June, sucked in by hucksters everywhere

Tallulah and I are leaving late today, because I have a doctor's appointment at 8:40. Naturally I used this extra time productively, watching daytime TV, which I never get to do. Okay, who totally wants Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty skin care line? There are three easy payments, you know. Has anyone bought it? Do you … Continue reading June, sucked in by hucksters everywhere

Two years. Does that make me an official Southerner?

It was two years ago today that we moved to North Carolina. I cried. Remember how depressed I was? Oh! It was an adjustment. But look at all the things I've learned since then! I've learned that you simply must wave at everyone you pass, I've learned what fatback is, I've gotten a fat back, … Continue reading Two years. Does that make me an official Southerner?

If by “sexy” you mean “I look like Geraldo Rivera”

So I'm sitting there at work, and I feel this...this...Heavenly days in the morning! That isn't a WHISKER, is it?I stampeded to the giant Wicked Queen mirror in my office. (Seriously, you should see that gargantuan thing.) Sure enough, I had this GROWTH coming out of my face. I practically looked like one of my … Continue reading If by “sexy” you mean “I look like Geraldo Rivera”

Ooh baby before you bump it won’t you shake it just a little for me. (Make June Do It.)

In our second installment of Make June Do It, your faithful servant June has used the Bumpit. The Bumpit is apparently something they advertise on infomercials, and frankly June is surprised she has not (a) seen said infomercial and (b) been wildly tempted to purchase it, because you give June EIGHT SECONDS with any infomercial … Continue reading Ooh baby before you bump it won’t you shake it just a little for me. (Make June Do It.)

I want you to know. I will NEVER be organized about my blog topics

First and foremost, here is my Christmas mug of the day. Du jour of the day. When I waitressed, I used to love it when people asked what the soup du jour of the day was. I never felt superior or anything. It's hard to feel superior in a brown polyester dress that zips up … Continue reading I want you to know. I will NEVER be organized about my blog topics

A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.

I have had many odds and ends, or odds 'n' ends, because you know how I like that, to tell you. This time to mark them all off I will use background-singer noises. Mmmmmmm! Yesterday I threw caution to the wind and spent eight dollars on Jergens Natural Glow Express tanning lotion. It is supposed … Continue reading A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.

A hodge and a podge. Hey, at least we all get to stop looking at my arse. Actually, that isn’t true.

You know those phony posts where I have eight million topics? Yeah. Okay, first of all, I was having a deeply intellectual evening recently, wherein I was smelling the perfume samples that came in a magazine. I said to Marvin, "Does this one smell like someone put bug spray on a Sweet Tart?" Marvin, who … Continue reading A hodge and a podge. Hey, at least we all get to stop looking at my arse. Actually, that isn’t true.