Statin island

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but usually I write in the morning. THIS morning, however, my head continued to scream at me and I didn’t feel like it. I’ve had a migraine on and off since Monday, which is becoming par for my course. They last ENDLESS numbers of days now, and I wish to be Marie Antoinette in that I want a bird’s nest in my hair and also I wish to be chopped off at the head. I want a bob, as it were. But don’t hurt the bird up in there, bob-bob-bobbin along.

Anyway now I’m drugged, and I’m taking a lunch break, which is a relatively new form of self-care I’ve embraced since getting burnt AF at work last summer. I found myself constantly exhausted and uninspired, so I Googled “What to do if you’re burnt out at work” and among other things I read, “Actually take breaks,” so now most days I dare to take a lunch.

The first few times I did it, I was on EDGE. What if someone emailed or messaged me and I didn’t answer immediately? It turns out, that has yet to be an issue. Me answering an hour later has not mattered. So. I take breaks. Like I used to in the before times.

At any rate, as I told you in a past post and why am I even mentioning this because no one reads me anymore. I belong to a page on Facebook that is allegedly for people who read this blog, except it’s becoming screamingly obvious that people are on that page and enjoying the cat memes but not my blog. They’ll ask me things like, “Oh, do you have cats?” or “Hey, June, are you hoping to have kids one day?”

“June, have you ever heard of Barry Gibb?”

Anyway. Supposing you actually DO read me, I mentioned the other day that I’ve been through one crisis after another since August of 2019, and with my first COVID vaccine this past weekend I’m kind of hoping my crisis days are coming to a close, but also that I had a physical coming up and I was hoping my doctor wouldn’t say, “Oh, June, your blood told us you have moments to live.”

You’ll be stunned to hear I worked myself up into sort of a lather over this. I even tried to go online and look at my blood results early, and they won’t show you till AFTER your doctor’s appointment, which seems…not legal. It’s MY blood. But maybe they know there are people like me who, when the result is .01 over normal, I Google it and find the worst thing it might possibly mean and then fly into a panic and buy my tombstone and order chicken salad for the gathering after.

So yesterday was my appointment and I had to call from the parking lot to say I was on my way up, like we were throwing a surprise party.

Here’s what I was hoping to hear: Everything looks good and your cholesterol is horrible. I say this because my cholesterol always looks horrible. So, being realistic, that’s the best I could hope for.

Her assistant came in first. Took my blood pressure. Looked for the telltale temperature. All was good.

“We might do a pap, so undress from the waist down. And then she’ll do a breast exam, so undress from the waist up and use this paper gown.”

“So, take everything off,” I said helpfully.

“Yes, take it all off,” said the assistant.

“Do you have dollar bills folded, or …?” I asked. No one likes me.

So I took it all off and waited in my paper gown for the doctor. I remembered the last time I waited in her office in this manner. I took a selfie while I was waiting, and I did a cursory search for it just now, to no avail. But trust me, I looked good. I—oh, wait, I just found it.

When I took this, so far all that had happened to me was a car accident. I had yet to be convinced of bladder cancer, then have surgery, then be isolated because pandemic.

I’d offer you a selfie of now, but just think of the photo above looking 20 pounds heavier and 20 months more stressed. Think of Elvis’s later days.

Anyway, my doctor came in, and I noted her looking at my white roots, with black curtains, at the station. “I’m getting my hair done April 24,” I told her, like this was a medical necessity she needed to be kept abreast of.

“Your bloodwork looks good. Everything’s great,” she said, and just as I was breathing a sigh of relief: “Your cholesterol is terrible, though,” she said.

I mean, it’s King Kamehameha terrible. So I hafta be on statin islands and as soon as I left, I immediately phoned my trainer and we got back together. When I last had my cholesterol checked, I was working out with said trainer and my number was HALF what it is now. And when I quit said trainer, I told myself, Oh, I’ll work out on my own and you know what I don’t do?

I also looked up “foods for cholesterol lowering” and have a list of items to get.

But, all things considered, I feel hopeful about it and am determined to lower the number because you know how I get. Well. Maybe you don’t. But it’s like my credit score. I get fixated and obsessed. This is my new fixated obsessed thing.

So that’s the latest and I will speak to you from a lower cholesterol level soon.

58 thoughts on “Statin island

  1. My cholesterol was the best of my numbers but it was climbing some and I haven’t been tested in a while. I loathe lentils and most dark green leafy vegetables taste quite bitter to me. I like pears ofcourse, the sugary choice. My late husband had high cholesterol that he ignored food wise. He was dying, who could blame him? He took a statin. I know/knew three very active people who had the hereditary high cholesterol. Being lactose intolerant has taken real dairy out of my life most of the time. I still eat fatty meats. I want my ham!
    Good luck, June. I admire your resolve, especially with the exercising. That is a wonderful picture of you.

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  2. Thank you for your timely post as you reminded me to make my overdue annual doctor’s appointment. I’ve scheduled mine for next week so I’ll find out about my cholesterol levels after my lab work. I’ll have to wait for six weeks or so (or however long is recommended) to schedule my mammogram since the covid vaccines can cause false positives. That would be all I need after a year of avoiding the plague.

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  3. Congratulations on the other results! Sorry to hear about the cholesterol. I don’t have anything “tried and tested” to offer, but eating more vegetables seems to be good for just about everything.

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  4. I detest the MFing comments logging in BS. I feel 🤬 when I can’t comment on the blog. It took me 12 minutes to log in. I know you say you don’t have to log in to comment but WordPress is prissy about making it seem like you have to log in.

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    1. Anyway, when I was on the marketing team at Whole Foods Market, you got a bigger employee discount if you could prove that your cholesterol was really low. So a lot of people took red yeast to lower their cholesterol. I don’t know if it was a temporary or long term fix. My cholesterol be in Mensa it scores so high so I never worried about even attempting to qualify for the extra store discount. 😂

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      1. That seems so backwards to me .. if you have high cholesterol, then you need the extra discount so you can afford the cholesterol-lowering foods. Imma go hang out with Bernie and Liz now.

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  5. Of all the things to be obsessed with, lowering your cholesterol sounds pretty good to me.

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  6. I resisted taking statins but finally agreed per doctor’s advice that it was the only solution. I’m hoping that my next lab test will show a good number finally (after taking the medication for three months). Your photo looks like a glamour shot for a medical office – cuz you look so good: “The office of Dr. Feelgood is now taking new patients. Come see us now; our exam rooms provide Spa vibes! (even when you’re in the gyno exam torture rack).

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  7. sorry about your cholesterol. I’m borderline as well and since Fresca is my one vice, I hope never to have to take a statin. I eat a lot of home-prepared bean burritos, often using just canned fat-free refried beans, and steel-cut oatmeal. (We make a pot of oatmeal on the weekends and reheat for daily breakfast.) I have seen improved numbers.

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  8. How can you be so funny when you have a migraine?? I am so impressed. “think of Elvis’s later days’ made me laugh out loud. I wonder also how would people even know about the fb page if they don’t read the blog. I only ask questions about things that were posted before I discovered this daily favourite read – like 4 years ago perhaps?? Once in a while I’ll read a few from the archives when I need an extra dose of June but I’m certain there are gaps in my knowledge!

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  9. Ummm….that selfie really is so good. The lighting, your curls, the paper gown- you’re making it work!!! I’m glad you got a good report from your doctor. I know you’ll get there cholesterol down!

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  10. Also a member of the YOUR CHOLESTEROL IS TERRRRRRIBLE group. I have known this for a long time. The fact that my brother and father were the same doesn’t seem to matter to my doc. I refuse to take statins, though. I’m on so many meds for my bipolar and low thyroid and low iron and low Vit.D, etc., that I just won’t add another one. Also, my father was on a statin for several years and then gave it up because it had bad side effects. I already have enough damn side effects with all the meds I’m on.
    The doc doesn’t seem to appreciate my gallows humor when I shrug and say, “We’re all going to die of something, right?”

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  11. I was recently told – following a VERY HIGH (for me) cholesterol result – that a fasting blood test gives a far more accurate result than a non-fasting. So if you stupidly ate a cheeseburger and fries and then popped in for the old blood draw several hours later, you might see a much higher number than you expected. Perhaps you already knew this and did the fasting test. If so, please to ignore.

    Also, too if you follow this diet plan for very long, other numbers will be REMARKABLY HIGH.

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  12. You are really good when you decide to fix a number. You and your perfect credit score will probably have a cholesterol of 2 next time she checks it.

    If you feel like it, please share the changes you make to lower your cholesterol. I’ve been trying to do some of the changes you made for the credit history improvement. Maybe I can follow the cholesterol tricks as well.

    I know you’ll be successful. I’m also glad all the other stuff was good!

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  13. Mine was always over 200 but not enough to be put on statins. Then I lost 25 pounds and boom 185.

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  14. Raising my hand here as another Facebook eschew-er (gusundheit!) but loving reader.

    Also suffering with the high bad cholesterol and low good cholesterol.

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  15. I don’t comment often but I regularly read both the blog and the Faceplant of Juan. You are endlessly entertaining and I’m sorry that you have migraines AND high cholesterol. My cholesterol just hovers at the bad line. I don’t eat well but I exercise regularly just to chase the ugliness out of my soul. Still chubby and just semibitchy.

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  16. When I went for a physical a few months back, I asked for a cholesterol test because I had lost a lot of weight since the previous physical and wanted to do some bragging about how healthy I was now. One of the numbers was over 200, which was bad, but apparently some other number was good so she wasn’t worried. But now I’m worried that all those WW-approved and zero-point eggs I’ve been eating are bad for my cholesterol.
    I’m glad everything else was good news.
    Lovely post, June.

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  17. I am a daily reader, non-FB’er, and rare poster, but should you ever think people aren’t reading, you can always count on me for one for certain reader. I take flaxseed oil, but I think that’s to raise the good cholesterol rather than to lower the bad. When my bad numbers get too high, that’s when I take stock of how much cheese I consume (it’s my favorite food group!) and cut back accordingly. Those are sad times for sure.

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  18. Hilarious post. I’m so sorry your head is still hurting.
    Two labs ago our (me and my husband) cholesterol was up. Our NP put both of us on 500 mg of non-flush niacin each morning and 500 mg of bergamot at night. Next labs we both had lowered our cholesterol well below 200. We haven’t been so diligent to do this the past year and have been eating lots of treats, so we will see what the labs say next month. To be honest, we focused more on taking stuff to boost our immune system (thank you covid).
    Tee

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  19. Reporting for the meeting of the High Cholesterol Club! Mine is mostly genetic, because every time I get my bloodwork done we go through the whole thing of “what do you eat,” “how often do you work out and what do you do” and because I am a LUNATIC with CONTROL ISSUES I happen to have all of that very detailed information in my FitBit. So I’m not even guessing or lying. And I’m doing all the right things! I eat well! I exercise! It’s just high. So far my approach has been to ignore it until it gets high enough that the doctor makes me go on the same medication my mother is on. At this point it’s just high enough that every year she says “let’s keep an eye on this.”

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  20. Yours is my everyday blog I read every day.

    In another “June and Jan become one person” I went to the doctor on Monday and my cholesterol is also bad. I also have to have an echocardiogram done. I had an EKG in the office which was normal.

    I need to google cholesterol lowering foods because the oatmeal I dutifully eat every morning isn’t enough.

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  21. Hi. I always feel so worried and uncomfortable in the doctor’s office. You look so wonderfully happy and pleased. That is a great picture.
    I read your blog with my Big Book of June Events next to my computer and I also read you on Facebook but I use a different name for each.
    I would also like to say that I enjoy your writing. You handle being entertaining with ease. When I try to say something clever and funny I end up sounding like an idiot.

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  22. Another high cholesterol can’t take statins person here. I know there are things you can do but none of them sound fun in the least. Also, Pam but not Junes mom, I see your chips and dip and raise you a BK sourdough king with cheese and bacon on it. It was a reward for getting my first vaccine shot.

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  23. I am not on Facebook and I only read the blog (still!)
    Glad to hear the appointment went about as well as you hoped / expected.
    I had found out I had cancer (early, v. treatable) in 2017 after a routine checkup, so now I am diligent about ALL routine prescreens, but also await all test results with top notch anxiety – SO FUN!!
    Hope the migraine subsides and you can enjoy the little win with some pears, lentils and dark leafy greens (Google just told me all of those kill cholesterol quickly) like a real party animal would
    Cheers!

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    1. I am also not on facebook and love reading the blog. When I do not exercise my cholesterol skyrockets, I am also on Statin Island, the out island of crestor. However, exercise works on both cholesterol and thighs! Shocking that Ned was right…eat less and move more. Ducking the liver coming my way.

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    2. I am a two-time cancer survivor impatiently waiting for a rescheduled biopsy (was supposed to be yesterday, now it’s Monday). So much anxiety. I am stress eating ALL THE THINGS. Which I guess is good since I’ve just skittered into the “obese” range and therefore qualify for the vaccine a little earlier here in Massachusetts (we’re just at the 2-or-more risk factors level of vaccination.

      I am not a FB follower; the signal-to-noise ratio is too awful there and I wouldn’t want to miss your pearls of wisdom in my friend’s avalanche of pictures of her baby from EVERY angle possible (looks like Winston Churchill from all of them, all he needs is a little cigar and an overcoat).

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  24. I hesitate to mention, but some statins can cause migraines. I love when patients share info like you did about your hair appointment. Glad that you’re taking that lunch break!

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  25. Oh that is an awesome picture!
    Love this post – that is an issue so many people have that I know…. a lot in my family

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  26. How does anyone even know about BOJ without knowing about this blog? Even if a friend directed them to BOJ, why wouldn’t they be drawn to the blog? They truly are missing out.

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      1. How do people join a closed fb group if they aren’t over here? Who’s letting those scoundrels in? Maybe a statement needs to created in the manner of “per my last email.” Maybe, check the blog! With a dang smiley face. It’s good to hear all ia well except the king. Fiber and flax have become my new friends.

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        1. Or ask pertinent questions that only blog readers can answer before being allowed in the FB group.
          Tee

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      2. I also suspect, without an ounce of proof, that people were invited by their friends in a “you have to check out this group, they’re so funny!” way despite the friends not having a single clue about your not-blog. I know I get notices from FB suggesting I invite people to the FBoJ, including my son. Like I’d want him seeing the shit that gets posted. He already gets irritated enough by what *I* post on my own page.

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    1. This is what I’m wondering? Why/how are they even on the FB of June if they don’t read the blog? I mean, the blog is the point.

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  27. What a wonderful post! I can just imagine how good you feel right now. And look how you tackled everything you need to do to get ahead of this curve! Also too, that is the most beautiful picture of you. Your “before” feelings are how I’ve been feeling. I know 2020 was a bad year, but it was really shitty for me. I feel like it was my downfall and I’ll never recover. Carry on.

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  28. So happy you wrote today! I have King Kam Kamehameha high cholesterol as well. Plus, also too, I’m allergic to statins. The last time I had it checked, they ran a “special test” to see if my cholesterol was “sticky.” I don’t remember now if it was or not, but they were happy with the stickiness as that part was good. I will say all the June do you like Barry questions are good for a laugh for your FR. Lovely post June!

    CommandoBarbie

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    1. I can’t take statins either but I take a drug called ezetemibe and have no side effects from it. my cholesterol isn’t wonderful but much better.

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  29. “I’m getting my hair done April 24th.”
    This killed me. I’m forever saying something that makes people blink and slightly tilt their head.

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  30. mine is super high, to, normally (will be checked on 4/20. Maybe I’ll get gummies instead of a sticker?

    Anyway, I had chips and inion dip for lunch,

    Why numbers so high?

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