Do you wish to know what annoys me? “Snowmageddon.” Also, “snowpacalypse.” Oh, shut up. Anyway, it’s still snowy here, and behold Edsel playing with Levi, the one-blue-eye, one-brown-eye pit who now lives with the gaybors’ Greyhound, Jackie.
I know you can’t see Levi–they’d been running up and down the length of the fence together, and this was all I was able to capture from my SOCKS in my DOORWAY. I wasn’t traipsing out there in m’robe and sockses.
I met Levi at some point during this—snowpacalypse BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, god that’s funny. Anyway, I met him when I was rolling the snow-covered trash cans back to their rightful spot, and he was staring at me in personal growth, which is only funny if you saw When Harry Met Sally.
He was staring at me from his yard, Levi was, and he was so pretty that I couldn’t help but say, “Well, who are you?” He wagged politely. “Hello!” I said, clomping through the snow, because crazy person. I think this is a pertinent time to point out I had on my fox pajamas, tucked into snow boots.
“That’s Levi,” said the gaybor, who unbeknownst to me had been standing on his back porch. They seem to never just let their dogs out and shut the door. Go in and watch Liberace or whatever. I mean, what’s the point of a fenced-in yard if you can’t slam the door and forget you have a dog for 20 minutes?
Anyway, he was actually nice to me this time, the gaybor was. Me in my fox pajama bottoms and boots. So.
And I’m passionate about Levi.
I also managed this one. In midtear. Still can’t see Levi, and now you’re convinced Edsel and I have manifested him.
So we didn’t have to work again yesterday, although we DID have to work from home.
So, as you know, because you have a poster on your living-room wall that reads Everything June Does, with a marker hanging from a string, I spent thousands of dollars last month to replace the thousands-of-dollars computer I bought in 2011. Through no fault of my own, the 2011 computer got so slow it wasn’t even fun to blog anymore.
So I replaced it. Can I afford that? Hell no. But I freelance a lot, too [you all nod knowingly, glancing at your living room poster], and need a computer for work.
Yesterday when we got the whole Work From Home announcement, I was immediately given an article to read. I wandered into this cold, drafty back room, and whose idea was it to put the computer back here? Must have been my landlord’s.
When I got back here and tried to open the article?
No Word. I have no Microsoft Word. “Sign in here!” it kept telling me. Sign in here! All cheerful.
I got all the Microsoft Office products back in 2011; my friend and faithful reader Steve who works there sent them to me. Now, perhaps this is the time you might feel less angry for me. What’s your problem? You got them free anyway.
Well, the thing is, I NEEDED WORD RIGHT THEN.
After several long talks with Microsoft and Apple, we came to the conclusion that:
A) When I migrated all the info to the new computer, all the Microsoft Office stuff didn’t come with me (not my fault)
B) Microsoft could help me if I had the “product key,” which is a sticker on the box I received in 2011. Oh, I don’t still have the box? Why not? Seven years and two moves? That’s no excuse.
“Why don’t you say in big letters, ‘KEEP THIS BOX’ or something?” I groused at the guy at Microsoft. I was chatting online with Microsoft and on the phone with Apple. It was a whole East Side/West Side thing going on at my computer.
In the end, Apple couldn’t do anything even though their migration instructions didn’t actually work, and Microsoft suggested I buy the new 2016 Office stuff.
Of course they did.
Why are we letting these companies bamboozle us in this fashion?
In the end, my friend/FR Steve is sending them to me again, as I wrote him hysterically to ask if he knew the “product key.” Product key. Key this.
Meanwhile, someone is despondent that grownd still iceyyy. He tries to go out, then comes right back in. He’s bored out of his evil mind.
He chased his tail 109 minutes yesterday, while I watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. When I wasn’t proofreading something on my phone, then writing in a notebook all the errors and then typing those errors back into my phone and emailing them to work.
I gotta get to work. Today is my six-year anniversary of dating Ned, and Ned asked if I wanted to go meet him for a drink at the place where we had our first date.
…My hair just got blown back from all the, “NOOOOOOOOOO”s.