I don't want you to get excited or anything, but since starting my diet this week, I've lost a pound and two ounces. I should totally do before and after pictures where I hold out m'pants. I think it's because I was already seeing a trainer, but I'm vv motivated this time around. I am … Continue reading June weighs in

Here's my problem, and I'd like to once again point out that it's delightful that I keep identifying just the one. Here's my problem du jour. Du life. I woke up a few moments before the alarm, and that's not a problem. That's good. But what I did, then, was once it went off, is … Continue reading ADD it up

When you read that someone "collapsed" somewhere---and why do only celebrities seem to collapse?---what do you picture? Why do only celebrities get "exhaustion"? I just picture their knees buckling and them going straight down, when they collapse. I imagine it's less dramatic than all that, but the word "collapse" is pretty dramatic in and of … Continue reading All the leaves are brown

When I was younger, and the grandmother I turned into was still alive and I hadn't turned into her yet, she used to call me. "It looks like it's pouring the rain where you are," she'd say, or, "You must be so warm right now." I'd be all...oh, is it? Is it hot? Is it … Continue reading 90

I'm a busy person these next few days, but I wanted to write when I could. Here's what I've been wondering: Where in life do you feel you've failed? Raising your kids? At work? With money? I've failed at romance. I'm not good at it. Feel free to sign in anonymously. (For the eighty hundredth … Continue reading Where have you failed?

Have I told you about the guy next door? He's lived there all his life. I have this narrow, weird opening in my shed because when the guy next door was a kid, the people who lived here (same people who sold me the house) had a dog that they apparently never let in. I … Continue reading Urban pioneer girl

Edsel and I slept in, because the world is our oyster. But since I can't blog today at length, let me ask the question I adore: What's the most old-man sandwich you can think of?

Here's Howard Stern's problem: He got too emotionally healthy and he lost his edge. He used to be unhappily married, and he lashed out at every other celebrity, and he was generally angry and he was hilarious. Then he started going to therapy four days a week---and I imagine he went to a really good … Continue reading And another thing: If you tell me to put my hands together I will literally just put them together unmoving and think I’m hilarious.

If you're the nervous type, Iris is okay. Now you can go on with your day and you don't have to read any more of my drivel. Before I closed the door forever on writing for Purple Clover, I once saw someone refer to a piece I wrote as, "This dribble." I'm sorry to tell … Continue reading [*as dramatic as possible]

I'm taking Iris to the vet before work. I'll write more as soon as I can! XOJune

Well, my first and second full days back at work were without incident. I still wake up with a slight headache every day, which annoys me and is probably a tumor. The other news is I'm vv worried about Iris. She's so sick. I've taken her to the vet three times. Not only does she … Continue reading Tag, you’re it

I'm back! You've no idea how delightful it is to plug my phone into the computer and sit down with my coffee, dog's snout on my lap. ...Turns out, his snout was on my lap because he wanted to go outside. That dog doesn't love me one bit. He and Milhous seem to have an … Continue reading June is back and the same-er than ever

Here has been my life since my August 21 auto accident NOW WITH CONCUSSION: I took a whole buncha pictures of my feet at every single doctor and chiropractor appointment I've had these last weeks. Today, after I saw the doctor again and could finally turn my computer back on and upload all those iPhone … Continue reading June actually looks at her computer. Also, 50385204822 kitten photos.

Two weeks ago today was my accident. Since then, I have been what you might call lying low. I'm still doing the concussion-avoidant things I'm supposed to be doing, which is steering clear of computer screens, the television, reading, and a lot of sunlight. In short, I am a vampire, if vampires listened to audiobooks … Continue reading Orchestras are just cover bands (I have a lotta time to think RN)

When we left each other, signing each other's yearbooks and promising to be best friends forever, I had had a car accident and was feeling very sad. The good news is, things got worse! The day after my accident, Thursday, I went to the chiropractor and he said I had whiplash and to lie on … Continue reading June and her concussion talk into a phone

I'm going to offer you an unpopular opinion. When you've been in a tumultuous relationship and you tell your friends--or in my case, the whole world--about it, you get a lot of, "It's better to be alone than in something like that." I have found that this is often said by married people, and they … Continue reading Aftermath

Yesterday was still hectic AF. I don't even know what's been up lately with how busy everything is at work, but there you have it. In the afternoon, I had this large project to do that required I not get interrupted. In the past, I went down to our mostly empty "Garden Level" at work … Continue reading June gets rear-ended *And not in the good way*

What day even is this? Since Thursday I've had this breakneck work pace and I'm not even sure. If it's the next Thursday I'm screwed because I didn't take the trash out. [opens calender] ...Oh. Okay, good. Snowflake not worry bout a thing. Snowflake the foster kitten seems to have a bit of an upper … Continue reading Alec Baldwin and Gremlins

On Friday, I had too much work to do. Most of my day was spent hunched tensely in the open floor plan, thinking don't talk to me don't talk to me don't talk to me. As hard as I tried, I didn't get everything done. When I finally left work, it showed I'd last checked … Continue reading Sometimes it snows in August

In case it isn't evident, I have the ADD. I know that's hard to believe, what with the linear posts and all. But this week I have so many things to remember that are out of my regular routine, and I guess "regular routine" is sort of redundant. The point is, that frazzles me. Because … Continue reading ADD it up