I was decorating for Christmas and couldn't find gramma's tablecloth. And by "gramma," I mean the nice grandma, not the difficult one I've turned into. And by "tablecloth," I mean not at all a lovely fine Irish lace thing that's been passed down through the generations or something. Gramma never had "fine" anything. In fact, … Continue reading Knotty pining for a tablecloth
I honestly don't even know where to start describing my trip to Michigan, so I'll just comb through my photos and tell you everything that way. Does anyone have a comb in her back pocket I could use, a comb that you got at CVS (in 1979) that has your name on it? ...Thanks, Jill. … Continue reading Pee-y’s Big Adventure
There's a weird smell in my house, and I took out the trash hoping that was it, but I just noticed it again as I came in here, and I can't help but think, What did a cat murder and bring in here? Like, somewhere the circle of life has circled, and I've yet to … Continue reading She lost her youth and she lost her Tony. Home perm.
I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice, and it don't count for much. https://youtu.be/1bG_zk6FwU0 What is wrong with me? I realize I was supposed to write you Sunday for two--yes, TWO!!--special June weekend posts, but on Sunday I got into a weird cleaning frenzy and never did it. The good news … Continue reading June goes off the grid
"I'm just calling to let you know the Russell Stover eggs are available," I said to my mother, although in truth it was more: "Uh ussel oer eggs are aaailul." As I was, of course, already eating mine as I pulled out the Rite Aid, there. "I have four in my cupboard already," said my … Continue reading To Reader. Love Always, June
I've been thinking about the shit I ate when I was a kid. Not at home, since if one is at my mother's, the conversation goes like this: Me: I'm hungry. Mom: Eat an apple. Has there ever been a more depressing answer in the history of time beyond, "Eat an apple"? Perhaps: Me: I'm … Continue reading Marshmallow Stars
Welp. Christmas. We got through it, and now my throat hurts, so the one holiday I can kind of get behind, New Year's, will be rooooooooned. Do you know people who pronounce ruined like that? "Rooooooned." I think Marvin did. The memory is starting to escape me, like Kate Winslet and Jim Carey on the … Continue reading Oh, did sleigh bells ring? I had my ringer off.
If you're just getting back from your Thanksgiving holiday, and I say "holiday" like we're all British, there are several days of my posts for you to catch up on and I wish you luck. I wish you luck mucking through all my ins and outs. For the rest of you, who kept up with … Continue reading June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices
Do you like how I keep using "blog" as a verb? You're welcome. When we were last together, promising to write while Mister pulled us apart ("NOTHING BUT DEATH COULD KEEP ME FROM IT"), Dear June: Watch new movies. You're killing us. Also, "blog" is a noun. Love, All 10 Readers. I think it was … Continue reading June blogs from home
Kim Jong-il in da house. “So where all have you gone since you’ve been back in Saginaw? Which bars?” ....? I’m 52. People keep asking me all about the nightlife I’m experiencing here in the mecca of nightlife that is Saginaw, Michigan, and so far my answer continues to be, I’m 52. Show me that … Continue reading June blogs from the guest bedroom
They've changed how they're doing things at my job: I used to work on just one account, but now they've split it, so I'm copy editing for a bunch of different groups. This is kind of more exciting, and also more scary, because every client has a different style, and things they like and hate, … Continue reading My Friend Flicker
The other day, a friend of mine told an absolutely hilarious story about his mother, and then as soon as I was done drying my tears of mirth, he was all, "You can't tell that on your blog." ....! If you ever wanna bug me, go ahead and tell me something fekking hilarious that I … Continue reading How do
Good gravy, I had that migraine all day yesterday. From the moment I woke up till I finally gave up and fell asleep at 9 p.m. That second sentence was a clarification, in case you were unclear what I meant by "all day." Me and my big words. This means that yesterday was not what … Continue reading I love things in my own way
This makes Faithful Reader Paula quite tense, as opposed to her normally laid-back personality, but I have to hurry today, as I have an 8:20 appointment to get my stitches out from my grueling mole removal. June. Enticing readers with her medical procedures, since 2006. The results came back fine, by the way, as I … Continue reading Swiss Miss
I'm trying to think of what happened this weekend, but it's such a haze, what with the heroin and all. Or, alternatively, 18 bottles of fizzy strawberry water. Let's see. On Friday, I took myself for a pedicure, and I know. I'm living pretty high on the hog these days. I was supposed to have … Continue reading You’re never too old for a fur ball.
Is there anything worse than someone insisting they have an old soul? I believe you misheard: You're not an old soul, you're an asshole. Hey, how's everyone doing? Project "Tell Everyone I'm Overwhelmed" is underway, and it's not going well. "Oh, you can't be that busy. Come have dinner." Also, "Ima email/call/text/IM you to discuss … Continue reading Finding the silver cloud
"I have to blog," I just told my mother. Not that I have a blog. When I'm visiting her, I always emphasize how, if I'm writing, I don't like to be interrupted. Ruins m'flow. "I know you have you write, you've told me and told me," she said from her perch in the living room. … Continue reading At 52, June finally plays with a full deck
Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal, either. There was one woman who was married to my friend, a woman who made … Continue reading Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.
I made it all week on my remaining $10, and then payday came and hello mortgage, but still, we got Christmas bonuses this year and you guys donated $10 apiece to celebrate my 10 years of blogging (oh, did you know it was my anniversary of blogging? I never mention it), so I finally had … Continue reading Dude looks like a Junie