam, on the bottom. OK, now I just have shirts. Oh, no, there’s your prom dress from 1983 in the laundry. Gotta put that back on its display at the Smithsonian.

1983 was really the worst year for prom dresses. We were all still trying to be Lady Diana with our poufs and we still had a little hoedown Gunny Sax in us and frankly we didn’t know which way to turn.

Anyway, how is everyone? I don’t care.

I’ve had a very busy week, what with family tragedy and then I’m doing new stuff at work and then for some reason I seem to be the person on everyone’s mind this week as well. I’ve gotten texts from people I haven’t heard from in months. Years, even. One dude I sort of had a flirtation with circa 2017 just stampeded back.

Why? Why now? Why not a few weeks ago when the days yawned before me?

But once you’ve got 400 things to do and it’s all you can do to get the one thing done and then think about the next, THEN you get the “Oh my god it’s Carol from Kindergarten! How are YOU, June!?” and you felt like a bitch-ass for being all, “Can you try me in another 50 years? I have shit to do this week.”

I think it’s an ADD thing. I have to concentrate SO HARD to finish one thing and remember I have to do the next. It takes all of my brain. I wish there were surgery for this. I realize there are pills but they give me (brace yourself) a migraine. I’ve tried Ritalin and Adderall and some new one called, like, Vivian Vance or something. I’m certain that was it, June. Vivian Vance.

I was on an antidepressant and an ADD thing and they both started with V. Vyvance and Vybrant or Vivian and Vance. I’m telling you it was something like that. Anyway of course I had headaches every day I was on them, which was from January 1 of 2020 till February 17 of 2020 when I had my … surgery. Then I just stopped taking them.

So now I have to go around cranky (no antidepressants) and scattered (no ADD medicine) because I fear the headache.

So I think that’s why I get so thrown off by a chatty text. Because I know I can’t start or I won’t stop. That’s the problem. I can’t be distracted by something just for a moment because it won’t BE just for a moment.

But speaking of chatting with people I haven’t talked to, my ex-cleaning lady Alicia sent a long emoji-filled text re Meghan Markle, her arch enemy, a text I didn’t answer because busy. I know I have to do it eventually though and it’s another thing I have to concentrate on.

Does anyone else here have the ADD, which I know they call ADHD and I have no H in my ADD. Do you have any tips? I had one therapist who just told me to keep telling myself, “Right now, I’m thinking about putting away the laundry. That’s it.” And that does work. I find myself drifting over to putting away all the reading glasses but I yank myself back.

Anyway, any other tips? Tips of any kind?

I have to go. I have to get some work done and then I have to play with Edsel and then I have to make dinner and then I want to write a note to my Aunt MaryEllen. Oh, and do my last Facebook live on weird lip balms.

Oh. And get more laundry detergent and soap. Regular soap. For washing oneself.

Also, do I need a vitamix? Is it that superior to other blenders? Reese Witherspoon, who Griff once called Wreath, has one.

Also, why isn’t my tax REFUND (shut up, Fay) back yet? It was supposed to be here by now. The state one came, with its big $27. But the federal one is stuck on “received” when you go to Where’s My Refund.

OH MY GOD, SEE? This is why my head is annoying.

Scatteredly,
Juan

P.S. I feel like I oughta add a photo. Hang on and I’ll get my phone. Who knew 10 years ago that that would be a normal sentence?

P.P.S. I ended up letting Edsel out, going out WITH him, letting the gray cats in, letting Edsel in, getting a protein bar, washing the fridge handle and thawing some meat, then I came back and sat down and realized I forgot the damn phone.

There. You’re welcome.

58 thoughts on “There is no H

  1. The royal family should welcome some more commoner blood from different ethnic pools. Because those inbred muthafuckas need some hybrid vigor—their genetic flaws are still showing up generations downstream (we’ve all noticed that you’re a big-earred, gawky mofo, Charles). I do enjoy that the Tudor red hair still pops up here and there (suck on that, Chas, because that’s at least part of your direct heritage).

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  2. Great post. It made me think, after the idea of posting Christmas tree/cocktail dress photos on a certain FB page, of asking everyone to post prom dress photos. Unless of course it’s been done before.

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  3. My latest tool I use to focus sounds REALLY DUMB, but it actually works. I write the 5 or 6 things (big or small) I absolutely HAVE to get done on a particular day on post-it strips (or whatever you call the skinny Post-Its) and stick them on the left side of my computer monitor (because that is where I usually get distracted). So, for instance, today it was Clean Stovetop (it’s disgusting), Swiffer, Jog (only a mile, I’m no athlete), Arms (10-minute arm exercise thingie), and some other stuff. So my whole goal is that at some point in the day I do ONE of those things (and not the zillion other things flitting around in my brain) and move the sticky note to the bottom of the monitor. So when I start getting the feeling that I’ve gotten nothing done and I am drowning and ALL THE THINGS need to be done, I focus on the notes and getting them moved to the done spot. It gives me a weird sense of accomplishment, which just goes to show you how stupid my life has gotten.

    Told you it was dumb, but it’s working, so there’s that…

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  4. I cannot wait to hear what Alicia said. Loving her from afar! MM is one spoiled brat.

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  5. I forced my now-ex-husband to try some ADHD meds. At first they had amazing effects on him and he actually was able to focus on getting some things done, but soon they started changing his mood and gave him a really short temper, and that was worse to be around than the problem itself, so he quit the meds.
    OMG I wore a Gunne Sax prom dress. Ha! I’m the same age as you so all your cultural references from back in the day are spot-on for me.

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  6. 1983 Prom dresses. Snort. I think Gunne Sax/Jessica McClintock dresses came along after I graduated in 1981. Slinky dresses in some kind of clingy manmade fabric were the hot ticket at my school. We wanted to look sexy and sophisticated and not like innocent daughters of English Earls.

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  7. Check your bank account. My refund showed up as received for over a week. One day I checked my checking account and it was in there. The IRS site still showed it as received. By the way, MaryEllen is a beautiful name and not just because it is mine.When I was a kid I never saw it in print. I still get a thrill when I see it. The Waltons made me delirious with joy. I am not usually one to follow celebrities. But Meghan Markle makes me crazy. She hangs on to Prince Harry like he’s about to run away. Don’t get me started on her constant touching of her pregnant belly.I need to hear what Alicia has to say about her.

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  8. Man, all this sounds so familiar! I think I may just be lazy though…

    Anyway, I am fine. Not that you care. (please hear that this is tongue and cheek)

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. But anyway. I have never been diagnosed ADD or anything. But I definitely have trouble focusing. It’s really bad in meetings. Because, you know, I don’t want to be fired. But I will start to do something like you do, and then something else will catch my attention and so I will start doing that. My husband asks me “did you forget what you were doing again?”

      Sigh. Yes. Of course.

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  9. I seem to have the same mix of ADHD, Depression, and (mostly unaddressed by medicine) migraines as you have. I am totally fine with the H being in there, because the Hyperactivity is not only expressed in the body, but the mind, and that’s why I can get so focused on something like others can’t. Interrupt me and there will be scalding looks and scathing remarks from me that I will feel bad about immediately. Hyperactivity is also the goings on in my mind at any given point in time, which overwhelms me and keeps me from achieving things. I’m on Concerta for ADHD and was on Adderall prior but my heart was getting too jacked up from it. I’ve thought about asking about Vyvance or whatever next. But medication does help me. I have zero executive function and got by on other mental strengths through school because I both hate and perform well under deadlines. My ADHD is expressed mostly as inattentiveness. Out of sight, out of mind, and really out of site can be right beside me. I bought a highly recommended workbook to work on executive function. I almost lit it on fire because the first exercise in the book is to list out things you need to do and assign them a time of day. My mind does not naturally prioritize, so that was just a horrible place for this workbook to start helping me. I am time blind. I now strongly believe my ADHD is the cause of my depression and anxiety. I get a burst of energy from ideas, which then make me think of other ideas, so I start planning everything out as I can see exactly how it needs to be done. But then, I stall out and start feeling guilty and under pressure, and I hate myself for setting myself up for failure. In one Facebook group where members discuss mental health issues, I mentioned I have ADHD and am always looking out for suggestions to help. Someone told me to make a list, and I do, but for someone to think making a list is a good tactic to take really doesn’t understand that I see a list I made and feel totally overwhelmed because there is so much to do and I have no idea what is the most important until something external says it is – like a deadline or my boss emailing to ask where I am on finishing something. So yeah, I live with a constant fear of missing something really obvious or important. I fight being disorganized with hyper discipline, but even that falls apart when other parts of my life flare up (deadlines). Thanks for reading all of this. I’m hear for the suggestions as well as well as writing out my experience to see if others can relate and feel normal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that we might be the same person. I don’t have any tips but anxiously awaiting the tips you recieve!

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        1. I made a typo but decided to give myself grace. My theme these days is to keep moving. People know what I meant.

          Liked by 1 person

    2. Anon. Yes, x100. “Make a list” is just not a complete answer. How, when, what, all that stuff matters. Prioritizing is often difficult. I do think the two are connected (depression & ADD). Also, many, many women are NOT diagnosed until adulthood, because they don’t have the H. I’m also the inattentive version, as well as crap for executive function. That’s what I need to zero in on next. Figure out some ideas & solutions for managing that. When I go down the rabbit hole, it is not pretty. I want my life to be better.

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    3. I authored this original comment. I don’t know why it shows at anonymous. Probably something I missed, because: inattentive.

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  10. I am still LMAO over Love,Jimmie’s comment! OMG. Men. If you even let them messenger you as a friend – they won’t quit. So I just do not answer. Sigh. The ADD – is as you know, seen as difficulty paying attention. When you add the H – it adds hyperactivity to the mix. Sadly, ADHD is very over diagnosed in young children and they get medicated, lose their appetite and fall asleep a lot. Oh BTW – I am a psychotherapist. Not giving advice really – just suggesting – the meditation info is so right on and great – it helps so much. Just taking a deep breath now and then is great too. Making lists is critical to overcoming the issues of ADD. We are all on information overload and it is not getting any easier. I put my lists into my i phone notes – that way I do not leave them on the kitchen table! haha. Dan Harris’ book is great, I agree. Meds – well if you must but try the meditation and lists first. And as someone mentioned – try to focus on the task you are doing – multitasking is my thing too but it can make you crazy.

    “men just assume that the hint of their magical penises is something that will send us into paroxysms of ecstasy”
    This is taken from Love,Jimmie – these words will make me smile all day!

    Loved this post as I love all of them, June!

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  11. I also have ADD. I do take meds. Even on the weekend. I can still get sidetracked. Lists help. I also mentally repeat what Im doing. Doing laundry, doing laundry….it doesn’t cause issues because my brain is always bouncing around. Also? How much of my education experience could have been changed.

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    1. I agree on the lists thing. I will make lists of things to do when I’m done the current task. Although sometimes that takes me out of my current task and starts me down the rabbit hole of curating my list and “do I reallly need to do this today?”-ing. So it’s not perfect. I don’t know of anything that is.

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  12. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything like ADD – I think it was invented after I finished school. But i definitely have a problem staying on task, finishing a task, not getting distracted – so I’m pretty sure that’s me. Being self-employed I really need a strategy to get things done, and I have many, — I used lists, a timer, allotted breaks (I’m on one now!). I also recently started taking a high quality supplement that has made an unbelievable difference. I just cannot believe the improvement in my focus & memory. It’s a ‘nootropic” (there is a lot of science behind it!). And best of all zero side-effects. You DO have a lot to do – be kind to yourself!!

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  13. I was diagnosed last year with ADD. I take generic Ritalin which gives me a headache. So I take half. Mostly I forget and middle through. It has been very gratifying to get a diagnosis though. I’m much kinder to myself just knowing it’s a wiring issue. I struggle but I use the Remind app and it has helped me a
    Quite a bit.

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      1. Hi June, I’m not able to make a comment, there’s no comment box showing (in my view)but I can post in “reply to” comment boxes. Anyway, the IRS is accepting returns but not starting to process until 3/12/21. And for my ADDXYZ disorder, I add a few tasks per day on my Google cell phone calendar. Even the smallest task goes on that calendar. If I don’t get it completed then I edit the date to move it to a new day. I also have a To Do list of groceries or products to buy on my Notes App. By listing what I need to do between the calendar and To Do list, I feel more organized and less stressed. My “floating” calendar list is flexible- I can reschedule my life if I feel uncomfortable with doing the task yet. Wishing you the best with the family emergency; and Edsel looks adorable.

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  14. I email job candidates all day long and I have learned that it’s best to give only 2-4 pieces of information and number them:
    1. put education on your resume
    2. send your resume
    3. Sign the RTR

    I don’t assume everyone has ADD, but I know we all are moving very quickly and can use some help.

    Also living in a house with pets and a job and being single takes a lot of work. So give yourself lots of credit for that! For 6 months of the year, my husband works (lives) at a local campground. He’s nearby, but busy. I have to look after the house – cats, cat medicine, bird feeders, alarm systems, housekeeping, etc., etc. It’s a lot more work and anxiety.

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  15. I find it nearly impossible to just do just one thing. I might be folding laundry, cooking, reading, dealing with the cat, and making a list, bouncing from one to the other (although I normally read while I’m cooking or folding laundry).

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  16. I got a text early in the pandemic from a number I do not know asking, if “I was the girl with the big boobs.” Yes, I am, but you have the wrong number. Later, after my birthday, I received a WhatsApp message (he clearly lost my number) from a guy I briefly dated until I realized he was well on his way to having a serious drinking problem if he wasn’t already there. I had broken up with him previously, but he still wanted to know if I wanted to go out for a drink. No.

    I think men just assume that the hint of their magical penises is something that will send us into paroxysms of ecstasy, so that despite the fact that I don’t know you or broke up with you four years ago for having a potential drinking problem, I don’t really want to have a drink with you now. I spend my energy on people actually in my circle who care about me in a myriad of ways, not just for my really sweet rack.

    Clearly I feel strongly about men today. “I don’t care,” is apt.

    Lovely post, June.

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  17. No ADwithHD or without either. I am however a lifelong obsessive list maker. Started when I was a wee girl and have never stopped. I’ve been known to retroactively write tasks on a list and immediately cross them off – so satisfying. I’ve used a variety of planners and daybooks and whatnot over the years, but any old scrap of paper will do. Once I’ve written it down, I can prioritze it and then stop thinking about it. I have found, as time passes. that I need to be v v CLEAR with what I write down, or I’ll read it and think “what the hell does THAT mean?” and then be plagued until I figure it out.

    I do however do the walk out of one room to get something that I need, do 11 other things while I’m there and leave, and completely forget the one thing I went into the room for in the first place. Is that ADD? I combat that by forcing myself to stay in one place and finish before moving on. Sometimes that even works.

    “Anyway how is everyone. I don’t care” is totally my daily vibe. So thanks for feelin’ me June.

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    1. Ditto to every word of this comment. Especially to retroactively adding things to the list and immediately crossing them off.

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  18. Very artistic photo of the sweep of Edsel’s ear and the chair behind him. You’re getting very fancy!

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  19. My 49th birthday present… you have ADD, no H. Been on Strattera ever sense. It’s a non-stimulant, as my doctor said it seemed easier for adults to use. Also take my anti-depressant cocktails, and use my light therapy box. Everything in my life that is challenging is in my brain. So be it. All my friends knew (for years), and no one shared. Ugh.

    I haven’t tried the calming apps, but plan to. No screen time late, as it definitely affects sleep. I think less sugar is likely helpful. I was using a timer prior to learning about the ADD. It does help, and very useful with targeted projects. Periodically I do go down the rabbit hole (called hyper-focus), and don’t beat myself up over it. It seems like having some regularity to your schedule really helps (bedtime, eating patterns, etc.)

    I have a library of books, all have been helpful in some fashion or another. Happy to share my list, if you’re interested. There was a big discussion yesterday on the Ask A Manager website, with lots of references and ideas, as well.

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  20. My federal return was stuck on “received”, but when I checked my bank account online, it had been deposited. I went back to the federal site, and it still said “received”.

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  21. This whole posts reminds me of how when my brother and I were younger we would make fun of my dad and his list. It would have things like – Go to Bank, – Go to Post office….. my brother and I were always, why with the go to? Can’t you just put bank, post office, etc.? Now I am thinking maybe he is ADD, I will have to ask him but now that means me making a list that says ask dad about ADD instead of just ADD as I have turned completely into him. Never thought I had ADD until recent years when I find myself not being able to concentrate. I have to do things like, I will work on this until 11:30…. and if I think of something else, write it down to do later. It only helps sometimes.

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    1. I didn’t know until much later in life that my father was the one with the ADD. He would never admit it, though he helped when I was in the diagnosis stage. It was uncanny the similarities.

      Happy Birthday soon DG (your fellow 23rd June-ite)!

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  22. I don’t think I have AD(H or not)D, but I do have a brain full of things that make me lay awake at night, for a few hours, every night in the middle of the night.

    I have my annual physical in April and will ask then.. until then, I am finding it helpful to have a fucking to-do list on paper that is a GD mile long. Its divided down the middle for work and home stuff. EVERYTHING goes on the list. Sure, some items are done super fast and crossed off quickly, but if they weren’t on the list, they wouldn’t get done at all.

    I liken it to when I have to leave my house now and runs errands. I make a list that will take me in a big circle, and have a list of what is needed at each stop, and there is little better in the world than crossing things off that list.

    I cant wait till I can afford to retire and stop thinking about stupid work in the middle of the night. Does work thinbk about me? IT DOES NOT.

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  23. I’m also a no-H ADD person. I tried Ritalin and Vyvance or whatever it was, neither helped. I just make daily lists and keep coming back to them to wrench myself out of the tangents I’ve gone on. These lists can be ridiculously banal, like ‘take out garbage’ or ‘make bed’. Some days I’m more successful than others in ticking tasks off the list, but without a list some things might never get done. Now I’m trying daily meditation again, using Headspace. It might or might not help the ADD, but if it helps with general mood improvement I’ll count that as a win.

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  24. I’ve read that the where’s my refund tool is being, well, a tool this year. Instead, go to irs.gov, click on get your tax record, and follow those steps. You’ll then be able to view your transcripts, which, if the return is done being processed, will have a direct deposit date all the way down at the bottom.

    I realize all these steps aren’t exactly agreeable with the ADD.

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  25. Have you tried mindfulness meditation? It’s all about noticing when your mind wanders and refocusing. It builds a habit in a non-stressful way. And since you asked for book recommendations elsewhere, I recommend 10% Happier by Dan Harris. It’s fascinating, even if you don’t end up meditating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PS, not saying that will cure or fix it, but it could be a tool similar to what the therapist mentioned.

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  26. Lovely post Coot.
    I get so frustrated with my ADD husband then I realized I am just as bad. Having 2 ADD people in a relationship is ridiculous.
    I are list. I have to complete A before I can go to B and then move on to 3.

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  27. I have the AD-no H-D and I’ve taken adderall every weekday for 8 years. I can’t imagine getting through a workday without it. My teenaged (at the time) son was taking it and I tried it and it was like someone turned a switch on in my brain and I could focus and get shit done. I wish I’d had it in high school myself – life may have turned out much differently. I was always “so smart” but an “underachiever.” Insert eyeroll emoji. I also got really skinny and cute for a few years back then, but that honeymoon is very much over. Anyway, I have no advice other than to try it again. I get the migraines too but I got them well before I started taking it and they don’t seem to make mine happen any more frequently. The worst thing is that it’s hard for me to sleep, so I don’t take it on weekends and hibernate. I call it “the good sleep,” in my head at least. I haven’t tried Vyvance but I am told it’s considerably more expensive, so I’mma stick with what I know.

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  28. I get the ADD issue. I jump from one thing to another. I have to FORCE myself to focus on ONE task at a time and it’s hard. Thanks for the reminder on the tax refund. We don’t usually get one, so I need to check on that. Our goal is to not have to pay more than $500 and not get back more than $500. I want my money all year long, I’m better at managing the money that the government.
    I love the FB live, even though I have yet to catch it live.
    Tee

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, I should have proofread my comment better, it’s a disaster. Please make the corrections mentally.
      Tee

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  29. I am DYING to hear/read what Alicia had to say about The Markle, especially in light of this new bullying allegation. And you know if poor old Prince Philip enters the homeland before the Oprah Interview, Markle will swear he did it on purpose. And frankly, I wouldn’t doubt it.

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    1. I won’t watch the interview, but I am interested in one thing. Will the Markle take any *real* responsibility for any of it. I have doubts she is capable of doing so.

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  30. I’m here for any and all ideas to combat ADD. I feel like the internet and computer screens makes mine worse.

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