Current situation: My tight-fitting Laila Ali dryer bonnet is atop my head. I've got fresh coffee in my favorite mug (for local folk: It's one of those really thick ones from The Green Bean) and I DID have a dog snout in my lap till just now, when I snapped at my computer. Does your … Continue reading From underneath Laila Ali
Did you ever see a TV show where the alarm goes off and the person shuts it off and immediately gets out of bed? Are there really people like that, or is it like TV gifts that are fully wrapped and you just take the top off ? I used to think those Xs on … Continue reading Twirl her tiny mustache
Rabbit, rabbit. Why do people say that at the beginning of the month? Sarah Jessica Parker always does (she's my Instagram friend), and because she does it, I think it's cute, but all my life I have no idea why people say it. But isn't this literally a rabbit, rabbit month? Isn't Easter this month? … Continue reading For me, it’s not so much March as Hobble
I could NOT fall asleep, so when the alarm went off this morning, I was exhausted and hit snooze 39493940 times. I went last night to the old theater to see Gold Rush, the Charlie Chaplin silent movie--and I guess ALL of his movies were silent movies and now I'm officially annoying. Dear June: We … Continue reading Enjoy the organ
Dear Women Who Prattle at Movies: What the hell is wrong with you? Last night, my old movie theater showed To Kill a Mockingbird, and I got there fairly early in order to get my popcorn (dinner) and get a decent parking spot. Not necessarily in that order, and what I like about myself is … Continue reading To Kill a Talking Bird
Saturday was, like, perfect. Except there was no sex. But what're you gonna do? I'm old. Those days are over. Now I'm depressed. Fuck Saturday. So to speak. Anyway, when I woke up, it was warm-ish out. Like, in-the-'50s warmish. Which was lovely, considering I had been living inside a snow globe for the past … Continue reading The Perfect Day
It snowed. If you've read me for awhile, you'll know that (a), that means work was called off, although we are expected to "work from home," and I remember a really bad storm two years ago where I proofread a giant deck--giant--and just as I was finishing it, Iris stepped on my laptop and erased … Continue reading June the snowflake
A few things. A few matters. Some housekeeping. Don't you fucking hate people who say that? Is there anything you want to read less about than someone's "housekeeping matters"? I mean, other than how little you want to hear the "let me back up" details. I didn't get to go to my work Christmas party. … Continue reading June pops her head out of the cupboard (TM Dick Whitman’s mom. RIP)
This morning, I spilled coffee grounds all over yonder, WHICH DELIGHTED ME, and I was late getting Edsel's food. I messed up his skedge. This discombobulated him, as did me saying thing like "skedge," so he wandered around the cats' dishes, a little lost, while he waited. "HSSSSST [spit]!" I heard. Not just a hiss. … Continue reading Skedge
As you know, because you wrote it on your calendars and alerted your families and took the day off, I went to see Young Frankenstein with The Poet last night. She had me drive, because she was worried about parking, but I scoff in the face of parking, which makes no sense because parking has … Continue reading PUUUIN ON THE RIAAAAZ
Because the first thing they teach you in kitten school is How to be a Pain in the Ass, my cats all want to go out in the morning, but they all want to go out at different times. Each one saunters to the door, and even if the back door is open and it's … Continue reading She ran callin’ fireflies
Yesterday I asked you for stuff to blog about at lunchtime, but then lunchtime neared and someone I freelance for said, "Can you do this really fast?" and I said, "$ure," and who's sick of my dollar signs for Ses? S's? Sszez? So that ruined that lunch hour, and now I can't remember what all … Continue reading The many photography talents o’June
In case you've been on pins and also the needles re my sore throat, I seem to have rallied. Because I'm tough. But I'm fair. Also, yesterday I started a new headache study, which I can tell you very little about, so you can ask all the goddamn questions you want, but I'm not gonna … Continue reading Beelzebub has a devil cat put aside for me
"June." It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'd been half-awake already for whatever reason. ...did I just...did I just hear my name? I waited a second. Nothing. Maybe a cat moaned in a way that sounded like "June." As they do. "June!" "Grrrrrrr," growled Edsel, quietly. His lifted his head from where it has … Continue reading Terror, or a mild annoyance, in the night
June reflects. Cause she's shiny. There's a fine line between telling the truth as much as you can on a blog, which I try to do, and exposing someone else's story. Just because you choose to tell all your shit on a website (narcissistic disorder) doesn't mean everyone else in your life is signed on. … Continue reading Working and praying and living and dying in this town
"Marvin's getting married this weekend," I told Ned, "I feel nothing." "See? That, right there. That scares the SHIT outta me. What if one day, after all this, you feel nothing for me?" I knew Ned was pointing at me dramatically, even though we were on the phone. He's in Kansas. Kansas, he says, is … Continue reading The house began to pitch. And I’m a bitch.
I'm trying to think of anything of note that happened to me this weekend after The Hair Incident of Saturday, but mostly I had migraines on and off. TAAA-DAAAA! Thanks, June. Thank god I'm here today. Took time out to visit yer ass. Yesterday was finally a nice day, after 46 days and nights of … Continue reading June’s going to kiss you. She won’t even wait.
This weekend, I went to this antique shop I like-- ...aaaaaand I just bit my canker sore. GODDAMMIT. I've been eating a lot of tomatoes, so naturally then I got a canker sore, and it won't go away, till finally I went to CVS after work yesterday because I COULDN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, and got … Continue reading Sloe Gin. Take it easy.
First of all, I answered most of your questions you had yesterday in the comments, and I'll go back after this and answer the rest. I had to work more than I thought I would yesterday, and was unable to post at lunch. The lunch I DID have was scarily interrupted by a "You coming … Continue reading Like I blister in the sun
Yesterday I had to go to a building downtown to attend an all-day meeting. This is the view from the balcony behind the building. Went out there to smoke my 'rette. Man, I was having a nicotine fit. It was really cool there. They took this whole back area and made it pretty. They took … Continue reading June goes downtown, which is not a euphemism