I just caught myself having an intense discussion with the Grays. They were both sitting on the dryer, looking at me rather accusingly. Even ol’ One-Eye was. I explained my side of things. On the washer next to them, Forest was zestfully eating his can.
“You both have sensitive stomachs,” I said. “Lily, you know you throw up.” At this, Lily kind of looked down. She knew of what I spoke. “So I spent a LOT of money, a LOT, you two, on dry food for you, and Forest, see —” [here I couldn’t help but pet Forest’s fine figure] “he’s young, and canned food is important for male cats; the vet said. So that’s why I want you two to eat the dry and not bug Forest when he’s eating his can.”
Anyway, it was somewhere in the middle of this soliloquy that I realized I’ve flipped my lid. Facebook memories showed me today that it was exactly a year ago that my friend Marianne came to see me, from Charlotte, and that was my last official unmasked visitor who actually came inside. I mean, Ned came to see me for the major holidays this year. But I don’t think of him as a visitor and he’s not been able to come here since January because they made him go back to work and most people there don’t believe in masks.
So I’m now having impassioned discussions with my cats and I guess we all saw that coming.
But that’s not why I’ve gathered you all here on the washer and dryer today. I was GONNA talk about the dumb things I did this weekend, which involved changing the stuff on my mantle, washing the floor, and even doing a spot of laundry and AREN’T YOU SAD I didn’t choose THAT to discuss.
No. What I’ve gathered you here to discuss is Meghan Markle, which makes me not original because at least in MY feeds it’s everywhere. But as you know, when Harry first got engaged to her, I was delighted. First of all, I find her very pretty and very pretty goes a long way with me. I realize this is not something I should brag about but I’m not bragging, I’m just telling you one of the ways I am sort of awful. Like, Scarlett O’Hara. Rotten human. But so pretty! I can overlook her rotten homewrecker slappin’ slaves personality because look at that eyebrow arch!
Look, I know, OK?
So, I enjoyed that she was pretty, and when I learned her mom was Black and her dad was white I thought, “Oh, this is wonderful! What a breath of fresh air she’ll be!” And like an idiot, because I like the Royal Family (and they aren’t even pretty! Well. Kate is. And she’s my FAVORITE.) I assumed they were unracist and also thought. “Oh, what a fine fresh scent we have here! We can mix up the dull pasty royal lineage with a person of color!”
I really thought that. As I am an idiot.
Also, I know someone who knows Meghan Markle. They worked together back before MM was famous. This friend of mine hasn’t wanted me to discuss it at all because she still has ties to MM in a way and didn’t want to screw up her job. But she
Meghan Markle with the fire of a thousand suns.
Now, I know my friend well and she gets angrily bent out of shape about people, so I took this info with a grain of salt, and every time she’d go off on a tangent, I’d say, “I don’t know. I kinda like her.”
But then I didn’t. MM seemed fussy, and she seemed controlling, she never took her damn hand off her damn stomach when she was pregnant, and then she made Harry leave. That’s how I saw it. She made him leave. And when my friend would call and we’d get on the MM topic, I was hating her right along with my friend.
Then last night I watched that Oprah special where she interviewed Harry and Meghan. And I don’t have TV. So I had to contort myself, and sign up for stuff I didn’t want to then quickly cancel it after, but I got to watch it. And here’s the thing.
I don’t think I’d like her in real life. She seems humorless. She seems like the kind of person who purses her lips and stops you in the middle of a hilarious routine on your hair or your rounded abdomen, just to throw a few random examples out there. She seems like the type who’d stop you and say, “You should really love yourself.” She seems like the kind of person who’d say self-care unironically.
I abhor strident love-yourself people. I enjoy my own self just fine. Don’t preach at me and for god’s sake, don’t be humorless. You know who I like? Anne Lamott. She does really have self-esteem and she loves herself just fine, but she’s hilarious about it. That’s the type of woman I enjoy.
So, I don’t think MM and I would be friends, particularly because I’d always be trying to take Harry from her, whom I adore.
But I HAVE changed my stance on her after watching last night. And if you haven’t watched it, I sort of don’t want to hear it from you. I already know your tired old “she knew what she was getting into” lines.
Once she said the family expressed concerns that Archie would be dark-skinned, I sat up.
Once she said she no longer wanted to live, and knew those thoughts were dangerous so she asked for help and THEY SAID NO, I saw, “Oh, that’s it.” They seriously didn’t care if she lived or died. And they weren’t going to provide Archie his own security, so they didn’t care if HE lived or died, either.
Nope. That’s when I noped right out of being on the side of the royals. And it sounds like it wasn’t really the queen. They both spoke so highly of the queen. It sounds like it might’ve been other family members, or the men in gray suits who are really in charge, the ones Diana talked about.
Anyway, I have changed my tune. I support them leaving. Oh, and when I heard Charles stopped returning Harry’s phone calls and cut him off financially in the middle of a pandemic and they had no security team because the family took it away? And Harry asked, “Does this mean the threats are lessened”? and they said, Oh, no. You guys have death threats all over the place. Bye!
Oh, I’m mad.
So that’s the way it is, Monday, March 8, maybe? Is it March 8? Hooo care. Every day is the same. Except today there are royal things.