SCREEEEEEEEECH! That's what woke me up this morning, a few minutes before my alarm: SCREEEEEEEEECH! "That's actually coming from outside my head," I realized, and then I wondered if someone was being murdered. Exciting! "Coooo! Cooo! Cooooo!" I heard then, and right then I knew. Either Yoko Ono was gettin' some from my neighbor, Paul, …

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I probably shouldn't be workout buddies with my ex-boyfriend, but so what. If you'll recall, from your Big Book of June Events, Ned was complaining of neck pain, and with my medical degree and minor in psychology, I determined he had all sorts of repressed feelings that were manifesting in physical sensations, a thing I …

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I had a dream that I was helping Jesus build a wall to keep out foreigners. I kept saying, "Really? Cause this doesn't seem like something you'd–okay. Hand me a nail. YOU'RE the carpenter, here, but okay." Maybe I shouldn't have watched the RNC. I also dreamed my cousin Katy (yes, I have a Katie …

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I was just uploading photos from my phone onto my computer mom boreeng and I saw among the photos a video on there that was half an hour long. "?" I asked myself. seer y uslee, we so ober this story I clicked play. It was a blank screen the whole time. You could hear …

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"I know I'm supposed to be embracing technology and all that, but this coming year, I'm getting a calendar again. Like a regular hang-on-the-wall calendar. I missed approximately 259 birthdays this year. And appointments! I missed appointments. I hate phone calendars and electronic reminders." My boss's boss sits behind me and therefore has to hear …

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