Saturday was, like, perfect. Except there was no sex. But what're you gonna do? I'm old. Those days are over. Now I'm depressed. Fuck Saturday. So to speak. Anyway, when I woke up, it was warm-ish out. Like, in-the-'50s warmish. Which was lovely, considering I had been living inside a snow globe for the past … Continue reading The Perfect Day
This morning, I woke up at Ned's. Look at me, trying to be all compelling. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Actually, you will. I went home and let Edsel out. That's it. On Thursday, I took ridiculous Edsel to the vet, because he'd been chewing on himself and scratching and was driving me insane, … Continue reading Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.
So far this Easter weekend I've had to call the emergency number for the gas company so that I wouldn't blow up, told Ned we have to not talk for a few months, put up a bat house, heard from two men from my past, and ordered two new bras. 36D in the howse! Actually, … Continue reading June plays it safe with an unoffensive title
Mercury is in retrograde, did you know? That means--and I know this because I lived in LA for 10 years, so I'm an expert in all things weird--that communication gets slowed down or misunderstood or convoluted, somehow. So hree d dkehere odoseene fisl, 0e. See what I did, there? The POINT is, yesterday I sat … Continue reading Stampeding for pasties
Coming out of the shower this morning, I realized that right now, my house smells like a perfect combination of freshly brewed coffee and puppy. What more can you ask for? Somehow that made me think of: drivin' home this evenin', coulda sworn we had it all worked out. Mostly what that woman did … Continue reading [Intentionally left blank]
After yesterday's tragedy of my sparkly Eiffel Tower notebook being stolen RIGHT OFF MY DESK, (outline of the body) I came to my pretty house and did the things I normally do, such as feed the dogs, let the dogs out (who, who who), feed the cats, let the dogs back in, slop the hogs, … Continue reading June gets a threatening can of beans
Thanks for your how-to-fix-a-scratch tips yesterday. Who knew rubbing a walnut on it would work? Aw nuts. June's blog. Come for the hilarity. Get disappointed. Anyway, today is Friday, so I bring you a Freaky Friday from Faithful Reader MissPam, who tells us stories of her kid, Amy, that we all love. Here is her … Continue reading Freaky Friday: Gordon Lightfoot Edition
Boo! Are you horrified? Do I do that every year? I think I do. The point is, it's St. Patrick's Day and we're all getting ready to cut turkey with our families and spin a dreidel. Speaking of which... I guess Jewish kids were sick of getting the shaft, AGAIN, when it comes to their … Continue reading Extra-spooky Freaky Friday because it’s Easter. Or something.
I'm running late of course again today, and really Nedding takes up a lot of my time. It's my new hobby. It's not a bad hobby as those things go, but I feel like knitting would not distract me till after 8:00 in the morning. At any rate, here it is Friday and I remembered … Continue reading Inch-of-my-life Freaky Friday
I keep forgetting to tell you something cool. You know my coworker, who when I talk about her on this blog I call Fleeta, and I came up with that name using the random name generator? And we were all, Fleeta. Pfft. Yeah, there's a name. Remember that? Fleeta. Well, recently our pal Fleet (that's … Continue reading Freaky Fleeta Friday
I have gotten a few Freaky Friday submissions since Peter's chilling tale. Here's one from Jeanne. __________________________________________________________________________ My mother used to tell a story about me: When I about four, I found my mother weeping and asked her why. She told me it was my late grandmother’s birthday and that she missed her mother. I … Continue reading Freaky Friday: Look what June remembered to do!
I haven't done any Freaky Friday tales lately because as far as I know, I'm out of them. If you sent me one and I never published it, tell me in an email and I will look for it. Do you have any idea how many emails I get a day? They get lost, man. … Continue reading Return of Freaky Friday. OooooooWEEEEEEOooooooo!
I spilled a bag of peanuts into the dogs' bag of food, so now every meal is packed with peanuts. Kibble really satisfies. And if you think my dogs are persnickety about peanuts in the shell being in their kibble, you must be new. Anyway, I had been wanting to tell you about going to … Continue reading Old flame
I might have been a little dramatic about the Freaky Friday story, but it will show up at the end of this post. So all you have to do is slog through the crap Ima blog about and then you get a nice creepy story. You're welcome. There are a few Ned stories I've been … Continue reading In which Ned does not wish to kick off his Sunday shoes. Also, FREEEK EEE Friday!
Guess what I still don't have. I STILL don't have permission to tell Hulk's story. Oh my god I am the worst. I will tell it as soon a I can. In the meantime, Marty Martin and his girlfriend Kayeeee and Ned and I went to a Scrabble tournament, as you do. I know you're … Continue reading Take a letter, Maria. The letter “F.” For Freaky Friday.
It's time for another installment of our weird Friday stories. This person just identifies herself (I THINK this was a girl. She emailed me in scented font) as a longtime lurker. She wants me to make up a name for her, so Ima call her Yardena Almog. (Come out and delurk today, if you have … Continue reading Get’chur freak on. It’s Friday.
This week we hear from Amy in MD. I've lived in several haunted houses. The house I lived in growing up had a child ghost. You could never hear it when many people were in the house, but if you were alone in the house and stood in my bedroom, you could hear the sound … Continue reading Get Freaky with June: Down by the Old Mill ACCCCK! Edition.
Sorry I've been too busy to blog. I blame this pesky job and also Ned. But here. Have a freaky story from Outkast Lee. My father-in-law (FIL) died 9 months after my mother-in-law (MIL). After my FIL's funeral, everyone went back to his house for coffee. I had washed the last coffee cup he … Continue reading June screams over to drop off a Freaky Friday
It's Friday, so it's time for another of your freakazoid stories. And, yes, I too love me for saying, "freakazoid." While we're at it, let me tell you that there's no parking, baby. No parking on the dance floor. Anyway. Before I turn you over to this week's story, let me tell you about the … Continue reading Get Freaky with June: Transsexual Fish Edition
Yesterday was my big Ping-Pong match against Alex #4858493 at work, as part of a big Ping-Pong championship we're having for no reason whatsoever. She and I decided to have a practice round at lunch, before our 2:30 game. After, I emailed Ned. "Even though I've practiced with other people at work, Alex #4858493 and … Continue reading Get Freaky with June: Lob That Ball Edition