You know those annoying posts where I put on my makeup and talk to you, because I'm tryina do everything at once? Yeah. So, if you read yesterday's post about my humiliation, you know I have TV now. Turns out, TV SUCKS, man. I haven't watched TV in, what, two years? Is that how long … Continue reading The June Channel
My father used to have this trick egg. It seems like such a dad thing to do, and my father doesn't do a lot of those dad things, like have elbow patches or put memes up about how he's going to murder all my dates. Those always seem creepy to me. Same as the shrill … Continue reading Bonne Bell. Bewitching me since 1976.
"I have an all-day meeting and I'm getting out of work early," said Ned, and "early" for Ned means "a normal time to leave work" in my world. Remind me to never be the president of anything. Except this nonblog. "Would you like to have dinner? I'll be early, so you can eat like the … Continue reading Ned and June Put Edsel to the Test
It's a cold, rainy, miserable Monday following stupid daylight saving, which is the perfect punctuation to a cold, rainy miserable weekend. Later today, it's going to snow! In March! So then it'll be a cold, snowy, miserable March Monday. In 11 years of living in NC, I have yet to encounter snow in March. Right … Continue reading June is generally cranky.
When we left each other yesterday, slamming the door and saying, "IT'S OVER! I MEAN IT THIS TIME!", I was going to try to come back here and write you at lunch. That didn't happen. Work. Tis busy. So here's a two-day update on everything that's happening in my stupid world. I wish to tell … Continue reading In which aspic is mentioned
Saturday was, like, perfect. Except there was no sex. But what're you gonna do? I'm old. Those days are over. Now I'm depressed. Fuck Saturday. So to speak. Anyway, when I woke up, it was warm-ish out. Like, in-the-'50s warmish. Which was lovely, considering I had been living inside a snow globe for the past … Continue reading The Perfect Day
What I admire about Edsel is his unencumbered ability to release 20 seconds of stepped-on-a-duck-sounding gas with nary a flinch. I have today off, and yet I am still here, in my leopard footie pajamas, talking to you. I'm supposed to be sitting around thinking about Martin Luther King. Who was something of a philanderer … Continue reading Whole lotta leopard
People at work have been talking about a new manicure procedure called SOS or S&M or whatever, and apparently it's powder they dip your nails in to color them. Somehow this creates a manicure that keeps going for two weeks like a 17-year-old boy but allegedly isn't as terrible for you as a gel manicure. … Continue reading World’s Worst Person Gets Her Nails Done
Given that it's Sunday and I've already finished preaching my sermon and all, I thought this might be a perfect time to round up all the stupid lipstick pictures I've taken, so we can see them all in one setting. Sitting. Whatever. As you know, and have discussed with your families ad nauseam, I purchased … Continue reading Let’s look at June
Hey, June, why so destined for hell? So Christmastime is here, as the Peanuts would say high-pitchedly, and here's what I've done thus far... Yesterday, I got this urge to clean the house. I don't know why. Maybe I'm pregnant and nesting or something miraculous like that. Maybe I'm about to give birth in a … Continue reading Because Prosecco
I wish more things could hurt on my body today. Stupid Pure Barre. Also? It turns out? When you get up at 5:20 and you're used to around, oh, 7:00-ish, you feel really tired all day. Just a little news flash for ye. "Ye." Because suddenly I'm in biblical times. Anyway, Bathsheba, before I forget … Continue reading When Grape-Up Becomes a Thing
A good part about how they've put me on multiple accounts at work is that I've gotten to know more coworkers who aren't Griff. Also, I've gotten to know people I've worked with all these years, but rarely talked to because we weren't on the same account. It can get (ready?) siloed at work. One … Continue reading Drivin’ all the old men crazy.
It will be 11 years Friday that I've done this dang...website. Other than June's Live Sex Tape, I've pretty much done it all on this thing. [Considers June's Live Sex Tape.] [Step one: Get sex life.] When we left each other yesterday, dabbing at our eyes the annoying way the Real Housewives do: dab, dab … Continue reading June does her makeup and talks to you. Yes, again.
If you're just getting back from your Thanksgiving holiday, and I say "holiday" like we're all British, there are several days of my posts for you to catch up on and I wish you luck. I wish you luck mucking through all my ins and outs. For the rest of you, who kept up with … Continue reading June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices
Do you like how I keep using "blog" as a verb? You're welcome. When we were last together, promising to write while Mister pulled us apart ("NOTHING BUT DEATH COULD KEEP ME FROM IT"), Dear June: Watch new movies. You're killing us. Also, "blog" is a noun. Love, All 10 Readers. I think it was … Continue reading June blogs from home
I have a story that's hilarious, or at least it would be when I told it, with my fine storytelling skills, and hey, modesty. But as I always do before I tell someone else's story, I asked first if it would be okay to tell, and it turns out it's not okay to tell, which … Continue reading The one where June never shuts up. Yeah, that one. This one time.
I'm glad we're all gathered together once again. In our uncomfortable wooden pews. Our Pepe LePews. On Friday, I had plans to get together with Jo and Kit, actual women friends, which you know how I am about that. They'd wanted to see me on my actual birthday, last Sunday, but they couldn't see me … Continue reading Strawberry JuneCake
[Floomps into your cubicle with her coffee.] You would not believe what all I've done this weekend. [Looks for boss.] Is he in yet? See, in real life this scenario would not be true, because my actual boss, Thousandman, is always in before me. He's very no-nonsense and industrious. You can imagine the joy he … Continue reading Three days, three men
For the next week, I will be proofreading a textbook when I'm not at my regularly scheduled job. I will not be here a lot, and also if you know me in real life, I will not be phoning with you a lot. I'll be back when I can! I took photos of my toilette … Continue reading Freelance work is here
The other day, I was doing some crucial cosmetics shopping with my equally deep friend Alex from work. (I ended up getting a color-correcting stick that makes me look like Kabuki theater, and a brown lipstick I thought would be delightfully nude but instead looks like I'm pooping straight out my mouth.) I had to … Continue reading Click here. You won’t believe what happens next.