Awhile back, Marvin's aunt--who I will call Auntie Garp--and I got into a pertinent discussion about Joy perfume. Actually it was about two seconds long. She said, "Marvin's grandmother used to wear Joy." And I said, "Oh, I have always wanted to smell that." Let me tell you what. When I was about eight years … Continue reading Ode to Joy
Shhh. Don't tell Marvin. I had to use his deodorant today. Marvin gets really skeeved out when I use his deodorant, which in the grand scheme of being married 10 and a half years is kind of weird, if you think about it. I mean, it's just, Hey, Marvin, you know that stick of chemicals … Continue reading Cherry for the pits
Tallulah and I are leaving late today, because I have a doctor's appointment at 8:40. Naturally I used this extra time productively, watching daytime TV, which I never get to do. Okay, who totally wants Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty skin care line? There are three easy payments, you know. Has anyone bought it? Do you … Continue reading June, sucked in by hucksters everywhere
It was two years ago today that we moved to North Carolina. I cried. Remember how depressed I was? Oh! It was an adjustment. But look at all the things I've learned since then! I've learned that you simply must wave at everyone you pass, I've learned what fatback is, I've gotten a fat back, … Continue reading Two years. Does that make me an official Southerner?
You know how Oprah has that show where she shows you all the things she likes cause she's a billionaire and can afford everything? This is just like that, except for the part where I am poor. I know we all know some of my favorite things already (see above), but here are some other … Continue reading June’s favorite things
You guys. Seriously. We need to find out who Casey Chase is. Portugal, Turkey, Viet Nam--ALL LOOKING for fricking Casey Chase here today. And when you Google him? All you get is my stupid blog.WHO IS HE? Everyone on earth knows about him except us. Or else he's just a regular guy who everyone in … Continue reading Nonpaper chase
So I'm sitting there at work, and I feel this...this...Heavenly days in the morning! That isn't a WHISKER, is it?I stampeded to the giant Wicked Queen mirror in my office. (Seriously, you should see that gargantuan thing.) Sure enough, I had this GROWTH coming out of my face. I practically looked like one of my … Continue reading If by “sexy” you mean “I look like Geraldo Rivera”
In our second installment of Make June Do It, your faithful servant June has used the Bumpit. The Bumpit is apparently something they advertise on infomercials, and frankly June is surprised she has not (a) seen said infomercial and (b) been wildly tempted to purchase it, because you give June EIGHT SECONDS with any infomercial … Continue reading Ooh baby before you bump it won’t you shake it just a little for me. (Make June Do It.)
Okay. That holiday's over. Hellooooooo, Christmas! Totally made my Jewish mother-in-law help me decorate today. I know I have sent her straight to Jewish hell or wherever. I don't even know if Jewish people have hell. Do they? Nice knowledge of my husband's religion. Obviously, as you can see from the hot mess in front … Continue reading Old paint
Well, you know you had a good birthday when you barf in the hallway at 2:00 in the morning. Poor Tallulah. No more birthday treats for her. I had to interrupt my regularly scheduled broadcast yesterday for Tallulah's birthday, but I did want to complain about my Friday. Oh, but before I do, Faithful Reader … Continue reading Limp-wristed
I have interviewed my mother about the Corina line of skin-care products, and all of a sudden it occurred to me that my advertisers might get mad at me, because this might count as a product review. So I have put the interview on my old blog, Bye Bye, Buy! I know I'm really super … Continue reading Everybody go over to my old blog
First and foremost, here is my Christmas mug of the day. Du jour of the day. When I waitressed, I used to love it when people asked what the soup du jour of the day was. I never felt superior or anything. It's hard to feel superior in a brown polyester dress that zips up … Continue reading I want you to know. I will NEVER be organized about my blog topics
We're having an exciting day over here at House of June. Tallulah got a new collar, thanks to Faithful Reader Lindy. You may recall a few weeks ago that Tallulah broke out of her collar on a walk. She broke those chains, like she was in an '80s (not 80's) heavy metal song.Not that I … Continue reading Ruby in the sky with glasses
I accidentally took this photo of myself the other day when I was trying to turn off the camera. Because it is so fascinating, I thought I'd share it with all of you. Do you wonder if I ever leave the computer room? Perhaps Marvin locks me in here all day so I don't chew … Continue reading Elegance is learned, my friend
I have had many odds and ends, or odds 'n' ends, because you know how I like that, to tell you. This time to mark them all off I will use background-singer noises. Mmmmmmm! Yesterday I threw caution to the wind and spent eight dollars on Jergens Natural Glow Express tanning lotion. It is supposed … Continue reading A hodgepodge. A cornucopia. A crazy quilt. And other annoying phrases to indicate that I have 80 topics today.
Sorry to take so long to post today, and I like how I have to apologize for not POSTING first thing in the MORNING on a SUNDAY when people like Miss Doxie go a year between posts and I post every day, and I wonder if I could cram the word "post" into this sentence … Continue reading Post. Posty post post post.
I'm just sitting here in my white cotton nightgown waiting for them to call me to tell me I have the job. Is hoping they'll call me at 10 a.m. the day after an interview a little too hopeful? Is sitting around in a white cotton nightgown at 10 a.m. a little too sad? In the … Continue reading Pet bull
First of all, yay. Okay, so see how I put this little square up here like I know what I'm doing? And you can all say, "Oh, how nice! Our votes mattered! June is a finalist in that Most Ludicrous Blog contest!" What you don't know is the part where I sat here trying to … Continue reading Comic Sans
It rain here all weekend, and yes, I said "it rain" on purpose. Tallulah has her own Facebook page (if you want to friend her, she's Tallulah Gardens. She hearts friends. Especially friends who have chicken), and one of my favorite status updates of hers was one where she kept asking to go outside, and … Continue reading It rain.
You know those phony posts where I have eight million topics? Yeah. Okay, first of all, I was having a deeply intellectual evening recently, wherein I was smelling the perfume samples that came in a magazine. I said to Marvin, "Does this one smell like someone put bug spray on a Sweet Tart?" Marvin, who … Continue reading A hodge and a podge. Hey, at least we all get to stop looking at my arse. Actually, that isn’t true.