Before I begin today's hard-hitting post, I know I asked everyone to send me photos of their favorite cup, and that I'd show all of them, but those "we sent a picture" things take a really long time to set up and I haven't had the time and no one mention that I watched King … Continue reading June and the matador hair dryer
It's Sunday night. Does 6:48 p.m. count as Sunday night? In 12 minutes, The Wonderful World of Disney would be coming on if this were real life, because 1973 is real life and I don't know what the hell this is. Anyway, it would be coming on, and my mother would be preparing a Swanson's … Continue reading In which June suggests it’s that time of the month for St. Francis
Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Thank you, good night! I had dinner with The Other Copy Editor, fmr., and her well-appointed spouse. And their dogs. And their millennial friends, who always seem to be more mature than I was at that age, and I know that's a stretch to imagine. But before that, I have a friend … Continue reading June awaits more photos, describes her Thanksgiving. June bores the crap out of all and sundry.
Some nights, Edsel is just too much. With the flumping dramatically off the bed whenever I move a corpuscle. Then floomping back on a minute later. With the pressing his head on my neck as hard as he can, for pets. At 4 a.m. So some nights I kick him out. Last night was one … Continue reading Oh, you know. Just cats, The Simpsons, and blender-licking.
Does anyone recall, in your giant calendar of June events, back in September when I'd lost 10 pounds? Do you remember that? I went to the local Pride parade, and I was gonna carry a sign of my own that read, "Lost 10 pounds." Do you remember that? October 1 was when I had the … Continue reading Chubby stick
Hey, June, why so destined for hell? So Christmastime is here, as the Peanuts would say high-pitchedly, and here's what I've done thus far... Yesterday, I got this urge to clean the house. I don't know why. Maybe I'm pregnant and nesting or something miraculous like that. Maybe I'm about to give birth in a … Continue reading Because Prosecco
Kim Jong-il in da house. “So where all have you gone since you’ve been back in Saginaw? Which bars?” ....? I’m 52. People keep asking me all about the nightlife I’m experiencing here in the mecca of nightlife that is Saginaw, Michigan, and so far my answer continues to be, I’m 52. Show me that … Continue reading June blogs from the guest bedroom
Right now, mostly I'm just waiting for my avocados to ripen. At the grocery store Sunday, where I went to buy all the stuff for my food prep, there were two choices: the black avocados that were mushy--not at all unlike the current state of my hips--or the green ones, that were hardened like my attitude … Continue reading Jardins de tarte à la lune
First of all, before we all up and forget, it's Steely Dan's birthday. He is one, according to the estimated birth date the vet gave him back when I first brought him in. I would take a picture of old Steely Dan, but he's outside tripping the elderly or whatever the hell. He's mostly a … Continue reading I’m in my prime. You are too.
Yesterday, I got an overwhelming pudding craving. I was at the store, because I was out of everything. I was, for example, clean outta batteries, and the kitchen clock had said five minutes to 3:00 all weekend. I even saw it die, the clock, and how often does that ever happen? I'd been doing my … Continue reading June in June
I am outside in my pajamas and a raincoat. You would not believe this day already. Last night I went to the grocery store and got a whole bunch of ground turkey meat and a whole bunch of stuff to make blueberry flax muffins. I spent more than an hour making the turkey into individual … Continue reading And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I be Hutch. Wear be Starskee? hahahahahaha Anyway. I hadn't had my eyebrows waxed since Wilford Brimley was a child, so I went to Elegant Nail & Tan, which I realize suggests all kinds of featured services that do not seem to include waxing, but you must trust me on this. While I was waiting, … Continue reading Joe Lies
I am still sick. I know, man. This it it. Elizabeth, I'm coming to join you, honey. I'm going to the doctor at 4:00. IF I MAKE IT THAT LONG. In the meantime, a Realtor, and yes that really is a proper noun, is coming at noon to see what my house is worth. I'm … Continue reading 3/3/17
I thought of writing you during actual Christmas, but I figured you had enough to do without checking in on my ass. So here's how Christmas went, and I'm sure you're pulling the chair in closer so you don't miss a word. We got off work early on Christmas Eve eve, so I went to … Continue reading Merry Christmas Edible
Would you like to know what annoys me? "Wait. June. Something annoys you?" When people use trite phrases. For example, remember in The Wizard of Oz, when they said, "Lions and tigers and bears--oh, my!" It bugs me when people paraphrase that. Linens and teacups and bags--oh, my! Hail and winds and rain--oh, my! And … Continue reading Pudding?
BOOM! That's what woke me up today. Lottie did her usual crying to get out of her crate at 6:30, and I was half-asleep when I took her out, fed her, then slammed my damn bedroom door so I could sleep JUST A LITTLE GODDAMN LONGER, PLEASE GOD. And I did sleep, knowing full well … Continue reading Cracked
I went out last night. Slept in m'pearls. I also took Lottie with me, because I'm living like a HERMIT not going places because I feel bad about putting her in a crate too much. And unlike my mother, who has a dog-sitter come all the time when she goes out, I can't do that … Continue reading The kind side of June. HAHAHAHAHA.
Some mornings, I feed the cats while Iris is still out for her morning constitutional. My theory is she makes her rounds of all the baby nests in the area, patrols for new life and squelches it. Anyway, that was the case today, and when she finally hopped up into The Window That All Cats … Continue reading Windows 9.0
I never even ATE a brownie last night, but this morning I was pleased to see there were some left over and my guests left me an edge. Oh, HELL yeah. Brownie edge. I had a few people over for sports night, because sports, and I made a couple plates of vomit. Actually, this was … Continue reading Super Bowel
I feel like I have 109 things to tell you, which probably strikes fear into your heart. If you had one. You cold wench. First of all, Edsel barfed last night, I heard it while I was sleeping, which is always relaxing, and now I can't find where. Which is similarly relaxing. You can see … Continue reading Bleak History Month