Mr. Greensboro

Yesterday was a harrowing workday, which resulted in my shoulders up right on my ears pretty much for 8 hours. When I was done with my GODDAMN DAY, I dearly wanted a drink. I never drink during the week now, part of my weight loss plan that’s resulted in precisely no weight loss. Continue reading “Mr. Greensboro”

If only June would talk about doorknobs more

I noticed we weren’t guilted, yesterday, about celebrating Father’s Day on Facebook, as opposed to Mother’s Day. On that day, for every funny, cute or whatever mention someone had of his or her mom, there’d be a person kvetching that they HATE Mother’s Day, they can’t STAND to see other people celebrating it because of their personal WOES.

Lemme tell you something [pulls chair closer] [gestures drunkenly with cigarette]. Continue reading “If only June would talk about doorknobs more”

Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.

This morning, I woke up at Ned’s. Continue reading “Let me call you Megan, I’m in love with you.”

Pain Bryant

I can’t really go into my headache study all that much, because of confidentiality and so on. But–and please don’t ask for more clarification, I can FEEL you all asking for more clarification–at the beginning of the study, I had to do a pain-threshold series of tests. Yes, they inflicted pain on me. Continue reading “Pain Bryant”

Reasons people broke up with someone

I didn’t write today because I became obsessed with this list of ridiculous reasons people broke up. I’ve sat here all morning laughing like an idiot.

I, too, would break up with someone who thought it was “cold slaw.” So.

Chocolate > labs

Today, I was supposed to go to work having fasted, and have blood drawn for our health insurance thing at work. Then 40 minutes later, I was supposed to go to my new doctor and have even more blood drawn for my initial visit with him in a week, unless of course he dies or quits before then. Or I die of italicizing.

The point is, I didn’t feel like it. Continue reading “Chocolate > labs”

June plays it safe with an unoffensive title

So far this Easter weekend I’ve had to call the emergency number for the gas company so that I wouldn’t blow up, told Ned we have to not talk for a few months, put up a bat house, heard from two men from my past, and ordered two new bras. 36D in the howse! Actually, 36D in the mail. Continue reading “June plays it safe with an unoffensive title”

I Love/Hate Living Alone

Last night I had a migraine, and it wasn’t all that bad, but bad enough that I felt rotten. When you have a migraine, “rotten” is a relief. It’s way better than other times when you pray for the good Lord to bring you on home. Continue reading “I Love/Hate Living Alone”

Three days, three men

[Floomps into your cubicle with her coffee.] You would not believe what all I’ve done this weekend. [Looks for boss.] Is he in yet? Continue reading “Three days, three men”