Knotty pining for a tablecloth

I was decorating for Christmas and couldn't find gramma's tablecloth. And by "gramma," I mean the nice grandma, not the difficult one I've turned into. And by "tablecloth," I mean not at all a lovely fine Irish lace thing that's been passed down through the generations or something. Gramma never had "fine" anything. In fact, … Continue reading Knotty pining for a tablecloth

She lost her youth and she lost her Tony. Home perm.

There's a weird smell in my house, and I took out the trash hoping that was it, but I just noticed it again as I came in here, and I can't help but think, What did a cat murder and bring in here? Like, somewhere the circle of life has circled, and I've yet to … Continue reading She lost her youth and she lost her Tony. Home perm.

Oh, did sleigh bells ring? I had my ringer off.

Welp. Christmas. We got through it, and now my throat hurts, so the one holiday I can kind of get behind, New Year's, will be rooooooooned. Do you know people who pronounce ruined like that? "Rooooooned." I think Marvin did. The memory is starting to escape me, like Kate Winslet and Jim Carey on the … Continue reading Oh, did sleigh bells ring? I had my ringer off.

June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices

If you're just getting back from your Thanksgiving holiday, and I say "holiday" like we're all British, there are several days of my posts for you to catch up on and I wish you luck. I wish you luck mucking through all my ins and outs. For the rest of you, who kept up with … Continue reading June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices

June blogs from the guest bedroom

Kim Jong-il in da house. “So where all have you gone since you’ve been back in Saginaw? Which bars?” ....? I’m 52. People keep asking me all about the nightlife I’m experiencing here in the mecca of nightlife that is Saginaw, Michigan, and so far my answer continues to be, I’m 52. Show me that … Continue reading June blogs from the guest bedroom

Finding the silver cloud

Is there anything worse than someone insisting they have an old soul? I believe you misheard: You're not an old soul, you're an asshole.  Hey, how's everyone doing? Project "Tell Everyone I'm Overwhelmed" is underway, and it's not going well. "Oh, you can't be that busy. Come have dinner." Also, "Ima email/call/text/IM you to discuss … Continue reading Finding the silver cloud

Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.

Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal, either. There was one woman who was married to my friend, a woman who made … Continue reading Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.