That one rare one where June finds cats

I don’t know if I have a gift or I’m an idiot savant or I’m Rico Suave or what the deal is. But last night, after dinner, which was a fattening hamburger because that’s what Hello Fresh sent me and I am powerless, after that, I took a walk.

Pretty much every time I take a walk in my neighborhood, something interesting happens. In this case, I thought it would be the cool car parked behind the Masonic hall.

“Ooo,” I said, and wondered where Gramma’s Eastern Star ring was. (I know where it is. I just meant it made me think of her mysterious Eastern Star activities. Eastern Star is like girl Masons. It’s the sexy Bugs Bunny of the Masons.)

But see how just beyond the car is another parking lot? That goes to a church, of course, because every freaking thing here is a church. Good GRAVY, South. At least in Michigan it went: Catholic church, bar on the corner. Nother Catholic church, nother corner bar. What this town lacks is any corner bar. Corner bars. Where everyone’s dad could be found!

I once heard that all men’s activities with each other are side by side. Sitting up at bars together. Sitting at sports events together. And all women’s activities are facing each other. Which is not true if you count pedicures.

My point is this. I walked on, to that parking lot, and I got the feeling I get. The “there’s an animal about” feeling. First of all, I heard a rustle in the leaves under the tree. Which could be anything: a squirrel, a drunk guy. In this hood it’s not out of the realm. But I stopped, because my feeling.

And here’s why there’s something wrong with me.

WHO ACTUALLY SEES THE CAT IN THERE EXCEPT ME. And this is my phone, zooming in on it as best I could. So it was even LESS clear to the naked eye. My eye wasn’t actually naked. It had on the cutest outfit.

“Hello, kitty,” I said, and remember a few years ago on Facebook, at the end of the year they’d take all the words you’d said that year and made a big circle out of them? And the words you’d said most were prominently displayed in larger font and bolder colors? And you’d be all, “Here’s what I said the most this year!!” and those of us who were sick and fucking tired of hearing about your kid Pevyn were not at all shocked to see a giant green PEVYN at the center of your circle?

If you did that for my whole life, for all the words and phrases from my entire existence, I assure you the biggest one would be, “Hello, kitty!” My first WORD was kitty. Go ahead. Ask my mother.

As I scanned the whole woodsy area, there, my eyes adjusted and I saw two more kittenish cats. I think this clear-as-a-bell one, above, might be grown up. And jaded. But the other two were smaller.

“Hello, kitties!” I said, in a shocking turn of events.

Now, feral cats would pick up their skirts and run. These two younger ones did not. Miss Camouflage, up there, never moved.

One even came out and started batting at the leaves. So I named him Russell. “Hello, kitty,” I said to Russell, and at this point everyone was bored with me and my conversational skills. I kept my distance. These images are of me zooming in as hard as I could.

This is the best photo I got, of Alexander Graham Bell, there, next to the telephone pole.

I sat with them for awhile, trying to remember if I own a — what are those called? A friendly trap. A jovial trap. Oh, hell, you know what I mean. And I do not. I borrowed the last one from an older man in my last neighborhood when there was a stray gray kitten, and he and I (the man, not the kitten) struck up a little friendship those last few months I lived there. I really, really liked his house, and he said, “Well, just hang on. I can’t live THAT much longer.”

That was nearly 3 years ago. I wonder how he is? That house had a screened-in back porch, which is one of my dream scenarios. Now that I’ve had a mail slot that goes right in the house, this is my next goal.

Anyway, cats.

I sat with them for quite awhile, and while they never let me pet them, they hung around, cautious but not horrified. They looked fed, and their fur was soft. There are houses behind this woodsy part, so I began to wonder if they lived in one of those houses. So I didn’t try kidnapping them.

Yet.

Ima go over there today, being some food and water, which is dumb cause they were clearly fed. But just in cases.

So anyway, that’s my latest in what is now 6 hundred billion cat sightings in my life. Does anyone need a cat? You know who doesn’t?

Luff,
Juan

31 thoughts on “That one rare one where June finds cats

  1. Lovely post Coot.
    I am just now getting to read your not blog as my Kahuna had me schlepping things here and there all over the yard. No Gladys dont put the 2 by 4 there put there, no there, no over here.
    I am hiding at my aunt’s house and can read you.
    How do you find all these kitties? I find bugs and spiders but no kitties or puppies. Although the neighbors big black cat was looking in my window this morning. It really irked my little dog Bozz.
    Hope the kittens have a home.

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  2. I never get the vague sense that an animal is hiding nearby. You are the cat whisperer! Last evening I heard leaves rustling in the flower bed and expected it to be the neighbors cat who poops in my back yard (sigh), but it was a young possum instead! (I’m assuming it was young by its size. I didn’t ask it.) Anyway, it’s welcome to stay because it eats other undesirable urban wildlife.

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  3. I can see the cat in the first picture! I see all the cats. I don’t catch them and they don’t show up randomly at my house. But I always have more than one.

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  4. My grandmother and all her sisters were Eastern Stars. Mostly they got to wear long dresses to things, which they adored.

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  5. You definitely have a gift. Better you than me, pesky allergies and all. I’d be interested to see if an owner got into a cat fight with you if you were caught smuggling these cuties into your bag or something.

    The little old man with the ‘cant live THAT much longer’ . . . ahhh my heart.

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  6. Pevyn! Naked eye! Kitties! Sexy Bugs Bunny! Thank you for starting my morning with a laugh and a smile.

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  7. Dear Juan, Has anyone (up until now) sued you for their funeral expenses after having choked to death but also having sprayed their keyboard with juice? Asking for a friend.

    Eye with the cutest outfit.

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  8. I want to see cats everywhere, but instead I see those mf’ing chipmunks. I mean, I want to see more cats outside; I already do see cats everywhere inside.

    I envy your feeling. Your spidey sense but for cats and puppies.

    If you do end up feeding them and want canned cat food in flavors of salmon or tuna, I have several cans. My persnickity bunch don’t like the fish. I will happily come leave it on your porch for the cause.

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  9. I remember the last time I said “I can take that cat since you aren’t adding more cats to your casa.”

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You are an expert critter finder for sure. When I had cats I would see random cats in my yard all the time. Now that I am without cats? Bupkis! Maybe I need to actually go on walks or something. Maybe I should try leaving my car unlocked in parking lots and hope for a box with a puppy! Only you June, only you.

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  11. Like we didn’t already figure out that you PUT those kittens there and STAGED those photos. Har!

    Only you, June. Only you. “Hello Kitty!”

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  12. I want to spy with my little eye a kitty that needs a home.

    Sadly, my stupid husband is allergic to cats, and also my dogs are assholes.

    So I live vicariously through my Big Book of June Facts and Photos.

    Liked by 4 people

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