I know you're sick of hearing me talk about how I'm eating the flaxseed muffins I made myself yesterday, with whole-wheat flour, which who even knew that was a thing. But lemme tell you, I outdid myself. They.Are.Delicious. I've been eating this damn healthy food for two weeks now, and you all keep asking if … Continue reading Removing the ’70s bush
I had ideas about what I was gonna write about today and then I sat down and ...blank. ...Oh! Mulch! Yes. I came home for lunch and there was poor Chris of Chris and Lilly, unloading m'mulch. With a big pitchfork, like he was the devil. The devil who made my yard so pretty it's … Continue reading Say “mulch” one more time
Because of the holiday weekend, I forgot that Sunday was Sunday and therefore I did not exfoliate using my microdermabrasion, but before you panic, I did remember today. I should probably not scare you like that. It's from Mary Kay. I got gift certificates, two of them, awhile back. Long story. I certainly do love … Continue reading The hole in your soul is shaped like a Ho-Ho
I left the nine hundred seventy billion thousand and forty-six dead leaves that I am attempting to rake up in the back yard and came in here to blog at you very fast. Here I am. The one that you love. Asking for another day. I'm wearing a t-shirt from Ned's workplace, and the jeans … Continue reading Right here right now
First of all, you know how I said on Friday night I went to see my friend Charlie's art exhibit? Sometime Saturday morning, Charlie fell and broke his neck. I KNOW! And I actually did that thing where I said, "But I just SAW him," as though that would have protected him from harm. He's … Continue reading Cloris Gardens
I went out for a giant Americano with Dick Whitman yesterday, at 5:00 p.m. Guess what was a stupid idea. There I was at midnight, like Bono. "I'm wide awake! WIDE AWAKE! WIIIIDE AWAAAAKKE! I'm not sleeping." Did he really need to throw in that last line? I think we got it when you screeched … Continue reading Throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind. Or, June does flowerspeak.
Blogging from work would be wrong. And that is why I am not doing it right now. Computer COMPLETELY dead at home. Dead. Dead dead dead. Stick a fork in it. The fat lady has sung. Unfortunately, that fat lady is me. I blame work. If someone is gonna BRING chocolate-chip cookies stuffed with Oreos, … Continue reading Did I mention I hate my computer?
1. Last night I was chatting with The Fireman, and I said, "I have to go. I have to pull weeds before it gets dark" and he said, "Again? You seem to...do that a lot." I have only known the fireman a short time, and already he has noted my yard obsession. But DUDE, you … Continue reading One of those annoying posts where many topics are discussed
My weekend? Pretty good, other than when the dogs dug up my dead cat. Yours? I KNOW. How ludicrous is my life? How ludicrous is poor Frannie's death? He never did like those dogs. Guess who got the last laugh in THAT relationship. When Francis died on Friday, I had to come home and become … Continue reading RIP. Not so much.
I'm up. It's 7:30 a.m. on a Sunday. Apparently I am easily trainable, like a German shepherd. I do have a lot of German in me. So to speak. But one week of getting up at 7:00 and whooo! here I am. Up at 7:00 on Sunday. Nice. Relaxing. So far I have taken out … Continue reading June gets picky
I decided what made me ill yesterday was taking my two iron pills way too close together on Sunday. Since I was all busy getting ready and visiting God and everything, I forgot to take it till late afternoon, then I took the other one before bed, and my stomach was all, "WHAAAT? I'm coming … Continue reading Ferrous Sulfate’s Day Off
I woke up this morning to the sound of Edsel hurling. I do not know if he 's hung over or what his story is, although he has relatively new puppy food--I got it Monday before I went crashing into everyone at PetSmart, there, with my auto. So I got out of bed and dragged … Continue reading Barf, poop, spiders, embroidered sweatshirts, 11 herbs and spices
Spring in the South is lovely. My feeling is for every time you have to see a Confederate flag, you also get to see this: That's one of the trees in my front yard. Isn't it pretty? And pink? Also, my next-door neighbor, Peg, has a white dogwood mixed together with a pink dogwood and … Continue reading Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.
FIN! Ima keep it just like that, with nothing on it or in it. I worked so hard on the thing; I'd hate to ruin it with stuff marring it. Okay, here it is with stuff. Marvin has packed a lot of his doo-dads, and it turns out a lot of them resided on this … Continue reading In which you all come charging at me with torches if I mention the “h” word again
Beleaguered April, the nurse who assists my doctor, called me at 3:18 yesterday. "Miss June? You got a fibroid." Well. I'm glad I spent $900 to learn WHAT I ALREADY KNEW. Okay, you spent $900 so I could learn what I already knew. Still. At least it wasn't, you know, a bomb or anything residing … Continue reading Team Fibroid
It's Saturday. Yesterday it was 72 degrees here, and it is sunny and warmish here again. Do you feel like you are reading the diary of someone from 1912? Why did they always report the weather? The point of me telling you this is that it gave me ample opportunity yesterday to pull ivy. And once … Continue reading Straight outta the garden
I wish I could begin to tell you how many hours I spent yesterday trying to get stubborn soap scum off my bathtub. I realize this makes me (a) boring and (b) boring, and also a Stepford Wife who is incidentally boring. I went on the Internet for tips on how to remove said scum, … Continue reading June cleans
Oh, please. Like I have time to blog. Do you understand just HOW MANY Sopranos episodes there are? Also too, Marvin and I are cleaning up the back yard, which looks like depressed drug addicts own it. Depressed drug addicts who enjoy disemboweling plush toys. Then I have a movie with my friend Hammy this … Continue reading Cranky June
Is nothing sacred? This is where the cats are supposed to perch, not the dogs. Plus, I love his "What'd I say?" piano-playing feets. He was being more than bad. And pianistic. He was being a tattle-tale. I was in the kitchen and he was trying to alert me that terrible things were happening in … Continue reading Fred
I worked until 11:00 last night. And what I am today? Attractive. Also? Perky. Plus? Attractive.Also incidentally, could it be raining any harder? I know some people say the rain helps them sleep, but I just splayed there in the bed, pinned by animals, so I wasn't all that splayed really, wondering when it was … Continue reading It’s here! Wake the kids! The day June talks about her bulbs!