Alexis and Crystal, Milhous and Edsel

I just want you to know that I did my trainer today—I don’t mean I fornicated with my trainer. First of all, COVID.

I KEPT MY APPOINTMENT with my trainer despite having an ax on the side of my head. I don’t know if it’s a migraine or just a bad headache, but it started last night around 4:00, and

Dear June: 4 p.m. is not “last night.”

I was in the middle of a very stressful work thing, with one of those out-of-nowhere, can-you-copy-edit-this-by-EOD things and yes. It’s true. I am not a copy editor anymore. I am transitioning to being a copywriter. So they still use me as a copy editor from time to time and this is one of those “to time”s.

First of all, I couldn’t find the thing I was supposed to copy edit. Sometimes they send you a link and you click on it and the link is to, like, 20 folders. Oh, thanks. This is specific. Anyway then I did find it, after a Jetsons video call with a coworker who walked me through where to find it by sharing her screen, which was generous. Now I have two screens.

But then it was of course complex, and required me to check facts, and we were in a hurry and guess what, copy edit you can’t rush through. So then what do you know, I got a headache. A bad one.

Migraine meds haven’t touched it, and today it’s, like, a bad headache. Have I said that?

Could it be a side effect of my vaccine, even though I got that vaccine four days ago? I don’t know. I went to bed early and awoke in the dead of the night with my head throbbing and also I was crackly. Do you ever breathe in and sound crackly in your throat? I think it’s my asthma. Why is everything falling off of me? Other than this weight?

The grandmother I’ve turned into had asthma. Or, as she called it, “my stupid asthma.”

Anyway, feelin’ fine, is what I am. Hello, world.

As I was lying there throbbing and crackling, I realized it was Tuesday night, which meant trainer early Wednesday. SON OF A BIRCH TREE.

Naturally, I showed up for my trainer and let her know the great sacrifice I’d made, showing up and all. “Could this be a side effect of the shot?” I ashed her. We both had our second vaccine on Saturday, and on Monday we had both had trouble circling our arms, which comes up often for adults.

“It could be,” she said, as she sashayed from one foot to the other with weights in her hands. “I woke up with absolutely no energy.” At this, she leapt across my screen. “I’m a limp noodle.”

“Only a trainer would say she had no energy while she leapt about like a gazelle,” I pointed out.

Anyway, my throat has mostly stopped crackling unless I breathe in really hard. Is it pleurisy? Is that what I have? My point is I feel like hell and I hate to complain.

In other news, Iris is still on her morphine and boy, does that cheer her up. She’s old Iris, rolling about and simpering across my ankles. It’s kind of nice to have Iris, fmr., back. It’s too bad it takes morphine to get it. Also, she seems not thrilled with her new food, which I am mixing with her old, and for a blind cat she certainly is good at leaving all the new-food pellets.

Naturally, Milhous just loves it, because he is the first finicky cat I have ever had (remember when he was a kitten and wouldn’t eat??) but adores any expensive prescription food I bring in this house.

The other day I poured Edsel’s dog food in the bowl, and does anyone recall when last fall I accidentally ordered two huge bags of dog food, and I told you I probably had dog food till April? I was right. I’ll probably run out near the end of this month. I wish I could make money off this dog-food-prediction skill.

Anyway, I poured his food out and then went to let him inside, and I saw Milhous, finicky-ass Milhous, run to Edsel’s bowl and begin eating the dog food.

“Well, this ought to be good,” I thought, as I let Edsel in. It was going to be like that scene in Dynasty when Crystal and Alexis fell into the pool.

But really, Edsel just meandered over there and began eating like a cat head wasn’t in his bowl. And Mil left the building. So it was far less dramatic than I was hoping it would be, which is the story of my life.

I have got to go. I have to begin working, all while an ax is sticking out of the side of my head, and while I’m Cracklin’ Rosie in my throat, and why do I have to live in such a work ethic-y country?

Axially,
Joop

33 thoughts on “Alexis and Crystal, Milhous and Edsel

  1. Based off my personal experience with pleurisy, you do not have pleurisy. I have had it and remember only about 90 seconds from a period of four long days. I don’t even remember getting up to go to the bathroom one single time.

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  2. Good for Iris and her new drug habit! I hope it improves her life with you. She deserves to have a little spring in her step.
    I never know quite how to reply when people say things like “I have no energy today. I only ran 7 miles instead of my usual 10.” I tend to say things more like, “I have no energy today, so my hair’s in a ponytail, and I grabbed the first shirt I saw.”

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  3. Lovely post Coot.

    Put me in the barometricaly challenged category. The weather changes and I become a limp noodle. Not a gazelle bouncing around the room, limp noodle but a lie on the couch with my hand on my head sighing heavily, noodle of the Coney Island Noodles.
    I am so sorry you are feeling poorly. Can I interest you in a cup of chicken noodle soup and a warm pound cake?

    Stay Golden Ponyboy.

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  4. I got my hair done a week ago. I started with a wicked sore throat on Monday night. We had also been to the Farmer’s Market On Thursday and went to breakfast to the very good farm to table with a chef diner on Saturday. I was sure I had Covid-19. Nope I think it was allergies or a brief something. I napped all of yesterday afternoon and I woke up OK this morning. I had a hideous sinus headache as well. The pollen counts for some trees are high. It rained this morning and washed it away
    I was stressed too, broke out in hives. The geology dude was a phony. He asked me to lend him ten grand! I blocked him completely. Oh he was a schmoozer, way too good to be true and out of my league as well. It was a fun ride until he revealed his true colors. There were red flags and part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do NOTHING financial on my phone or online so the joke is on him.
    Tony and I had been getting along and we are working towards giving it another try. That was my what’s new that I was too embarrassed to share yesterday. I am finally eligible for vaccines and I will be scheduling them soon. I need to get a driver’s license that is in date and for this address first. I also have a closing date on my house finally, May 7th. Lots going on.
    I truly hope that hatchet goes away soon,.lovely, funny Coot. That sinus headache hurt my eyes too, I can not imagine migraines.

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    1. KR – do you think a sinus headache in my eye primarily, could make me fail the driving eye test? Just looking for an opinion.

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  5. Oatmeal
    Eat oatmeal everyday for cholesterol. Oatmeal and blueberries. It brought mine down to 187 from 210 Just saying –

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  6. Tomorrow we are supposed to get thunderstorms. The change in pressure gives me headaches which takes away slightly from my enjoyment of said storms. I love a good storm.

    My husband had weird symptoms when he first went on his cholesterol medicine. Achy joints and such. It went away after probably a month or so?

    You’re funny, Coot.

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  7. I don’t know how you are so funny when you are in pain. I’m so sorry about the headache. It’s probably the pollen and not the vax causing all your symptoms. I’ve been on benadryl for days. Maybe sweet Iris’ might share her meds, then you really won’t care. I’m so glad she is getting some relief. Who care if she’s addicted. My aunt was addicted to pain meds, but who care! Poor lady had had four of her joints replaced at that point. But that didn’t stop my mom from fussing about her taking all that dope.
    Tee

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    1. Tee, I love your attitude! I had an aunt who used to express her “concern” to my mom that her father (my grandfather) was an alcoholic (he wasn’t), because he wanted to have a toddy every evening at 5 pm. My mom would roll her eyes and say, “He’s 85. He can have whatever he wants!” My feeling is once you hit 80, everything is optional. You want stuff you shouldn’t have? OK!!

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  8. We’re having weather changes this week, storms and rain, and some barometric action, all of which has now given me a migraine. Usually it’s a summer thing, and starting early like this bites. You have all my sympathies.

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  9. Thank you for continuing to entertain us all the while soldiering on with an ax so deep in your head that it is scratching at your throat.
    I don’t know about allergies or the vaccine, but I do take a cholesterol medication and while I was trying out different ones the first two big brand names did not work for me (Lipitor and Crestor). They caused very bad body pain and headaches. This last one (Prevastatin) seems to be okay with my body,

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  10. I’ve long loved Milhous’s name (although I did at first think of Richard M. Nixon.)
    Embarrassed to admit I only recently realized that it was Milhouse, who lives in the mill house.
    You come up with the best animal names!
    Hope the head is much relieved soon.

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      1. I used to work for a demolition company and one of the shop/yard/guard dogs was named Sawzall. The other one was named after a brand of vacuum although I can’t remember which brand. Eureka? Electrolux? Something like that. It was a fun place to work. On Friday afternoons, the owner would break open a couple of cases of beer for everyone to start off the weekend. It was the 80s.

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        1. My son-in-law is a framer, he has a dog named Dee Walt and his partner has one named Drill. So yeah they are fun on a construction site.

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  11. Well. At least you aren’t radioactive.

    Sorry about your ax-head. I vote for allergies as well. And everyone I voted for yesterday won, so there ya go!

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  12. “ So it was far less dramatic than I was hoping it would be, which is the story of my life.” This is my new motto.

    Headaches are the worst. Well, and a sore throat. Hope you feel like a gazelle soon!

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  13. Do you get stress let down migraines? I hadn’t heard of them until a few weeks ago. Apparently when I have a stressful event, as it gets close to ending and then especially after it’s over, I have a migraine.
    I have them for other triggers too, but I’m not thrilled to have added this one to the list.

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  14. Do you get stress let down migraines? I hadn’t heard of them until a few weeks ago. Apparently when I have a stressful event, as it gets close to ending and then especially after it’s over, I have a migraine.
    I have them for other triggers too, but I’m not thrilled to have added this one to the list.

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  15. I’ll add my vote for allergies. I had a headache forever, tired, heavy feeling in my chest, couldn’t sleep, thought I was really sick. Then I remembered allergies and doubled up on my zyrtec, took a mucinex-d on bad days, and it got a lot better. Hope the headache goes away soon.

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  16. Hopefully, the ax will soon fall out of your head and you’ll be able to face another stressful day. Pollen is thick here and everything is coated in yellow. I’m looking forward to rain tomorrow to wash it off and give us a temporarily break.

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    1. Me too, Sadie!!!! I walked into the house off the porch and I could see the yellow footprints from all the pollen on the bottom of my shoes and I had just cleaned and dusted that floor.
      Tee

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  17. If it makes you feel better, I’ve had the mother of all headaches the last 24 hours. Mine is a sinus thing because I live at the bottom of the bowl called Nashville. I thought I had eaten a bowl of MSG or something but it turns out it was just pollen. Wanted to barf. But I don’t think it is your vaccine. It could simply be spring and your natural propensity to have head hurts. No leaping like a gazelle for you! The jarring will hurt it worse. (I can leap like an overweight dog with stubby legs who gets a half inch of clearance off the ground, and then I can regret that like I went on a bender. No gazelle here.)

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  18. Do you take medication for cholesterol ? I find that I get terrible headaches when I do. I stopped medication and so did the headaches.

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    1. OH MY GOD. I do! Crap. Although I’ve been taking it for a few weeks and this is my first headache headache. I’ve had migraines, of course, because I always freaking do.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. This time of year I blame everything on seasonal allergies. I usually get sinus pain. I hope you feel better.

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    1. I DID work outside for a long time yesterday because it was in the 70s. Also, then of course Eds and I played Blu till our six legs fell off.

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