If you have an Apple computer, you know how annoying it is that they tell you your mouse battery is very low–never going on low, or low lite. It’s always a dramatic “very low.” The way to CHARGE your mouse now is you know that cord that you plug into the back of your computer …
I went to the doctor yesterday for my ovarian cyst. Naturally, I was nervous AF, and when I told her all my woes, she got a concerned look that made me nervous AFker. “I think we should do an ultrasound,” she said, which I was expecting all along and kind of thought would be a …
As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, Volume 67, Edsel has congestive heart failure. Well. That’s a broad term. Like “pit bull,” which incorporates a bunch of breeds. Edsel, who is most notably not a pit bull, has an enlarged heart and also a leaky left valve, which apparently one day will …
RING!! It was 9:01 Saturday morning. “hullo,” I said, half awake and also trying to be as dramatic about it as possible. “Oh! Did I wake you?!” asked my mother. She was cheerfully driving through an ice storm, because in Michigan an ice storm is just part of your day. “yes,” I said, striving for …
The Eds and I have a routine. When my alarm goes off, he LEAPS from his dog bed onto my bed, hips allowing, and presses his dog head into my shoulder and we have our good morning hug. I allow hugs from Edsel. Then we get out of bed together and stretch at the same …
The sun is shining right onto my hands as I type, and they look 700 years old. When did my HANDS get old? Yeesch. Anyway, I’m not doing well. I know I have an ovarian cyst, and that those are common and usually benign, but of course I’ve gotten myself into the “What if it …
I made a stupid goal for myself last year and I pretty much met it. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. The very next day… No. God, no. Last Christmas, Christmas of 2018, Chris and Lilly gave me a bunch of fancy soaps. In early spring of 2019, I was running low on them, …
This is the first time in ages I actually held out till the last day of the year to show you my end-of-year video. It’s because I’m mature now. I know most of you readers aren’t in my video, because we don’t ever actually see each other, but you are a huge part of this …
I’ve decided I’ve been phoning in my appearance, with the lack of Botox and fillers, and my dumb hair, and especially with my clothes. Hello, same things year after year. So I revamped my Stitch Fix (SF) membership, a thing you should be familiar with as we usually delight in voting on the SF outfits …
I know I never write you on Sunday, but once Christmas was over, I kept thinking it was the weekend so I didn’t write and about 3 p.m. each weekday after Christmas I’d think, ding dang it, I forgot to blog because I thought it was the weekend and the next day I’d do it …
Last week, in the midst of the 200,009 things I’d agreed to do in celebration of a time of year I cannot even stand, I said, “This Sunday, Ima sit around and do nothing.” “Me too,” said Faithful Reader Jan, but not in a Harvey Weinstein kind of way. Jan said this in the comments, …
Last night, I schlepped downtown for a change and parked in the rape garage for the third time this week. (Can’t they do anything to de-pee that place?) Anyway, I took my coworker Murray Slaughter, who sits next to me. Not only was he going downtown to our creative team party, afterward he was headed …
In case you’re worried sick, I did remember to take the trash cans out last night, just as soon as I got home. But a quick check at my text from the city, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, tells me that it’s not recycle week and my bin is FULL, dammit. Full. Stupid holiday season. There’s …
In my quest to be constantly on the move like a shark, last night The Poet and I went to the movies. We’d discussed going to the movie last week, then the weekend came and you know how she gets at the weekend, with her clubbing and binging. Or maybe her cello and church. Either …
If I could just have 14 fekking seconds where I’m not doing something between 8 a.m. and 10 p.m., I could write you. That reminds me: Speaking of doing things, last night I saw my trainer, who has decorated her gym for Christmas, which kills me. Anyway, she said when she was a kid she …
Last night I got home from work, had a smackerel for dinner, and really, really wanted to stay inside where it was warm and my new/old couch was comfy, to catch up on Call the Midwife, as if I haven’t watched 700 episodes of it this week already. I can’t believe they killed off Barbara. …
Why do people think it’s okay to use words like “preggo”? Anyway. Merry Christmas. Last night was my work holiday party. It’s at the country club that’s right near me now, which is lovely and convenient. For the first six Christmases that I worked there, it was way out yonder at a fancy hotel, and …
Yesterday I had to get up early and drive a long damn-ass way to a specialist who pretty much assured me I was fine. I’ve had a medical woe since late October, and have felt miserable, and after testing me (it was multiple choice on a scantron sheet) and talking to me we decided: (a) …
Every year in my downtown, they light this huge evergreen. It’s in the same park where careful readers will note is the park I go every New Year’s Day, to do the guided meditation. I debated going this year, because I may not have brought it up but I’ve had a cold, but I went …
Would you like to know one of my favorite things? Sometimes, at night, I am wide awake. WIDE AWAKE. It’ll be 11:00 and like Bono I’m over there, WIDE AWAKE! WIDE AWAAAAKE! I’m not sleeping. But I force myself to go to bed anyway, as my alarm goes off at 6:35 a.m. 5:35 if I …
