The one where June gets into a car accident while remaining home

One thing Noom does is set a step goal for me every day; yesterday it was 2,300, and considering I used to plow through 10,000 steps a day, 2,300 doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. But try working from home.

…Oh, you do?

Anyway, I had to (a) take my stupid phone with me everywhere to make sure it counted the steps and (3) actually get up and walk around.

So after an intense day at work, where I did not, in fact, get assigned “walk around the room” as a task, I still had 1,000 steps to do. So I (wait for it) walked into my living room, and I was in there, walking in place, when the accident occurred. I normally would’ve walked outside, but it is cold AF and was going to freeze overnight. This worried me, as I have two little baby dogwood trees I planted in the fall. I’ve been obsessively making sure it rains each week, because if it doesn’t I have to water (instructions per Chris and Lilly who own two plant businesses, so shut it), getting the weeds out from around it, exclaiming over everyone’s little buds when they popped out. So I wondered about covering up my little trees, or bringing them inside to sleep with me.

Anyway, that’s why I was walking in place, inside my living room yesterday evening when




zoomed out from my neighbor’s back yard. As a dirt bike does. It


out from the back yard, past our shared side yard, ACROSS MY YARD

and this is the moment I saw the cop.

“Wait. What the—” I said, forgetting to step anymore.

A cop was chasing some asshole, an asshole I now hate with the fire of a thousand suns. The cop was on foot, the ASS was on a dirt bike, I guess. I don’t know what it is. Anyway, the person (ass) on the bike, SCREAMED at a furious pace across my yard and


into MY CAR.

“WHAT THE FUCK,” I yelled, not only forgetting to step but also to stay safe inside. I RIPPED my door open and ran out there, and it really was impressive, this cop. He’d grabbed the kid (I think it was a kid), whose shoe came off in my yard as a result, and the kid got away but they went tearing through the yards across the street and out of my view.

The dirt bike or whatever it is lay running, STILL RUNNING, FFS, and still plowed into my poor car, which never goes anywhere or does anything. My car, that I’ve put less than 2,000 miles on in 17 months of owning it.

I walked over to my car but couldn’t see the damage because dirt bike was on it.

At this point, the neighbors had all come out to see what the heck was up. “Who was that?” we all asked. It wasn’t long before other policemen showed up, and one of them removed the dang bike from my car. I have scratches and dents on the fender and the hood.

“Goddammit,” I said, and turned to go inside to call my insurance.

And then I saw the tree.

“NO!!!” I screeched.

That asshole had run right into my little dogwood tree. You could see his stupid, inconsiderate, selfish-ass tire tracks go right across it. And he’d ripped off the top of the tree.

“Oh, NO!!!!” I screeched, and I realize I’ve gotten all Tom Hanks and Wilson over my little trees, but I really am attached to them.

At this point I started to cry.

“I AM MOVING OUT OF THIS GODDAMN NEIGHBORHOOD!” I screeched to the audience at large. Then, sobbing, I called Chris and Lilly to see if they thought my tree could be saved.

Meanwhile, neighbors gathered and started cleaning up the debris. He’d also driven through some bushes at the side of the house. I watched a neighbor take my tree’s little broken branch away, so I couldn’t see it. Another neighbor came over with a sheet, and someone got a stick, and they covered my little broken tree like it had passed or something, but really it was to protect it overnight.

Chris and Lilly, who thought one of my cats had died, so hysterical was I, assured me the tree would live. The top got taken off; the roots were fine.

It had just made so much progress, and now it has to start growing from scratch. Poor little tree.

I know I’m being weird about the tree.

The police talked to me and gave me a report. They caught the idiot. I don’t know much, but he did not steal the bike; it was his reckless driving that got their attention. His mother made him leave it at my house and they arrested the kid (again, I think it’s a kid).

There’s almost no chance the thing was insured (*****I know maybe his mother might be*****), so I have to pay the deductible myself to get my car fixed. Today, the bike is gone and I imagine someone vultured it and I don’t even feel bad.

“The law finally came to YOUR house! You’re one of US now!” someone texted from my neighborhood.

OK; that was kind of funny.

I’m so mad about that damn deductible. Just when I was getting ahead on savings and stuff. And I am heartbroken about the tree. I’ll let you know how it’s doing.

And that’s how I managed to get into a car accident while I was home.

Oh, and after it all died down? I finished my damn steps.


78 thoughts on “The one where June gets into a car accident while remaining home

  1. I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you for wanting to move right now but maybe things will start turning in a positive direction.


  2. Good gravy! Maybe the tree will surprise you, sometimes when they have trauma they come back stronger. We had a grapefruit tree in FL growing up, it would never fruit, a friend told my dad to whack it with a metal baseball bat at the truck, he did, and guess what, fruit! You can never leave that neighborhood, the stories are gold!


  3. How horrible! So glad the tree will be okay. Glad you were dressed; you would’ve come flying out in your robe! I can almost hear the awkward, careful quiet as the neighbors helped clean up. “She’s crying. Bless her heart.” I hope your car repair goes smoothly for you, June.


  4. Hi June, my condolences about the car damage and tree injury. Can the tree roots be split where you get two little new trees to grow- one to stay and one to go, when you move to Michigan?


  5. I am sorry I laughed so hard at what happened, but it was funny. Don’t know if N. Carolina has the same laws as Michigan, but in Michigan, if you were legally parked, your repairs would be covered under the comprehensive part of your insurance. It’s worth a call to your insurance.

    Hope your tree survives.

    Aunt K



  6. Great post. That’s the most unique accident story ever!
    A few years ago we heard a loud bang from the front of our house. My daughter and I went out to see what happened and my car was halfway up on the curb with another car slammed into the side. My daughter knew the driver from school, so after the police were done, we offered her a ride home.
    Both cars were totaled.


  7. Oh good gravy, I’m so impressed with you! You didn’t grab that little pisher and throttle him. And you did your steps! I’m just not as nice as you. Stepping all over his sorry ass is more like it.
    I am so sorry about your car and tree. I hope these are not going to be huge PITA to get fixed.


  8. P.S.
    AND someone just committed fraud with my debit card, so I get to deal with that now too.


  9. I’m so sorry, what a shit day.
    I too am having a shit day, with my new foster dog who did diarrhea and vomit in my car, which you know that smell is NEVER EVER going to completely come out for as long as I live. And he refuses to get into the tub, so I had to give him a wet-paper-towel rubdown which was only mildly effective (no surprise), took forever, made me sweat buckets, and used up many paper towels, and I am now fucking exhausted and traumatized and still have a filthy dog in the house, and I don’t know if he got carsick (apparently some dogs do, which sucks) or if he is actually ill, and am dreading the next bout(s) of disgustingness.


  10. Even Comp coverage usually has a deductible though Tee… darn.
    I am sad this happened June – but glad you were not out in the path of that!
    Two days ago – someone threw something acidic on the hood of my Camaro – that my son drives – and destroyed the beautiful paint – and slashed the tire. No idea who – so I get that deductible thing and the worst is the pain in the a** dealing with the so called “appraisers” of the damage.
    I will be praying for the trees! Sadly this stuff happens everywhere – thankfully you have some very thoughtful and kind neighbors!


  11. Well shit. I just hate it. There you were just leaving everyone alone and then some asshat had to go and ruin it. It being everything!
    I had this happen 3 years ago. I had a car that I loved dearly. I mean, dearly. My kid was born on the side of the road in it for goodness sakes. We stored it while we were in Japan and it had less than 30,000 miles on it at 11 years old. This really irresponsible idiot jumped a curb and totaled my car and used it to total two others in the process. Oh I was hopping mad. So yep, I feel you and I am so sorry. Are we all still hugging from the doorway or do I do one of those elbow bump things?


  12. Oh, FtLoG! I’m so sorry! As I was reading along, I was thinking yeah, the car can be fixed, and yeah, the tree will grow back, but the HASSLE you now have of dealing with insurance and repairs and so forth is worst part of all. Ten minutes of that kid losing his mind is now months of your problem. That suuuuucks.
    Years ago, I had a volunteer position in teen court. You would not believe the ridiculousness that those kids did – all minor misdemeanors. It was shocking how hard most parents worked to make it go away so their kid experienced no consequences. One day a tall, beautiful older woman came in with her granddaughter accused of shoplifting earrings. I could tell with one glance that she suffered no fools. The judge called them to the bench and read the charges. Before he could finish reading, the grandmother admonished her granddaughter to stand up straight and make eye contact with the judge. Then she placed a stack of papers on the bench and told the judge they were copies of granddaughter’s apology letter that had already been hand delivered, three book reports about running small businesses, and a letter from her pastor saying they had some counseling sessions. I’m telling you people in the gallery started clapping. The judge adjudicated the charges right then saying that grandmother had sentenced her to a more severe punishment than he would have, and he thanked her for her efforts. Then he told the granddaughter that she was fortunate to have a grandmother like that and that she better never disappoint her grandmother again. You could have heard a pin drop.
    The goofball who jacked up your world yesterday should have an adult like that in his life.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I came home from work a year ago to see a big part of the fence in front of my house and the lamp post by the sidewalk gone. The neighbors came over to tell me that a woman who clipped someone’s car trying to cross a busy street one block away, ran from the accident, couldn’t make the corner in front of my house and plowed into my yard. The only thing that stopped her car from landing in my dining room was the trellis in front of the house, which must have been built like a brick sh*those. The kicker, she not only didn’t have insurance but no drivers license. The cost to replace it was less than my deductible.

    Im sorry about your tree, that just sucks.


  14. A car hit our house years ago. Girl passed out and came up our driveway, missed the mailbox and the basketball pole and slammed into the brick next to the garage. Car came through the garage door and stopped when it hit the short concrete wall at the back of the garage. Knocked out the drywall in our family room and busted up the cabinet and bookcase next to the fireplace. I cried when I saw that because my husband built it about a year before. No one was home so no cars were damaged although our riding mower, tiller and son’s new bike were toast. Insurance company was great but it was a pain in the ass to deal with all the repairs and list making to figure out replacement costs. Also the girl and her baby were fine. Neighbors were home and responded to the large crash.


  15. Damn dirt bike kid!! That sucks!

    Here is a weird question—is your homeowners insurance deductible less than your car insurance one? My friend had a tree fall on her car and because it was something that happened while the car was on her property, homeowners covered it.

    It won’t help if your deductible isn’t less though. Maybe we can all pitch in to cover the deductible?


  16. I haven’t read the comments yet but I feel the need to congratulate you for finishing the steps after all that trauma! Incredible fortitude you showed. I probably would have just collapsed into a chair and remained there for the day. Sometimes life can suck. You are stronger than you even know! (The text saying that you are part of the neighborhood now is funny.).


  17. At our last house, a good kid from a good family across the street backed up a little too aggressively, went up a short, steep hill, over the front walk and hit a lamppost in the front yard. His parents made him come over, confess, apologize and pay for it. He paid for it out of money he had been saving to go on a mission trip. We felt so bad for him, but we understood what his parents were trying to do and so we supported that.

    A kid from the end of the block from a different family was busy with his radio, drove off the road into my driveway and plowed into the front end of my car. He was on the way to a his little job and didn’t stop. He called his dad, who finally came down to our house to tell us it was his son and they’d do the insurance thing. The kid had done this sort of thing before. He never came by, didn’t have to pay anything, suffered no consequences. His mom sort of joked about “what are we going to do with him?”

    What goes on for some parents escapes me.


  18. Infuriating when you have to pay for others idiocy. A dog in our neighborhood bit my dog when my husband and daughter were walking him. It was a trouble making dog and everyone knew it. We had to take Joey to the vet because the dog bite broke his skin. The visit was $120 with everything. My husband went to their house to ask them to pay it and they refused.


    1. Small claims court or is it not worth the time off to go to court?
      An elderly woman in the town next to my former one was walking her tiny dog by the beach when two large unleashed dogs who had escaped their yard ripped it to shreds in front of the poor owner. Loose aggressive bread dogs make me nervous. That is what those dogs were. I remember seeing a much larger, stronger, fence at the owners property. Those dogs would have been put down for killing a person. I don’t think they were for killing the poor elderly lady’s little dog.


  19. I feel bad for laughing as much as I did with the telling of this tale. But I’m with you, I’d be sad over the tree just as much as I would be over the car. Hopefully the ass didn’t break the leader. Sometimes they’ll form a new leader though, so all hope is not lost. It reminded me of a covered cross. I thought perhaps you were getting all holy on us. It is Good Friday.


  20. I’m so sorry to hear this. I would have been hysterical too. The fact that you carried on doing your steps shows real commitment to getting fit.


  21. I have found insurance companies to be ruthless and tenacious. If there is any money to be found from that kid or his parents, the insurance company will get it from them for it’s costs, including your deductible.
    I once had a part of my toilet break and it flooded my upstairs. The insurance company took the broken part and tracked it to a Chinese company. I figured that’d be the end of it. But they eventually got the part manufacturer to pay up and refunded my deductible. It took 3 years but yeah, tenacious!


  22. The thing that impresses me the most is you finished your steps after all that. You are SO committed! I’d be flopped on the couch texting and calling and posting to everyone I knew to share the insane story and my subsequent rage, and the thought of steps would’ve flown right out the window!


  23. I got a stomach ache reading this. I hate people. And since we’re sharing ass hat stories, years ago, a few members of the baseball team at our local CATHOLIC high school cruised up and down our street taking out mailboxes with a bat, the little shits. Their parents made them fix them, so that was good, but our box has been shorter ever since and that irks. Also, too, isn’t it against some cultural law in the South to destroy a magnolia?


  24. OH NO! I am so sorry. I understand being so upset about your little tree! You have taken such good care of the tree and pampered it. We can hope the top will just put out more branches after being assaulted. My tender plants were put in the (heated) workshop until the freezing weather passes.

    That kid needs to pay ALL the cost to repair your car, deductible and repair costs. I would have chained the dirt bike to something so the “owner” couldn’t just come and take it away. (That’s really mean, isn’t it.) Hopefully, you got the criminal’s name and address off the police report so your insurance company can go after him for ALL the costs. How much you want to bet his bike is not insured! This makes me furious!


  25. Lovely post Coot? I think not.
    Now that I am 60 I am all GET OFF MY LAWN. I planted two wisteria by ny sidewalk. The neighbor kid ran over them with his riding lawnmower. He made a wide turn and they were gone. I was livid. His mom said sorry but did nothing nor did the kid. Still pissed. I so commiserate.
    I will jot give insurance advice as that has been taken care of. I will say I absolutely hate this for you.
    Steps. Omg I am supposed to get at least 10 THOUSAND Steps. I am lucky if I get 1400. I try but I live in a tiny house. I have allergies and go into a sneezingpeeiingsneezing fit when I go outside. So there you have it.


    1. Gladys, the wisteria might come back. That stuff is like kudzu that blooms. Our neighbor planted several out by his detached patio, the patio burned to the ground, but the wisteria came back even after being burned. Leave the roots in the ground.


      1. Thanks Tee!
        I will. I am hoping it comes back. I know my mom dug one up out of my grandfather’s yard 30 years ago and planted it in her yard. My mother has been gone 15 years and someone else now lives in her house. They cut ALL of her plants down but that stubborn old grandad wisteria was going crazy blooming and weeping all over their barren yard.


  26. Oh my God, how you didn’t open a can of whoop-ass on that kid shows remarkable restraint on your part.

    There used to be a drug-dealing house around the corner from us and various “customers” would screech around our corner, especially after their purchases. It would infuriate me to no end because we had kids who played outside. One day, I’m preparing dinner and chopping vegetables and I hear the familiar screech of a car taking the corner on two wheels. Then I heard a loud sound and ran outside. The asshole’s hubcap had flown off and landed on my walkway. He stopped and started walking across my lawn to retrieve it and that’s when I ran at him, brandishing my 8″ chef’s knife and yelling. The look of terror in his eyes was greatly gratifying. My husband, kids and several neighbors came running to see the commotion, the idiot was begging me not to hurt him and I threw his hubcap at him and told him “Do NOT fuck with me!” About a week later, the police raided the house and peace and quiet descended on our street.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. My good friends had a teenage driver jump the curb and plow into a tree on their front lawn. Luckily the tree kept the car from hitting the house. Her father was teaching her to drive. Obviously, it wasn’t going well! His insurance paid to have their tree removed. On the other hand I was hit by a drunk driver. Luckily, I was not hurt, but my newly paid off car was totaled. I’m still waiting for her insurance company to pay my deductible etc. if it was my kid, I’d make sure you were paid.


  28. Geez. I hardly know what to say but I’m sure sorry about your car and the tree. There is no explaining this kind of thing.


  29. That was a terrible April Fool’s day! I’m mad right along with you for your damaged car and tree. Also, relieved that you and your pets were safely indoors.


  30. I am so sorry, Karen. Actually, I am so mad. The kid should be made to do yard work at your place for an undetermined length of time, and the kid or his parents really need to pay that deductible, and they also need to bring you a terrific gift of your choice.

    I am so mad for you.


  31. I felt sick reading this. Sick with anger mostly. The outrage feels futile because what can you even do but fix it all on your own? Oh, that ticks me off! I’m sorry that happened. Say what you want about young people’s brains not developing – that kid still knew it was wrong. Maybe he/she will learn from it but it was at your expense and I feel like you should get a say in the just punishment/community service judgment.


  32. I’d be sad about the tree, too! I’ve been examining all my trees and shrubs since the great freeze of ’21, worried that they had all died. They all have baby leaves and I’m very happy. Your neighbors seem sweet — well most of them.


  33. I’m so sorry about your tree and car! My first brand new car was used as a snow sled ramp by some neighborhood kids. Paint on hood ruined. Police = zero help with it. I feel your rage.


  34. Yikes! I’m sorry about your tree. Glad you’re ok and that they got the little f*cker before he killed someone. Yeesh.


  35. OMG, what a day! I hate that even when it’s not your fault, the burden is going to be on you for recovering the money. I’m so glad you (or anyone) wasn’t in the path though.

    Maybe now your insurance premium will go down because it’s not a ‘new’ car any more? I couldn’t believe it but with Progressive, better half’s rate reduced almost $400 per year because a deer hit him (yes, that’s correct, there’s video – he was stationary at a stop sign) so he was fount no fault but the car needed basically a new radiator and hood. Of course, that was in 2010 so I’m sure they’ve figured out how to charge more for a damaged car by now.


  36. I totally understand your feelings about your dogwood tree.

    I have plants that I nurture and baby, also, and they – in turn – give me hope, and satisfaction.

    It says good things about you that your love and nurture the tree. And that you went on to finish getting your steps!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Wow, just wow. Thank goodness none of the animals were outside. Surreal.

    Possibly helpful info. I was sideswiped by an 18-wheeler and it was clearly their fault. My insurance company was able to get me the deductible back from his company. Perhaps you can get yours back from junior’s mom & dad. Certainly with police involved they can’t beg off. Hopefully he’s on their insurance.


  38. The jump in your heart rate whilst this was occurring — counts for the cardio you would’ve gotten had you been stepping. (#silverlining?)

    Years ago, a neighborhood kid (two blocks away, parallel street) stole his parents’ car and came screaming down mine — and into my mailbox. Took the post out, left the car. Bc my room is at the back of the house, I heard nothing… until neighbor (former FBI) called me (on my landline!) to alert me, And basically tried to say it was my son or was of his degenerate friends. Okay, asshat. (We don’t know whose car it was.) I ended up paying for the new mailbox and post bc freakin’ neighbor refused (out of humiliation, I’m told).

    I am sorry that your adorable house is not feeling like a safe home to you these days.


      1. Maybe the mom will contact you but has like 10 other people to contact first. I imagine the little ASS left a trail of carnage to be clean up.


  39. You cant make this up. Michigan is sounding better and better. Oh wait! With the new job could you move, or do you have to stay in Greensboro?


      1. Let’s see, you are almost the boss there, so it will only be 10 more years and you will be the boss. THEN you can move to Michigan. Until they decide to let you work from home in Michigan, because working from home there has worked out until now.


  40. I’d be so upset about the tree, too. And the car. Both just minding their own business and BAM! Hope that twerp wishes he’d never seen a dirt bike but people like that just don’t seem to learn.


  41. June. If the mother has homeowners or renters insurance you can make a claim against it for the damage to your car. If you do have to pay the deductible to your insurance, they can subrogate and go after her for the damage and get your deductible back. Just sharing some real life experience for the edification of the group.

    You live a most interesting life!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’d be so petty in this situation. Go buy one of the fancy tree stake kits, an extra bag of dirt, sod if he tore up any grass – put it all on one receipt and submit that too.

      Of course, if it was my kid, I’d be marching him down the street to her front door for an apology. Although if he went to jail, I’d leave him there for awhile too.
      It’s a really good thing I didn’t have kids.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Or you could claim in under you comp coverage – which covers you if your car is hit by an animal. Which is pretty darn close to the truth.

      Liked by 2 people

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