I knew this would happen. When Steely Dan was a tiny kitten who should've still been with his mother, he wobbled up to two college boys who could not leave a tiny kitten on a sidewalk in the rain. So they brought him home, marveled at how brave and playful he was, and realized that … Continue reading Cat out of the bag
Despite another busy day at work, I called the animal shelter Wednesday. "Yes," I said, because it's my signature move to begin all my business-y calls with "yes." "Yes, I'm fostering seven kittens and their mom, because am self-loathing nincompoop, and I have two people possibly interested in adopting one kitten each. How should they … Continue reading Shelter pics of my kittens. Aka Riveting June.
Google Photos likes to show me what I've been up to in other years. Three years ago today, mom came to visit me in my Year Abroad house. Tallulah was happy to see her gramma. Oh, Talu. Someone mentioned in the comments the other day that they wondered if my more curls/less Voltaire hair was … Continue reading Andy Voltaire
Work is kicking my azz lately (I started at 7:00 a.m. yesterday), and you'll be stunned to hear cleaning up after seven kittens is a lot. I haven't had time to write, but I offer you kitten pictures to tide you over till I can speak normally again... And finally:
I just timed how long it takes for me to take care of all the current animals: 15 minutes. I didn't get any time to just sit with and pet all the kittens, so without, you know, being kind to kittens, just basic feeding and scooping and changing water, it's 15 minutes. I guess that's … Continue reading Toasted since 1964
Oooo, man, I did NOT feel well yesterday. They warn you of this when you do the damn keto diet, that you might get what they call the keto flu. It's when your body is switching over. For some reason your body gets annoyed. I had a bad headache, I was exhausted, and most important: … Continue reading Keto, day four. Am I thin yet?
Because I don't have enough going on, today I'm starting the keto diet. You know it's a good sign when you don't get to the grocery store to BUY your keto food till 9 p.m. Which is what I did yesterday. Look, I have a lot of kittening and catting and dog-walking to do after … Continue reading Keto My Heart
Did you ever see a TV show where the alarm goes off and the person shuts it off and immediately gets out of bed? Are there really people like that, or is it like TV gifts that are fully wrapped and you just take the top off ? I used to think those Xs on … Continue reading Twirl her tiny mustache
Yesterday I heard from the animal shelter. I was wondering what was taking them so long, because I know kitten season is upon us. "We have, well, we have 7 kittens and their mom," they said apologetically, like they were sorry for even asking. "I'll be there right after work," I said. Maybe I'm the … Continue reading I got 99 lives, and also more lives because math
I got my crown. Of course I took a flattering selfie at the dentist. What are you? New? I feel like I didn't look that bad in real life, but what do I know? They have a procedure there where you get the whole crown in one visit--no horrific temporary. No mold where they stick … Continue reading Royal with cheese
As you all know, because you've drawn my life story onto the walls of your cave, my pal The Poet is a fancy poet. She's being sent to London next week, to read her poetry to all of London. She's big, Ben. The point is, Fancy The Poet came to my desk the other day, … Continue reading Heel
I am sorry to make Faithful Reader Paula tense, but I don't have much time today. We have a first-thing meeting at work today re our annual evaluations. Our choices were a lunchtime meeting (no, not with free food. We'd have stampeded to that) or a first-thing-in-the-morning shindig. I opted for first thing. You know … Continue reading NedTalks
[Flumps coat and purse in first, slides into booth after.] Have you been here long? Sometimes, on Mondays, when I haven't written all weekend, I sit down here at my desk and think, What the fuck did I just do for the last 72 hours? Today is one of those days. Then what I'll do … Continue reading The Weeknd (God, is June hip)
Hang on. I gotta strap on Laila Ali first... Say, June, weren't you drying your hair LAST time we talked? Yes. Yes, I was. Hygiene. It's repetitive. Anyway, we haven't talked since Friday and we have a lot of topics to cover, so I thought today I'd use subheads, so you don't end up with … Continue reading Disjointed
Yesterday at lunch, I came home, got my kittens, and took them back to the shelter. They were supposed to weigh two pounds apiece in order to be adoptable, and Lexi, the cute light-gray one, did. The rest weighed a little above 1.5. But you guys. They were pooping just everywhere. I tried different litters … Continue reading Hot buff puppy men
Relationships are stupid. I know I sound like my coworker Griff, who thinks everything is stupid--but who is, in fact, in a relationship. But really, they are. Stupid. This weekend, Ned was helping me walk Edsel, and you're all, What the--WHY WAS NED THERE, and calm down. I will get to it. The point is, … Continue reading “June, you forgot to add kitten pictures.”
Do you remember the other day--like, two days ago--when I showed you that big tower of canned kitten food I bought? There are two cans of it left. Yeesch. Four kittens: Turns out, they eat. But that, my rapt audience ("Talk about fekking kittens more, June"), is not why I've gathered you all here today, … Continue reading June polls you. And she didn’t even buy you a drink first
I've been obsessed with a game. I'm not a game person. I kind of hate games, actually, and for this, I blame my childhood. My mother used to have this game night, see, with her friends. My whole life, as far back as I can recall--and I can recall being in my crib*, so it … Continue reading Just like a movie star, who gets burned in a three-way script
When I first get up, I feel vaguely like a cafeteria server at the prison, or like Laura Ingalls Wilder when she had to feed the threshers the first day she was married. "Gee, June, I don't remember that from the show." And that was the day June tore down the street in her chonies … Continue reading Queen Kong
After a quiet morning, in which I let each kitten come out to play a bit, I put Nancy and her brood in the carrier and took them down to the shelter for their booster shots. I kibitzed with puppies in the lobby while I waited, and Edsel would like you all to know that … Continue reading Foster update. As opposed to Foster’s Lager.