The one written while the dog is outside

Don’t let me forget that Edsel’s outside, will ya? He has a routine: The moment we wake up, he champs at the bit to get outside (by the way, it IS “champ” at the bit, and be sure to say “chomp” if you want to drive me berserk), then he comes in to eat noisily and with gusto, then he stampedes out the door again because apparently that food ran right through him.

But today, in a stunning show of outside-the-box thinking, he wanted out a THIRD time, and I figured this out by the dog snout .002 millimeters from the door handle. I’ve no idea why he wants out a third time, but my instinct tells me it’s the diarrheee—as Faithful Reader Paula H&B would say for reasons I can no longer recall—or it’s a crow. Crows really piss him off.

Maybe he ATE crow and that’s why the diarrheee.

At any rate, hello. On Facebook of June the other day, someone said her coworkers all say, “Happy Monday” and I want you to know if anyone did that to me at work I’d report them to HR for harrassment.

In other news, I knew this would happen: Now that I have a pandemic finish line in sight, I’m incredibly restless. I know many of you are still, you know, donning a mask and going to Old Navy anyway, but I have not. Now that I know that it’s just a few weekends till I can don a mask and go to Old Navy, I am BESIDE myself at how dull it is to be home all weekend. This weekend was dull.

I did wash the kitchen floor, not that that’s exciting, but it is because, much like the carrot of soon-you’ll-don-a-mask-and-get-a-pedicure lurking before me, I now know my days of washing that kitchen floor with Mr. Clean are almost over. Here’s why. Click here to find out more. Link in bio. You won’t BELIEVE what—

OK, anyway.

As you know, I live in a neighborhood of millhouses that were all built at the same time and in the same way. So it’s convenient when you’re wondering about something about your house, as your neighbors all have the same house. We have a private Facebook group now, where we ask each other things like, “Who here has finished your attic?” and so on.

So that’s how I heard the floor under my delightful beige tile is possibly hardwood. And this weekend, since I had nothing better to do, I looked up floor people, not that they’re flat and tiled, and for the first time in a year had people come into my house.

Well, that’s not 100% true. Remember last summer when the fridge and dishwasher stopped working and I had to call an electrician and they spent 45 minutes figuring out there’s a plug across the room that got its thing unpushed in the plug part?

Call June for all your electrical needs.

So, OK, second person in a year. Anyway, he came in and looked inside my heat vent and could see that I have PINE under this dumb floor. PINE. So he’s coming back next month after all my vaccine-getting and after waiting for the vaccine mold to gel and so on, and then Ima have pine floors and yes I know it’s softer stop telling me that like I’m Carrie Bradshaw always stomping about in my stilettos.

The dog just barked. And I have not one but TWO boy cats on top of me. Now what do I do? It was a single bark, so maybe he won’t do it anymore. Maybe he was warning the crow with one well-placed bark.

Also, as if the soon-I-can-don-a-mask-and-live news combined with the soon-my-kitchen-floor-will-not-be-beige news were not exciting enough, I have OTHER, even MORE exciting news that I cannot yet share but trust me, it’s lurking there. Like a crow over Edsel. I can tell you soon. And not in a Dooce “I’m creating something new but really I never will” kind of way.

Remember how she was going to sell us ripped t-shirts? Then remember how she built a studio and we were going to bask in the greatness of said studio?

Then?

We never heard about those things again.

THIS good news does not affect you, really, at all, but the point is I’ll TELL you about it eventually, when I can.

I’d better go. I have work and then my trainer and then in just 26 days, I will be free. With a mask.

XO,
Juan

P.S. I let the dog back in.

57 thoughts on “The one written while the dog is outside

  1. If anyone starts telling you how much you’ll regret having soft pine floors in your kitchen, from my experience, I would love to have them again, having had them in an old farmhouse I rented briefly when I was younger. First, old heart pine is much, much harder than the pine of today. Second, a few scratches and dents just makes the wood more beautiful, in my opinion. It gives it character. Wood floors are so beautiful. I have engineered hardwood in my 1960s bungalow kitchen now, and I love it! The only thing I wish was different is the colour of the wood (I matched it to the living room’s wood floor, and it’s quite dark, so it shows allllll the smudges), and I wish it were more matte and less glossy. Anyway, I’m so excited for your future wood floor. And I agree with a previous poster that there is a good chance that you can pull up the lino or whatever the sheet flooring is yourself. You do a lot of work around your house, you come across as very capable.

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  2. I’m actually going to an in-person meeting on Wednesday. I don’t think it’s going to be much different from the multiple medical appointments I’ve had the past year.
    Tee

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  3. Those wood floors are going to be beautiful. Eds could be like my cat, she found a rabbit nest and brought a baby to us this morning. My husband made her drop it and the baby was able to escape… for now. If Edsel catches crows I want to rent him. I hate crows too.
    Tee

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  4. I remember when the electrical guy came in to your house because that was the day I learned what a GFI outlet was. June’s blog – come for the entertainment, stay for the education.
    I’m looking forward to seeing your new old floor. I love your house.

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  5. Lovely post Coot.

    Things that irk.
    1. Chomping at the bit
    2. Irregardless (it hurts to type that)
    3. Six or one or half dozen of another. NO! It is six of one or half dozen of another.
    4. People in general.

    So happy you have pine floors under your vinyl.
    Funny aside. Years ago my mother was at a casino. The girl who waited on her was named Linoleum. My mother commented on her name. How unusual it was and where might it have come from. She replied, my mother named all of us after the place we were conceived. She then added she had a sister named Woodflora, Formica, and Tub. Could this be where Blanket Jackson got his name?

    Can’t wait to hear good news. I hope it has to do with puppies and kitties and shit.

    My little town this weekend had a festival. NOT ONE MASKED PERSON COULD BE SEEN ANYWHERE. I have been vaccinated fully. I did not leave my house other than to pick up groceries. The restaurants were full to the max inside and out. The shopping center parking lot was full. It was as if the pandemic had not ever existed.

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    1. I went to high school with siblings named Schenley (a brand of gin), Gimlet (the name of an alcoholic cocktail), Bourbon (a type of alcohol) and Chevelle (a brand of automobile). My guess is that the kids were all conceived after nights of boozing and in the back seat of a car.

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      1. Oh those are excellent. There was a teacher on one Facebook group I followed who was documenting all the unusual names she had as students. I remember one being named Avagina

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  6. I’m sorry, is it just me? I can never find a link in anyone’s bio! Maybe it’s because I’m on my phone? But really, am I this incompetent? Send help.
    Deb-E
    PS Put the damn link in what you’re writing, I say!

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    1. You can’t link in Instagram; that’s why they put the link in the bio. So, you click on that person’s name, which takes you to their Instagram home page, and under their name will be a link. It’s the only thing you can click on that will take you to another page–it very obviously looks like a link. Whenever I see someone on IG say, “Link in bio” there’s always someone who can’t see it. I always want to tell them all this.

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  7. So cool about the pine floors! Does anyone know why people put vinyl flooring over wood? I guess I can almost understand why someone carpets over wood, but not vinyl on top of wood. Maybe its all floorings gone wild over there.

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  8. I am a champer of bits, hooray! I do think I’m losing the battle of spelling “whoa” correctly. It seems like “woah” (“woe-uh” in my head, always) is taking over.

    BeeBelle

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  9. Loved this post – your kitchen is wonderful! The pine floors will be so sweet! Your bedroom set is so similar to the one I had – I only have parts of it now – it belonged to my parents. My sister has the cedar chest – I have the chest-of-drawers and a nightstand, a headboard and the two ends from the vanity. Sadly so much cross-country moving caused it to get spit up! Your chest is gorgeous and Eds sitting there – so sweet.
    I am sending this link just for info someone might like. It is a comparison of the 3 vaccines –
    I just thought it was interesting!
    https://www.medpagetoday.com/special-reports/exclusives/91489

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  10. Just have to share with you that there is a Carolina Dog in my neighborhood. Saw her twice this weekend. Mom and dad of said dog were surprised that I knew what she was. Clearly they haven’t met sweet Edsel.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s odd. I hit reply and it did not go back to you, June. See comment below, where Amy will be confused.

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    1. Yes, she’s pretty, I think younger than Edsel. On Saturday, I attacked the mom from my car, yelling out the window, “is that a Carolina Dog?” and she was surprised that I knew that. Again, she hadn’t met Edsel. Then last night I yelled out my front window, as mom & dad were walking C.D. on my sidewalk, “are you the Carolina Dog?” and it was the same dog. Maybe I’ll get to pet her soon.

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  11. Oh, June! I love the new picture/header/thingy/ whatever. Pansies are so beautiful and remind of my sweet grandmother. Thank you for stirring a wonderful memory.

    Also, hooray for the news about the pine floors. I’m happy for you!

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    1. I had that floor in blue. I loved it so! Unfortunately, it always looked dirty. Two years ago I redid my bathroom. I saved some money by pulling up the old vinyl floor all by my lonesome. It was actually kind of fun.

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        1. First you need an linoleum knife. I started with a razor knife,but the linoleum one was better. You can buy one at Home Depot or Lowe’s. Personally, I prefer Home Depot. You can find what you want online and it will send you a text with the exact location of the item.I discovered this when I needed aluminum nails to repair a piece of outside trim. I went to Lowe’s first and the salesperson tried to sell me trim nails. Luckily, my brother has educated me over the years. Wow, this is exactly how I tell a story IRL. You are going to need a heat gun to soften the flooring. I have a heat gun, but found my hair dryer did a better job. I pulled up the threshold piece and all the baseboard etc. with a small pry bar. Then I started at the door, made a cut with the knife and started pulling. Any reluctant sections I hit with the hair dryer to soften up and then pulled. It was a double layer of flooring,so it took awhile to complete. Easy, peasy and a great sense of accomplishment. You might want to take a look on YOUTUBE for any additional hints. I just used YOUTUBE to fix a leaking tub faucet. Probably saved a bundle by not calling a plumber. I find a picture and put it on your facebook page.

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  12. Ugh I can’t wait to get the vaccine. Someone on my book face posted the other day about how it’s not safe, it’s altering our DNA, it killed EVERY monkey they tested it on and now it is killing every person who gets it. Then something about getting into boxcars. I can’t tell if he really is that stupid or if he is just being a jerk trying to rile people up. Either way, it made me angry, but I didn’t post a response because I am trying not to feed the trolls anymore.

    I am so happy about your floors. I wish that were the case in my house, but it is not.

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    1. A loved was telling me all about Q-anon because she wants me to be “woke”. I am sick to my stomach about it. She is one of the smartest people I know but she has bought in to that horses*#t hook line and sinker. It is obviously a crazy cult. She will NEVER get the vaccine (it tracks you and makes it thst no cancer treatments will work. WTF?!) either and she should (seventy-something with comorbidities). I am so sad about this.

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      1. What always cracks me up is the people who think the vaccine is just a way to track you are the same people who use smart phones with the location turned on.

        You just can’t fix stupid.

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  13. You have educated a second person here – I always thought it was chomp…but not bits — lol. Ok champ at the bit (sounds weird). Yay on the pine floor! We own some investment properties in an older area of a nearby city. Many times have pulled up ugly carpet or tiles & found beautiful original hardwood, so yes it happens a lot. Your kitchen is so pretty now. It will be beautiful with the original floors. This is the first time in many years I’ve wished I lived in the states vs Canada. Our government has handled the vaccine so poorly!! I am 65 and asthmatic and not expecting to get the vaccine until May. I am so ready for this to be over and go out and see people. Can’t wait to hear your news!

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  14. About your scratched chest..the wood one. Take the meat of a walnut or pecan and rub over the scratch. May take several times but the scratch will disappear. The indentation will not but the scratch will not be noticeable. Then you can wax it. Not advice, just a suggestion.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Chomping and champing made me wonder about this: what do you think of how “excited for” has seemed to replace “excited about”? I guess I’ll come to terms with it eventually, but it bugs the crud out of me.

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  16. My favorite is when someone says, “I was balling.” I know they mean crying but I want to say to them that “balling” and “bawling” are two very different conversations. I want to hear about the “balling” one!

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  17. Waiting for teaser news is my pet peeve. I am not patient at all. Soon you will be able to come meet my people/person.

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  18. Congratulations on your unknown good news! If June’s happy, I’m happy. Your new header is really key-ute! Can’t wait to see your new/old soft pine floor.

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  19. I’m so excited about your floors! I love all the home renovation shows but I really kind of thought they were lying when they “found” hardwood floors. But now I can believe it and be happy for them because my real life friend (who is an internet blogger and I’ve never met, but still!) had it happen to her!

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  20. Out of curiosity, I did some (google) research on champing/chomping, and it turns out both words are from the Middle English word chammen. But champing is a nervous thing that horses do to their bits, akin to gnashing one’s teeth and chomping is biting down to eat. Even a nervous horse isn’t actually attempting to EAT a metal bit. It’s just fidgeting. Thank you for sending me down that rabbit hole. 😀

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  21. Years ago, when I was talking to one of owners of the business where I worked, I said, “Biting at the champ” and thought that was correct until the owner couldn’t help but laugh. He thought that was the funniest thing and told me it was supposed to be champing at the bit. I won’t make that mistake again. At least, I hope not.

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  22. So, I love that picture of Edsel with his paw out like Angelina, but my mind then screamed to “Who’s the guilty party who scratched that chest?”

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    1. Actually, not any of my cats. It was scratched when I got it, from a relative’s cat. This is part of my bedroom set that belonged to my great aunt. I guess I should google how to get rid of the scratches.

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  23. 26 days! I’m so excited for you!

    Our third lockdown should be eating over the next month or so. I’ve learned I can live without restaurants and live without pubs and even live without seeing my family. But. I really NEED 24 hour supermarkets to be a thing again. Finishing work at 3am, strolling around at a leisurely pace as the one or two other customers around at that time are purely in the alcohol and snacks sections. Picking up multiple boxes so I can compare nutritional information. Being able to squeeze fruit and put it back if it’s the wrong squeezeness. Oh, it’s going to be so good.

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    1. I know. I miss wandering the aisles making impulse purchases. “The fine folks at Hostess have made us another snack cake? How LOVELY!” Also, I will enjoy my groceries not costing $10 extra with delivery fees and tips.

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  24. I was going to remind you to let the dog in, but never mind. To celebrate our new-found freedom, we actually went inside a restaurant Saturday afternoon for the first time in over a year. There were only three other diners inside at the time and we were the only ones in our section. It felt decadent, safe and, oddly, normal.

    26 days! Let the countdown begin.

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