Current situation: My tight-fitting Laila Ali dryer bonnet is atop my head. I've got fresh coffee in my favorite mug (for local folk: It's one of those really thick ones from The Green Bean) and I DID have a dog snout in my lap till just now, when I snapped at my computer. Does your … Continue reading From underneath Laila Ali
On Friday at work, they let us leave at 3:00, a delightful habit they've gotten into before any holiday weekends. I suppose it's for normal people with families who want to get on the road to the beach, or whatever normal people do. What do the normal folk do? ...I think craft. Seems like they … Continue reading On the third day, she “Rose” again
The good news is I've already lost a pound and three ounces. I adore the naysayers who're all, "It's water weight!" I don't care whose weight it is as long as it's gone. How I prepared Before I shopped for keto groceries, I went on a quiz site that reported how many grams of fat, protein … Continue reading Day One of Keto, Completed
[Flumps coat and purse in first, slides into booth after.] Have you been here long? Sometimes, on Mondays, when I haven't written all weekend, I sit down here at my desk and think, What the fuck did I just do for the last 72 hours? Today is one of those days. Then what I'll do … Continue reading The Weeknd (God, is June hip)
What I admire about Edsel is his unencumbered ability to release 20 seconds of stepped-on-a-duck-sounding gas with nary a flinch. I have today off, and yet I am still here, in my leopard footie pajamas, talking to you. I'm supposed to be sitting around thinking about Martin Luther King. Who was something of a philanderer … Continue reading Whole lotta leopard
You know what MY problem is (everyone gets out their Giant Scroll of What's Wrong With June), is that moderation is stupid. I mean, it would appear that I think moderation is stupid. Signs POINT to me thinking moderation is stupid. Except when it comes to exercise. The woman who sits next to me--and I'm … Continue reading In the stars
They've changed how they're doing things at my job: I used to work on just one account, but now they've split it, so I'm copy editing for a bunch of different groups. This is kind of more exciting, and also more scary, because every client has a different style, and things they like and hate, … Continue reading My Friend Flicker
I just took my last prednisone that I was prescribed in order to try to break up my current cycle of migraines, and what's more interesting than hearing about someone's latest round of meds? Anyway, maybe a month ago, the doctor also put me back on Topamax for migraine, June says, continuing her riveting diatribe … Continue reading Be happy
It's official: Ned owns our house. Fmr. His house. Crnt. It took months of dickering with his gaylord, who is a lawyer and was therefore a dick every step of the way. He used to like that guy. Ned called yesterday as he was pulling up to his official house®. "Hey, I OWN this place … Continue reading Brass-n-beige
Look at the sun, up there. Soooooo smug. Oh, Ima shine on you all day. Like I always do. HAH! We, the audience, know better. Anyway hi. I'm not at work, and I was luxuriating in bed, thinking how lovely it was to, you know, luxuriate in the bed, when I remembered you guys saying, … Continue reading Turn around, bright eyes
I'm trying to think of what happened this weekend, but it's such a haze, what with the heroin and all. Or, alternatively, 18 bottles of fizzy strawberry water. Let's see. On Friday, I took myself for a pedicure, and I know. I'm living pretty high on the hog these days. I was supposed to have … Continue reading You’re never too old for a fur ball.
Yesterday was a ridiculous day, from my series of June's Ridiculous Days. The newsletter went out at work yesterday, and I am the editor of it, and newsletter day is always a bit chaotic. Then, at lunch, I screamed home and finished that perpetual calendar I've been droning on about all week. I finished it, … Continue reading When a broken purse is the least of your woes
In the famous words of Jackie Kennedy, I had my colonoscopy. See. She didn't say those words. Cause as I pointed out on Facebook the other day, I doubt that when Jackie Kennedy showed up at HER editing job that she announced her upcoming colonoscopy. As possibly I did. To everyone. I'd have put it … Continue reading Aw, crap.
Do you ever wish everyone would just stop talking to you? I don't mean blog comments--I can honestly say that there hasn't been one time I've gotten a blog comment and gone, UGH. A COMMENT. Goddammit. Not once. I'm always glad to get those. But here are the following ways people can talk to me: … Continue reading June’s Room of Her Own
Last night I had a ridiculous dream. (Oh, good. Someone's gonna describe their dream.) I dreamt I met a man and didn't care for him at first, so when we first were introduced, I gave him my most sarcastic of smiles. But then, somehow, I realized I really liked him, so then I had to … Continue reading June sends loving thoughts to people who hold up the line
This morning, I woke up at Ned's. Look at me, trying to be all compelling. You won't BELIEVE what happens next! Actually, you will. I went home and let Edsel out. That's it. On Thursday, I took ridiculous Edsel to the vet, because he'd been chewing on himself and scratching and was driving me insane, … Continue reading Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.
What are your feelings about being on time for work? Faithful Reader Paula H&B has been a, you know, faithful reader for something like 92 years. She might be the funniest commentor, and don't get mad at me cause you know she's funny. The point is, on social media, she's been complaining because a coworker … Continue reading We never see Fred Flintstone getting ON the dinosaur, just sliding off at 5:00 on the dot.
I be Hutch. Wear be Starskee? hahahahahaha Anyway. I hadn't had my eyebrows waxed since Wilford Brimley was a child, so I went to Elegant Nail & Tan, which I realize suggests all kinds of featured services that do not seem to include waxing, but you must trust me on this. While I was waiting, … Continue reading Joe Lies
You know how I hate for anyone to make a fuss, but my throat hurts. All I ask is that you stampede to your local Catholic church and light a candle. Or put one of those vague posts on social media about how you "need prayers" for some undisclosed or unknown-to-us person. Dear God: For … Continue reading Be cool, Edsel
Do you think of yourself as normal? I have never once, for as long as I can remember, considered myself to be normal. And I'm glad of it, although I haven't always been. I doubt anyone else finds me normal, either. There was one woman who was married to my friend, a woman who made … Continue reading Rare. In the bloody way, not the special way.