Mrs. June Butterworth takes her own sweet time

I didn't MEAN to steal breakfast, but I did. We had a thing at work where, if you brought in cans of food for the less fortunate, you got a free breakfast that they'd ordered in from somewhere. But, see, we had all these snow days and I literally didn't leave my house for four … Continue reading Mrs. June Butterworth takes her own sweet time

June flies to Chicago, gets manicure, flies home.

I don't like to travel. I realize everyone else does, and that my not liking to travel is part of the list of things I hate that everyone else treasures: Christmas, brunch, live music, romantic evenings, granite countertops. If you want me to have sex with you--and I realize I'm 52 and no one wants … Continue reading June flies to Chicago, gets manicure, flies home.

World’s Worst Person Gets Her Nails Done

People at work have been talking about a new manicure procedure called SOS or S&M or whatever, and apparently it's powder they dip your nails in to color them. Somehow this creates a manicure that keeps going for two weeks like a 17-year-old boy but allegedly isn't as terrible for you as a gel manicure. … Continue reading World’s Worst Person Gets Her Nails Done

LDV

I have a new thing that bugs me: Women using that video-making feature where their eyes are huge, and their lips are gigantic, and their voices are distorted. Perhaps you're hilarious, person making a video while sitting in a car, which, woooo! How could you NOT be, with that original venue? But I see that … Continue reading LDV

June picks a bad day to stop sniffing glue

Yesterday, I wrote about some, oh, personal stuff, and then I felt bad about it being so public, so I deleted this post and pasted it to (Face)Book of June, a secret page on Facebook. For awhile, (Face)Book of June was just a closed group, meaning no one could wander over there and see all … Continue reading June picks a bad day to stop sniffing glue

June has danced into the danger zone, when the dancer becomes the dance.

I know you wish I'd refer to this more often, but oh my god, I'm Ashley Wilkes right now, returning from war. I've limped in, all tattered and worn out and possibly lousy. At least I don't have that anemic Melanie hanging on me. There's that. Do you think when Ashley was off at war … Continue reading June has danced into the danger zone, when the dancer becomes the dance.

Back When I Was Fat. *A nostalgic look at day before yesterday.

Today my BMI fell back into the normal range. BOOM. Okay, it was because I adjusted the scale. BUT STILL.  The scale I owned before, you'd stand on it and it'd read 115 pounds (HAHAHAHAHA) and then you'd step off it, give it a second then get back on, and it'd read 127 pounds (HAHAHAHAHAHA). … Continue reading Back When I Was Fat. *A nostalgic look at day before yesterday.

June gets a puppy. Wow, we’ve never said THAT.

My problem is, I shouldn't go to PetSmart on weekends. Yeah, that's my problem. That's it. You've nailed it, June. But my regularly scheduled pets were running low on food. Well. SOME of them were, and that's why I haven't restarted my Chewy subscription yet, because I always feel like, Well, Edsel's got a TON … Continue reading June gets a puppy. Wow, we’ve never said THAT.