Nails & Tails

I’m almost too busy to even HAVE a blog anymore, which I know is ridiculous. What with my nine kids and all the hog-slopping and brick-laying. I like how hog-slopping is always my go-to, and I don’t really even know what that means.

I’m working a lot. Is the thing. Nights, weekends. The part where I’m working a lot is temporary till things get settled. Meanwhile, expect me to be unreliable about blogging.

Today I left the house to see my trainer in person, making it the third day in a row I’ve left the house. As I shut the door, I saw Edsel give me a look like, “seeeryuslee?” He’s not used to me being a gadabout and leaving him solo.

Anyway, in sum, doing a lot and not blogging a lot. Since 4 of you read me anymore, I don’t feel that bad about it.

As I was saying, before I interrupted me, I left the house at 7 a.m. today to head to trainer, and it was weird to be out at all, much less at that hour.

I last saw my trainer in person in February 2020, before my

SURGERY

when I said to her, “See you in two weeks!”

I guess that was, like, two weeks on Pluto or something. And speaking of Pluto, when I got there, her yellow Lab, Hank, whined at the gate. “He never does that,” she said, and then ridiculously asked if I wanted to see Hank. Give me a break. Hank was like 78% of why I was there.

Since I was last at my trainer, she got another Lab mix, because one 100-pound creature wasn’t enough. So 160 pounds of dog came barreling at me, beside themselves at seeing my ass, and I have to tell you I found it delightful. Then I got home and Eds was playing Your Cheatin’ Heart on his dog harmonica. His snout was glued to me for about 47 minutes, a thing that didn’t annoy me in the slightest.

Anyway, as soon as I got home from the trainer and had Edsel’s snout surgically removed, I had to stampede to the vet, because Iris has to get B12 shots every week. Doesn’t “B12 shot” sound phony? Any time I ever heard of anyone getting one, I secretly figured they were getting a shot of LSD or something. B12 shot. Pfft. It’s like Shirley Maclaine’s “health drink” in Postcards From the Edge. This is Iris’s second shot, and I think she seemed a little perkier last week, so whatever it is in that shot, let her have it.

By the time I got home from having my cat shot up with the dragon on her back or whatever, I was five minutes late for work. So you see what I mean? Now it’s lunch and I’m writing as fast as I can before the siren song of work beckons with its fin.

Oh, but you know what? Back when I used to leave the house and drive to work, before COVID punched, I often saw this young girl on the next block, waiting for her bus. I would wave at her, and she’d wave back unless other kids were there. If other kids were there, she’d nod. It was ridic. I’d 100% forgotten about her, because human and not housepet, till today when I was driving Iris to the vet and there she was, masked and waiting for her bus. She looked older. So did I. We waved fairly enthusiastically, for old time’s sake. Also because no other kids were anywhere.

…Hell. Iris just projectile vomited. I mean, it was Exorcist level. I phoned the vet, who is sick of me, and they don’t think it’s related to her shot of crystal meth. If it’s not, then it’s related to her irritable bowel disorder and this is depressing.

Poor Mrs. Iris head.

In other news, this weekend I was fully vaccinated so I drove out to the country and went to my friends’ general store.

I purchased many needed items at said store, such as birdseed and plastic pink flamingos for my yard. I did not attempt to feed the flamingos the birdseed.

These flamingos were modeled after the same pair that Jackie Kennedy sent to Kate Middleton for her yard.

On Sunday, I actually walked into a restaurant—coincidentally the last restaurant I ate in before “everything happened.” Everyone says that. I also refuse to say “COVID hit,” because I am sick to death of that phrase. My point is, I stood in line, ordered my food and left. I did not linger. Then, finally, my super-social weekend ended in a trip to the pedicure place: my regular spot, Elegant Nail & Tan, where they offer no tanning.

I should really stop going there. Not because they put up plastic shields only between you and the pedicurist, but none between you and the next patron, who is six inches away germing in the next chair. No! I should stop going there because it’s in my old neighborhood and I should really try to frequent places in this hood. Be more June-ny from the block. I once went to VIP Nails nearby and, eh. Very Important Person Nails. I mean, I can’t even get behind that name.

I see there’s another nail place, Nails & More, nearby, and I will stop there just because I want to know what’s “More.”

Nails & Strippers? Is it politically incorrect to say strippers? Is strippers the “transvestite” of 2021?

Nails & Fortune-Telling? I’d be all over that.

Nails & Tongue Sandwiches?

Nails & Snodgrass?

Further reports as developments warrant.

Oooo, Nails & Tails, where they have cats and dogs each time you go in.

Anyway, that is what I did all weekend, and now I likely have all the variants, which I think is also a math term, but do I know for sure? Nails & Math.

I’d better go back to working. I’ll go check on poor Iris, as well. I hate that she’s ill.

Vaxxed and faxed yet never relaxed,
June

61 thoughts on “Nails & Tails

  1. I read every weekday and almost never comment. I know you hate that, but there it is. I do love your posts. That little girl at the bus stop – hilarious.

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  2. Isn’t slopping the hogs when you swing a big bucket and deposit a heapin’ helpin’ of rutabaga plugs, leftover gravy, potato peel, newsprint and ham into the hog trough and they all crowd around and give thanks?

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  3. Your flamingos reminded me of a funny but not at all related story about flamingos. When my youngest son was 2 we took him to the zoo. We were standing in front of the flamingos, my son had picked up a stick and was toddling around waving it and being adorable in front of a bunch of people. All of a sudden, he turned toward the flamingos and, almost in slow motion, threw the stick and HIT ONE OF THE FLAMINGOS IN THE HEAD. The other people around us gasped and we very quickly apologized (to who? The flamingos? The other zoo visitors? Who knows.) and very quickly exited the zoo and went home. Thankfully the flamingos were the last exhibit, but we probably would have left either way. We have told that story to my son so many times (who is now 5 years old) that when we say “We should go back to the zoo sometime.” He says “The one where I hit a flamingo with a stick?” Anyway, I’m just glad we didn’t get banned from the zoo that day. Love your flamingos!

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  4. I hope Ms. Iris will be feeling better soon. It’s been 7 days since my 2nd shot. I am tempted to have one of the pricey blood tests next month to see what percentage of antibodies I might have, if any…. but I won’t.

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  5. “These flamingos were modeled after the same pair that Jackie Kennedy sent to Kate Middleton for her yard.”
    I loved that.
    Also, I see that Grace Kelly just didn’t make the cut.

    Just want to let you know that I read you every day so I must be #5.

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  6. I’m still reading. I’m still here! But I also forgive the days you don’t write. Lord knows I wouldn’t have kept it up for even a week. Sleep in and skip the blog sometimes if you want!

    We get our 2nd shot May 1. I hope we go to a restaurant soon after. We haven’t been to one since March 2020. My cooking has improved slightly but not as much as it should have.

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  7. I hope Iris feels better. I get B12 shots. They are suppose to help me absorb iron? They must work because I’ve gone from very anemic to just regular anemic. Or maybe it’s the spinach I throw into all my food? Good for you for being out and about!

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  8. I’m two weeks past my second dose and I’m still trying to figure out where I’m comfortable going. We went to Costco for the first time in 6 months. I really appreciate how they enforce the mash policy. They were even setting up sample stations but put them in takeaway bags.

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  9. Eds playing Your Cheating Heart on his dog harmonica made me laugh so hard. I will take what you can give. I love my Joon fix. I am very glad you are out and about.

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  10. It’s such a great feeling to be able to go out into the world. Everyone I know is vaccinated so I almost feel like things are somewhat normal. Blog when you can; we will still be here.

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  11. I read this earlier today and meant to comment, but I got distracted eating lunch and then watched a little Felicity. I rewatched Dawson’s Creek and now I’m on to Felicity. I wonder what I will rewatch next? My husband is thrilled with my selection so far. I think he wants me to watch Dallas with him, so maybe that. Anyway, then I had to hurry back to work from my lunch break. I had stopped by Arby’s for the fish sandwich (I love when the fast food places start serving fish during Lent), but they were out. See you next year, crispy fish. Sigh. I had already committed to that side of town, so I got a beef and cheddar. My summer bod isn’t happening. Gosh, I need a trainer and a personal chef. Alas, I am not wealthy.
    I’m so sorry Iris is feeling poorly still! I hope maybe the B12 will kick in and help her feel better. I had a coworker who used to get B12 shots as part of a weight loss program. I wondered if was was a bunch of hooey.
    So that’s it for my commentary, but I wanted to make sure to comment. I will miss your posts when you are busily working and living it up about town. Lovely post, Coot.

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  12. You are braver than I! Getting my second dose of the vaccine tomorrow but my first trip to the manicure will be in 2 and a half weeks. “Fully vaccinated” is defined, as per experts, as two weeks after the second dose (this rule is already started to be adopted to replace COVID tests to travel some places). Enjoy your outings but be careful out there!

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      1. Hah! I got this reply on my mailbox and had to come see what it was about.

        Since I haven’t had a manicure in many years, the message you were replying to couldn’t have actually for me (my apologies for the impersonator with low reading comprehension, grr — I’m guessing it’s a neighbor who had to use my wifi during an emergency and is still connecting to it…). I’m glad it took me back to visit your wonderful blog though.

        Congratulations on starting this new phase of slowly going back to normal! Can’t wait to get there myself.

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    1. Are you kidding with this bullshit? Is this your first day here?? She’s literally counted down from the time she got her second shot WEEKS ago. If you read ONE post you’d know that.
      And your condescending, back-handed attitude is ridiculous.

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  13. So happy you are able to get out and do your things again! I get shot #2 in about a week, so am about 3 weeks out from being able to do stuff more freely. Or at least with less worry. I’m not a super emotional person but I’m pretty sure I’m going to cry when I get to see friends in person again!

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  14. You are worth waiting for! I get the overwhelmed – I am often there and only really work part time.. lol.

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  15. I would definitely go to Nails and Tails, even if the leg massage was bad.

    I hope your super busy working time isn’t terribly stressful. Or at least manageably stressful.

    You got more done before being 5 minutes late than I did in my whole work day!

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  16. Feel better, Iris. Maybe she just caught a bug. She could have. Either a real bug or a flu-ish bug. I remember telling you about the nail salon I used to go to. It was called Elegant Hair, Nail and Tan. Except they didn’t do hair. And I wondered if they sometimes did just one nail.

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  17. You will be delighted to hear that in my late teens and early twenties I was a nail technician (the professional name for it at the time) and worked at a shop called “Get Nail’d”. Why the apostrophe, I don’t know. But man did we have fun with the name. If one of our friends called during a manicure we’d always say “I’m busy… I’m doing someone right now.” This was in a smallish college city and well before the nail salon industry taken over by Vietnamese. Also, we did have a tanning bed at the salon. Oh how I miss those carefree days. Best job I ever had even though it paid next to nothing, and the product fumes gave me migraines.

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  18. Manicures and pedicures are my least relaxing thing to do. I don’t like my feet played with and I don’t know how to say no I don’t need fake nails mine are fine. Just shape and shine and I will be gone. I leave there with heavy hands and sore feet.
    Poor little Iris. I hope she starts feeling better soon.
    I almost sent you an email because I didn’t have a clue what to do. I found a kitten that appeared to be a day or two old under a car when I was leaving the casino Wednesday night. We searched for the mother but everytime we put the kitten down and the big cats came to it. They just smelled and walked away saying not my baby. After three hours of searching in a thunderstorm we decided to take it home. I’m not a cat person, more of a dog person but that kitten was the cutest. I now know what you mean about feeding the fosters and then you have to stimutate them. I don’t know how you handled more than one. Anyhow my neice took him and he’s doing well. He’s gained a whole ounce. From 3.6 ounces to 4.6 ounces so that’s good. I can’t share a picture of him on here. Hopefully work evens out for you. Are you in your new position yet? And also are you still planning on moving with the new position?

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  19. I am a faithful reader and wait for them with bated breath. Glad you are getting out! I did my own pedicure this morning, sans polish. Poor Iris.

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  20. Nails & Math
    Dying!! I’ll never recover! So hilarious!
    Seriously though, imagine how awesome that would be.
    Yes, I’ll have the milk and honey pedicure with the 2020 tax prep.
    Oh, I’ll have the orange peel pedicure with the estate plan.

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  21. I get my second vaccine (Pfizer) tomorrow, and while I am glad, I am also on medication to keep my body from killing itself that makes it very unlikely to work – but enough that my doctor wants me to have it. So I guess I’m one of those sad people y’all are vaccinating to protect. My big fear is the great mob of “I’m healthy so I don’t need it” folks passing around the virus and cooking up new strains until they make one that kills me. What I mean to say is THANK YOU to all who are getting it and please do your best to convince the laggers.

    BeeBelle

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  22. I read you! #30 or something here. In fact I’m often wondering “where’s Joooon” when you are MIA. I need a chuckle from your somewhat unusual form of humour, to break through the monotony. Things are so bad up here in Ontario (Canada) that the whole province is under stay at home orders now. We are, let’s say, a little behind on vaccine in Canada. Blog when you can – it increases your value!

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  23. I look forward to your posts! I was actually worried that you decided to stop or that you “moved the cheese” and I wasn’t invited!!

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  24. I’m so sorry sweet Iris is not feeling well. I keep hoping the B-12 will give her some relief.
    You turned into a social butterfly over the weekend, so nice you could get out. Your backyard is lovely.
    I always love it when you have a post!
    Tee

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  25. My youngest turned 10 and wanted a mani/pedi, so we went to the nearby nail salon – they’re doing a nice job with the social distancing! There was a plastic screen between me and the people sitting on either side, plus another between me and the pedicurist. Everyone wore their masks, you had to wash your hands as soon as you entered the shop – I was relieved! I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had my first (pfizer) shot, but don’t get the second until this Saturday. I still don’t think I’ll be all that social though, once I’m fully vaccinated.

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  26. Count me as reader number 5 or 6 or whatever we are up to. I am so glad to read you when you do get the chance to blog. It is the highlight of my day. My monotonous days that are all the same. I got my toes done last week and they are now about 2 shades darker than your lavender patio chairs.

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  27. I will say that I am not as angry if people are not covering their noses anymore–I must have been highly stressed. I still wear my mask and I still cover my nose. It’s not about me, it’s about not spreading to others. I have only had one shot and I am nervous for the second one, but I am also excited to have it and get back to normal.

    Sending kisses and healing to Iris.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  28. I used to pass by a house that always had a truck in the driveway and the sign on the truck was something like “Omar’s Garage Doors and Carpet.” Which was a weird combo, if you ask me, and so we’d add on to it and say, “Oh, look! It’s Omar’s Garage Doors and Meat! Omar’s Garage Doors and Pedicures! Omar’s Garage Doors and Child Care!” And so on and so forth and scooby dooby dooby.

    I get my 2nd Moderna shot this Saturday and I’m fully prepared to feel like hammered shit for about 24 hours but it’s a miniscule inconvenience compared to actually getting Covid.

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  29. I read and I’m so glad to hear from you! I’m also grateful you are being cautious. I put on facebook that I had passed my two weeks after the second dose, and a friend invited me to her big birthday party. I’m no. I’m not ready to go to a gathering where everyone is not fully vaccinated and doesn’t care. It will make me hate those people and I want to keep them as friends. Sigh. So sick of this stuff and how judgey/anxious it makes me.

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  30. Your initial ventures outside of your home brought to mind the title of Fannie Flagg’s book, “Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!”.

    I do hope sweet Iris starts feeling better.

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  31. I get shot #2 on Wednesday!!!

    Cats & Coffee Cafes need some competition, so why not Nails & Tails? We used to have a cool cocktail lounge, where you could get nails and toes done at the same time. I loved it, very relaxing.

    There’s an old hotel in Wabasha, MN, down on the Mississippi, that previously had cats available if you wanted one with your room. They had about 10-12 residents, soft, furry, and ready for your overnight stay.

    Businesses need to get more creative.

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  32. “These flamingos were modeled after the same pair that Jackie Kennedy sent to Kate Middleton for her yard.” Hilarious!

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  33. Nails and Tails is a wonderful business idea though I am imagining some cat hairs stuck in the wet polish. I only have had my first shot and went for a pedicure last week….it was heavenly. The spa is doing a great job with distancing and cleaning so I felt very safe and my toes, after a year of neglect, feel so jolly now.
    I’m sorry that Iris is feeling low.

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  34. Well, #14 here. Fully vaxxed yet unwilling to re-enter the world. I really, really need a pedicure.

    “Nails ‘n’Tails” would lure me out but might not keep me. I went to a hairdresser for a few months strictly because I loved the Corgi who hung out at the shop. Eventually I realized the hairdresser just wasn’t very good. I miss that dog.

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  35. June, thank you for taking time out of your very hectic day to blog at us. I do appreciate it! Love your flamingos and hope poor Iris feels better.

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  36. Our next “meeting of the minds” is on 5/5 at 5 pm. Location is Beef O’Brady’s. They have a patio. Last month we went to Harvey’s and sat in an igloo tent. Those were very nice.

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  37. I am over here all Paula ing this post like the world is gonna end at the end….but it didn’t , yet anyway.
    I read you…. that makes one for sure.

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  38. Flamingos! I love them! Sorry you are so busy – so glad you made time to catch us up. Thinking positive thoughts for Iris.

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  39. There’s a chain of stores that used to be called Batteries Plus, and my husband and I always wondered what the “Plus” was. We decided it was ham. Batteries Plus Ham.

    But now they’ve changed it to Battery City. So I guess you can’t get ham there anymore.

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    1. Our Batteries Plus is still…Batteries Plus. I guess they don’t have ham, well the last time I was in there they didn’t.
      Tee

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  40. I’m so glad you have places to go because I can live vicariously through you now, even more than I did before! I haven’t gotten my shot yet, but my 24 yr old daughter got hers last week on Monday early in the am. It was the J&J. At 4:00 she texted me and said she felt achey, okay I can live with that. Then at 4:45 she called and said she felt dizzy at 4:30, then woke up on the floor underneath her at home work desk at 4:35. Dizziness is a side affect per the inter webs. So we were alarmed, but she’s okay, and spent the afternoon and night with us and has been okay since. But then the very next day they suspended the J&J for blood clots. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Honestly I am really nervous about it.

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  41. Something happened in my brain after I get the second vaccination. I can never remember to take my mask out of the car when I go shopping and always have to go back for it. I guess that means I have relaxed over the whole pandemic. I was at an outdoor restaurant Saturday night for my girlfriend’s birthday and there was a group of hooligans who had just been let out of lockdown who were SO LOUD, my friend and I could not hear each other and we were several tables away.

    I’m glad you are out and about again. I need a pedicure so badly but have not had the courage to go back.

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  42. You certainly are busy, out and about now that you are vaxxed. Good to hear. Soft hugs to Iris.

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