Here’s part of my problem: When I open this laptop in the morning to type at you, I can see my work email, and it always, always has a ton of new emails on it. I open those, even though it’s, for example, 7:33 a.m. and I don’t have to “be” at work for at least another 57 minutes (we don’t have real start times, but the general feeling is you’ll be available around 8:30–9:00), there always seems to be something that HOOKS me in. Some question I want to answer RIGHT AWAY or something, and next thing you know, old Jed’s a millionaire but not June, who does not make enough to become a workaholic, which is where I’m headed.
My point is, each morning there is a message from something called Cortana or Corlandia or some such, which is I think part of having Microsoft Office. It’s helpful, actually, because it shows you how much “quiet time” you have each week (as in how much time you had to actually work at work and not answer emails or go to meetings) and it also send you a list of shit you said you’d do in emails. As in, “I’ll find out and get back to you.” I don’t know how Cornholio knows what I write, the nosy little minx, but you can check off, Yes, I did this or No, remind me again and that’s lovely.
But today, Cornwallis’s subject line read, “IT’S A NEW DAY!!!!” like it was on an upward swing with its bipolar disorder, and it rankled. Yes, I am aware that it’s a new day. I got up when I didn’t want to, drank a bunch of coffee, gave myself GERD, drove to trainer, and now have a full day of meetings and things I’m already nervous about. I’m aware that IT’S A NEW DAY!!!!, Miss Excitement.
There’s little I hate more than a positive attitude.
Speaking of which, do you know who Nick Cordero is, or was? He was an actor, he was 41, and he died horrifically of COVID. His wife, who was also an actor but also an exercise instructor and also hot, got sort of Internet famous as he was in the hospital. That’s when I started following her. She’d update us on his condition. He was in the hospital from late March, when they thought he had pneumonia, to early July, when he died.
His wife, Amanda Kloots, has one of those sunny attitudes I generally abhor. But despite this, I was on her side and was hoping things would work out, and then he died. They had a one-year-old at the time. Isn’t that awful?
Anyway, Amanda Kloots and her sister, Anna, who sort of irks me, wrote a book together about the experience. I follow both of them now (I sort of irk-watch the sister) (she lives in Paris and can’t shut up about it, and I think I’ve told you this before, but she’ll literally have pictures taken of her walking around Paris with balloons) (I can hear all five of you going, Ohhhhh. OK, sure).
THE POINT IS, they wrote a book and it came out yesterday and I’d preordered it, so there it was at my house yesterday, and I had an insane day that involved NOT being able to read a BOOK till about 9:30. So while Zelda leapt repeatedly at my EAR, which she made BLEED last night and got her first nail clip (she was surprisingly serene about that) I read that book. Before I opened it, I thought, “I’d start right in the middle of the drama and go backwards” and that’s just what they did.
Then I looked up and it was goddamn 11:00 and I was annoyed.
I find myself waiting all day to get to do something I want to do, and then that part gets here and moves too fast and then I have to go do something I don’t wanna do, like go to bed cause I have the trainer so early. Do you know what I hate, other than everything? Is people who think saying “butt crack of dawn” is funny.
So today I have work, of course, and meetings, of course, and then after work I have another movie at my old theater, so I won’t be reading my book again till 9:30 and it will happen all over again.
Do you know what I hate, other than everything? Is people who say, “Lather, rinse, repeat” when they mean they’re going to do something the same way again the next day.
First of all, my shampoo doesn’t lather, because Curly Girl method. The term “Curly Girl” irks me too, and it has become clear to me I need to go back on my antidepressant, but last time I did, I broke the longest streak I’ve ever had of not having a migraine. So now I’m afraid to take another one and instead everything is irking me, like balloons in Paris.
It’s just so affected.
OK, I’d better go. Oh, I guess if I have an adorable kitten, you’re gonna want a photo of her, aren’t you? She’s in the kitten room, eating breakfast. Hang on and I will go photograph her assy self. Did I mention she feels better from her upper respiratory thing and she is not, 100% not, a mellow kitten? They sold me a bill of goods.
^^^ This is not a kitten. I wanted to show you how I had to make the bed today, so as not to disturb Milhous.
Here is a kitten. This is a fairly awkward family photo, but she wanted to run and play and break my EAR again. What was the name of that boxer guy who bit the other guy’s ear?
Garp bit Bonkie.
OK, I gotta go. I gotta go do things until 9:30 tonight, when I can read my book.