“How do you like your eggs?” “Over.” Get it? Do you? I got a million of ’em. You know what I haven’t got a million of? Ovaries. In case you just got here, or maybe you forgot because I tried not to mention it often, on Tuesday, CU Next Tuesday, I had an operation. Sometimes …

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Ooo, wait. I think I got paid last night. Hang on… …Aw, HELL, yeah. Last night I was the Little Match Girl. This morning I’m a rapper in the club, throwing bills on the asses of strippers. Let me get my pimp cup. Do you like how all my versions of big spending are from …

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My OBGYM–oh, my god. OBGYM. What is wrong with me? The OBGYM is where you go to lift vagina weights. My vagina waits for no one. My OBGYN called yesterday. They have a date for my surgery, in which not only will my lemon-sized ovarian cyst be leaving the building, so will my ovaries in …

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I just watched the cat jump clean over the top of the dog. The cow jumped over the moon. It was amazing and no one saw it but me, just like that time I was driving home from college and saw the Northern Lights. Milhous does think Edsel hung the moon. I saw Mil standing …

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I had my biopsy yesterday. Let’s review my stupid health in case anyone missed my last poignant post on it. [Cue dramatic music.] Okay. First, in late October, I started feeling like I have to pee all the time. I went to my regular doctor twice and the urgent care once, all to be told, …

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